starryiis

[starryiis]

Supernova

@biohazardly​

She paced back and forth back and forth in her room. Contemplating. Thinking. Her mind had been going to dark places and she no longer had the strength or the light to bring herself back. Her mother was gone. Her father was not here anymore, not in any way that mattered. She was done letting the world take from her. It was time for her to take things back. What goes around doesn’t come back around. You have to make the world turn in your favor on your own. 

And she was so tired. 

Tired of pretending to be the good girl. Tired of pretending like the dark thoughts were never there. Maybe what she needed was to lean into the shadows, let herself be swathed in darkness head to toe. No more toeing the line. No more wishy-washy will she, won’t she. 

She just wasn’t that girl anymore. 

Carefully she pulled on a hoodie and dropped from her bedroom window. The rush of the fall emboldening her. There was something exhilarating about it. Falling. Enticing her and drawing her to bigger and bigger heights. But maybe the giving into the darkness would give her the same thrill. 

She made her way to a building, an average apartment building. The site of an almost tragedy. The first time the Universe tried to take her mother. The apartment seemed vacated now. Much to her frustration. 

Would it be worth it if it wasn’t a little bit of a challenge?

Daphne took a piece of paper and scribbled in her intense scrawl, undermined by the circles she dotted her i’s with. And tapped it to the door. Hoping she would get Lucky enough the intended target of the note would find it and reach out to her. It was a long shot. 

To: B.

You left some lessons unfinished. If you ever want to complete your work. I’m sure you know where to find me. 

Ever your faithful student, Supernova.

And then she left. She went back home to her empty house, well empty feeling house. And crawled back into bed. The sun long set in the night sky. 

[starryiis]

bloodwhispered​:

The air felt stale in the house, like they had stumbled into a madman’s elaborate mausoleum. It felt muted and gray in the halls of Daphne’s home. Rafael felt comforted by the silence, the darkness that swathed over him like a familiar cloak. He was familiar with mourning, and as terrible as it was, it felt like a second skin to him.

He should not be finding comfort in tragedy. He lifted his eyes uncomfortably, staring at the back of Daphne’s head and tried to parse the pressure that steadily built in his mind. He took in a breath, a shallow one that tickled at his lungs, and dove.

Rafael wasn’t a mindreader, he exceled in the art of picking at strings of power until he could find the right one to cut. No, he was a mindrender. The world slowed down around him, freezing in place the torrential outpour of intense power that roiled in Daphne’s body. 

Ah. Just as he suspected.

He pulled himself back to his body and adopted a feigned smile as he followed the young woman, forcing his expression into one of dopey compliance versus one of concern. “Simon and I are practically the same person sometimes.”

The house seemed to bend with the unconscious pulse of her power- did she know that she did that? That she was a bomb? He could see the fine lines of her powers in every corner of the home, like veins in the very walls. She could eat through everything, tear through the sky and its stars with her anger. ‘She has the potential to devour everything,’ a honeyed voice in his head whispered, chewing at his mind with an air of decay and ozone. ‘A star who will consume all things, a god, a black hole.’

Rafael stumbled, slamming his hand into the wall to catch himself. “Shoot, sorry, I tripped.” He pushed away, leaving long, sharp gouges in his wake. “Don’t worry about it, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If you need I can leave but- well, I’d prefer not to leave you alone.”

These walls used to be bright and shiny and full of life. There were memories that chased visitors with happy nostalgia once upon a time. Her mother liked to keep pictures along most walls of the house creating a living scrapbook one that told the story of the Torres family throughout the decades as you stepped through the house. It used to be a lovely fixture, a talking point among friends. Now they were just reminders of the past. And every empty space in the wall a reminder that the future was hollow and empty as picture frames. 

“I find that both hard to believe and entirely possible at the same time.” She quips back at him. She hadn’t meant for it to come out so mean. This man was only here to help wasn’t he? She shouldn’t be treating him like he came bearing the bad news of her mother’s death.

No she had to get her anger under control. But what was the point? What did it matter? So what she was angry? She had every right to be angry. She was angry with the universe. The universe that would talk to her as if they were old friends, and maybe they were. But that friendship had turned sour the day it decided to take her mother into it’s embrace and leave her and her father to be shells of who they used to be. The Universe had known how much her mother meant to her, an no friend would do that to someone. 

But the universe was such an abstract concept to be angry with, even if it was more tangible to some people. So Daphne turned that anger on anyone she could, the HRL, Rafael, even Simon and her father she had the same white hot rage building beneath her skin whenever she talked to them. 

Maybe people were right to look at her like she was going to snap at any moment.

Then Rafael tripped and she heard the sounds of his nails scraping the drywall and the paint. And she almost did. She drew in a sharp breath and nearly kicked him out of her house that moment.

What right did he have to be here? In her home. After all these years. After all these years of refusing invitations from her family. From her mother? Who did he think he was turning her down like that? Why would anyone give up any time they could have had with Tatiana Torres?

The irrational molten thoughts raced through her head, ready for her to turn on her heal and start yelling, start something. 

And she almost did.

“Don’t--”

She drew in a deep breath, and then let it out slowly. 

“Don’t worry about it....” She let out in as calm of a tone as she could manage. Which would have been surprisingly convincing given how tired often reads as calm. “Stay if you want to. I’m not the best company right now. Neither is Dad. But I’m not going to kick you out.”

[starryiis]

smoked-grey​:

Simon looked up as he pulled a couple of things from a bag. “It’s the least I can do, patatina.” He said, just as quietly. He started putting away the groceries and sighed.

“When Annie first disappeared, when I was in the hospital….Your parents visited me when they could. It wasn’t often, and you were usually in class or off with friends, I think. But they did their best…” He closed the fridge and turned, fixing her with a look.

“Now I’m going to return that favor as much as I can. I cut them out once before in grief. And I won’t do that again and won’t let your dad do that. You both need time, but I can help out while you’re taking that time.”

They were nice sentiments. They were. She looked away from his gaze in shame. She knew she wasn’t handling the grief well. And honestly she was too exhausted to do anything about that. She also knew Simon was grieving too and this wasn’t fair to put on him, he was hurting as much as her and daddy were. 

She could feel the tears well up in her eyes and she tossed her head back to blink them away as best as she could.

“Simon I--” 

She couldn’t finish the sentence. She wasn’t even sure she knew where she was going with it.

“I don’t know if we’re ever going to be okay without her.” 

[starryiis]

bloodwhispered​:

    The stars in her eyes were dead. His too had long since burned out, leaving both of them the same hallowed out husk of grief. Fallen comets left abandoned. Rafael glanced past Daphne’s head for a moment, gazing into the home of a new but old friend. Markos’ grief was powerful, cutting sharper than a knife.

Honestly, Rafael didn’t have a place here. He had only recently revealed himself to the family, only now let them know of his identity. A trust that was hard to stomach. It wasn’t right of him to place further weight on a family who had lost their central pillar.

“It’s fine. I was just here to give you some snacks,” He lifted the wrinkled plastic bag in his hand, the bottles inside clicking together with musical tones that drowned out the muffled sobbing from upstairs. “I wanted to make sure you are okay.”

He hadn’t know her long but he had gleaned Daphne would often neglect her own feelings for those around her. She was an empath, an open and warm heart and that heart had been shattered and closed. 

“I know a little place where we can go if you need to take a break. It’s a museum with one of those dark rooms that has model planets.”

Daphne had already run out of energy with the conversation by the time Rafael opened his mouth to respond. That’s just how she had been this past week. Where she had once been enthusiastic about what other people had to say and thing she no longer could find herself the energy to care. 

Everyone was checking to see if her and her dad were okay. Knowing full well they were not. There were always bringing things too, flowers, pictures, and snacks. They were trying to fill a void they knew was endless. She should feel touched by the effort. 

But honestly.....

“Thanks. I’ll put these in the kitchen, come on in.” She took the bag from his hand and turned to lead farther into the house. When she could hear her father and the words that had come out of Rafael’s mouth. She felt a little bit of the heat the lingering anger in her surface. But she was tired. 

“You sound like Simon. And I’m not going to leave dad alone. So until at least Simon comes back I’m not going anywhere.” There was a small thread of threat in her voice. She didn’t turn back to him as she lead Rafael through the dim house.

[starryiis]

Jane Austen ― Mansfield Park

[starryiis]

[starryiis]

‘I’m beginning to know myself. I don’t exist. I’m the space between what I’d like to be and what others made of me. Just let me be at ease and all by myself in my room.

Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet  (via wordsnquotes)

[starryiis]

*tucks my hair behind my ear and looks off into the distance prettily like I don’t notice you looking at me*

[starryiis]

[starryiis]

[starryiis]

I refuse to die ordinary.

tenx  (via princessrpg)

[starryiis]

And at night, tears replaced anger, making her feel lonelier than she really was.

L.R. excerpt from a book I’ll never write (via holaitsliza)

[starryiis]

Sydney Sweeney in Euphoria (2019—)

[starryiis]

big heart energy

[starryiis]

[starryiis]

When she is happy, she can’t stop talking, when she is sad she doesn’t say a word.

Ann Brashares (via quotemadness)

[starryiis]

I am getting better at smiling when people expect it.

Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak (via musingmatata)