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sazed!!!!!!!!!!

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Sazed: Okay, was anybody going to tell me I'm the hero of ages,

Sazed: or was I just supposed to find it out all on my own few seconds before the world nearly ended

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“Belief isn't simply a thing for fair times and bright days…What is belief - what is faith - if you don't continue in it after failure?…Anyone can believe in someone, or something that always succeeds…But failure…ah, now, that is hard to believe in, certainly and truly. Difficult enough to have value. Sometimes we just have to wait long enough…then we find out why exactly it was that we kept believing…There's always another secret.”

Brandon Sanderson, The Final Empire

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"Do you know why I love you, Sazed?" she asked quietly.

"I cannot fathom," he answered honestly.

"Because you never give in," she said. "Other men are strong like bricks - firm, unyielding, but if you pound on them long enough, they crack. You... you're strong like the wind. Always there, so willing to bend, but never apologetic for the times when you must be firm. I don't think any of your friends understand what a power they had in you."

The Well of Ascension - Brandon Sanderson

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Your purpose in life is not to love yourself but to love being yourself.

If you goal is to love yourself, then your focus is directed inward toward yourself, and you end up constantly watching yourself from the outside, disconnected, trying to summon the “correct” feelings towards yourself or fashion yourself into something you can approve of.

If your goal is to love being yourself, then your focus is directed outward towards life, on living and making decisions based on what brings you pleasure and fulfillment.

Be the subject, not the object. It doesn’t matter what you think of yourself. You are experiencing life. Life is not experiencing you.

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ive been going to the gym once or twice a week recently and i really like it.

i dont need (and want) to lose any weight, but i really only just go so that i can spend energy physically, to just get out of my head for sometime.

all of my energy usually goes towards healing my mental health, breaking patterns and recovering from my trauma; and going to the gym really helps with just, giving myself a rest mentally.

and well. the muscle definition is a nice bonus.

anyways. physical activity really is able to be an important step in recovery from a mental illness. i know kt sounds cliche but it really is.

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The journey I'm taking is inside me. Just like blood travels down veins, what I'm seeing is my inner self and what seems threatening is just the echo of the fear in my heart.

Haruki Murakami, from Kafka on the Shore, translated from the Japanese by Philip Gabriel

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Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

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sometimes you break a cycle by choosing yourself

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the things i let others see vs what is actually inside my head and body, often is completely different.

yet.. no one notices.

its safer.. im in control.. people see what i want them to see.

but. sometimes.. i wish they would see the real me..

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Recognizing Abuse Masterlist

Signs that you’re living in abuse:

Behavioral patterns of living in abuse

Was I abused? Checklist

Not knowing you are a victim

Signs your family is abusive

Making excuses for your abusive parents

Experience of living in secrecy

What they taught you was abuse

Emotional experiences of living in abuse

Shame and guilt: how abused children feel

What makes parents abusers (actions)

Have I been manipulated into believing abuse was my fault? Checklist

Am I being held hostage by abusers? Checklist

You are not allowed to mention the past

Why you still love abusive parents

Parental behaviour that isn’t normal

Shit parents aren’t supposed to say to you

Experience of “not belonging anywhere”

Red flags for abusive parents

Healthy vs Abusive Chores

Was my childhood abusive or just had some bad parts?

Rules always change (unpredictable environment is abusive)

Breakdown of abusive parent’s behaviour:

“This is my house” rule

Start living in the real life!

Why all the children aren’t abused equally in an abusive home

Common abuser hypocrisies

Do your parents want you to be happy or look happy?

Why do they try to convince you that you’re worthless

Why do they pretend you’re a burden? Controlling behaviour

Why your abusers are not good people

Abusive parents are keeping you in false hope they’ll change

Are your parents preventing you from succeeding?

Abusive parents pretending “it wasn’t that bad”

Double Bind (why every choice you make ends wrong)

Incorporating trauma in raising children

Abusers will not allow you to call them out on abuse

Signs your parents are narcissistic:

Stuff delusional narcissists say

Shit narcissistis parents say

Recognizing emotional immaturity of narcissistic parents

Examples of narcissistic behaviours

Being punished for growing up by narcissistic parents

What children of narcissists go thru

Signs you’ve been thru sexual abuse:

CSA (Childhood Sexual Abuse) Symptoms

Signs you might have endured CSA

Was I sexually abused by adults as a child? Checklist

Signs of abusive friendship/relationship:

How to tell if a friend is not a friend

Am I in an abusive relationship/friendship? Checklist

Manufacturing insecurities

Red flags for abusers

Have I been thru social abuse? Checklist

You can recognize abusers by how they make you feel

How abusive childhood teaches you to stay in abusive relationships

Recognizing abusive friendship

Signs you’re struggling with trauma

Trauma processing information

Experiences of traumatized children

Signs you’re recovering from long term abuse

Things abuse survivors think/say

Thoughts of victims of child abuse

Your brain on trauma

How long term childhood abuse develops into complex trauma (comic)

Ups and downs of trauma

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Reminder:

It's a bad day, not a bad life.

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“It’s not always about doing what you want, it’s about doing what you need.”

My therapist told me this a week ago, and suddenly I’ve been going for a walk, making food, taking showers and going grocery shopping. Not that it has been easy at all. But it’s something that I feel like I need to do, to be a better me.

And I gotta say this, my nights hasn’t been as depressed as when I used my days staring into the wall thinking about life.

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I believe in you. You're going to get through this, and you're going to be okay. You're strong enough, and you're worth it.

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im opening up more but im so scared to get hurt

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i have a boyfriend i have a boyfriend i have a boyfriend aaaaah

hes so fucking cute and caring and good at everything and hhhhh i love him so so much

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i cant stop smiling like an idiot