stories-from-beyond

[stories-from-beyond]

"I'm going to stand in the loading area and let the 16-wheelers run me over."

- One of my bosses

[stories-from-beyond]

Thursday of last week was also the day that me and four of my coworkers could not keep our shit together long enough to count stuff out for an order. I left with one of them to calm down and came back to see one of the two screaming, "BRO YOU KNOW NEITHER OF US CAN FUCKING COUNT TO SAVE OUR LIVES WHY DID YOU SIGN US UP FOR THIS" at the other.

[stories-from-beyond]

On Thursday last week I slammed my knee full force into a rusty nail and had to get a tetanus shot and it fucking hurt.

[stories-from-beyond]

There's a running joke with the temps where if something goes wrong they all blame it on one temp and I lowkey feel bad for him.

[stories-from-beyond]

Alright so I got a job and I meant to update here but forgot, so I'm gonna spam post quotes and stories from my time working here thus far.

[stories-from-beyond]

Shit I’ve heard high schoolers say pt. 17

-Apparently 10% of sentences begin with conjunctions so fuck it we gonna begin with ‘and’ someone arrest me 

-Good news: I’m only despairing a lot

-I’m losing hair by the gallon

-I mean my sims life is more together than mine

-Indent my paragraphs more? Um, excuse me there’s a good half a centimeter there 

-Starting an essay with a kelly clarkson quote is big dick energy 

-How’s your locker so clean? Mines fucked. It literally looks like it got fucked on

-How do you turn off your turn on?

-if you’re from the southwest third of Little Rock don’t hmu I’m just in a mood right now (we live in Portland)

-move, shorter creatures!!

-I forgot it was possible to go outside and walk around on your own free will. 

I forgot that the outside was even a thing 

-you don’t just barf emojis

-*gestures to small bananas* your bitch strap *strokes large bananas* my strap

-class, what animals use infrared waves to see? 

Snakes! 

Gingers! 

-fool you were supposed to check the time, not click on the bitch 

-if y’all are gonna argue about who gets the best wave picture, than testosterone is more of an asshole than I thought 

-I need someone to break my 20. 

WELL I NEED SOMEONE TO BREAK ME

[stories-from-beyond]

Forever, forever, you’ll stay in my heart and I will love you Forever, and ever, we never will part Oh, how I love you Together, together, that’s how it must be To live without you Would only mean heartbreak for me.

[stories-from-beyond]

I lost my shit over a pen today like holy shit

[stories-from-beyond]

I FILMED MYSELF READING THIS TWITTER POST AND I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO STOP LAUGHING

[stories-from-beyond]

Does anyone wanna hear about the time my 6th grade English teacher lost his fucking shit at our class over Roblox

[stories-from-beyond]

[stories-from-beyond]

iconic cryptid gen z/millennial childhood snacks

the uploaded nachos were the best and you can fight me

[stories-from-beyond]

PLEASE HELP GET MY BEST FRIEND ANTHONY OUT

My best friend Anthony is 12 and living in a physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive home. The worst part about this is that he’s a closeted transgender guy living with all-around LGBTQIAP-phobic parents. I’m asking for this much money so he can live in a stable environment with me and my family from now on. I know it’s very unlikely we’ll ever reach our goal, but we hope we can. He’s my best friend and currently his dysphoria and depression are almost getting the better of him. Please help us in any way you can.

I can’t include pictures of him on here for his safety. It’s unfortunate but please, generous people online, help him get a better life.

[stories-from-beyond]

reblog if you’re a safe place for:

lesbian

gay

bisexual

transgender

queer

pansexual

demisexual

ace

hopeless romantics

cis-men

cis-women

non binary folks

the whole spectrum etc…

follow everyone who reblogs ;)

[stories-from-beyond]

hmmm

[stories-from-beyond]

This shit got me yelled at because snorted nd started choking in the middle of my test but it was SO worth it

me: [at work, ringing up two parents and their toddler who’s sitting in the cart trying to get their attention]

toddler, quietly, waving hands around: [incomprehensible]

mom: what?

toddler, even quieter: [incomprehensible]

dad: you gotta speak up, bud

toddler, at full volume: FUCK.

[stories-from-beyond]

after we got done ACT testing last week, some kid asked the teacher why we had to all gather in the auditorium before we go to lunch and the teacher was just “oh ya know they just all want you gathered in there. maybe so u guys can wait for your parents or so we can all release you at once or something” and the first fucking thing i did was lean over to the kid next to me and say “dude, if they locked the doors and lit the auditorium on fire, they’d be able to wipe out the entire junior class” anD THE LOOK ON THAT POOR KIDS FACE. THIS IS WHY I SHOULD NEVER TALK OUT LOUD