sophxxe

[sophxxe]

Hey,

I hope you’re doing good and all that; I actually just wanna get something off my chest really quick

I love you man, I fucking love you

I know I never said it out loud but this is how I feel about you. Every time we see each other my mood jus changes for the better, you just felt right to me. I know you don’t feel the same but idc I can’t keep this to myself any longer and I hope that it’s not ruining this “friendship” or whatever we got because you would take all my happiness out of my life if you’d left.

[sophxxe]

Such wounds to the heart will probably never heal. But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever.

— Haruki Murakami

[sophxxe]

I hate that feeling when you see something and your heart literally sinks, but you have to sit there and pretend you don’t care.

[sophxxe]

I still miss you, it’s been months since we last talked but I can’t seem to forget you.

I thought I was done with you, done with everything that had something to do with you; but I’m not.

Every fucking time it hunts me down, thoughts of you, memories of everything we had I’d do everything to get you back, to get back my happiness and my trust but that won’t happen

I know you moved on but HOW COULD YOU FORGET??

All the things we did? Everything we had?

Please tell me how u could just erase me? Throw everything away I’ve given you? All the paintings? Everything you had from me? How can someone just throw everything away? Just as if it was trash?

I still remember everything; how we laid in my bed and talked, how we talked from 1am to 4am, how we watched tv and I was laying in your arms, when you went out when I had a bad time, how we kissed the first time, how we kissed in the rain, how we kissed in my garden; it was windy and the world just stopped when we kissed, how you touched my arm, how you hugged me, the way you looked at me with your beautiful eyes, the way you smiled, the face masks we did, when we kissed and I didn’t want to let you go, when you picked me up, when we walked in the rain, when you picked me up from work, when you picked me up from school and brought me an ice, when we went to ikea together just to get hotdogs, when you stole me a rose and when we kissed in that alley in the rain.

When we kissed my whole world stopped, you were everything for me, I don’t know what you had but I just fell for it, for your beautiful smile and for those eyes. I just can’t belive that Someone who’s that beautiful inside and outside could hurt me like this.

How could you?

I still fucking love you even though you broke me and I wish I would get you back.

But I know I won’t and that’s the thing that’s crushing me

[sophxxe]

you’re not too sensitive. you’re not overreacting. if it hurts you, it hurts you

[sophxxe]

“Every time I think of you I question why I was blessed with someone so perfect.”

- I don’t deserve you.

[sophxxe]

🎃✨✨⚡️This is a weight loss demon she only comes out once a year for halloween reblog to reach your goal weight by halloween⚡️✨✨🎃

(she takes and eats all of the candy little kids get trick or treating 👹)

[sophxxe]

Pt.1

[sophxxe]

Fast replies make me feel like you actually want to talk to me. But slow replies make me think you’re talking to someone better.

[sophxxe]

[sophxxe]

“I wanted to say something: “I’m sorry,” or perhaps “fuck you.” I wanted to say, “I let you in and you abused that position of trust.” But no no no. I wanted to say, “kiss me please please, we can forget everything.” Or maybe, maybe I just wanted to say, “I forgive you. You’re not sorry but I still forgive you.”

— S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #262 

[sophxxe]

Dating a highly sensitive person (aka me)

1. Don’t pressure/rush me into things

I like to think things over before I start them. I picture every possible scenario before comitting to something. Which is why it takes a really long time for me to feel close to somebody. I wade myself in carefully. If I start to feel comfortable around you to show you how I really am, then this is a huge step.

2. I need my space and my alone time.

I can only recharge my energy when I am alone. So please respect that and please don’t take it personally. It’s not that I am not enjoying my time with you. I am enjoying my time alone as well. And I need to be alone sometimes because having to deal with people and my job is mentally exhausting and really drains me.

3. Conflicts kill me.

Fighting is normal in a relationship and I don’t expect you to pretend that everything is fine. But conflicts overstimulate my already very sensitive self. And adding my depression into this mix makes everything worse. I get really uncomfortable and nauseaus while fighting up to the point when I can’t go on anymore. There have been occassions in my life and past relationships where a fight led me to attempt suicide. Just because all these emotions got unbearable.

4. No overstimulating activities and environments.

Yes, I go to birthday parties and weddings etc. to catch up with friends or be supportive. I catch up with my closest friends every tuesday at a bar where there is in fact loud music and a lot of people. But I tend to leave early, when I am getting drained. I am not able to enjoy these environments for a long time. So if you wanna take me somewhere, take me somewhere peaceful and quiet. A walk suffices.

5. Ask me frequently how I am.

Because I won’t go up to you and tell you that I am not good. You gotta ask me frequently. It’s not annoying. It gives me the impression that you really care about me. And yes, it will happen occasionally (or more often) that I am going to lie to you and say that I am fine and that everything is alright. When in truth it isn’t. But that’s my cup of tea to deal with. I appreciate your question and interest in me but I don’t wanna bother you with my suffering and I will deal with it on my own.

[sophxxe]

“Sometimes I think we met at the wrong time, but is life ever this simple? If I met you tomorrow, if I ran into you these days, I honestly would be at a loss for words. “I miss you” wouldn’t be enough, “I shouldn’t have let you leave” would be too much, close enough to the truth but still half a lie. What exactly do you say to someone you haven’t reached out to in three years because you were scared? Because that feeling of vertigo hit you square in the chest whenever you let yourself think about what could have happened, what would have happened if you hadn’t said goodbye, if you’d only held on a little longer. How can someone be as familiar as your own shadow, yet as strange as a blurred face in the crowd you see in passing? What would you say if I told you that if I could change one thing in the world it’d be this: swallow my pride and ask you to stay. But is it what you’d want to hear? If I was strong enough to pluck up the courage to say it, would you care? Would you even listen?”

— stay stay stay / n.j. (via theprocast)

[sophxxe]

I think I realised how bad it was getting when instead of counting sheep, my mind started writing suicide letters to the people I loved. Spending two, three, four hours asking for forgiveness for something I hadn’t done yet.

― 3 am J

[sophxxe]

for the one who thinks she’ll never get over him. for the one who checks her phone hundreds of times again to see if he texted back, only to find a blank home screen. for the one who cries herself to sleep because he’s ignoring her once again. for the one who feels her soul fall to the floor when he posts about a new girl. for the one who thinks she’ll never find love again. for the one who knows she has no chance but still gives her heart away. you are stronger and braver than you realize. take all that love and plant it within yourself. love yourself and the beautiful world around you even as it crumbles beneath you. you deserve a love that reaches out to you too. you deserve a whole world full of it. stop wasting your time, please pick yourself up and move forward.

note to 16 year old me

[sophxxe]

If you loose someone to suicide

When you lose someone to suicide

You have so much pain inside

You can't even explain it to someone who hasn’t expirienced the same pain

They'd never understand how much pain you've been going through

It's beyond their imagination

They would never understand the feeling of losing someone when you might have had the opportunity to save them

you know that you might could have saved them and you still couldn't

You'll have to live with the fact that the person didn't wanted to live anymore

Some people would say they didn't appreciate the gift they were made

But in reality

Other humans have made them feel so numb, so worthless that they couldn't see the good things in life

Other people made them do it

Whether it was just the joke or the punch from dad to get some respect

Or the funny joke someone in class made

It will still hurt them and bother them forever

Until one day they give up and pass their pain to you

When you receive the call or message "he/she killed himself/herself"

First you're going to think it's a joke

But then you're slowly remembering all the signs you've ignored

Then you'll realize that you are going to spend your whole life

Regretting that you didnt help and trying to get over it

FUCK

I MISS YOU

[sophxxe]

Stranger

I wish I could get all of my secrets back from you

All the things I told you, all my late night confessions I regrett telling you all the things that have hurt me

You gave me the hope of finding someone who loves and appreciates me, someone who cares about me and someone who is gentle with me

I wish you didn’t saw me as a second option but you did

I wish i could erase our conversation but I can’t

And now you are a stranger with all my secrets