stickynotesfromhell

[stickynotesfromhell]

In the mood to have the needy handsy sex that you only see on tv. Only breaking the kisses to rip each others clothes off.

I want to be kissed and groped and bitten. I need hands and a mouth all over. I need to be consumed in the most loving sensual way possible.

[stickynotesfromhell]

S is first chronologically speaking. We dated when I was 19 for a year before he broke up with me for a long distance job. Broke my heart. He was nothing but good to me and I loved him with every fiber of my being. After the summer was over he texted me with some excuse to see me. I knew he wanted to get back together.

We did. And we stayed together for another two years. But he was afraid of his mom finding out cuz she never liked me. He had this jeep that got terrible gas mileage and was a huge money pit. Eventually it got so bad that I was only seeing him every couple of months and he only lived 20 minutes away (I couldn’t drive at that point).

My love language is physical touch. All I wanted to do was fall asleep in this man’s arms and I couldn’t. It felt like he wasn’t making any effort to change it even after I would bring it up so many times. That jeep was holding us back from starting a life together and I couldn’t take it anymore so I left him. Had to text him cuz I was crying too much to call him.

And he just said okay. That it was prolly for the best cuz we kept hurting each other. I didn’t want him to go. I just wanted him to fight for me ya know?

Fast forward 5 or 6 years and his grandma passes away and he posts something about on his Snapchat. I send him my condolences and we kept the conversation going. Basic small talk tho. Was dating my now soon to be ex husband. We had one conversation about the past and the loose contact we kept over the years was just happy birthdays and merry Christmases. I told him when I got married and about my daughter when I had her. Quick conversations and little life updates a few times a year. Never more than that out of respect for my marriage.

Now that I’m getting a divorce and I no longer live with the father of my kid I find myself talking S more. No I didn’t go running desperate for attention to his dms. A lot of friends were lost in the aftermath of my divorce and I wanted someone around that didn’t know what happened. Who didn’t need to know how I was planning on moving forward. The custody situation. The housing situation. The financial situation. Someone who could unknowingly be the most supportive by giving me a mental break. To start helping me find pieces of me again.

But I tend to sink too far into familiar things when I’m stressed and overwhelmed. And nothing much is more familiar than your first love. Of course the more I talked to him the safer I felt. The more it felt like he was the same sweet nerdy boy I was convinced I was gonna marry was I was 19. The more I wondered if his hugs would feel as good as they did back then.

Then one day he told me he was coming back to town (He moved 10 hours away) to visit for a few days. He wanted to know if I wanted to hang out. I definitely did. I hugged him so hard when I saw him.

We got lunch a saw a movie and walked around for a bit. My head ended up on his shoulder during the movie. But the whole time I was fighting the urge to snuggle against his chest. I was (still am) extremely touch starved.

The next day he confessed that he would move back in a heartbeat for me. That I’m still the most beautiful person he’s ever met. Inside and out. That he regrets not fighting for me. That he let me go cuz he hoped that I’d be back.

It’s been 10 years.

[stickynotesfromhell]

Can’t really sleep so imma start posting the backstories on here that way the tea makes sense. So much lore when it comes to my love life. Not that I expect anybody to actually read this.

[stickynotesfromhell]

“god you are so. fucking. pretty.” punctuated by the sound of my cock slamming into your dripping cunt

[stickynotesfromhell]

You’re in her dms, I’m in her ear telling her how pretty she looks when she cums on my cock, we are not the same

[stickynotesfromhell]

In my feelings constantly. In love and/trying not to be. I’m gonna be venting about my complicated love life. Sometimes that involves sex so 18+!

T-online friend (w/ benefits) I caught feelings for (hot and nerdy. Funny and sweet in a good mood. Passive aggressive and moody when upset.))

J-irl fwb I got a little too attached to (very sweet and good but hard to hang out with/contact for reasons out of his control usually)

L- online friend (also w/benefits) that’s making me feel like T used to. (Also very sweet and good. Very level headed but busy schedule and time difference make it hard to keep in touch)

S- my first love but we kept contact loose over the years. We’re talking more now and he’s still in love with me. Don’t know how to deal with. ( the most gentle soul. Wants to be my safe space even if we never get back together)