stfupenguins

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All the time

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The greatest part about having anxiety my whole life and then getting cancer, is that I'm using the same humor-based defense mechanisms I've been using to communicate with people for decades, only now it somehow makes me a "badass".

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Huh. I didn't expect to cross a name off the "folks I hope to outlive" list this soon.

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Not letting cancer define me would be a whole lot easier if handling American medical bureaucracy wasn't a full time job.

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Literally everyone I know: Dude, be kind to yourself, your health comes first.

Me: yes. I mean obviously.

Also me (to myself): oh, you're gonna take a 30 minute breather before doing dishes because you hAvE cAnCeR? You lazy piece of shit.

Also me (finally): holy fuckpants why are brains so stupid?!

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Chemo and radiation are done, and they'll be rescanning me in a month. When it comes to this cancer, the primary alternative to a whole lot of waiting and uncertainty is a quick and brutal progression, so I'll take the waiting and uncertainty.

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The most enraging part of dealing with cancer so far has been the bureaucracy, hands down. I'm an expert-level paperwork wrangler. I spent a quarter century working up and down corporate hierarchies, and now I'm at a point where I can chase tedious and labyrinthian bureaucracies with one lobe tied behind my back (plus radiation and chemo). Not everyone has a knack for this bullshit, and certainly not when their brains have bits missing. Our health "system" is utter garbage, and I say this as one of the luckier folks in this situation.

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Bat (Yam)

Hey maybe not a good idea to call a Jewish person 'bat'. However much you disagree.

You’re all out of your goddamn minds.

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Since my diagnosis I may have been texting friends and family at weird hours with whatever inane crap pops into my head. It's not a perk I expected but I'll take it.

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I hope you have a full & speedy recovery!

I'm afraid that's not in the cards, but we're talking years, not months. I'll take it.

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Week 3/6 of radiation. Zappity zap. Let's do this.

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To be absolutely clear about this garbage fire of a year, I would've been able to handle a diagnosis a lot better if it didn't happen during the quarantimes. Talk about bad timing. This is not the cavalry at all this time around.

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The good news about my chemotherapy is that it's in pill form. I take pills before bed, follow them up with anti-nausea meds, and just sleep through most of the side effects.

The bad news are that some of the side effects build up an intensity over time, and also that Breaking Bad fucking lied to me.

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This is now a brain cancer blog. Ama.

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Um. Thanks?

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לפעמים שווה לחזור לאתר הזה. אני מעריץ גדול של כל הדברים שעושים אותו מפורסם.

 שיהיה לכם יום עצמאות חזק ומהיר ונמר וגם חזק או משהו

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For someone who argues in anecdotes and vague generalizations, you're really complaining about bad faith a lot.

Being an Israeli American is always a balancing act. I mean, sure, I come from a racist country founded by a mixture of religious fanatics and intellectuals who decided to live on stolen land and are now killing thousands of Arabs indiscriminantly and causing most of the world’s problems, but I’m also from Israel.