spagster

[spagster]

[spagster]

I am tired of life; the drama of the egregious nature of working to make someone richer by placing myself in an endless cycle of debt and the death of my creative ambitions.

The loneliness of the unwanted, unloved, gregarious illusion of meeting a soul similar to mine who doesn't hurt me which is a fallacy and a contract in which I will never enter into again.

A life of meaningless, meandering, inconsolable, moments of which should never had happened.

Tonight it ends. I sleep the tortured hours away and kiss the earth for eternity.

[spagster]

I know you were never real. Just a fantasy that I had made up in my mind. I spent so long hoping that you were not too good to be true until you showed your real face. All the masks dropped and I was left with an emptiness I had never felt before and I will not allow to happen again.

The constant control and manipulations, the obvious constant "soulmates" posts on social media were made for me to believe in this cult of codependency.

A soulmate, a twin flame, does not emotionally withdraw, they do not fracture what you said could not be broken, they do not cheat, lie and betray their other half.

Ten years of barely any struggle and then it all started like a running up a snow covered mountain.

Then out of the worst period of my life, the one that called me a soulmate not so long ago became a stranger I used to know and disappeared.

Do not fall for these narcissists. This is how they act and they always give warnings, always show the red flags. When you receive that message make sure you heed it and run

Run as fast as you can because the eventual fallout is worse than any other emotional pain you will ever feel.

[spagster]

The dusting of snow, the metallic and combustible joy of that frame as it takes me on little adventures around towns, cities and motorways, now looks forlorn and as unhappy as the way my soul feels.

Emptiness. A flabby, ageing body holding what some believe is the soul of who you are. If that is true, then let the snow settle on me in my post-narcissistic world. To have loved a narcissist that was so intent on burying me in the ground is my greatest failing but out of it comes death and destruction.

When something dies, it is reborn. Nature shows the path to enlightenment; with every wildfire and trees fallen and burnt to ash there are little green shoots of hope.

This is what I need to find.

[spagster]

Sometimes you need to look back at your life, see the years spent with someone who has now vanished from your life, as something to learn from and not to diminish them with anger.