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starling-ghoul · 7 days ago

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To Burn is to Cleanse

Relationships: Alpha/Dewdrop, Dewdrop/Mountain

Additional Tags: Post-transition Dew, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/ComfortAnxiety, Some angst, But it is all made better, Mentor Alpha, Alpha is a massive tsundere, but ultimately his heart is in the right place

Word count: 4.7k

Dew feels lost and alone following his transition to fire. He finds help and comfort in the one fire ghoul he'd least expect.

For @anotherbananasong

First fic I've been able to finish since July! In the 3 months I've been working through this fic, this story has become very special to me. This story is set in the Strong For Somebody Else universe, and takes place after SFSE will end. This is also my first time writing Alpha and I am very pleased with what became of his characterization. Please enjoy.

Dew sits in the garden, kneeling in front of a spot of smoldering, blackened earth. He looks down at the little pile of smoking ash cupped in his bandaged hands, and tears start to roll off the tip of his nose.

The small drops of water evaporate before they hit the ash, not even able to send up little puffs of soot from the disintegrated flowers he'd tried to hold just a few moments before.

He knows he doesn't have control of his fire yet, he's only been awake for a couple weeks, still being made to stay in the recovery wing. But, everything has felt so weird, so confusing, so....different. Aether warned him that he can't go near the lake for a while, that his skin is still too sensitive, and his flame is too unstable. He was growing restless and had begged to be allowed to come to the garden, even just for 30 minutes. It was the only other place where he hoped he could still recognize and find that part of himself that's been missing since he woke up. Aether had sadly shaken his head no, he wasn’t ready. Despite Aether’s concerns, Dew had snuck out anyway, stumbling his way along the stone corridors and praying to not run into anyone.

He had gone to the little corner of the garden that Mountain once reserved just for him; the little plot of earth next to the koi pond where he grew his favorite herbs and blooms. He'd just wanted to sink his fingers into the soil in an effort to feel the moisture between the roots of the plants. To feel some sort of life. Anything. Just for a second. Now, he shakes his head and his eyes cloud over as his shoulders start to shake with silent sobs.

Continue below the cut or on AO3 HERE!

Unbeknownst to Dew, Mountain peeks from behind the hedge and watches the small ghoul kneeling on the ground. His shoulders slump with a heavy sigh. In the days since Dew had woken up he'd watched his Droplet retreat further and further into himself, lost and struggling with his new reality. It's not like Mountain doesn't understand, or at least he tries to. He can't imagine how it feels to have the essence of yourself ripped away and replaced with something foreign and alien, something that is so opposite to your nature. His stomach clenches and he shudders at the idea of not having his connection to the earth. He burrows his bare toes into the soft loam beneath his feet, instinctually reaching into the earth as if roots could sprout from the soles of his feet in an effort to ground himself.

Dew's thin shoulders shake harder as he hunches over the smoldering patch of what used to be the small ghoul's favorite Dryas flowers and Mountain feels like he's intruding, like he's trespassing in Dew's space even though this is his garden. Even facing away from him, the little ghoul looks so vulnerable, so frail. His hair is still long, but hangs down his back limp and dull. His spine and shoulder blades protrude sharply through the scrub top he had been given in the infirmary. Skinny arms are wrapped in linen and gauze and hands tucked close to his chest as he bows.

The smell of smoke and charred greenery reaches his nostrils and Mountain forces back an involuntary whine. His stomach drops and his ears droop. He knows what's happened. He takes an instinctual step forward. The sharp crack of a stick underfoot rings through the garden. Mountain flinches at the sudden sound. Dew whips around to face him, one bandaged hand hastily wiping at his face, the other still cupping the little palmful of ash. He freezes, eyes widening as they dart from the earth ghoul to the burned Dryas flowers and back to Mountain again.

“I–I'm sorry, I didn't mean to–” Dew screws his eyes shut, tail swishing anxiously as he curls into himself.

Mountain steps out fully from behind the hedge. He holds his hands up as he moves towards the fire ghoul, trying to approach slowly, “Dew…”

“I just wanted to–to try and find it again. Aether won't let me go to the lake–I just wanted to feel the water…”

“Droplet, it's okay–”

“No!! It's not okay! I–I ruined them,” Dew cries, rising to his feet on shaky knees. He tries to move towards the hedge gate and stumbles, a result of unsteady feet on uneven paving stones.

Mountain lunges forward, dropping to his knees in an effort to catch his friend before he can fall. As Dew's hands come in contact with his skin, searing pain rips through him and he cries out, the urge to pull away out of his control as he recoils from Dew's touch.

Dewdrop freezes, horrified at the sight of the two angry red burns imprinted on Mountain's forearms in the shape of two small hands. Tears begin streaming freely down his face and he holds his hands away from himself as if he can separate himself from what just happened, the bandages covering his palms quickly blackening from heat.

A choked sob erupts from Dew's throat as Mountain shrinks away from his extended palms. “I didn't m-mean for this to happen. I–I'm so sorry,” he backs slowly away before turning tail and darting out of the garden, muffled cries audible behind the thick hedge.

Mountain groans quietly. Shit…he didn't mean to move away, it was just a reflex. But it was too late now.

***

Dew lays on his bed in the infirmary, small body curled into a tight ball, eyes screwed tightly shut. His tail wraps its way around his arm and his thoughts begin to spiral as its grip on his arm tightens. Forget trying to leave the infirmary ever again. Once word got out that he had burned Mountain, nobody would ever want him around. Barely two weeks into being a fire ghoul and he had already fucked everything up. Sadness melts away and a pit in his stomach flares as anger moves into its place. Anger? He shakes his head, covering his ears with his hands. He feels strange. So unlike himself. Out of control.

He groans, rolling over to face away from the door and pulls the bed covers up over his head.

A sudden weight on the bed startles him from his thoughts. Dew squeaks in surprise, peeking his head out from under the blanket. Alpha looks back at him, a sly grin on his face.

Dew scowls, “What are you doing here?”

Alpha grins wider, all fangs and sharp teeth, “Hey now, is that any way to greet an old friend?”

Dew narrows his eyes, chuffing in Alpha’s direction before pulling the covers back over his head. Alpha chuckles and gives the blanket a little tug. Dew holds on to the edge tighter in response.

“Go away,” Dew growls, muffled by the bedding piled on top of him.

“Well that doesn’t sound like the sweet Dewey we all know and love. What happened to those cute little water ghoul manners, Droplet?”

Dew’s eyes snap open. The pit in his stomach flares again and he rips the covers back, glaring at Alpha, “Are you just here to be an asshole? Cuz if you are, then just GO. Leave me alone. Please,” He spits out the last word like it’s acid in his mouth, “And don’t call me Droplet,” his voice breaks.

Dew’s face flushes with embarrassment, ears burning. Tears threaten to spill over again. He averts his eyes and grips the sheets in his hands, trying to will himself not to cry. He can’t cry right now. Not in front of Alpha, of all people. The sheets clutched in his hands start to smoke as he begins to spiral again.

Alpha watches the scene unfold in front of him quietly. He runs his hand through his shaggy hair and sighs guiltily. He was just trying to tease, but he’d clearly pushed a bit too much. Mountain wasn’t kidding, this was worse than he’d expected.

“Dewdrop.”

The little ghoul sniffles, blinking back tears but refusing to look up. Alpha reaches over slowly and gently coaxes the smoldering sheet out of Dew’s hands.

“Dew, I’m sorry.”

Dew stiffens, glancing up through wet lashes at the older ghoul in front of him. For as long as he’s known him, Alpha has never apologized for…well, anything, really. Fire ghouls have a reputation for marching through life loud, bold, and infamously unapologetic. Unlike Ifrit, whose boisterous manner used to come across as an infectious charming swagger, Alpha has always had a tendency to act with an air of condescension and arrogance.

“W-what?” Dew wipes his eyes on the backs of his bandaged hands, heterochromic blue and amber eyes finally meeting Alpha’s red ones.

Now it's Alpha's turn to avoid the other's gaze, “I said I'm sorry,” he mutters gruffly, “I–I pushed too hard, I guess. I don't always know when to let up and leave it alone. I'm working on it, okay?”

Dew blinks. He opens his mouth, and then closes it again before mumbling, “Um, it’s okay.”

The two sit in awkward silence for a moment. Alpha fiddles with the sheet he had taken from Dew before clearing his throat, “Mountain came to find me a little bit ago. He wanted me to…well…I wanted to come and see you and talk with you about…” Alpha gestures at Dew’s bandages, “All of this.”

He reaches across the bed and gently grasps Dew’s wrist, “Come a little closer, let me take a look at you.”

Dew looks down at the large, scarred paw wrapped around his wrist, hesitating. He tries to fight the urge to pull his hand back and shrink away but the older ghoul catches on.

Alpha chuckles wryly under his breath, letting go of the small ghoul, “No weird intentions, I promise. Despite how things have gone thus far I’m not completely socially inept, I assure you,” he gestures with his brows towards the bandages covering Dew’s hands and arms, “I just want to…check on your scars.”

Alpha sits up and backs away, watching Dew and waiting. Dew bites his lip, looking at the burned bedsheet and then back at the larger ghoul.

Alpha follows his eye, understanding dawning on his face. He holds his hands out towards Dew, “Nothing you could do is going to hurt me,” He says as gently as he can manage.

Dew nods quietly, trying to swallow past the massive lump in his throat. He tentatively scoots toward the edge of the bed where Alpha sits with his hands outstretched. He settles near the older ghoul, legs crossed under the blankets. His heart races, it's practically in his mouth, but he lets his breath out in a huff as he gingerly rests his hands in Alpha’s upturned palms. His hands shake and Dew inwardly braces for the inevitable shout of pain and recoil. Mountain clutching his burned arm to his chest flashes through his mind and Dew screws his eyes shut, the image of the pain and sad surprise on the earth giant’s face is branded on the inside of his eyelids. His breath starts coming more rapidly, his skinny chest rising and falling underneath more heavy bandages. He waits for Alpha to push him away, to jump up from the bed and yell that he’s ruined, unwanted, unlovable. He waits…but it doesn’t come.

Dew peeks an eye open to see Alpha gently cradling his hands, inspecting them and the wounds underneath the gauze dressings. Alpha mutters something to himself but Dew doesn’t quite catch it over the subsiding noise of his heartbeat in his ears.

“I-I’m sorry, what?”

Alpha glances up at the tiny ghoul in front of him, then back to the scorched wrappings on Dew’s hands, “I said that Aether might be good at a lot of things but he did a shit job with these dressings. Mine were much better when Omega had to do them.”

Dew looks at Alpha, brows furrowed, “...your dressings?”

Alpha grunts affirmatively, pulling up the hem of his shirt to reveal a swath of puckered skin that ripples in gold over his torso from his hip traveling upwards across his chest.

He drops his shirt and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small tube, “Yes, Dewdrop. It wasn’t quite this bad, but when I first came topside I went through something similar. So did Ifrit, actually. Here, let me just–” He gently unwraps the bandages, revealing angry red skin that’s puckered with small scars. The gruff ghoul squeezes a bit of the tube’s contents onto a fingertip and gently spreads it over Dew’s skin.

Dew opens his mouth to protest, wanting to jerk his hand back. The apprehension in his chest quickly begins to melt as he realizes that for the first time in weeks that underlying burning ache is actually…fading away. He stares at his hand as Alpha reaches over to the table and grabs clean bandages. The irritated redness is going away, and the raised skin of his scars are receding and being replaced with faint veins of gold that spiderweb their way from his palms up his forearms. He stares at his hands in stunned amazement before his trance is broken by Alpha gesturing for him again. He hands them over dumbly, watching the large ghoul wrap his limbs in cloth more gently and delicately than he would have expected from such large, rough hands.

Alpha glances up at him and his cheeks flush at the sight of Dew’s face doing an awful job concealing his wonderment, “Yes well, I’m not as much of a brute as people think, you know,” he finishes wrapping the dressings, giving Dew’s hand an awkward pat before releasing the smaller ghoul.

Dew draws his arms back, holding them close to his chest and rubbing his hands softly, “T-thank you,” He murmurs softly.

“Yeah, don’t mention it,” Alpha shifts awkwardly in his spot on the bedside.

They fall silent again. Dew looks down at his hands while Alpha pretends to pick at his fingernails, neither ghoul really knowing what to do next.

Dew glances over at the older ghoul, “You said that you and Ifrit went through this too? I was wondering…how is that possible? You’ve always been a fire ghoul. I-I don’t understand.”

Alpha chuffed, turning to face Dew full on, “How much do you know about how magic works here on the surface?”

Dew blinks, surprised at the question. He thinks back to the series of lectures and conversations Mist had had with him before she retired when he was a newly summoned water ghoul. Magic in the Pit was everywhere, it was ingrained in everything and every being. It wasn’t just a part of their being, it was a part of their soul. For residents of the Pit that were aligned with elements, such as ghouls, they didn’t just have power and control over their element, they, for lack of a better explanation, were their elements. Dewdrop was shocked when, upon being summoned, he found that he didn’t have the same connection to his water as he had at home. It felt…cut off from him, like it was something he had to find and access within himself with permission instead of it just being a part of his makeup. Mist had sat him down and explained that things on the Surface don't work the same as they did in the Pit. Magic is subjected to laws, rules, and principles; restricted and channeled through a lens in a way that the beings of this world can understand.

Dew looks up at Alpha, toying with the frayed edge of a bandage around one of his fingers, “I remember having to learn how to find my water again. I had to learn how to control it and work with it.”

Alpha nods, “Yes, that is generally how it goes when ghouls are new to the Surface. That is essentially what is happening to you right now.”

Dew growls, that little pit of anger flaring in his stomach again, “But-but, I already went through all of that! I already know how to control magic on the Surface! I know it’s not water but, Gods, I don’t understand why this has been so hard! Why would it be any different?!” He sniffs, angry tears sneaking back in along his waterline. The bandages on his hands grow warm and he whines as he tries to prevent them from smoldering again, his tail shifting uneasily under the covers.

Alpha just listens quietly, watching Dew struggle and fidget. He clears his throat, “Do you feel different lately?” He asks quietly.

Dew whips his head up, glaring, “Of course I feel different, do you not see how I look? What the fuck kind of a question is that?” Dew snaps back, then immediately claps a hand over his mouth, eyes wide, “I-I’m sorry,” He stammers, ears growing red again.

Alpha just looks at him with a smug look on his face and folds his arms across the expanse of his chest, “Right. I’ll ask again. Have you been feeling different recently? I don't mean physically. You can spare me the sass and sarcasm this time, as entertaining as it is to hear it coming out of your mouth. That’s a cute little temper by the way,” the larger ghoul chuckles.

Dew scowls, his tail thudding against the cot irritably, but takes a moment to breath before answering, waiting for the flaring in his stomach to quell, “I…don't feel like…me.” he says slowly, eyes cast downward towards his lap. He tries to put more words to what he’s feeling but they're just not there. He growls softly, feeling frustrated.

Alpha watches him thoughtfully for a moment. Dew jumps in his spot as he suddenly stands and offers the small ghoul a large hand, “C'mon. Let's go somewhere else where we can talk about this. This place is depressing as fuck.”

Dew takes his hand, pushing the covers back and sliding to the edge of the cot, “I don't know if I should leave…” He bites his lip, thinking back to when Aether had found him running back from the garden in tears. The quint hadn't been angry at him per se, but Dew knew that he was disappointed that he'd left his cot without permission, even if he was trying not to show it while he comforted Dew.

Alpha rolls his eyes and scoffs, “Aether can lick my taint for all I care. Let's go,” he pauses, glancing down at Dew's worried face, and takes a breath, “I mean, I got you. Promise,” he tries again.

***

Dew looks at the older ghoul and gives a small nod. He pauses, resting his feet on the stone floor for a moment before gingerly standing. Alpha offers an arm–he already knows–and Dew takes it gratefully. They make their way down the hallway and step out into the courtyard. Dew holds onto Alpha’s arm and takes care to watch his step on the rough cobblestones. He glances up to sneak a peek at the older ghoul next to him. This is definitely a different side to the ghoul he knows. It’s not like Dew would go out of his way to avoid Alpha before…everything happened, but maybe the ghoul next to him isn’t so bad. The pair pauses at the courtyard wall. Alpha moves his arm out of Dew’s grasp to move the ivy cascading down the stones out of the way, revealing a worn wooden door. He leans against the door, giving it a bodily shove and opening it with a groan. He offers his arm again and the two step through into the trees outside the Abbey walls.

Alpha looks down at Dew as he leads them down a path stomped into the leaves left behind from winter and clears his throat, “Fire isn't so bad, you know.”

Dew huffs out a breath, his tail swishes in the leaves behind him as he tries to put words to his feelings.

“I’ve never felt so out of control of myself,” he says slowly, “I feel like…like there’s two of me. There's me that I know, that feels familiar, and this other being that just gets so…angry,” he squeezes his eyes shut and presses his hand against his stomach, twisting the fabric of his scrub shirt in his claws.

“I can’t even feel sadness without there being a streak of anger behind it. It f-feels…ugly and it’s exhausting. I-I feel so tired all the time,” tears start streaking their way down his cheeks, he sighs dejectedly as they evaporate before falling to the ground.

“A-and then there’s the whole thing about having zero control over this damn fire. As soon as I feel any kind of strong emotion, which is all the time now, I start heating up and I don’t know how to stop it. It scares me. I–I burned…” He chokes on his words, unable to articulate what he had done to Mountain out loud.

Alpha feels the small ghoul’s paw heating up around his arm and grabs it. He holds it tightly as Dew sniffles and tries to continue.

“Feeling this much all the time is so overwhelming, I end up just trying to not feel anything just to get a break. So…I either feel like I’m being consumed or I feel…nothing, numb.”

Alpha nods. He steers the two of them to the right of a fork in the trail, continuing deeper into the trees.

“Fire doesn’t follow the same rules as the other elements up here,” he says slowly, “Whether it’s here or in the Pit, fire is…is…” he pauses, searching for the right words, “Fire is an entity unto itself. It lives, it breathes, it…it has a heartbeat,” Alpha opens his free palm, allowing a small flame to flourish in the center.

Dew’s eyes widen and he flinches away, but Alpha tightens the hold on his hand reassuringly, “It’s okay, just look for a sec,”

The flame jumps in his hand, flickering in and out for a moment before Alpha closes his fist and it vanishes in a little puff of smoke.

“We both struggled with keeping the fire in check when we came here, me and Ifrit. Fire demands respect. It’s not something you get to command, it demands a partnership and understanding, or, as I’m sure you’ve felt already, it’ll consume you. Physically and emotionally.”

Alpha pauses, holding his hand out to help steady Dew as the small ghoul steps over a fallen log.

“Every ghoul is influenced by their element in some way, but we’re different. Our fire makes us passionate. We feel with every fibre of our being; the good and the bad,” he glances down at Dew, who lets out a low growl and ducks his head, hiding behind his stringy blonde hair.

Alpha chuckles, “It’s not a bad thing, it’s just a thing. It’s how you choose to channel it that matters.”

Dew peeks up from behind his hair, “So…Ifrit was flirtatious and charming, and you–” he pauses, glancing away.

Alpha grunts, “Yeah, we don’t always make the best choices in how we manage it.”

The large ghoul pauses in his tracks, gently stopping Dew as the two come to a clearing in the trees. Dew looks ahead and his heart drops at the sight before him. What had looked like a meadow from back in the forest is actually a large expanse of blackened earth. Charred tree stumps litter the area and slight traces of smoke still linger in the damp air, filling Dew’s nose with the smell of ash and destruction.

Alpha looks around the clearing, “I wanted to show you this.”

Dew clutches Alpha’s arm, tears filling his eyes. He looks up at Alpha in disbelief. Why would Alpha want him to see this? This is exactly the reason why he’s held so bitterly onto the fact that he’s stuck with this fucking fire now, and he didnt even get the fucking choice.

“Why would you want me to see this? Am I a joke to you?” Dew spits through gritted teeth, “This is supposed to make me feel better? This is just more destruction, more hurt, more…more death,” He rips his hand out of Alpha’s grasp, “I thought you were supposed to tell me all about how fire isn’t bad. Well, guess what? You’re wrong,” Dew turns away and tries to run back through the trees.

Alpha stands firmly in his path and Dew growls, glaring through the tears in his eyes.

“Hey, woah now. Cool the jets for a fucking second and listen to me.” Alpha gently grabs Dew by the shoulders and turns him around to face the clearing.

“Let go of me! I’ve had enough of whatever this is,” Dew cries, wriggling around in Alpha’s grasp but the older ghoul’s hold is firm.

“Dewdrop. Just–stop. Stop trying to leave. There’s an actual reason why we’re here. Sit down and look at this.”

Alpha kneels next to a stump and shifts some ash away from the roots. He looks over his shoulder, beckoning Dew off the rock he’s been unceremoniously sat on. Dew grumbles and shuffles over, peering over Alpha’s shoulder. Sitting cupped in Alpha’s rough palm is a tiny seedling.

Dew pauses, his mouth dropping open, “How…? What…what is that?”

Alpha chuckles, sitting back on his haunches, “I was going to tell you this before your little hissy fit–oh c’mon, relax,” he rolls his eyes at the small ghoul’s growl, “Do you know what controlled burning is?”

Dew frowns, unsure of what he’s talking about. Alpha raises an eyebrow, looking back towards the seedling.

“These woods are full of Aspens. Unfortunately aspens are particularly susceptible to a nasty kind of parasite that spreads and can kill entire forests. This bug kills everything in its path. Mountain and the other earth ghouls brought me here to burn the infected trees in this area in order to keep the parasite from spreading to the rest of the forest.”

“The thing is, even though we did have to burn these diseased aspens, there are other trees that actually benefit from fire,” Alpha motions Dew closer and deposits the seedling into his palm, “This is a Lodgepole Pine. They’re magnificent trees, but their seeds only come out of dormancy and germinate when exposed to extreme heat. Now that this area has been cleared out, this seedling and the others around here like it will have room and access to sunlight in order to grow.”

Alpha moves to sit on the stump, watching the younger ghoul.

Dew looks at the seedling incredulously, “This…this is just one tree. Surely–”

“Ah–no, stop. Listen to what I’m saying. Do you know what the largest tree on earth is?”

Dew closes his mouth. Of course he knows. Mountain’s favorite organism, the great tree that the earth ghoul used to wax poetic about to him back when they worked closely together. When…he still had his water. Dew presses his lips into a thin line, “The…Giant Sequoia,” he says slowly.

Dew has never seen one, though he remembers when he used to wish that he and Mountain could maybe someday visit one together.

Alpha nods, “Yes. Giant Sequoias live for thousands of years. Their roots hold deep and they stand tall and strong through whatever gets thrown at them. Truly a symbol of strength and resilience. Do you know how they start life?”

Dew looks around the clearing, exhaling a breath, “With…fire.”

Alpha winks at him, “Correct.”

They sit in silence for a while, each ghoul deep in their own thoughts. After a bit, Alpha clears his throat.

“I–uh, I want to apologize for earlier. I didn’t know that ‘Droplet’ was a sore spot for you. I can understand why, though.”

Dew shrugs, looking down at his hands spiderwebbed in their golden scars, “It just…doesn’t feel like it fits anymore.”

Alpha shakes his head with a smirk, “Well, with this new found sass of yours, I think I’d have to agree, Spitfire.”

Dew smiles.

Spitfire. That feels right.

#tbr/tag later

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