sonnydaysahead

[sonnydaysahead]

lakeside

Patron reward for the fantastic Fiyerose. <3 what a relaxing theme this was!

[sonnydaysahead]

[sonnydaysahead]

Temple of Antinous

[sonnydaysahead]

that’s badass.

[sonnydaysahead]

Grand Retreat 🏰

[sonnydaysahead]

(via)

[sonnydaysahead]

[sonnydaysahead]

[sonnydaysahead]

The thing is

The memories fade

The pictures don't do justice

And your voice now sounds so distant

So far gone

Yet the hurt burns on

Like a fire feeds on air

Spreading slowly and consuming

The thing is

It didn't feel real

I thought you were coming back

And I still feel like I'm waiting

[sonnydaysahead]

Some golden hour makeup coming your way ☀️✨

[sonnydaysahead]

Tried to take an ADHD test online... got distracted... never finished ADHD test........ that’s probably an indicator of ADHD

[sonnydaysahead]

[sonnydaysahead]

Do you ever look at old pictures from yourself, not necessarily from years ago, but maybe even months ago, and miss the way you felt? I remember when I took this picture. I remember that smile, and I remember that it was true happy. So many things have happened this year, and sometimes I wish I could go back and protect this version of me, and hold onto that light a little bit longer.

[sonnydaysahead]

During the early stages of quarantine lockdown, back in April or May of 2020, this spot was a beacon of hope for me. 

On this little beach on the Mississippi River, tucked under a HUGE cable bridge in the city, I parked my car one day. And after being by myself for so long, locked up in my apartment, I started to happy cry. There were families, couples, and other random individuals like myself - all tired of being shut up inside - that had parked their cars too, and were soaking up this beautiful sight, just like me. Children and their parents played down by the water and climbed across the rocks, couples brought fishing rods, picnic dinners, or lawn chairs, and some sat in their car with their windows down and just watched it all (like me). 

After cleaning up the happy tears that had soaked my face, I opened up my sunroof in my 2007 Volvo s60 and climbed on top (a favorite place for me when I would go for drives and find somewhere to park). After not being able to see people, I was seeing all these separate lives, and how they were trying to make the best of a situation. In the middle of the mess, they realized that they had all they needed. They had each other. And they had nature. And they had a bright, beaming sun over a calm but strong river. I could tell that being here (socially distanced from other families/couples/individuals, of course) brought them just as much hope as it brought my lonely twenty-something-year-old self. 

I have never been the type to be able to just stay in my cozy little apartment by myself. I tried writing, drawing, painting, watching Netflix shows... but just knowing that I was stuck there in my apartment, not being able to work, go downtown with the people I love, or even shopping (which I DESPISE) made it impossible for me to want to do anything. All I could think about was how to get out.

My car has always been a safe haven for me. Any time I ever felt stressed, sad, worried, or bored, I would go for drives. I would drive until I found a good spot to just park, listen to my music, and breathe - just exist, because sometimes that’s all you can do. I learned how important merely existing truly was throughout this year, especially with the quarantine lockdown.

[sonnydaysahead]

Icarus

Run to the edge of the cliff But stop when your toes hit the end Reach your arms out over the canyon What would it be like to dive in?

Maybe you’d be carried down By a waterfall or dove Maybe someone’s there to catch you But would it ever be enough?

If you had two cups to choose from You’d drink both with a thoughtless smile You pick your poison willingly Lungs burning, you run another mile

Your wings are torn and tattered But you turn a blind eye to your fate You’re waiting for someone to come save you Because you can’t carry your own weight

Your soul runs low on fuel You’ve already dug your own grave You’re burning at both ends again But were you ever theirs to save?

[sonnydaysahead]

[sonnydaysahead]

hues of blue when i think of you