stayorstray

[stayorstray]

Sauade ~ Prologue (Time Travel AU)

Saudade: def.: a somewhat melancholic feeling of incompleteness; longing for something that might never return

genre: Angst

pairing: Stray Kids!Chan x Reader

words: 1,1k

description: You realize you regret most of your life decisions, so when you get a chance to change them you don’t say no

part: prologue

A/N: My first scenario on my new tumblr blog!:) You can send me requests for stray kids!!

And suddenly, after decades, your mind brought you back to this moment that happened what felt like a hundred summers ago. You could feel the ocean breeze blowing through your hair. Even the scent of that place had found its way back to your memories. Your imagination painted a picture of dry grass, a lonely beach and pine trees before your eyes. In your ears you could hear the waves hitting the shore with the occasional noise of crickets. There was also another sound, someone was humming a melody, a melody so familiar to you, yet you hadn’t heard it in ages. It’s him.

Overwhelmed by the sudden feeling of nostalgia you stood on the side walk in front of your work place for a few seconds, although it felt like hours had passed. You were not the type of person who would lose their mind and have day dreams about the past. Especially about something that is so insignificant to your life in the present. It took you a few moments to realize that a tear was rolling down your cheek. A very unusual thing for you since you hadn’t cried in ages. You shook your head and walked with a fast pace towards your car, dying to get out of this uncomfortable situation before anyone could see you. As you sat down behind the steering wheel the urge of crying overcame you and you just couldn’t fight against it anymore and let all your tears out.

You knew, later when you were at home, you would cringe at yourself. You just couldn’t stand it when you were weak, that’s why you decided to never cry again. But in this moment you didn’t care. In this very moment you didn’t want to fit in with your strict ideas of how you should be or how you should behave. Honestly, you didn’t even know what triggered your brain to go back to those memories. Maybe it was the sunlight that had hit your face the moment you had exited the building, or it was the longing feeling for a beautiful summer day. You hadn’t had time for yourself recently and it probably just showed in your mental health. At least that’s what you told yourself to calm down after a while.

You were unhappy. Your life hadn’t turned out the way you had expected it to turn out, although you never really had any dreams nor an idea for your life. You were a bitter person who struggled to watch their friends smile because you knew that deep down you were still searching for a reason to smile. When you were younger you thought this reason would be a successful career, so you put all your efforts into your work. Later, when you realized that wasn’t it, you dated around, because surely the love of your life would be able to make you happy. However, none of them made you happy.

So, you let yourself think about him, perhaps hoping that he would become a reason for you to smile for a split second.

You were nineteen years old when you met him. A super cute, but at the same time super hot 21-year old boy, who loved music, his friends and family, certainly did not sleep enough, and sometimes just thought too much. He would smile at you when he recognized you in the streets. He would tell you corny jokes and pretend they never happened when his friends started rolling their eyes next to him. You always assured him that you loved them though, which you really did since you appreciated him trying to cheer you up. Sometimes you would go to a beach together. It wasn’t really a pretty beach to be honest. The path that let to it was overgrown with dry and scratchy grass, the sand was dirty, the entry to the water was filled with rocks and stones that would make you scream in pain if you stepped accidentally on them and in the middle of the beach was some kind of campfire place which was accompanied by old and rusty chairs. However, it had its perks, since your were always alone there.

It was almost the end of summer, you had to go back to the city soon, when Chan asked you to meet up at that beach. You knew it, Chan knew it - it was gonna be your last day together. He took your hand and stroked it softly.

„You know, I don’t want you to go.“

He looked up to you and gave you a sad smile. It almost made you cry. He had always been so sweet and caring to you, however, nothing ever happened. In that moment you regretted it and you could feel in the tone of his voice that he regretted it as well.

You took a deep breath and replied, „I know, but I have to.“

Chan sighed and gave you another sad smile.

„I like you, I really do, to be honest, I think I‘ve fallen in love with you. I‘m an idiot for telling you know, I‘m sorry, y/n.“

It was sad, but your heart fluttered in this moment.

„Can I kiss you before you go?“

You nodded and he cupped your face in his hand while pulling you closer to him.

It was enough for you. You didn’t want to think about it again. You were lying in your bed and sobbing, because you missed him, you regretted everything, not trying to go back to that place sooner. He had always put in a lot of effort to try to stay in contact with you. Occasional facetime calls, a daily text, he had sometimes even sent hand-written letters. But you were too caught up in uni work to respond or show that you care. No more letters arrived at your place, the facetime calls got rarer and rarer and the daily text, turned into weekly and then into monthly until they stopped completely. When you finally had time again you were to afraid to contact him. What if he had another girlfriend? What if he was disappointed in you? What if he would break your heart? So, you never got back to him. Honestly, you forgot him. You hadn’t thought about him until today.

What if you had responded? Would you two be together now? Would you be happy now? He probably is married and has a beautiful little family and lives in a house by the ocean now. But what if he doesn’t? What if he’s just like you? Don’t get your hopes up girl.

You didn’t listen to yourself and got up and walked to your Computer. While the bright moon was watching you, you logged into facebook and typed his name in the search bar.

Christopher Bang

Do you remember me? I miss you.

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