stellismsarchive

[stellismsarchive]

for miyeon from alyssia

she had stupidly gone round doing her own work and things on valentines day–the fact that it was a monumental day in their relationship–

(wasn’t it all for all relationships? it was, wasn’t it? alyssia wasn’t that sure. this was her first proper relationship with another after all. and she sorely desired not to fuck it all up. well…look where they were now, with an hour to the end of valentines day.)

a monumental day in their relationship–she snaps her thoughts right back to where they were supposed to be, eyes wide with slight panic as she starts half from the sofa where she had been typing away upon her computer for more than just a few hours.

valentines day, how could she have forgotten?

the blaringly pink words on the most recent website spat right in her face.

happy valentines day!

she spared a quick glance towards the bedroom where miyeon had disappeared into, the sounds of a shower running still loud as she bit into her bottom lip.

how long did she have?

she threw on her slippers and a jacket, rushing to sprint down the stairs as she practically flew towards the nearest flower boutique, quite ashamed of her own forgetfulness, and sorry as she glanced at their shared apartment, ears aflame.

what was the flower that represented everlasting love again? she flitted around the shop, tittering with nervousness and worry.

“ forget me nots, if you want to show faithful love. primrose, if it’s for devotion and everlasting love, and red chrysanthemums for happiness, or love at first sight, young lady.” she flushes to the roots of her hair as the old lady of the shop gave a little chortle, helping her pull the stalks of flowers as she stammered in her home clothes, underclad for the cold weather and flushed from her sprint down the stairs.

“ …thank you!” alyssia hoped that all the gratefulness she had was conveyed in that single grab of the old lady’s hand as she paid for the bouquet of forget me nots, primroses and red chrysanthemums, hands chilled as she gave the old lady a wave and sprinted back up the stairs.

did she make it? did she make it in time? was miyeon out of the shower already?

god, she was such a terrible girlfriend for forgetting valentines day, wasn’t she?

alyssia inched open the door, cheeks red from cold and flowers clutched in her hands as she shyly tiptoed towards miyeon, biting nervously down upon her bottom lip as she tapped the other’s shoulder and sheepishly presented the bouquet of flowers, completely flustered and shuffling her feet as she eyed miyeon with wide eyes.

even when just out of the shower, miyeon was a visage to behold–wet hair slightly curled and without makeup upon her face.

alyssia’s face flames as her heart swells, almost large enough as though about to burst from her chest.

“ happy valentines day, miyeon.” she whispered, feeling flustered for not knowing what to say. “ i–i kinda forgot until the last minute and so i went to buy flowers just now for…you…"  she trailed off slightly, voice growing smaller and smaller as she shrank back a little, toes curled and fingers gripping the bouquet a little too tightly as she rambled.

she inhaled, air whistling into her lungs as she steadied herself, fighting the embarrassment for floundering in the exact moment she had readied herself (whilst sprinting up the stairs) to say.

” i love you.“ she squeaked, face bursting into a shade of red as she thrust out the bouquet of flowers before her, almost feeling steam rise from her ears at her admission. "you’ve made me really happy and i–sometimes, i don’t know how to repay that.” her eyes glittered, heart aching slightly as she imprinted miyeon’s face into her memory, a mix of emotions flooding over her as her eyes etched out every detail upon miyeon’s face. “i’m sorry for forgetting almost until the end of valentines.” she whispered. “ but i’ll do better the next time. happy valentines day."

[stellismsarchive]

𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌​:

“i like you miyeon.” her eyes finally flicker up towards the younger girl’s masked features as she flushes, embarrassed at the suddenness of her own confession. “and its the fear and the knowledge that i might fall and love you that selfishly want to make you stay.”

the first words out of the other’s mouth was sorry, and miyeon began chuckling. her laughter only grew as alyssia tried to explain herself. how cute. while she didn’t plan on talking to alyssia tonight because of her fear of things going left, this was a pleasant surprise. her mind was off of her solo debut, and she managed to laugh forthe first time that night. “i understand. how about for every time you apologize, i apologize too? i’m sure you don’t want to hear me apologizing a lot either.” her usual smile lands on her face again as she waited for the older’s reply, slightly squeezing the other’s hand.

her smile falters for a second as she was caught off guard. miyeon forgot that alyssia was someone that didn’t know about her past, and she had just realized that she’d have to tell aly soon. it was obvious that alyssia knew something was off about her behavior during her visit. so the truth had to come out eventually “i did nothing wrong, hm?” she muttered to herself, thinking over her next words. she was thinking about telling aly there, but there was something holding her back. a voice telling her that alyssia wouldn’t want to be with someone so messed up like her.

but as quick as her smile faded, it reappeared in effort to pick her mood back up.

miyeon decides to tell alyssia another day as the other tells her to not to answer the question. it feels wrong, but miyeon believes that if she withholds the truth, then alyssia will like her more. it’s a heavy burden she has to carry, but she is willing to carry it for as long as possible until alyssia eventually finds out the truth. “i don’t find it weird. i get what you mean.” while those days were something she’d rather not reflect on, the nature of the conversation made it feel right to talk about. “things weren’t the exact same for me, but i know what it feels like to not look forward to the future. i was once at a point in my life that i could barely see past the next hour. living was just surviving through the day and making the best out of what i could. and i still have times where everything is too much, but i’ve been doing my best to be better.”

it gives miyeon an unfamiliar feelings to hear that she was the only one to make her think about what’s to come. she feels special, but she doesn’t know if that’s a feeling she necessarily likes. “if it makes you feel better, i was also afraid of telling you how i felt. i don’t have the best track record when it comes to relationship, and i didn’t want to runin things with you. you are a great friend and i wouldn’t want to ruin that because of how i am. i’m still scared i’m going to mess things up even more, but i’m willing to take that risk. i really think being with you will be a good thing. I’ll bear with you as long as you bear with me as well. we’ll learn together what it’s like to love properly and maybe redefine what love is while we’re at it.”

her smile grew bigger hearing those words from the person she admired. “i like you a lot more alyssia. and no matter how far i may stray from you, i’ll always return as long as you want me by your side.”

[stellismsarchive]

𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌​:

its demoralising from how close of friends they had become, to returning back into nothing but…almost strangers, within a span of a single month of lacking interaction with each other. maybe..just maybe they hadn’t know each other as well as she would have liked to think, or maybe–alyssia squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, willing herself to not think about the alternate scenario. enough of her life had been tainted with enough dark thoughts to last for a lifetime. at the very least, at this very event, what she could do was to not let such thoughts overwhelm her, even if it was for the moment.

“ i mean…well, i thought that you not coming to visit was a sign of..something like..being angry at me or something.”  she pauses for a moment, fidgeting in discomfort at the confession. “well, not angry, more like..like upset.” she corrects herself hurriedly, almost timidly taking a peek at the younger’s expression. “ that’s why i apologised first. because if i was in the wrong, i should apologise–” she blabbered on harriedly, nervously brushing her hair behind her ear as she blinked, pulling off her mask hurriedly as though to remove the last barrier that laid between them from fully seeing miyeon’s face, even if the other was still masked in front of her.  "even if i wasn’t at fault like you said…i still kinda felt responsible. since well…you were there in the first place because i was there.“ she took a small shuffle forward, a shaky smile flickering across her lips. “you know?” she takes a deep breath, finally choosing to take a leap forward and cling onto the side of the younger girl, throwing herself onto miyeon in an impulsive hug–burying her face into the other girl’s shoulder as she felt all ounce of tension bleed away from her body at the feel of her arms wrapping around miyeon’s body.

“i missed you too.”  she admitted softly, voice almost muffled against the material of miyeon’s outfit. “lots.” she murmured, before finally lifting her face up to glance at miyeon through the mask. “ and of course you were worried for nothing! it was–it was my fault in the first place that you had to go to the hospital so..so of course i would seek you out, you know? i actually thought you were…” she drifted away for a little moment, almost overwhelmed in the sadness of the thought that had bubbled itself into existence within her mind. “i actually thought that you were going to come and visit me often, but i think this was..this was good the way it is. i needed to make myself better before coming to see you. again. i’m sorry for making you wait, miyeon.”

at this point, it felt like miyeon spent more time avoiding the other than keeping her word and keeping the way things were before the night she had confessed. miyeon was mainly responsible for the way things were between them. her constant overthinking and assumptions had made her put more distance between the person she admired and herself, and it got worse both times she swore to fix things.

“well, i wasn’t mad at you. i wasn’t upset with you either, so you don’t need to think that anymore. me not visiting was me prioritizing your health over whatever i wanted to do. who knows what i might’ve done if i came back.” that was a lie. she had a pretty good idea what she would’ve done, which is why she didn’t come back. “you don’t need to apologize for that, or for anything. i don’t want to hear anymore apologies about that day from you.” miyeon contemplated removing her mask after seeing alyssia remove hers, but opted to keep it on. the mask gave miyeon a tad bit more confidence than she normally had around the other, able to push out more of the truth she wouldn’t have admitted. “don’t do that. while it’s true i was there because you were there, i still made the choice to come aly. i still came knowing how much i hate hospitals. how about we both share responsibility for what happened?”

miyeon knows she’s to blame for always feeling guilty whenever she was around alyssia. she began to think that not visiting again without an explanation was a bad idea, but she chose to pretend that it didn’t happen until she ran into alyssia again. “i definitely would’ve visited you often if i was doing better. i think the last thing you needed there was me…. yeah i definitely wouldn’t have been too much help. but you’re doing better, and i’m doing better, so yeah i’ll agree it’s good the way it turned out. i’m really proud of you by the way.” miyeon lowers her voice only for the older woman to hear. “i told you i would wait for you, so don’t apologize for that. let’s ignore all of the bad thoughts we may have had in the past and just enjoy what we have now and what is to come, yeah?”

[stellismsarchive]

𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌​:

“miyeon, hi.” she murmured shyly, hands clasped slightly as her tongue darted over her lips, eyes flickering in the glowing lights. “i..uh, i missed you.” words spilled from her lips, unbidden as she reached for the younger girl, almost awkward as she tentatively reached for miyeon. “its been a month…since that day. if i hurt you, i-i’m sorry.” she whispered, cringing back slightly at the thought that perhaps–miyeon blamed her for everything that she had heard from her father’s phone call that day.

miyeon was exhausted and wanted to go home. she had been under the radar the entire night. rather than engaging in the activities and conversing with other attendees, she focused on blending in instead. there were bigger things she was worried about, like the release of her single. every second that passed that night was a second closer to the release in under 24 hours. another situation on miyeon’s mind was running into alyssia. having not returned after the incident, she was sure there would be some type of confrontation between them and she would rather not deal with it at that specific time. however as the night went on without spotting the other, miyeon let her guard down, assuming alyssia didn’t show up.

then she hears her.

miyeon silently cursed under her breath as she sees the other coming towards her. miyeon wasn’t ready to face alyssia yet, so her attention quickly shifted away in search for a way out. she hates that her first instinct is to run away instead of confronting issues, but it’s what she knew best.

“hm?” she hopes alyssia doesn’t pick up on her dismissive tone, as there were still things they needed to talk about. “hello aly. i’m happy to see you here and free to walk wherever you desire.” miyeon wants to reach out for aly’s hand, but she restrains herself from making more contact with the older woman. “how have you been? i hope you’ve been doing better.” her eyes wander, trying to find any excuse to get herself out of the conversation and retrieve the letter she wrote for aly before she ended up making things worse between them.

“what?” miyeon’s head whips around in confusion. “why are you apologizing? you weren’t at fault for that, i was… i wasn’t in a good place to be there, but I came anyway. would’ve handled it better on any other day. don’t worry about it, it’s fine.” she’s not sure if she’s convincing the other, but she was fully focused on alyssia now. “i missed you too alyssia. i was more scared of what you thought of me, so i didn’t return. i see that i was worried for nothing since you sought me out.”

[stellismsarchive]

𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌​:

“well…not sure if you’ve heard it before, but dahee–that’s my name.” she pauses for a moment, allowing a tentative smile to slip across her face. “park dahee. that’s my full name. i don’t–i don’t suppose that you think that alyssia’s really my name, right?” she fidgets. “i just..don’t like being called dahee. i haven’t been called that in years and i don’t want to be called that for a long while.”

“thank you” her voice was small, resembling how she felt. she was grateful that she wasn’t being kicked out the room, but she still felt guilty being there. she felt as if her presence in the room was hurting alyssia more than helping. she was too emotional, already on the verge of crying from the memories she tried her absolute hardest to surpress. “i’m sorry for inconveniencing you alyssia. i promise i’ll leave soon… just not right now.” it was obvious that she shouldn’t have came yet, but she could never think logically when it came to alyssia.

miyeon didn’t say anything in response, as the answer was obvious. the younger reached out and intertwined her hands with the other. she was desperate to touch alyssia again. although she had been the one to put so much distance between them, she still thought about that night and how it felt to have alyssia right next to her in her own bed. it gave miyeon hope of what could be. “i like it when we have moments like this. it just feels right. like i’m meant to be with you… or something like that.” her words faltered at the end, losing what little confidence she had left.

her actions, however, always contradicted her words. as she frequently stated, this was all still new to her, and the emotions she felt towards the other was so strong that it scared her. it was hard for her to completely let herself be vulnerable in front of the other, but alyssia already had a glimpse of it. miyeon’s gaze focused on their hands, focusing on the older’s words and attempting to calm down.

she paused, running her thumb over the others’ knuckles as she thought about the information she just heard. while it wasn’t anything groundbreaking, it was still alyssia’s name. if they were to have a future together, that was something she’d have to remember. it didn’t change anything because miyeon rarely called people close to her by their actual name if they had a nickname or an alternate name. “okay, i’ll keep things the way they are.”

[stellismsarchive]

𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌​:

aly blanks in the moment, desperation ebbing finally into deep resignation as she lets out a slow exhalation.

“ i’m sorry, miyeon.” she mumbles, fists clenching in her bedsheets as she felt the air in the room freeze and then sink, just like the pit in her stomach that never ceased to rise and ebb with each thing that happened within the past few minutes. “ it was all my fault. you should…you should leave.”

miyeon rarely lets herself zone out complete. it is never pretty for anyone around as she begins to struggle to differentiate reality from her memories. she also unexpectedly lashes out if the wrong thing is said in the middle of her thoughts. it’s partially why she preferred to be doing something that required attention whenever these thoughts came up.

she hears her name, unable to register that the voice that’s saying it belongs to alyssia. it blends into all of the other trainees that were once standing over with concern over her health. one of the hardest working trainees had lost motivation and apparently had gone mad. trashing the place, cursing at anyone who even reached out a hand towards her. she purposely got herself into fights with other trainees, that was until another trainee had forcibly grabbed miyeon, causing her to go into a state of shock and instinctively squirm and plea for them to stop.

the same faces that were associated with the worst parts of miyeon. some being the ones who taught her that sticking a finger down her throat could help her become prettier, and that spending time bent over a toilet after a meal was normal. that it’ll help her debut. others being the ones who dismissed her allegations against someone of higher position. those who isolated her when she needed someone there for her.

her mental health deteriorated quickly in that place, becoming an outcast in a place where everyone treated each other practically like family. they defended and covered up for each other so well that she had nowhere to turn to. the only break she got from the place were the hours she got to walk at night as a break on nights she wasn’t forced to please people in positions of power.

for a second, she regains that feeling of hopelessness. that feeling that she doesn’t belong anywhere, not even at home with her mother. miyeon thought it could never get better, and she was tired. tired of fighting a battle that she could never win. so she thought that she’d just resign and end it herself. by chance the night it was supposed to take place, she ran into someone who wouldn’t leave her alone. her plans had been ruined and she hadn’t been able to execute it. while at the time she was frustrated with that, present day miyeon cherishes that she was interrupted. she was able to get help and things turned around. While she still has her depressive episodes, it hadn’t ever became that severe since then. but recently it has been making its way there.

she finally looks at alyssia again as the other apologized to her. “why are you apologizing?” miyeon didn’t associate aly as the reason behind why she was feeling like this. even being surrounded by bad memories, alyssia’s eyes were unique. she couldn’t mistake them for someone that had malicious intent.

her eyes widens as she was filled with panic at the words. “no-” it rushes out in fear of something, not knowing exactly what. “nononono,” she’s close to getting on her knees to beg, just like old times begging for one person to believe her. “please don’t make me go. i don’t want to be alone. i don’t want to go. pleasepleaseplease.” miyeon’s worked up, breathing becoming uneven as her fear increases. “i’m afraid. please don’t make me.” she’s unsure what she’s trying to convince the older of, but whatever it is, she hopes that alyssia won’t leave her to be on her own.

part of her tries to calm down before she completely loses it. miyeon closes her eyes again and attempts to control her breathing, half expecting to hear laughter just like she normally would. it was pointless for her to seek help then, as no one took her seriously. miyeon lets out a big sigh and she looked away from alyssia again. “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have troubled you and made things about me. i’m fine.” she rubs her arm as she continues. “i want to be here. i’m fine, i can stay. tell me what i need to do to prove i’m good.”

but a question pops up in her mind, and it’s the same one she had before she froze up. “i’ll like to ask a question if i am allowed. i’m sorry if i’m speaking out of turn,” her phrasing has been different ever since the call, as if she’s been walking on eggshells if she wasn’t panicking, “but who is dahee? i understand if i’m prying too much.”

[stellismsarchive]

𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌​:

you lying git.

she jerks, flinching as a flash of unwanted memories sting her, and a memory of her father’s sneering face swims to mind, the sound of his voice echoing in her ears as she strained towards miyeon for what she perceived to be comfort.

“miyeon?” she turned towards the blonde haired girl one more time, almost pleading as she leaned forth, starving for the touch of another against her skin.

getting some rest before visiting may have been a wise idea. for a split second she thought about her being in a hospital bed roughly ten years ago, and it made her go on alert. the atmosphere is suffocating to miyeon, rendering her uncomfortable the second she tried to relax in the room. ‘it’s for alyssia’ repeated through her mind as she tried to reason with herself to stay in the room. the dancer’s hand ran through her hair at the mention of the color change. “yeah, for fuse’s comeback in a few days. it’ll probably be back to black or brown after promotions.” getting through them was another problem she had, but that was something she could figure out as time went by.

miyeon grimaced when alyssia mentioned she had left. it was a fact that miyeon was ashamed of, and wished was false. “i made a lot of promises to you and i broke nearly every single one of them.” alyssia didn’t know anything about what miyeon kept hidden, so why did she run? she still regretted making the decision to cut all communication without warning and simply disappear off the face of the earth. “but i promised that i’d be there for you even at your worst, so i’m going to try and do that.” her eyes focuses on the restraints they put on alyssia, and  she let out a quiet whimper. alyssia wanted her closer, but miyeon was afraid to approach the older woman. there was too many small resemblances of her younger self in alyssia at the moment, and every bone in her body was begging her to get away. but with the other’s second call out for her, she took one hesitant step after the other until she reached alyssia.

she had to face reality sooner or later because running away wouldn’t solve anything.

a trembling hand came and placed itself on top of the others hand as if she’ll disappear on contact. miyeon was trying her hardest to keep her emotions under control.“it’s really hard seeing you like this aly.”

[stellismsarchive]

starter for alyssia park

‘i shouldn’t be here. i can’t be here. i don’t deserve to be here.’

miyeon’s hand trembled as she approached the room belonging to alyssia park. being within the walls of a hospital put her on edge because of the association with past memories. it was severe enough that she swore to never step foot in one again unless there was an emergency. this was classified as an emergency, even if it was for another person. her concern for alyssia was more important than her hatred towards any medical building. miyeon had planned on just visiting for a few minutes to make sure alyssia was as okay she could be in this situation. she stopped before she entered, clenching her hand into a fist to calm herself down. the dancer was scared. what if she wasn’t wanted there? it was unknown who who she’d see on the other side of the door. would it be the alyssia she knew like the back of her hand, or would it be the side of her that alyssia had told her she kept hidden? she lets those thoughts consume her as she entered the room.

it was her fault it felt like this. she was the reason why aly felt so close but so far.

miyeon had been out of the country and in a completely different timezone when the article released. also being someone who rarely checked her phone while she was working, she didn’t find out the hospitalization until after their performance at the festival had finished. if that wasn’t bad enough, once alyssia’s manager disclosed more details about what actually happened to her, she had enough. she was ready to return to korea. she needed to see the woman who has been occupying her mind for days on end. she didn’t care what she looked like or how tired she might be, the first thing she did once she returned was go directly towards the hospital she was in. she needed to see if she was okay with her own eyes.

‘you lied to her. you left her. why are you here? you only hurt her.’ chanted in her head, reminding her of how repulsive of a person she was. every word that followed were a direct hit, picking apart her every flaw. she was disgusted with herself. ashamed with every wrong action she had done. what kind of friend promises to be there for them and then just disappears when they’re needed? a shitty one, that is. and that was miyeon. making several promised that she broke the next day. she unclenched her fists, approaching the woman she wanted to see for so long. even if she wasn’t completely healthy, alyssia would always be beautiful. her presence alone took miyeon’s break away, leaving her in awe of how someone could be that stunning.

she couldn’t bring herself to say anything to the older woman, unsure of what to say. miyeon’s mind was far too active, thinking way too much about the what ifs and what to do. she stared at alyssia, observing the other’s behavior as she thought of something to say. some time passed before miyeon worked up the courage to speak. “hey alyssia.” it’s soft, delivered gently incase they fall upon deaf ears. the first thing she has said to the older woman in about a month. it was shameful how she was able to walk back into her life as easily as she had left it. “i’m so sorry. i should’ve been there for you.” miyeon looked her in the eyes, searching for any feelings in them. anything that would tell her something. seeing someone she cared about so much like this hurt more than she had ever experienced before. “again, i’m so sorry.”

[stellismsarchive]

𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌​:

“i do the same too.” her voice is soft, hopefully as reassuring to miyeon as it did to her own ears. “i…have parts of myself that i really hate and don’t want to show anyone else.” she confesses. “not even you. not even you, because you’re even more precious to me than anyone else, and so i don’t want..you to find out that ugly side of me.” why was she confessing things as though the roles were reversed, and it was miyeon that was the one that was drunk? her nose sours as miyeon declares her intentions to wait for her, a futile dream that she didn’t want to break apart for the younger girl as her fingers tightened against the cell phone, the bell of the bus chiming as she slipped out of the bus, her footsteps soft as she slowly made her way to the floor that miyeon lived in, tilting her head slightly as she inched her way past the lift landing.

“i’m outside your door.”

miyeon let out a sigh hearing alyssia’s reasoning. “maybe if i wasn’t drunk, but me saying no would be pointless. yeah, it hurts a little, but refusing to see you wouldn’t make the situation change for the better or make my feelings go away.” clutching the back of her head, the throbbing pain shot her a reminder of who she really is. “…actually, avoiding you would be because of other reasons, not because of this.” miyeon didn’t feel like she should elaborate further, so she left it at that. otherwise she might be walking down the painful path of memories, and she wasn’t ready to reveal that just yet. “but don’t worry about it, you’re too sweet to stay away from.” she liked to be around her small group of friends, so there was no doubt in her mind that this wouldn’t be the end of the line for them.

“you’re actually coming over in ten to fifteen minutes? that’s not enough time to do everything, but also too long until i can see you. that means i need to hurry.” miyeon replies, finally getting up from her spot on the floor and enters the room. “i sometimes sleep in the guest bedroom so i store a lot of my extra things here. some of my stuffies are in here, but they can easily be moved if you don’t want them in there.” she worked to fix the bed and rearrange her stuffed animals. “aly, even if it wasn’t because of me, it still made you upset. you were crying even- yuck, i’m definitely moving the photo albums. i don’t want to talk about something that causes you to cry, even if it was indirect.”

she thought over alyssia’s words, clearly ready to contradict what the other is thinking. “hm, i really don’t think there are better people out there for me. this just feels right, aly.” what miyeon felt for aly wasn’t something she had experienced before, and she didn’t know the words to fully describe her feelings. “oh, you’re hiding parts of yourself as well? then we’ll both try to keep them hidden, okay? then we’ll try our best to see each other the way we do now, no matter what happens. i can promise you that i’ll still be here for you, even when that side of you comes out.” miyeon knew what it felt like firsthand to lose people close to her because they didn’t want to deal with the emotional baggage she carried. “i’m normally good at controlling it, but sometimes there’s nothing i can do. from there, i just hope i don’t ruin things for myself. i don’t know if you heard about it, but my attitude scandal back in 2016 was mainly because of that.” that entire year had been stressful for her, but it was an important part of why she tried to remain positive most of the time.

“okay i’m coming.” miyeon hung up the phone and made any last minute adjustments to her attire. her hair was all over the place and her pajamas weren’t on correctly, but she didn’t care about looking perfect in this state. running to the door, she quickly unlocked the door and opened it with the biggest grin she’s had that night. “alyssia~” she cheered as she pulled the other inside, closing and locking the door right after. “i missed you so so much.”  she placed her hands on either of alyssia’s cheeks, her thumbs softly caressing the area beneath her eyes. “i can tell you were crying. remember what i said at the retreat? let’s be happy aly. i don’t want you crying over anything revolving me.” she removed her hands into order to wrap her arms around the older woman, pulling her in close for a hug. “even if the unexpected happens, you still have me at the end of the day, no matter what.” she rubbed alyssia’s back for a few seconds before releasing her hold, but it wasn’t long before miyeon went to hold alyssia’s hand for her own comfort.

for a moment miyeon forgets what she’s about to say, distracted by the fact that alyssia is came to see her at this time of night. she was filled with so much fondness for the other that it was overwhelming. “i’m really happy you wanted to come over. i already told you i hate being alone, so i’m just really really thankful for you. come on let me show you where you’ll be sleeping.” miyeon states, guiding alyssia. the dancer didn’t have people over that often, and having people sleep over wasn’t a common occurrence either. once she arrived to the room again, she let go of the other’s hand and turned. “i didn’t get to finish cleaning it up. some of my clothes are still in here, but this might be as good as it gets. we can hangout on the couch, which is my third bed, or in either of the bedrooms if you want?“ after all, alyssia was a guest. she should have some input in whatever they did.

[stellismsarchive]

𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌​:

“i’m just upset, because i’m the one that’s hurting myself.” the words were solemn but soft, just barely loud enough for anyone to hear. “i destroy things before i build them up with my own two hands. whoever who told me that–they were right.” a bitter smile flickered across her features. “i like you, miyeon. but..but i don’t know if i can ever overcome myself enough to be worthy enough to stay by your side.”

miyeon was oddly calm with the whole situation. she was being reasonable if she thought about it, but she knew something was wrong once she looked at the bigger picture. she didn’t feel much besides from the hints of anger she had earlier, which quickly disappeared as fast as it showed up as soon as she knew alyssia was crying. realizing what this could possibly ensue, miyeon began to quietly plead with herself to not let it happen now. not when there’s someone who would’ve never experienced her like this before. this was the last thing that she wanted to happen, because she never knew when it was going to end.

the timing couldn’t be worse for her. “you want to see me right now? at this hour?” it was unexpected, especially with how late it was, but miyeon didn’t mind having company. especially if it came in the form of alyssia. “you think i’m going to say no?” she asked out of curiosity. she probably should’ve in order to prevent what could happen, but she had trust in herself to keep it together. “if you really want to go out of your way and come over, you can. i’ll open the door for you and everything.” miyeon was already up from her bed again, ready to move rooms once again. “will you be spending the rest of the night here? i could go make sure the guest bedroom is ready for you by the time you get here. i’m heading to it right now.” she knows she sounds a bit too eager to have alyssia over after what they had just talked about, but it didn’t matter to her. “maybe you could even help me wash my face. i’ve been putting it off and i’m heavily contemplating going to sleep without doing it. probably should’ve taken my makeup off before drinking. unless you don’t want to, then i’ll probably find the energy to do it myself.” she was about to enter the room when she halted, realizing she was making all of these plans without knowing if alyssia was serious about coming over. “wait, you didn’t even say if you were coming right now, i need to calm down.”

she just sat down against the door, laughing at herself. miyeon was getting ahead of herself, just like she was when she stupidly confessed. with everything catching up to her, she began to feel embarrassed. she didn’t want to tell alyssia that she liked her yet, wanting to make sure the other would accept her for who she is before giving any signs of having more than platonic feelings. it was too late to try to backtrack and take back what she said, and she wouldn’t dare say that it was all a lie. all miyeon could do is hope that alyssia stays whenever she experiences the part of herself she tried so hard to hide. she was silently crying, but she didn’t feel anything. she felt empty, numb for better words. why was she so calm? she wanted to scream at herself and make herself feel pain like she deserved. she couldn’t do anything too drastic, so she began to lightly hit the back of her head against the door, careful enough to not alarm alyssia. it was enough for miyeon, so she continued talking in order to keep herself grounded.

“aly, you don’t need to thank me for telling you how i see you. you are good because that’s the alyssia i know, and you say that i’m too good because of the miyeon that you know. if you see the good in me, then i’ll keep seeing the good in you.” her voice hitched, trying to find a reason for why aly keeps putting her on a pedestal. “aly, i’m not fragile. i’ve been rejected before, so i don’t care about that. things don’t always go according to how i plan, so i’m willing to adapt to the new circumstances.” maybe it was a bit too soon to talk so casually of it, especially when alyssia was yet to think of it the same way, but miyeon couldn’t help but to try to brush it off like it was nothing. “you’re allowing me to stay as a friend at least, right? that’s all i need.” she didn’t care if she couldn’t be with alyssia like she hoped, just being able to see her and be able to talk to her was enough. she chuckled as she heard the older disagree with her views on herself. “i’ll save a hug for you then if you come, but i’m still going through with it. it’s basically impossible to talk me out of it.” whenever she sets her sight on something relating to a comeback, she’d do anything to make sure it happens. “i wouldn’t put myself in danger if that’s what you’re worried about. i know better than to go too extreme and land myself in the hospital.” that would prohibit her from being able to work, so it definitely was the opposite of what she wanted to do.

“it’s still making you upset, and i don’t want to talk about it that’s the case. i’m not upset or angry at you, i just want you to be happy.” and it was the truth. although the situation itself was a bit, miyeon could see multiple reasons why it happened. she does the same thing herself, keeping people at a safe distance to prevent them from getting to know her. “who told you that? because i believe you do that for a reason and not because you just want to. i don’t want people to see the not so pretty side of me, so i destroy whatever i’m building the second i get upset. is it better to do that before you start or when it’s already in progress and on it’s way to being finished? it hurts either way in the end.” in her drunken state, she was talking a lot more about her feelings than she normally would’ve allowed, giving aly a view of just how much of a mess she was. “that’s okay. i know you like me and i understand, so you don’t have to explain it to me. it’s okay. i think you already are, but as long as you say that there’s a chance, i’ll wait for you. i like you so much that i don’t care how long it takes, just let me know if you want me to wait for you or not.”

[stellismsarchive]

𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌​:

“ i won’t hang up. i don’t want to.” words fell from her lips like bulletfire, burning as they passed her lips and searing as they failed to register. “ i’m afraid to hang up.” she halts, lingering as she cradled herself closer. “i feel that if i hang up, we won’t be like before ever again.” the words ramble from her lips, unstoppable as she shook like a leaf in her pajamas, the quilt upon her bed wrapped tightly around herself like a tiny cocoon as she wavered, half inclined to pull the phone away from her ear, in fear of what miyeon would potentially reply. “you won’t disappoint anyone. how could you? you’re perfect just the way you are, be it your body or your voice. i call bullshit on what your stylist agreed on. you’re thin enough already.” she mumbled wetly, brushing a hand over her eyes. “i feel as though that if i hug you, i’ll constantly feel your bones.”

miyeon was experiencing every emotion known to mankind within the span of a few minutes. hearing aly contradict what she had just established as true sparked confusion. “so you like me? and i like you?” she repeats, wanting to clarify the situation, “but i can’t be with you because you’re ‘not good enough’ and you don’t want to ‘drag me down’ with problems i cannot know about?” this all felt like too much for miyeon, her mind not being able to logically make sense out of the circumstances. “alyssia, please. i’m really not understanding what you’re getting at. i’m not in the right state of mind to have this conversation anymore, but i think i have an idea. i think i can see your point.” she prided herself on her ability to assess a problem before letting her emotions get the best of her, but she wasn’t the best when she was inebriated. “you’re saying we can’t be together, and i understand that. loud and clear. okay i get it now. there’s something holding you back that you don’t want to tell me. you feel the need to protect me from it, right?” she was about to continue when it finally registers that alyssia’s distressed. “wait, are you crying? forget everything then, okay? we’ll continue the next time we talk. aly, please don’t cry or i’m going to start crying. i didn’t know that talking about this was hurting you, we can stop. we can move on to something else.”

miyeon was panicking, unsure of how to comfort aly over the phone. “i’m not going anywhere okay? you won’t scare me off, no matter what you think may happen because before everything, you are my friend and i don’t give up on my friends that easily,” at least not the ones who have stayed by her side no matter what, “you’ve unknowingly been there for me and helped me. i see the good in you and i clearly see the good you’ve done for me. your words energizes me and motivates me to keep going when i don’t want to anymore. your smile brighten ups my day and you have me hanging on for every word you say. aly, i don’t accept compliments easily, but whenever it comes from you, i always want more. you mean a lot to me, so even if we can’t be together, i’ll still be here as your friend. focus on the good aly, okay? i understand if you’re not comfortable sharing. i’ll wait if you ever want to tell me, but it’s perfectly fine if you don’t want to share it at all either.” she knew what it was like to want to hide something so much that it never resurfaced again. she didn’t want to push the older for information knowing how it’d make herself feel if someone did that to her.

“alyssia, listen to me. i promise that nothing will change once the call ends, but you don’t have to hang up right now, okay? i’m not going to hang up either. you’re not okay and i don’t think i could sleep knowing that.” she set her phone down next to her head after making sure it was plugged in to the charger, “you don’t have to talk anymore right now, i just want you to focus on calming down. miyeonie’s right here.” a pained smile came across miyeon’s face hearing aly say she wouldn’t disappoint anyone. “there are a lot of times i’ve unexpectedly disappointed people aly. if i never did, i wouldn’t have learned and become the person i am today.” this time, the chuckle she let out was genuine, touched by the concern. “i’m not looking to lose that much aly, i still have to be able to fit them. it’s just that the outfits were a little tight. i’ll still be healthy. don’t worry too much about it. might just cut drinking alcohol and implement another time to workout for the time being.”

[stellismsarchive]

𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌​:

“you’re so..precious.” affection and adoration bleeds into her tone, soft and gentle as she cradled the phone to her ear, as though pressing the younger girl’s bare heart to her own soul, imprinting the memory of it deeply in her chest. “and that’s what i love about you.”

miyeon wasn’t able to see past her own happiness to notice anything wrong on the other end of the line. “forever and ever?” she echoes, playing with the idea in her mind. “i like the sound of that. you and i along with my dogs. do you have any pets? i already have five dogs, but they don’t stay with me. dasom is the only one i have over, so maybe it’ll just be you and i with dasom.” miyeon never would have thought she’d be imagining a future with someone else by her side, but alyssia was always the exception. she was just that amazing to miyeon.

“i have pretty much everything i want already, but the only thing missing is you.” miyeon feels lighter, being able to share everything that she’s been keeping to herself. “mhm, that’s all i want. maybe also sleep, but i can get that anytime, i can’t get alyssia just anywhere. you’re one of a kind.” she feels so happy that she was one second away from asking the very question that she had just made a plan about a few minutes ago, but what she heard next made her heart drop. ‘i don’t deserve you to like me’ and ‘won’t you like someone better?’ had stopped miyeon in her tracks, halting everything. miyeon didn’t need to hear any more of what else alyssia could possibly say. she was already upset at the realization that alyssia didn’t want miyeon to like her. maybe she’s misunderstanding alyssia, but the younger was sure that she was being rejected.

“don’t say things like that. especially if you don’t reciprocate the way i feel. that’s a very dangerous game you’re playing.” miyeon was already not in a good mood, but hearing alyssia talk about her like that finally made her crack.  “who cares if you break my heart? we can’t all be perfect all of the time.” she’s so frustrated, feeling as if her feelings were invalidated. it didn’t help that a few tears escaped. “I just really don’t like how you’re trying to deter me away from liking you. i know what i feel aly. this wasn’t just a spur of the moment decision. i’ve been trying to figure out how i feel for a while now. it actually hurts a lot to hear you say that. bad person or not, i think you’re perfect for me. isn’t that good enough? aren’t i good enough? nevermind. i already know the answer.” she lets out a sigh, trying to calm her nerves before any signs of her crying made itself known. “we’ll talk about this some other time alyssia. i don’t want to get upset. actually, you don’t have to bother with the photocards. i’ll manage without them.”

she needed to find an out. any way she could escape this conversation from progressing before she started sobbing on the phone. miyeon wanted to put space between them instead of giving alyssia a reason to be concerned. “i had the outfit fittings for the comeback the other day. it looks like i might need to lose a bit more to make sure it’s a perfect fit.” the laugh she offered couldn’t be more forced. “even the stylists agreed, so i’ll be spending the next few weeks focusing on that. wouldn’t want to disappoint anyone. enough about me, tell me about your day. if i fall asleep, you can hang up.”

[stellismsarchive]

𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌​:​

“miyeon?” she doesn’t know if miyeon would hear the light tremble in her voice, the unheard begging to let nothing between them change for the worse, just a tiny sliver of something, shaking as it hung in the air and fell from her lips. “its me. alyssia.” the breath she holds catches in her chest, stoppered by the lack of movement as she fails to exhale her next breath, ears ringing as she tried to listen for the other girl’s next words on the other end of the phone.

miyeon’s busy scribbling away on a sheet of paper while she rambled on about her fairytale ending with alyssia, covering her list with a bunch of hearts. “then we will start dating, and i’ll try to be the best girlfriend in the world! buy her everything she wants, showering her in love. all of the good stuff. do i sound delusional right now? please tell me i don’t sound like one of those fans, even if i’m technically one of those fans.” finally closing the final heart, she slams her pencil down. “i finished it. this is a masterpiece i’m telling you. you should come over and see it one day. i’ll even frame it and hang it up on my wall.” she abruptly stood up, ready to find a spare frame in her house when she heard her name being called out.

she halted at the mention of her name, opting to listen instead of talking for once. “yes, that’s me.” she’s standing there when she hears the unexpected response of ‘it’s me. alyssia.’ there’s a moment of silence between them for her brain works to adjust to the new information before miyeon speaks up again. “this is alyssia?” in a sentence that should’ve filled her with shame given the circumstances, there is no shock in her voice. “alyssia from bee? no way!” the younger rushes to pick up the phone, wanting to hear the other better, “what’s up? you don’t sound right,” perhaps she could’ve used better wording, but she couldn’t be bothered at that moment, “i hope everything is okay. otherwise, i’ll be on the case in the morning.” there was no way she’d be able to manage to go out in the state of exhaustion she was, so it’ll have to wait.

she begins humming a mixture of songs, unclear of which one she’s thinking of. “aly!” miyeon shouted, soon giggling right into the speaker after. she knew that she was unnecessarily loud at this time of night, but she wanted all of alyssia’s attention. a little softer she continued, “hi aly. my pretty aly. i was just talking about you and how much i think about you, did you hear it? fend off everyone for me, okay? I’ll be able to tell you one day. hopefully you let me down gently, i don’t want the songs i wrote about you to go to waste. i think they’re pretty good. maybe good enough for gold star to give me a solo.” in reality, it probably wasn’t true. her other members were being pushed pretty heavily as solo artists, so it wouldn’t make sense to add her as well. the songs were good in her opinion, so she didn’t care.

her ability to focus on one thing had dwindled tremendously as she was already starting to talk about another topic. “hey, did you know i was a fan of yours since your debut? i wasn’t even a trainee for gold star yet then. so i probably know all of your songs better than fuse’s. is that bad? i don’t think it is. it just proves how much of a fan i am.” her eyes wander over to the bookshelf where she keeps every album she has ever bought or was gifted. “that reminds, me, i’ve been struggling to complete my photo card sets. who knew i could be so unlucky and rarely get your photo cards? i might have to talk to the ceo myself about that. wait, you’re under bc, do you think you could get them for me? i’ll make sure to send you the ones i’m missing.” a little too eager at the possibility of finally completing her decade long collection, miyeon obnoxiously imitated the sound of a kiss before alyssia could even guarantee that she could make that happen. “thank you so much! i’ll be sure to pay you back one day.”

miyeon started humming again to fill in the silence of her home, this time to the tune of fuse’s next title track. it was a song that was constantly stuck in her head by how many times she had it on repeat while practicing. lazily dancing along as if she were going over the dance moves she already knew, her grip on her phone loosens, resulting in her dropping her phone, making her erupt in giggles as she goes to pick up her device. “oops! sorry about that, i dropped you.” she held her phone a little tighter this time after brushing it off. “you’re all good. i made sure of it. i’ll be extra careful this time so i never let you go.”

miyeon finally moves, entering her bedroom, taking note of the time displayed on the clock. “it’s pretty late, hm? why are you up? you should be sleeping.” she began to crawl into her bed, too tired to properly wash herself. “are you in bed? i’m getting in bed. all comfortable underneath my blankets.” miyeon falls completely silent the first time that entire night, as the quietness of her home exposes just how alone she is. it reveals just how small she is and how little she actually matters. especially how pathetic she is to having to rely on her friends. “please stay with me on the phone. at least until i fall asleep. i don’t like being alone. i hate it.”

[stellismsarchive]

closed starter - drunk confessions with alyssia park​ when: sometime in july what: miyeon mistakenly calls alyssia and basically confesses (aka: lina and i were talking and randomly came up with this prompt because miyeon embarrasses herself in front of alyssia 24/7. )

stress. a common thing miyeon felt whenever she was preparing for a comeback. her normal solution for any large amount of stress were having a couple of drinks until she forgot them, and tonight was no different. she already indulged in a few more glasses than planned when she started to crave the presence of someone else. she didn’t want to call someone over at this time, but she didn’t want to head to bed feeling lonely, so just a phone call will suffice. scrolling through her phone, she goes to her contacts, unknowingly dialing alyssia’s number instead of her closest friend. thinking she called the one person who can put up with her drunken conversations, she held the phone up to her ear to listen to the ring. if the call went to voicemail, then miyeon wouldn’t bother to call again and just head to bed. if they were busy or sleeping, then that was something that couldn’t be helped. however, she hears the line pick up and she immediately sets the phone down.

“i’m at home,” she starts, skipping introductions as she makes herself comfortable, “and maybe drunk, but don’t worry, i’m doing fine. i’m finished for the night.” miyeon quickly states to prevent any comments of concern from the other. she knew that she had a problem with drinking, but tonight wasn’t the worst she’s gotten. halfway through her last drink she gave up, as what was on her mind couldn’t be drowned out like everything else. “i know we don’t talk about things like this often, but i’m having a very hard time and it’s the first time it has nothing to do with work. i really think i might like someone, and this time i want to try and make it work. that’s if they like me as well.” she pauses, deciding whether or not she would disclose who she was talking about. she was sure of her feelings than she was previously, so she saw no reason to keep it a secret now. “i’ve had my eye on alyssia these days. she’s been giving me a hard time because she’s just so so pretty and i love being around her. i didn’t know what i was feeling, but i think i understand now. i really really like her and i think i might want to pursue a relationship with her. but i don’t know if aly will like me that way, so i’ll remain with being aly’s friend. it’s better to have her in my life than to not have her at all.” there truly weren’t enough words in the world to describe exactly how she felt towards the older, but she knew enough to describe how she’d felt if alyssia no longer wanted to talk to her. just thinking about it made a change in miyeon’s demeanor.

the brief change caused by the sadness of the possibilities then fueled her thoughts about the multiple reasons to why aly wouldn’t like her. “why doesn’t she like me the way i like her? how do i get her to notice me?” the pout on miyeon’s face evident in the tone of her voice. “am i not good enough? tell me honestly, yeonnie can take the complete truth. work the hardest to be deserving of aly.” she began walking away from her phone, rambling on about how she’d make a whole plan to make alyssia fall in love with her and then properly confess. the details of her plan were inaudible, as she went walking around her house to find her notebook to write the list down. miyeon briefly returned as she finished her last point, rustling the pages in her journal as she flipped them to find a blank page. “hm, do you know anyone that’s close to aly? i don’t like sharing, so unnie is yeonnie’s. only yeonnie’s, so tell them to back off for me. otherwise, i might start a fight and that wouldn’t be good.” she finishes with a laugh, imagining about herself causing a scene. it was so out of character for her overall that it seemed unimaginable. “i’d do anything for her.”

[stellismsarchive]

𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌​:

…she hummed lightly at miyeon’s disparaging words against herself, knowing better than to contradict her friend after countless experiences of hearing her speak less of herself. “ you know that isn’t true.”  aly hummed lightly, brows popping ever so slightly. “ there’s never too many people to be concerned about you.”  she paused for a moment. “ especially you. since you’re unique and special.” she teased playfully. “ you deserve that more than me, at the very least. its not as though i need much worrying for, compared to you. you’re like a mini treasure chest all over. “ she paused, peeking seriously at miyeon, ears heating ever so slightly. “ you know, at least to me.”  she huffs. “ a captain hook’s big treasure chest, filled to the brim with good things and bad things inside, which makes everything of it as a whole so much better than just having the good treasures all alone.”

“it’s not that big of a deal. it’s just me.” she muttered. miyeon stayed silent, waiting for alyssia to finish before replying. it bought her time to relax, as she was a little too aware of the fingers on her arm. she desperately wanted to return the gesture, but miyeon knew from experience not to bombard others with displays of affection. “i refuse to believe that you’re as bad as you paint yourself to be. voices are like colors in a way. they may be different, but they all are beautiful in their own way. they also can be a mood changer just like colors.” the color comparison is something that miyeon had been holding onto for a while as she grew more confidence in herself as an artist. “i think that was part of why i haven’t released anything outside of fuse. it took me some time to realize that there will always be someone who loves my voice, no matter how many people that might not always like it. the other part was because i didn’t think i was ready to take that step. it may not be all that different, but i didn’t think i could stand alone as an artist. i’ve been in a group for almost six years, and i’ve been training to be put in a group for six years before that. i had no confidence in myself, but that has changed.” miyeon had always deflected questions about solo work with an excuse, but it felt good to finally say the real reason. she did desire to release her own music, but another opportunity had yet to happen since her changed stance. “maybe in the future i’ll release something and test the waters a bit.” she was about to continue on about the chance of an album before realizing that she got distracted from what she was asked to do. “sorry, i kind of rambled there. i’m not too sure what you consider to be challenging, but how about ‘havana’, ‘full stop’, or ‘the shower’?”

normally miyeon would’ve been quick to shut down whatever opposed her, but there was something about alyssia’s words that had miyeon hooked, waiting for the next one. “i’m a treasure chest? if i’m that precious to you as you claim, then i’ll allow it. but i’m not more deserving than the next person. you would be just as deserving as well.” she couldn’t just let that comment just go by without being addressed. “it might be a bit hypocritical of me to say this, but it’s only right for others to be concerned about you as well. you’ve become a pretty important person to me and i’m sure others feel the same way too. you’re really amazing.” she pauses, biting her tongue before she scares alyssia off. she could go on for hours about how incredible the older truly was, but it was better to save it for a different day. instead, she placed a hand on top of the fingers that were on her arm and looked into alyssia’s eyes. “let’s agree that we both equally deserved to be cared for, okay? let’s be happy aly.” a moment passes before the embarrassment starts seeping in. she quickly withdrew her hand and averted her gaze. “sorry, it’s just hard for me to say things like this, but i really meant it.”

[stellismsarchive]

𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌​:

it wasn’t as though that the reason for her coming to the music hall was because miyeon was there–but really, alyssia couldn’t deny the fact that whilst her first intentions was to simply walk past the hall without any qualms of going inside, the familiar frame of the younger girl made her halt her steps, involuntarily turning inwards as she made her way as languidly into the music hall as she could, pretending to be not as intrigued as she was by what the other girl was trying to do. “ well–you look pretty too.” alyssia thought it strange that the girl was quieter than usual, the compliment burning her ears slightly as she shot the other girl a faint grin. “i…apparently am.” she twists slightly, awkward at the revelation. it wasn’t as if that being on the open mic night had been right on the top of her list–if jiah hadn’t encouraged her to do something about singing and just giving things a shot, she wouldn’t considered even fractionally as something that she wanted to try doing.

“ jiah said that my voice sounds nice singing and that i should try.” she shrugged, trying to seem rather blase about the situation that she was in. it wasn’t as though that she was terrible at singing, contrary to that, she was rather good at it. fantastic even, after years of her own practice, even without bc training her vocal chords ever since they decided that they wanted her to be a rapper and an idol actress instead of a singer. “but the point is, all the songs i know a melancholic songs. the mood when i sing during the open mic is gonna be so depressing.” she pouts at miyeon, puffing out her cheeks slightly in what seemed like moroseness. “you’re softer than usual.” she’s pulled out of her own sulking little reverie as the errant thought that miyeon seemed much quieter than she usually was. “is your throat sore?” she tilted her head, brows knitted together a little worriedly as she reached out a hand, almost tempted to brush her fingers against the younger girl’s throat in a display of concern.

after years of receiving compliments, miyeon never learned how to properly accept them. she rarely accepted them, saying there was someone better suited for it as they went in one ear and out through the other, but receiving a compliment on her looks while she was barefaced had nearly flustered her. “thank you aly, that’s awfully nice of you.” was that awkward? it definitely was. how would it not be? thoughts started running through her mind, worried at the way that it was received before acknowledging that there’s nothing that can be done about it now. letting it go with a sigh, miyeon ran a hand through her hair, tousling it a bit before returning her arm by her side. “really? i’ll be staying then and supporting you. it’ll be the highlight of my night.” anything alyssia did would likely be the only thing miyeon remembered. sure miyeon hasn’t been paying close attention to the other performances being put on and even zoned out for some of them already, but she doesn’t get the opportunity to watch artists live often being one herself.

“i don’t think she’s wrong. trying wouldn’t hurt, but i’m sure you’re going to do more than fine. sad songs can still be good songs to sing. if you can convey the message of the song through your voice and move people’s emotions too, then i’d say that’s a job well done. I’m sure you won’t ruin the atmosphere.” she really wanted to hear alyssia sing, so if she needed a little bit more encouragement, miyeon would provide it. “if you really want an upbeat song you can sing one of fuse’s songs,” miyeon joked, “there’s power up, umpah umpah, or even red flavor. I’ll be your backup dancer. i can even balance it out by rapping. me trying to rap again would turn it into a comedic act.” it was an attempt to make light of the situation and give alyssia that small boost of confidence. “what are you talking about? i’m always this soft.” miyeon attempted to convince the other, as the signs of concern immediately sets off the alarm to downplay it. “i’m just on vocal rest because of a slight strain. i’ll be fine as long as i don’t overdo it with a lot of singing.” if there was someone who never knew when to take a break, it was her.

[stellismsarchive]

closed starter with alyssia park​ June 21 in Music Hall - Open Mic

Miyeon felt uneasy the entire retreat being surrounded by multiple idols that she was unfamiliar with. She knew a lot of people, but most weren’t people she knew well enough to relax like the companies intended. She isolated herself or hovered around the few people she felt comfortable around during activities. Miyeon came to the music hall alone, which was the main reason she felt out of place there. Going to her room wouldn’t be any better as she was feeling restless, so it was either the music hall or finding something else to waste time.

She was watching the current act when a familiar figure appeared in the corner of her eye. Elated to have seen them, she immediately made her way over. “Hey Alyssia,” Miyeon softly called out to the other female as she approached, “You look pretty. Are you participating in the open mic?” a soft smile plays at her lips as she looks at Alyssia. If the older would be performing, she’d stay and wait. “I just need a reason to stay here and not go to my room. Wish I could join in on the fun.” She would’ve participated in the open mic night by singing but was something she could not do. Her soft spoken tone was a huge indicator that she was supposed to be resting her voice, but not talking was something she had difficulty doing in the company of others.