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As the year ends, we wanted to take this time to thank our clients, friends, family and supporters of VOA. Here's a personal message from our seniors to show our gratitude and love. Cheers to the end of 2023!

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Trust In God

Never felt more miserable at this juncture. How wrong of me to intend control over my career and finances when it’s making me desire worst. Let me come back to you Father. You are supposedly my cheat code, so why am I living my life in hard mode without a direction. The lie of the enemy was that I was ‘doing it with You’ with a double mind.

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Community Counsel

Not just your back, I got you. - (Holy Spirit, 2022)

Driving down the dark muddy patches toward the dinner location, what the 3 of us thought was the highlight of our night. However, our not-so-little incident hijacked that highlight. The fact that we almost drove straight into a ditch, thanks to GMaps and presumably sustain deadly injuries. 

We could blame the heavy downpour and poorly-lit and constructed muddy roads probably a nightmare of a road for any driver. I believed with all my heart that big G protected us this time as I was so sure that from my POV, we should have already been carhead down. (sidenote: I realise that in my moment of panic, Singlish is my preferred language). Imagine me shouting at the top of my lungs ‘GOSTAN GOSTAN! STOP!’ (furthermore in malay) to @Sophora. No wonder she thought I was joking the first time I shouted (according to her I was smiling but hey I can’t rmb).

source: http://www.singlish.net/gostan/

Though by the time it was it was abit too late, my side was already at the edge. (I could easily earn myself an express ticket to see Jesus just by opening the door). LOL, not what I was anticipating. Imagine me giving an account, 'Yeah, we were on our way to eat some BBQ Seafood, didn’t know that it’s located at the Father’s house?’

Albeit, it was as clear as day to me where the ditch was, it was her blind spot, she could not see it like I could. A subtle wave of anger hit, not towards the driver but at myself. Though some would have said that it’s the driver’s fault for not being cautious, but honestly I felt that as passengers we too have the responsibility as blind-spotters. A series of “I could’ve and I should’ve” engulfed me and this time round for goodness sake.

Some passer-by I mean angels alighted from their motorbikes amidst the heavy downpour in that few moment. Some whipped out their phone and started taking videos, others warned, shouted, encouraged, directed us patiently. Even though I didn’t understand a single word that they were talking about, but their body cues shows that desperation to ensure that we got out safe.

As I felt the car jerked, and saw that we were onto safe ground, cheers and claps erupted from the crowd that had gathered. As dramatic as it was, Ah Pho and I were in a state of reverie at that point, though I snapped back quite rapidly cos I had a little moment with the HS. Ah Pho probably experienced it worse (even through dinner), who could blame her? I would have probably been the same once the realisation hit that my car could’ve been gone, we could have died or badly injured ourselves, etc.  

Honestly, beyond the panicking, what came to me was a revelation from my dear friend, HS—using that moment to share the importance of community counsel as a side passenger.  

First, us being the driver of our vehicle (body), make critical decisions in our life.

Second, as the side and backseat passengers, our spiritual counsels are there to be our blind-spotters, looking out for areas the drivers cannot see. 

Lastly, the celebrators/guides refer to the Holy Spirit. He warns, guides, assures, encourages, and celebrates with us. I could vividly hear Him in my heart repeating Himself to me through the past, present and every circumstance – don’t worry, follow me, listen to my voice and trust my instructions. I got your back, not just your back. I got you, my child.  

What a timely highlight indeed, for the past few months it felt like I had been compartmentalising my problems, emotions and numbing myself in preparation for my October ride. 

Don’t worry, follow me, listen to my voice and trust my instructions. I got your back, not just your back. I got you, my child.  - (Holy Spirit, Sept 2022)

His words were speaking in preparation for October and I am not mad that the highlight was hijacked; Even as I recount and write, I can’t stop my heart from swelling in awe and wonder, not because I am unscathed. 

But the reassuring fact that my Lord has always been there, he who goes before me, corrects my way,  leads me through still waters, reassures me in times of distress, encourages me when I feel discouraged, and looks out for me through spiritual counsels.

Where there is no guidance, a people falls,    but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. - Proverbs 11:14

P.S: IYKYK, ‘chhb, chhveng, sdam, banhchras’ gotta be memorising these by heart

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Do You Still Not Trust Me? ~ Holy Spirit

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“Your desire?”- (Holy Spirit, 2021)

Matthew 16:26-27

26 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? 27 For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works.

So carnal the flesh when it comes to accolades and achievements. But who wouldn't want to chase after what the world deems as success? So if it was you, my friend, what would be your option?

Achievements first, Serve later - grow myself and in 20 years time move to the missions field when the time calls (but who know when)

Serve now, Achieve later - do what God calls now and hope that God will help me to achieve something in life in the future (which would not be called success in the eyes of men)

Do whatever I want, be successful and bless the missions field with a part of my money.

In late December 2020, I chanced upon a job vacancy at my home church through a friend - calling for an intern role in corpcomms. Though I was on the lookout for jobs, an intern position was not on my list; I mean, after more than eight months of being an intern, why would I want to graduate from 1 internship to enter another?

If it were to be an executive role, I would probably consider, I thought to myself. Knowing that the chances of it would not be high.

Three weeks later, the same friend informed me that the organisation has decided to hire an executive instead of an intern, so she asked me to send my resume, which I did, half-hoping that I would not get through to the interview.

First, I was concerned about the clause of 'being a member of the church.’ Some would think that it isn't a problem, but if you are close enough to me, you would know how long and how much struggle I had about changing—though I may be a member for a little over 8 years, the idea of chaining yourself to a church which you have been wanting to escape from would be like a trap.

Second, the struggle of submitting myself to a massive pay cut, to the possibility of working overtime, travelling far, lack of proper mentorship, lack of career prospect and feeling that I would be under surveillance with people around me seems too much like a prison. HELLO? Who would be willing?

Two rounds of the interview went past, and I was more than sure that I do not want to be a part of them - though others who were praying for the door to open for me, in my heart, I was praying for the door not to be opened. What a sinful woman I am.

On the other hand, I was already continuing my job search in the corporate sector as my desire supersedes the call that He made. I was looking high and low for a way out to escape the call that He had put in my life.

The familiar nudging from a dear friend was persistent as I find it harder and harder to ignore. The attitude behind all those decisions that I have made thus far was reckless, nonchalant and ignorant. When finally the nudge was too heavy to ignore that I finally sat down and blabbered without taking time to listen to what He had to say.

“G, I don't want this low road, I want to succeed, I want to be rich, and I don't want my life to look so pitiful 15 years down the road. I want to be in the corporate field earning a high income, be in a high position and be more capable than many others. I like being in the corporate sector, and I enjoy what I am doing.”

Your desire? it took 2 words for Him to shut me up and a few moment of silence for me to realise what I'd done - I had grieved the Holy Spirit.

As scenes flashed before my eyes, scenes of me - scenes of Him meeting me on my bedroom floor as I grieved over Belle; scenes of me saying to God 'send me', that I will take up my cross, deny myself and follow after Him even if it meant to die in the mission field as a martyr. To the scene where I prayed with so much conviction in 2016 'God, I don't want to be like them to chase after what the world has to offer and whatever that in the eyes of others that may seem a success. I do not want my life to be like them chasing after the usual things.’, while waiting for the bus to come back to SG with my fellow friends in the SG-JB transit.

I want to chase after the things of your heart, of what You see as success. If following you means being abnormal in the eyes of others, then let me be abnormal. - (Ari, 2017)

What a bold and reckless prayer indeed. But all these prayers were made not because I was on an emotional high. It went through a painful thought process - reconciling the distance between my heart and my mind.

Just like the Israelites, I was the same as those who had built the golden calf. My golden calf is the wealth and success that the world can give; I had once again forgotten the goodness and how He had brought me through my red sea and protected me against the Egyptians of life.

I am sorry, Holy Spirit. I am sorry, Jesus. I'm sorry.

As I fell on my knees, struck with fear and awe and a new found conviction to run this amazing race.

It takes the Holy Spirit to kick my flesh back into place and remind me how small I am compared to His eternity, how He could easily give and take away whatever I stored up in my barn. He could give and take my success and glory if He wills it. Though such a wretch I am, yet He chose me to be a part of His grand plan that I can never comprehend. 

Isaiah 55:8-9

8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

 neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,  so are my ways higher than your ways  and my thoughts than your thoughts.

So then, how different is your idea of success compared to His ideas of success?

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Don't shut those eyes

Don't close them now

Don't turn away from the pain and anguish

Don't turn away from the people and the church

Stop running away

Hang on...

Your breakthrough is coming.

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“You are intelligent” 

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Identity

What happens when someone steals your role?

"Hello, you are dismissed, someone else will be taking over your role, but you can continue doing this part of it." Before I even start on the tone of the message or how its crafted in the first place. The fact that I could find many faults about it if I wanted to. But I chose not to because I know I was just a hurting soul. 

I threw my phone onto the bed and ignored it. My heart sank and boiled, with the recent 'evaluation' that was given by my manager. First a direct attack to my confidence, now an assault to my role? I felt unwanted once again, I had lost the role that made me felt acknowledged and validated and truth be told it hurt.

Why did the idea of someone taking away my role hurt?

When had I started putting my role as of utmost importance to the point that I felt a need to protect it? 

'Where are you placing your identity in?' a whisper resounded in the back of my head. 

Right after the voice, I felt an engulfing warmth that covered me. That did not stop me from feeling frustration and shame. The disappointment that I realised that I have fallen into the very same trap that I was so eager to get out from previously. It took me the whole of the night to think it through and surrender once again the role that I held so close. Till now, everything that I had held onto firmly in the past was like slipping sand. The more I tried to own it, the more it slips away. It was never mine to begin with; my life was more than just that silly useless role.  In the end, the one who stole my identity was no one, it was me that forgot my identity.

My life is for the Father. 

4 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5 he[b] predestined us for adoption to sonship[c] through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. --- Ephesians 1:4-6

Today, Lord I repent of my old ways and help me to look to you as I call you 'Abba Father'. Thank you for using such situations to remind me once again that I am called to be your daughter. My identity is only found in you and it is not found in any of these earthly things.

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Hope where art thou?

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To the 11th year with Big Daddy J   “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Mark 8:34 Being told that you will be walking on death row for following big J scares me witless. Till now I can't imagine to be held at gun point or get persecuted for being a Christian. Then again, if I am not facing spiritual-warring resistance had I not been too comfortable in being like the world? Every year the same old prayer to deny myself becomes more anxious yet assuring, because I know that He hears me and He will definitely answer such prayer. After all, christian life is about being conform to the image of Christ and Christ's life was suffering. And this year too, help conform me into Your Image.

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I Chose You

Coveting what the world has to offer seems so much more easier in many ways. I often ponder on how simple and happy life can be to not deal with Christianity.

And honestly...It would be.

Forget about the cliche ‘I would be in jail or do drugs if I didn’t know Jesus...’ some bs that is. The fact that in society you can recognise that though many but not much people do drugs or get jailed just because... There are many who had left and found their own form of demise or even ‘happiness’ and that simply proves that ‘happiness’ our of Christ is still possible.

Without having to deal with Christianity, the probable fact that I can spend my weekend on something else that can easily satisfy the flesh. The fact that I don’t have to spend time preparing roles for LG or think about how can I be a better person nor do I have to invest my heart, tears, time, teenhood and adulthood to help others to grow. I don’t have to feel pressured by seeing my peers being able to invest their energy in chasing their dreams while I don’t have that privilege to do that.

I would not have to bother standing up against values that are against the bible nor do I have to make enemies out of the people that I have once stood against just because I disagree with their way of doing things. 

I could choose to do whatever I want and 'get caught' or 'get away' with it. I most probably would made a career out of conning and deceiving the old and the young. 

WOW so much more easier already.

Then the next question is... Given another chance to choose again, would you still choose to give your life to Jesus? Yes. 

If I had not give my life, I know... I know that I would be purposeless, I like the version of myself when I am with Jesus. I don’t need anyone to validate my existence, my worth, my portion. I am so glad that He had validated me for who I am through his death. 

So why do I still covet after the old? ‘I chose you’

Again. 

His whispering invoked peace and assurance deep within. He chose me. He chose me to be His ambassador. He chose me to be His priest to be His mediator.

Had I been so blinded by my flesh again that I chose to demote this ministry to a me-nistry?

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And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?

Mark 8:34-36

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Thank you for doing this time and again... Sometimes I forget my reason and I began to flow like the world. Thank you for always bringing me to remembrance your life, your sacrifice, your heartbeat, your vision.

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I want to stop looking to you to remind me who I am. But I want that identity to be engraved in my heart and mind so that I can confidently cry out with the deep assurance that I don’t have to look to you to know who I am but I know who I already am in You.

Who You Say I Am - Hillsong Worship

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Listen

Belittle. Downplay. Devalue. Discredit. Underestimate.

“But today I’m just feeling suicidal”

It’s the same thing again... She won’t do it, she promised me before.

Opening the can of worms that I did not expect myself to. That made me realize how we humans tend to derogate the meaning behind the words of another person easily without much thought. We love ourselves so much that we put little emphasis on what others say and wants it to be all about us figuratively.

Not that it was about me, I had chose to move the attention that she needed forcibly onto something bigger cos I knew. I knew she was going through the same situation again and she needs to stop focusing on herself  and her fleshly desires and needs. 

Looking back, I found the many things that I lacked. As much as I cared, instead of gratifying her, I chose to direct her eyes onto something else which would show that life does not consist of whatever that is in front of her. 

Wrong move. On someone stubborn, prideful and suicidal. 

Instead of nodding my head and say “we will go through it together” and giving her the hug that she needed. I MISSED IT ALL. I MISSED OUT the signs that she gave JUST BECAUSE I chose to downplay her words taking her words lightly. 

Had I chose to LISTEN and take her words SERIOUSLY and LOVE her fiercely, would I still feel that guilt that haunts my very being?

I am sorry Belle. I L Y and I M Y. I will be a better friend, a better listener.