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squishamellow · 1 year

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Lasting Comfort

-Trigger Warning-

Mentions of: violence, verbal manipulation, abuse, implied/brief mentions of sa, and drug induced hallucinations.

꧁❤︎꧂

A shrill and painful scream pierced the silence of the night. A scream imbued with agony and terror. Astra sat up, looking around frantically, her throat now raw and dry. She prayed that the darkness surrounding her was from an absence of light in a bedroom, and not the dark recesses of her mind that she had once been trapped in.

No.

No, she was awake.

Her nightmare was over.

She was in her bedroom, on the ship she and Luca had purchased months ago. She was lying on her bed, with a pink, faux-fur comforter draped over her. She was okay. She was safe, even if she didn’t feel like it.

“My name is Astra Sinclair. I’m twenty-two years old and I am the princess of Riemphea. I survived my kidnapping and my captor, King Andrius of Luminyx, is dead. My name is Astra Sinclair. I’m twenty years old and I am the princess of Riemphea. I survived my kidnapping and my captor, King Andrius of Luminyx, is dead.”

She murmured the words over and over again, even as her voice broke down into inaudible whimpers.

Astra wanted nothing more than to call out to her mother and father, or to see her brothers and hear their voices. But she couldn't, because none of them were with her on the ship. Her first instinct, ever since she was a child, had always been to run to her family for comfort.

But she couldn’t do that anymore. Just one of the many sacrifices she was forced to make in order to free herself of the shackles that had come with her old, royal life. And though she had Luca, she didn’t want to be a bother to him. Astra loved him more than anything, and it was because she loved him that she didn’t want him to be burdened by the baggage she carried.

And besides, he was her guide on their galaxy exploring adventures. And as her guide, he needed sufficient rest. He didn’t need to stay up all night worrying about her.

Whimpers and pleas for her body to stop shaking left her mouth. By now her face was stained with tears and her nose was clogged, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Astra hugged her knees to her chest, slowly rocking forward and back to try and calm herself down.

The princess had suffered through nightmares like these before, but it seemed they had become much more frequent after her departure from Riemphea. She had tried everything she could to find a cure; experimenting with teas guaranteed to induce dreamless sleep in their consumers, meditating to calm the ever-increasing chaos in her spirit, and so on. But those solutions only seemed to work temporarily.

“Just go back to sleep. He can’t hurt you anymore. Just go back to sleep.” She murmured to herself, preparing to lie down and pull the comforter up to her chin. But just before her head met the pillow, she heard a gentle knock at her door.

“Astra?” Though his voice was being muffled by the metal of the door, she could still tell the Xelani boy sounded half asleep.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt? I heard you scream.”

Astra winced, realizing that she had woken him up with her scream. She must’ve been louder than she realized. “I-I’m-“ She sniffled, “I’m fine. I’m not hurt.”

Not physically, at least.

They both fell silent again, until Luca replied, gently and quietly. “Did you have that nightmare again?”

Astra’s eyes began to water again. The fact that he knew her so well was both a blessing and a curse. She thought she’d done well to conceal her recent worsening struggles with her post-traumatic stress. Yes, Astra had admitted to Luca in the past that she had trouble sleeping on some nights due to nightmares, but that was before things changed between them. Before she let him into her heart in the most intimate way. Before she had told herself not to burden him with her baggage and pain as not to ruin their newly romantic relationship.

The princess thought back to all the promises they had made to each other that night under the stars. How they swore to always be honest and to trust one another. Luca had not only become someone she fell for, but he was also one of her closest friends and confidants. He was someone that Astra knew would never betray her. He promised her he would always be there for her. And promises were not something Astra took lightly.

When Luca spoke again, Astra finally realized that she had unintentionally left him in silence. Naturally, the princess didn’t want to keep secrets from him, but she didn’t want him to worry either.

“Astra? If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay. I just want to make sure you’re alright.” The warmth in his tone left her ready to burst into tears again. He only wanted to help. He wanted to make sure she was okay.

Telling him wouldn’t be so bad, right?

Astra prided herself on being in touch with her emotions and her innermost thoughts. And deep down, she knew that she’d feel much more at peace if she had someone to talk to about her dreams. And Luca was one of the most trustworthy men in her life. So, after everything they’d been through, how could she push him away?

“I...” Her voice trembled. “Yes, Yes, I did. I had the same nightmare about Andrius, the serum he used, t-the day that I-“ She hardly finished her sentence before the growing lump in her throat forced her to stop speaking.

Luca didn’t need to hear the rest to understand what she meant. It wasn’t the first time she had had those nightmares during their time together, but this one seemed more potent than the last. And now that things had changed between them, he hoped that meant he was allowed to do more to help soothe her this time. At least more than making her hot chocolate at 2:00 a.m. and telling her terrible jokes to make her laugh. Though, she had assured him several times before that those late nights really had helped in the past.

“Can I come in? Please? “ Though his voice still carried promises of comfort and affection, there was something new in his tone. A desperation. Almost like he *needed* her to open the door, lest something worse than a bad dream were to harm her.

“I-I know we’ve always slept in different rooms, and I completely understand if you need privacy right now, but I really don’t want to leave you alone. I mean, you’re my girlfriend, Astra. It’d be pretty stupid of me to just leave you crying, right?”

Astra managed a chuckle through her tears. He always knew just what to say to make her smile, even in her lowest moments. “It would be.” She replied, wiping a tear away. “Okay, you can come in, but the door is locked. So give me a moment.” A habit she’d developed following that traumatic night

A shiver ran up her spine when her bare feet met the ground. The chill was only exacerbated by the thin material of her ankle-length nightgown. It was, admittedly, her fault for preferring to sleep with the air conditioning on. The Princess’s body was eternally warm, making it easy for her to get hot in her sleep.

Luca barely heard her footsteps as she approached, causing him to wonder if she had miraculously fallen back to sleep in a matter of seconds. It was unlikely, but stranger things had happened on their adventures together. Just as he was about to knock again to check, the door slid open to reveal the teary-eyed Astra. He felt his heart sink in his chest. The sight of her ready to break down crying at any second left him unprepared for the pain that it caused him.

“Astra... I’m so sorry.” He murmured, reaching out to cup her cheek and wipe another falling tear away. The princess had thought she was done crying, but apparently not. Her bottom lip quivered once more in response to his words and gentle caresses. She wanted to remain composed, but with a single touch, Luca had opened the floodgates again. And in a strange way, perhaps that was exactly what she needed at that moment.

“Luca-”

His name was all that the princess managed to say, rushed and spoken with a crack in her voice. The tears began to well up again, blurring her vision as a half-choked sob came out. Astra stepped forward, resting her head against his chest and wrapping her arms around his torso. In return, Luca’s arms wrapped themselves around her smaller frame, pulling her closer.

“Just let it out.” He murmured into her ivory curls. Astra whimpered quietly, soon breaking down further. A heart-wrenching sob made its way past her lips, resulting in his shirt being stained by the streams of liquid running down her cheeks. The longer Luca held her, the more she cried.

“I’m just so scared.” She sniffled. “I know he’s dead, but a part of me is terrified he’ll find a way back. He always does. And he’ll find another way to trap me and force me to do exactly what I did then. Luca, I don’t want to hurt anybody. Not again.”

Two years ago, she had watched Andrius’ life end from a stab wound. She had seen his blood seep through his clothing and stain the floors of his jail cell. She had watched the light leave the king’s eyes. And yet, even now, he haunted her dreams. His voice was clear as day in her nightmares. His touch felt almost too real to have only been a trick of the mind. The monster he once was, now ran rampant in her sleep, taking away the freedoms she had fought so hard for.

The fear she carried often felt like a looming presence in the back of her mind. Astra sometimes believed that it was saving its strength during the day so it could crawl out of the darkest and most twisted parts of her mind at night to terrorize her with horrid visions and sensations. There were some nights she swore she could feel the handle of the mallet in her hand and hear the sound of cracking ribs, clear as crystal.

One of Luca’s arms reached down and tucked itself under her knees, while the other held her back, scooping her up bridal style. He remained silent as he carried her toward her bed. And once he sat himself on the edge of her mattress, he simply held her in his lap, allowing Astra the time to process all that she was feeling. His arms wrapped themselves around her, holding her closer. He pressed a kiss to her temple, light as a feather, before nuzzling his nose against her cheek. Both gestures were silent pleas for her to turn his way.

Astra sobbed into her hands, her shoulders shaking now too as he held her.

“Just breathe, Astra. You’re safe now. No one is going to harm you. And I know you’re not going to hurt anyone either.” He whispered, struggling to remain cool and collected with her in this state. Luca hoped that his words weren’t coming across as empty or rehearsed. But really, what could he say that would change her mood? He couldn’t say he knew what she was going through.

Being forced to torture someone by your psychotic ex wasn’t exactly a common occurrence. All he wanted was for her to know that she truly had nothing to fear now. Andrius couldn’t hurt her, and he would never hurt another soul again. Her freedom would never be taken away again. She was safe. Just as she always was, now that Andrius was gone.

Astra finally opened herself to him again, wrapping her arms around him once more and burying her face in the space between his neck and shoulder. She was a mess of tears and snot, but that part didn’t phase him. He’d seen Astra cry plenty of times. Hell, she cried the first day they met after he told her about his life before he had run away from home. Normally, he’d hand her a tissue and give her a side hug to help her calm down. But the problem was, this wasn’t just any normal crying session for Astra. This time her tears were born of pain and misery, a reminder of something he knew she desperately wanted to forget.

Luca had never felt so useless before. He wished he could make it stop. He wanted to see her happy again, with a grin that reached her eyes. He wished to hear the melodious sound of her laughter again. Alas, making her happy wasn’t something easily achieved in a moment such as this. So he continued to hold her, allowing her to expel all of the emotions that she had kept locked up for so long.

He cradled her head in his hand. The fabric of his shirt became further soaked, but he didn’t mind. He would never mind with her. With his other hand on her back, rubbing circles, he whispered sweet nothings to her, promising to show her more beautiful sights in hopes of soothing her. Eventually she went quiet again, with nothing more than a few hiccups and sniffles escaping her.

Luca reached over to her nightstand, pulling out a few tissues from the bedazzled box Astra kept them in. He offered them to her with a kiss to the top of her head.

“It’s been two years since the incident.” She murmured, taking the tissue from him with gentle movements. “Shouldn’t I have moved on by now? Shouldn’t I have forgotten about him and found peace?” Astra wasn’t sure if she was genuinely asking her lover or simply thinking out loud.

She could still remember the day it all happened. How she had no choice but to watch in anguish as her body moved against her will, striking the bones of the boy she once called her best friend. She could still hear his pained cries and still feel the cold and clammy palm of her unwanted suitor caressing her chestnut-toned skin. She could easily recall the way Andrius had dressed her in a ridiculous ensamble that left her feeling exposed and objectified. And how could she forget the way he whispered in her ear, sickening and sweet, instructing her to strike Viktor over and over.

For one terrible, painful day, Astra had become subservient to the man she loathed. The serum he used turned her own mind into a prison, allowing Andrius to have full control over her actions. In a sense, he had become her puppet master, and she, the marionette, leaving her with no choice but to carry out his bidding.

And if she concentrated hard enough during her sleepless nights, she could still remember the way her cheek ached when he struck her across the face. Astra had, at one point, been bold enough to spit in his face to spite him for kidnapping her. And for that, Andrius was quick to "discipline" her. Along with a harsh slap to the face, he had also berated her for being so disobedient, letting her know that if she were to be his queen, he would not tolerate such insolence.

Andrius never loved her. He merely wanted to possess her. He wanted to keep her locked inside a glass box, like some priceless artifact. His idea of love was simply obsession. And until his very last breath, he refused to learn the difference.

And yet, after all that, she still managed to find a modicum of empathy for him. His childhood had been vastly different from her own. The king had become nothing more than a shell of a little boy who clung to hatred and spite to survive. He had been broken, twisted by the mistakes others had made. He had been led to believe that he was worthless and unlovable, which had been one of the major reasons why he had become so fixated on Astra. Of course, his past didn’t excuse what he did to her, but it helped her understand how he had become so corrupted.

“Everyone heals from pain at different rates. Some recover quickly, and others need a little more time. But that doesn’t make you any less strong.” Luca spoke quietly, as if he believed he might wake the stars themselves by raising his voice. He began stroking her hair in an attempt to help her relax. He couldn’t risk her getting sick with all the crying she had been doing.

“I just wish I could stop feeling like this.” She whispered, leaning in to rest her cheek against his chest. “There are nights where I feel so paranoid, too scared to sleep because I worry that when I wake up, I’ll be trapped in that same dollhouse he called a bedroom. And no one would come for me the way they did last time. And that no matter what I tried, I would be subdued, forced to do his bidding for eternity.”

She shut her eyes, listening to the sound of his steadily beating heart. The sound had always been soothing to her, and she’d known that ever since the first time they hugged. “I’ve moved on from the pain he caused me while we were engaged, but seeing what he made me do to someone I cared about, what I could be capable of...I don’t know if I will ever forget. Luca, I could hurt you. The same way I did to Viktor and to all of those guards when I was enraged. I-“ She paused, forcing herself to take deep breaths to prevent another breakdown.

Her brother had once told her that what makes a ghost truly scary is that they aren’t tangible. They inspire fear that can’t be cured by turning on a light or climbing down from a high place. And, more recently, Astra had come to believe that memories, like ghosts, can haunt a person until their death.

“Do you wanna try talking about it? The nightmare, I mean.”

”Maybe.” Astra paused to blow her nose again before tossing the tissue in the nearby waste basket. “I suppose I should start from the beginning.” She used the other tissue to wipe her face. “The dream started off the way it normally does, with Andrius standing behind me and grasping my shoulders. He forces me to look at myself in a mirror before promising to remake me into something perfect. Fit to be a queen in his image.”

Luca said nothing, but the expression on his face was more than enough to convey the sympathy he felt for Astra, and the disgust he had grown to develop toward the deceased Andrius.

“He jabs me with the serum, and I wake up looking exactly like a puppet. A doll with strings, made to be controlled by him. And then the torture started...I was given the mallet, pushed forward by Andrius, and forced to swing.” She shut her eyes, trying to block out the images her dream had left her with. “But the thing is, I wasn’t breaking Viktor’s bones...in this nightmare... I was hurting you.”

Luca looked down at her with wide eyes. Is that why she screamed when she awoke? Why she looked so distraught now?

“Astra...”

“It was horrible, Luca.” Her bottom lip began to quiver once more. “Seeing you in pain, knowing I couldn’t do anything to stop it-“ Astra struggled to keep her voice from wavering and to hold herself together. “I had no choice but to watch myself torture you. I heard your bones break, your cries of agony as you begged me to stop. But I couldn’t... I wouldn’t. Not while he was pulling the strings.”

Luca took her hands into his own, pressing soft kisses to the backs of them, as well as her palms. “Astra, I’m so sorry, Honestly. But trust me when I say, you would never try to hurt me. I know you. And what Andrius did, what you were *forced* to do, it’s never going to happen again. I swear. He’s long gone. You told me yourself that your family struck a deal with his people to make sure those serums wouldn’t be produced or sold by their planet anymore. So nobody else will ever have to go through what you went through.”

He pulled her into another hug, resting his chin atop her head. “I can’t imagine how scary that was for you. But please don’t let yourself be consumed by guilt and pain. Don’t forget where you are now, how far you’ve come. You survived. You broke free. You won.”

He pulled away slightly, his nose nuzzling hers gently. “And like I’ve told you countless times, I’m here for you. Always. So please, don’t hesitate to come to me if you ever have another bad dream, okay?”

They fell silent again. Nothing more needed to be said, not when his arms were wrapped around her and her head was laid against his chest. As she sank into the warmth of Luca’s body, Astra could feel her fear starting to slip away.

”Thank you.” She whispered, looking at him with an abundance of affection in her eyes. “Everything you said...it means more than you know. And being in your arms certainly helps.” She chuckled softly.

“You really are amazing, Luca.” With a soft smile, Astra reached up to cup one side of his face, bringing him closer to her. At first, he looked at her with a raised brow, wondering what she was planning. But he quickly received his answer when her lips met his cheek in a gentle kiss. She then wrapped her arms around him again to hide her reddening cheeks.

In his mind, Luca had responded with something smooth and suave, but in reality, what had come out was nothing more than a few stammers and a half-choked, “You’re welcome,” before he hugged her in return.

Instinctively, they both tightened their holds on one another, secretly afraid to let go. Astra quietly inhaled his comforting scent, finding solace in his arms. Her fingers wove themselves into his dark brown curls, now loose from the usual low ponytail he kept them in. Astra had told him a hundred times before, but he really did look good with his hair down.

Her thoughts drifted, wondering what the rest of their night would look like. Now that she was calm, would he go back to his room? Would she have to put on a brave face and try to fall back to sleep alone? If she was being honest, she really didn’t want him to leave, and she certainly wasn’t feeling brave enough to sleep by herself again.

Well, maybe I don’t have to.

Astra drew back from their hug to look him in the eyes.

”Luca,” she could already feel her cheeks getting warm. “Will you stay with me tonight?” Her sapphire eyes seemed to shine even after all the tears she had shed, reminding Luca of the stars he had always adored.

As his thumb brushed her cheek, there was a stark contrast between her smooth, mocha skin and his calloused, almond-toned hands. Despite his main skill being map making, his palms were rough from years of exploring all the universe had to offer, trekking through forests, mountains, and deserts; it was simply a testament to the dedication he had to his desire to chase his ambitions. And right now, his only ambition was to make sure Astra had a good night’s rest.

“Of course I will.” He whispered in reply, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead. The gesture of affection caused a blush to rise in both their faces again.

With gentle hands, he pulled the princess’ comforter back over her as she lied down. Luca then settled in next to her, opening his arms as an offer for her to curl up into him if she wished. Astra readily accepted the offer, eager to hear the comforting sound of his steadily beating heart once more.

”I love you.” She whispered, her thumb caressing his ribs. A faint smirk appeared on her lips when she heard his heartbeat quicken at her words. But of course, Luca found his revenge, even if he hadn’t meant to, by making her feel flustered with a single kiss on her nose.

“I love you too, stardust.” Even now, saying the words felt so new to him, but so right when he said them to her. They fell into another comfortable silence, soaking in each other’s presence with quiet sighs and caresses. The princess may not have had her family with her anymore, but she knew for sure that Luca was her home away from home.

How she managed to get so lucky, she’d never know, but Astra was certain that she would never take him for granted. Especially on nights like these.

“Thank you, my love.” The words came out soft and slurred, signaling to Luca that she was on the verge of sleep again.

“I feel safe when I’m with you.”

With those last few words, Astra had Luca smiling bashfully, even after they had both fallen into a peaceful slumber.

*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*

A/N

Hey y’all, I’m Belle (aka Ronnie on my main blog). :)

Just wanted to let you guys know that Astra is oc belongs to me and Luca is an oc that belongs to my wonderful online friend Soph! Unfortunately she doesn’t have a tumblr so I can’t tag her lol, but she gave me permission to use her oc for this story!

We created a ship between our oc’s last year and I figured it’d be fun to post a lil something I had written about them a while ago. Writing is a little past time hobby of mine, but I’ve always kept my fics private. But now that I have tumblr, I thought it might be fun to share. Hope you guys enjoyed the read!♥︎

#writers on tumblr #writerscorner #original story #original character #writing #writerscommunity

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