softheartedsadist

[softheartedsadist]

Family Hijinks

My little brother lost a bet and had to shave his legs. He came up to me to show me like "man, my shower took so long, like an hour, because I had to shave my legs." He had missed spots, had nicked himself once, but did the whole leg up to the thigh.

Ah the memories that evoked. Things I hadn't really thought about since they occured.

I just remember in my teen years, the men in the family always being like, "why are your showers so long!? You use up all the hot water with these 45 min showers of yours!!"

So I stopped shaving my legs. While shaving my legs, I could do nothing but necessary hygiene processes and my shower would still take at least 30 mins. After giving up shaving, I can spend 5-10 mins just enjoying the heat and water pressure and still be finished with my shower in 15-20 mins. Shaving added so much time and so little pleasure.

Then it became, "you don't shave, how do you expect to get a boyfriend?"

I guess I don't.

If taking a long shower so I can shave is a problem, and taking a short shower and not shaving is a problem... then I choose to continue on the route that doesn't dry out the skin on my legs. Enjoy my hairy legs, because why bother? Why waste money on razors? Why care when I'll get scolded either way?

And that is when I decided being a lesbian sounded better than being straight. Another woman would at least understand what it costs to 'doll up'.

[softheartedsadist]

OMFG... I was out shopping with my little brother one time and this lady came up and was like "I love your perfume, where'd you get it?"

And I was totally flabbergasted, like "I'm... uh... not wearing any scents but Old Spice cedarwood deodorant, ma'am." No way was she close enough to be smelling that.

So I look at my brother and he's like "oh, yeah, that's my cologne...." went off talking about what it's called and where he got it.... And this lady looks at her boyfriend like 'you could wear that aftershave, hon....'

Girl, wear a scent if you like it. Who cares how it's gendered, cuz we all naturally stink some shade of old cheese... find a smell you think suits your natural scent and life will be better than always trying to entirely cover it up.

[softheartedsadist]

College Shenanigans

I have binge-watched sooooooooo many shows while doing my homework assignments. It sounds like a bad idea, but I'm in Apparel Design & Production, so my homework includes hours and hours and days of sewing. Literal days, and I'm autistic, so you know I MEAN literal. I added it up for this skirt I was working on, it was around 45 hours of hand sewing lace on this one skirt. WTF am I doing with my life!!!

So my list of shows that I have caught up on this semester is as follows:

~Star Wars -Bad Batch -Rebels -Ahsoka -Mandalorian -Boba Fett -Obiwan Kenobi -Tales of the Jedi -Some of Resistance (killed my spirit enough that I had to take a break from Star Wars... just NO on Resistance, I refuse to finish it, so when I go back to Star Wars I'm watching a different one) ~The Rings of Power ~Hazbin Hotel ~Elementary (the best modern version of Sherlock Holmes) ~Some of The Librarians, some of Warehouse 13... decided it was a no on both those. ~Good Omens (S2 is meh, sorry, but it just doesn't have the chaos of S1, it's still very cute and has some great scenes, love Crowley always, but... eh... I missed the chaos) ~The Sandman (Can't wait for more) ~Dead Boys Detective Agency ~Arcane ~Lupin (fabulous, most people I talk to are fans of Sherlock Holmes and have never even heard of Arsene Lupin, for shame... read the books they're great, and this show just gets better the further in you go) ~Sweet Tooth

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can someone recommend some beginner normal behaviors for someone looking to become normal

[softheartedsadist]

google search: how to take a break from the linear flow of time

[softheartedsadist]

Family Hijinks... AITA

My brother likes cooking, if he weren't rather set on being a chemist he might think about going to culinary school. He frequently cooks for the family. Or else cooks for himself and makes enough that there is extra for others to eat.

Today he and my sister made ramen for lunch for us all.

We all ate, standard appreciative noises, it was pretty good generally.

He asked me what I thought of it. I said, "its really good, maybe a bit much soy sauce for my tastes."

He was like "what? You think it's too salty?"

I was thinking, 'it's ramen (generally salty), and while this is pretty salty that's not my complaint, it just tastes a lot like soy sauce (not just a salty flavor).' So I said, "it is pretty salty, but no... I think there's too much soy sauce flavor"

And he was like, "you must be tasting the Szechuan sauce, it's pretty salty."

And I was like, "no... I'm telling you I taste too much soy sauce."

This is a frequent issue of ours if I have any slight criticism of his cooking, even when I generally also say it's good and if I have something to say otherwise I always specify that it's my opinion because as I stated before he is frequently cooking for himself with left overs. He's allowed to cook his own food to his tastes. I feel like I can't give him honest feedback, I feel like he can't accept even minor critisism, and I feel like he won't accept that my tastebuds do in fact work and that my experience as something different from his is allowed even if he doesn't agree. I can't tell him, "I personally think it's too salty/sweet/soy-saucy". without him basically saying "you're wrong, because I don't taste it that way". It's the same if he and my sister are play wrestling and she's like "ow! That was too hard!" He's like, "I barely hit you/I barely put effort" as though his experience as the person hitting is more valid than that of the person who was hit and said it hurt.

Anyway...

He kept telling me I wasn't tasting too much soy sauce and that I was mistaking it with the Szechuan. So I went to the kitchen, tried a bit of both in front of him and was like, "wow, my tastebuds work and I can in fact distinguish between salty flavors! I think it had too much soy sauce."

Then later I heard him mocking me in a high-pitched nasally voice for stating my opinion.

Am I rude for saying what I actually think? I thought my delivery was in the correct format (praise-critique/opinion if not praise-critique-praise). Should I just not say anything when he asks me about his cooking anymore if his typical response is to take small advisements like a personal attack, get defensive, and then try and attack my own ability to perceive reality and form a personal opinion about it? What am I supposed to do, just lie?

(I'm probably autistic, so... serious questions)

[softheartedsadist]

Fuck you Youtube

Your unskippable ads that pause when I change tabs change nothing.

You can make me play your ad, but you can't make me watch.

Not sorry, but I've left the room.

[softheartedsadist]

Anyone else get annoyed when a man is like "hey, where's this thing?" and you tell them as much as you know and they're like "well, that's not really very helpful" because they don't actually want you to tell them where the thing they're looking for is, they want you to go and find it for them.

Dude. I've told you as much as I know, you're the one who needs it, I'm not gonna drop what I'm doing to go find it for you when you are perfectly capable of acting on the intelligence I've given you. I have shit to do!

[softheartedsadist]

the “pleasure to have in class” to overly active tumblr user pipeline

[softheartedsadist]

College Shenanigans

"The horrors persist, yet so do we"

-the way my teacher finished an email to everyone in the class

[softheartedsadist]

Family Hijinks

Me: *comes downstairs at 1pm still in pajamas*

Mom: "did you only just wake up?"

Me: "I've been awake for hours, I was just hiding from my responsibilities."

[softheartedsadist]

So... continuing to learn that many of my quirks and hang-ups are actually ASD

I don't feel like I was an overly self-aware child... but maybe that's a common phenomenon. I do remember in elementary school that one of my friends remarked on how slowly I wrote. Typically 2-3 times slower than everyone else. Later, like... high-school or after, my mom told me that when I was younger I was actually given extended time for test-taking. In fact they recommended to her that I be tested for... something.... She told me that if the school wants a student tested for something, the school has to pay for it, so... instead, they recommend to parents that they get their child tested for... whatever.... We could not afford it at the time, so I just have never gotten diagnosed for anything.

Grandma was a psychologist though and thought... thinks? I have... something. I think she's a bit off her rocker and too many decades off from the current research to be diagnosing me with anything. Especially after all the "meet my eyes when I'm talking to you", attempts to force me to interact socially with strangers, and that one time she tricked me into a therapy session because she thought I was depressed. Nothing came of that session. I have since tried to tell her "I'm an introvert, social interaction exhausts me" ("I know you "think" you're an introvert..."), "I'm not dating anyone, I'm not interested, I'm probably ace-aro" ("I don't believe that's a real thing..."), "I'm probably autistic... I found this test in the papers you were throwing out and I scored..., which is high enough that it indicates I am autistic, but I think my score would actually be higher based on research I've done that indicates that autism expresses itself differently in girls than boys...." (she notably gave no response to this assertion).

I have at this point done quite a lot of reading on autism, some studies, some blogs, etc.

And... it just makes me feel known.

I can't remember faces well, maybe it's because I tend more often to look over peoples' shoulders? Oh, well... there are a multitude of articles about how some ASD people tend to have difficulties with that.

I am frequently quite photosensitive and some sounds cause me something equivalent to physical discomfort/pain. ASD's got that covered.

Difficulty reading tone, difficulty emoting (I have on multiple accounts, independent of each other, been told I reminded people of Data or Spock because of the way I talk and the way I act), tendency to take things literally, distaste for acting outside what I consider "okay", hyperfixation, visual and emotion based thinking, atypical pattern-recognition skills, etc.....

There are just terms for things I've experienced that made me feel like I was failing or held back even though to all appearances I am relatively... functional (for lack of a better word).

Executive dysfunction Task paralysis Demand avoidance Auditory processing disorder

Like currently I am experiencing so many things associated with autistic burnout it's not even funny. I'm just anxious, borderline depressed, it's a struggle to move to the next stage of projects I both want and need to work on, I don't want to talk to anybody, I don't want anyone to look at me or talk to me or ask me to do anything.

Uuuuuuuuuurgh. Maybe I just need to go and actually talk to somebody at my college and be like "surprise, I'm autistic!!!!" But it's not actually a freaking surprise because a properly diagnosed classmate from my second semester was like "yo, I'm diagnosed and I've got to say... you give major ASD vibes, it makes you easy to talk to."

Like... "what? Thanks? You too? Are easy to talk to...."

[softheartedsadist]

I AM an unknowable eldritch entity, thanks for noticing.

[softheartedsadist]

Weaponizing oversharing

Every time my little brother sneezes and doesn't do so into his elbow, I explain the entirety of that Mythbuster's episode where they tested many ways and discovered that sneezing into your elbow is the most effective at reducing both direct and indirect transference of germs during and after sneezing.

My goal is to annoy him into making sneezing into his elbow a thoughtless habit, so that he doesn't do it wrong, gross me out, and get yet another rant about how sneezing into your elbow is right and proper and the only correct method.

[softheartedsadist]

[softheartedsadist]

I wanted to be Mary Poppins.

[softheartedsadist]

the real forbidden snack