softersinned

[softersinned]

i want to do some new things so - like this for a starter! this will be set in a fantasy verse (da, bg3, tlovm, got/hotd etc) unless otherwise requested. open to all mutuals, no matter how many threads we have. multis, please specify muse!

[softersinned]

Most people rousing her from sleep would only ever do so at their own peril; she is not a woman to be trifled with, even less a woman willing to give up something so precious as sleep. But she feels the familiar sensation of Rosalie's fingers against her skin, and she hears the labored sounds of her breath, and she wakes without question or hesitation, eyes flying open to meet her lover's.

"Easy, sweet thing." Astoria sits up at once and she reaches forward, smooths Rose's hair back with a tenderness she shows only to her. "I'm right here. We're both safe, and whole, and alive." A little spark of magic flickers at her fingers, only enough to warm her skin.

"Tell me about it." Nightmares are nothing new. She's had plenty. "Tell me everything about it, and I'll chase it away."

it is a rare thing, to see rose so weak. but when it moment comes, it's always in the dark. she was curled into herself, knees near to her chest, on the left side of the bed. her side: a designation wordlessly assigned by assumption and time spent in this bed, in this room, by this woman. this woman, her woman, a title granted with whispered phrases and naked moons and promises neither are sure they can keep.

but even the witch cannot stop her lover's dreams. sometimes, they are happy things, softer memories. others, she wakes with tears streaming, a scream caught halfway in her throat (and leaving the rest sore.)

rose tries to catch her breath, all while one hand reaches, pleading with tight fingers, for @softersinned astoria to wake.

[softersinned]

There is something about him that makes her feel—

There is something about him that makes her feel.

Stori's fingers tighten around his, and the curve of her lips softens; where she had been teasing, she becomes tender. It's too easy. Maverick makes it too easy. She doesn't dare pull her hand free of his, too enamored with the warmth of his skin against hers, too enamored with him. "I had plans, you know. Practiced lines to use. I was going to sound quite clever and nonchalant and you were going to be ever so charmed by how easy and in-control I was. And then you go and say things like that, and you're so damnably earnest, and I forget all my lines and my plans."

Well. Not all of her plans, she supposes. Her free hand settles against his chest, just over his heart, skates up to curve against the side of his neck. Her thumb settles over his pulse. Gods, he's beautiful, with those sweet eyes and that lovely mouth and the way his brow furrows when she says something particularly absurd and the ease of that blush. There is something animal in her that wants to devour him whole. There is something woman in her that wants to devour him, too.

"You are remarkable." Stori takes in a slow breath, one she doesn't need, simply to breathe him in. "So good. Too good for most of us. I confess, I do not know much of the world, but I don't think it rewards compassion enough to make it an enticing prospect for many, and yet here you are. You're practically overflowing with it. You keep company with liars and thieves and killers, of varying degrees of repentance or shame, and you have every reason to abandon it, but you're still—good. So fucking good." Good enough that she takes no pleasure in the thought of corrupting him. Good enough that she would make an effort not to do just that.

She pushes herself up onto her toes, guides him down to close the little distance between them so she can press a kiss to his cheek, careful, lingering. "Would you let me guide you, if I asked? Command you? Only if you felt safe saying no to me." Is it her imagination, or does his pulse quicken at the words? Another kiss, this one near the corner of his jaw, just below his ear. "Only if you promise to tell me if you're frightened, or if you change your mind, and don't want to be here. My first command would be that you tell me what you want, exactly what you want, so that I can give it to you, and I can be sure not to push too far. I would like to give you anything you'd ask of me."

Bowing her head, Stori's lips hover over his throat, jaw aching with the desire to bite him, but she only brushes a soft, almost chaste kiss there. And then she steps back, meets his eyes; her hand falls from his neck to her side, her grip on his hand loosening. There will be no obstacle to him, real or imagined, should he choose to leave, should he change his mind. (Besides—she wants to watch him hear what she has to say.) "I'll even go first, so you know what I mean. I want to kiss you until you forget your own name, and the names of any gods you've ever prayed to, and then I want to please you, however you'd let me." And then, she smiles, sudden and bright and a little wicked. "I remembered what I was going to say—I was going to tell you that as far as I know, I've never been with a vampire, either. And then I was going to say that you could tell me in the morning how it was."

Maverick tries, and fails, to suppress the blush creeping up his cheek--a futile, useless effort, really, because by this point in time, he should know better than to fight it. Even without her vampiric abilities, even if he was better at concealing the pinkish hue dusted on his cheeks, he has no doubt she'd be able to smell it on him. Around her, the carefully constructed mask of the ruthless bounty hunter--the relentless ranger who has tracked criminals across cities and carved paths of justice he so desperately craved --falls away. In these fleeting moments, he's simply Maverick, unguarded and utterly human.

And, honestly? He's still not entirely sure that won't also make him a target. But at this point in time, with all they've been through and the good that they've done -- the good that he's seen she's capable of -- he can't think that way. He won't.

"Am I now?" Maverick responds, a curious brow arching when she hands the goblet back to him. "I don't imagine our companions would take too kindly for me taking all of your 'moments' for myself, but you are the boss..." Less than half of wine remains in the goblet by this point, and while he's still the type to handle his alcohol with care he finds himself swept up in the revelry of it all -- and in the way her fingers suddenly intertwine with his.

Her skin is soft, cool to the touch. Like silk laid out beneath a pale winter moon.

In one smooth motion, he finishes off the maroon liquid, clumsily placing it on a nearby crate as he's lead away. "I -- well, there's one place." He says, walking in stride with Stori, thumb brushing tenderly against the skin of her palm. "A glade I've come across when I've gone on hunts." One that maintains a beautiful view of the stars, one that he's sometimes lingered too long in when he's needed some space, some time to think away from the never-ending barrage of conflict.

Tell me, sweet thing, have you ever been with a vampire before?

Maverick's throat goes dry, her gaze piercing despite the bemusement that lays behind them. "Been with, as in --" Gods, he knows what she means. He is no prude, nor chaste, but when Stori's words turned into suggestions, well, he might has well be. Every word that falls from her lips makes him feel like he is hearing them for the first time.

"I haven't." He answers then, plainly, slowing their movements once they are somewhat far enough away from the party. Eyes loom down towards her lips for a brief moment before returning to her probing gaze, and in a somewhat bold move he finds himself tugging her back to face him. "I've never been...never met anyone quite like you, Stori."

[softersinned]

QUEEN OF THE DAMNED (2002) SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ There comes a time for every vampire when the idea of eternity becomes momentarily unbearable. ❜

❛ Immortality seems like a good idea until you realize you’re going to spend it alone. ❜

❛ With one sentence, I betrayed everything about my kind. Betrayed our code of secrecy. ❜

❛ All that you’ve ever dreamed of, I’m going to make yours. This is your lucky day. ❜

❛ Giving the world a new god. Me. ❜

❛ I’ve hidden in the shadows for centuries. It’s time to share myself with the world. ❜

❛ Could you prove it? You know, give us a demonstration of your powers. ❜

❛ Won’t these vampires be pissed off that you’re giving away secrets? ❜

❛ Come out, come out, wherever you are. ❜

❛ A voice calling to me in my dreams. ❜

❛ I don’t want you to go. But you must. ❜

❛ You must be with your own. ❜

❛  l’ll always be watching over you. ❜

❛ I want to stay with you forever. ❜

❛ I think that it’s a vampire coven. ❜

❛ We record and observe, but never interfere. ❜

❛ I had to see it for myself. ❜

❛ Promise me you’ll never go back to that place. ❜

❛ I doubt they’ll find you. You’re a long way from home. ❜

❛ You’re weak, near passing. I can barely hear your heartbeat. ❜

❛ You will help me understand these times. That’s why I chose you. ❜

❛ Drink and live. ❜

❛ Don’t be afraid. It’s only your body that dies. ❜

❛ A vampire’s life is a life of discretion. ❜

❛ Why must we hide? We are the powerful, we are the immortal. We should walk fearless in the open, no? ❜

❛ You must be dead to the world. ❜

❛ You still have a few lingering mortal emotions. They’ll serve you no good, my friend. ❜

❛ The faces of my victims haunted me, reminding me of my fate. ❜

❛ Would you like me to play for you? ❜

❛ She respects nothing except the taste of blood, human and immortal alike. ❜

❛ My teacher left me to my darkest lesson. That in the end, we are alone. ❜

❛ There aren’t any ancients left. They all turned to dust. So unless you’ve got him in a bottle somewhere. ❜

❛ Now this will only hurt a little bit. In fact, you might even enjoy it. ❜

❛ You should be more careful. ❜

❛ How presumptuous. ❜

❛ I know a lot of things. ❜

❛ What else do you think you know? ❜

❛ You’re shaking. ❜

❛ Go on. Tell me more about me. ❜

❛ Well that makes you a very clever librarian. ❜

❛ Don’t worry. Your kind never satisfies my thirst. ❜

❛ Listen to me very carefully now. You are no longer seeing things clearly. ❜

❛ Still wearing the old fashions, I see. ❜

❛ How did you manage to slip through the ���50s in red velvet? ❜

❛ After all this time, what’s the occasion? ❜

❛ Oh, please. It’s a little too late to come over all paternal now. ❜

❛ You almost cost me everything. Now you’ve done it again. ❜

❛ Vampires don’t settle old scores. We harbor them. ❜

❛ I’ve always known where you are. ❜

❛ Besides, l just had to look for the most gauche house on the block. ❜

❛ Did you think of anyone but yourself? ❜

❛ I only have myself. You taught me that. ❜

❛ It may be time to get ready for some company. ❜

❛ Can’t you hear it? Or is the applause all you can hear now? ❜

❛ We were once mortals too. It is our heritage we protect. ❜

❛ Such reverence for mortals. Then you should have left me as one. ❜

❛ All he’s going to remind you of soon is a pile of bones. ❜

❛ Better dead than alone. ❜

❛ Oh, my God, I can’t believe it’s really you! I’m your biggest fan. ❜

❛ Why are you following me? What do you want? ❜

❛ So you come all this way just to return this to me? Out of the goodness of your heart? ❜

❛ I want you to show me what it’s like. To be like you. ❜

❛ How are you going to spend your last night, as you always have, alone? ❜

❛ You’re beautiful to me because you’re human. ❜

❛ Your frailty, your short years, your heart, even as you think it’s breaking. All that seems suddenly more precious than anything I have ever known. ❜

❛ I’m not as precious as you think. ❜

❛ Let me be with you. Let me know everything. ❜

❛ Now you see?! Are you ready?! Now do you want it?! ❜

❛ Why so surprised, my love? You called, I have come. ❜

❛ You thought it was all you? The ego of a king as well. ❜

❛ I know that you crave to have the world at your feet. And I have come to give it to you. ❜

❛ We live everywhere and anywhere we choose. The world is our garden. ❜

❛ For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m home. ❜

❛ Strange that this journey should lead me here. This place that’s haunted my dreams. ❜

❛ Forever is a very long time. ❜

❛ You haven’t aged, you haven’ t changed at all. ❜

❛ My way of coping with eternity. ❜

❛ You are what keeps me connected to the world of the living. ❜

❛ This is but a taste of what we shall share, my love. ❜

❛ They believed in nothing. Now they are nothing. ❜

❛ We will give the world something to believe in again. ❜

❛ My children. It warms my blood to see you all gathered, plotting against me. ❜

❛ We’ve found other ways to coexist. ❜

❛ They are nothing to us. They are merely food. ❜

❛ You think you can change my will? ❜

❛ I’ve had enough of this discussion. Join me or die. ❜

❛ You will not touch her! ❜

❛ You still think to challenge me? ❜

❛ You kill me, you kill yourselves. ❜

❛ She’s not dead. She sleeps. ❜

❛ No, I’m too old to live forever. ❜

❛ Well, if you ever change your mind… ❜

❛ So this is goodbye. ❜

[softersinned]

AT THE GATES ,

a sentence starter prompts list comprised of quotes from the novel a reaper at the gates by sabaa tahir. please be advised that this list may involve topics including, but not limited to, murder, death, and violence. change verbiage as needed.

no harm shall befall you. i vow it.

i fear what you will do if harm comes to those whom you love.

i would destroy anyone who dared hurt you.

your heart is made to love. to give. not to take.

it's stupid to fall for a once-dead ghost-talker, i don't care how pretty he is.

who took him? tell me!

talk or die.

unless you're a fool, you'll agree that death would be preferable. i will make it swift.

i could never mourn them. i wasn't allowed to.

you nearly got yourself killed. is that not enough?

you have much to learn, and i do not know how much time i have to teach you.

go or don't, doesn't matter to me. but stop being woeful and useless. i don't have the patience for it.

you didn't ask for assassination. you asked for destruction, and destruction takes time.

you don't have to tell me if you don't wish to.

you don't have to come with me.

not a chance. never again. where you go, i go.

you will fail, usurper.

i thought we would have more time. i thought we'd find a way out for you.

i don't want to let you go. not yet. not so soon.

you are cruel, [name], to give a girl all she desires only to tear it away.

this isn't the end for us, [name]. do you hear me? this is not our end.

you've never been a liar. don't start now.

why are you lurking out there? are you spying on me?

you destroyed my life. you could have saved them. you—you monster.

what of you, [name]? are you not a monster?

fare thee well, [name]. i will see you once more before your end.

tell me what's going on. i can decide whether it concerns me or not.

how the hells are we going to get out of here?

i won't make a promise i can't keep, and neither should you.

any other threats? discussions you wish to waste my time with? none? good. then lets get the hells out of here.

you are new to your power, but that does not mean you do not have it.

i'm not going anywhere with you, not until you tell me who you are.

if i answer one question, will you stop being so annoying and let me get you to a safe house?

why did you not listen to me, [name]. why did you not learn?

what is the point of having muscles if you cannot carry things for others?

she penned a play. i can feel it. don't act the part she's written for you.

why are we not fighting back? night won't fall for hours. we need to use the light that remains.

first, you need to eat. you're irritable and i don't like talking to irritable people.

i can be your ally, or i can be your enemy.

we leave in an hour. come along or stay. it doesn't matter to me.

you must have a guard with you at all times. not because you are incapable, but because you must show your strength. there is strength in numbers.

what, you don't want to pass the time in conversation with me? i'm hurt.

who did this to you?

you're not dead, and you're not going to die. do you hear me? you're going to live. you're going to find whoever did this to you. you're going to make them pay. get up. get to safety.

i'll never let go of what i fought so hard to keep.

stay with me. you don't have to speak. all you have to do is stay awake.

off to get yourself killed again so soon?

i heard you got stabbed. thought i'd come yell at you for allowing it to happen.

some guard you make. you were fast asleep.

i don't know your secrets and so i cannot protect you when others try to ferret them out.

if you didn't need protection, it would be because no one saw you as a threat. needing protection is not a weakness. refusing to trust your allies is.

we're dying out here! while you dine on roast fowl and fresh fruit in a tower that doesn't belong to you.

you are so stupid! you're the only one i have. the only one left! did you even consider that before running into a burning building?

you do not know the weight of the crown. you could never understand.

will it always be chaos for us, [name]? will things never be normal?

if... if i change... if i seem different, remember that i love you. no matter what happens to me. say you'll remember, please—

you seek counsel. i am honor bound to offer it. sit, please. i will speak with you.

no one is safe. have you not yet learned this lesson?

we will see each other again. i swear it.

i'll make my own way. i don't need you.

why do you care so much what happens to me?

there are men back there who were counting on me, and i left them.

mercy, [name]. that is my order. i do not deserve it. i do not even wish it. but you'll give it to me anyway. because you're good.

you dare put those you love before all of humanity? you dare be so selfish?

no need for that. i didn't drag you through a hundred miles of caves so your first act upon waking would be to stab me.

you came for me. you dragged me from the claws of death himself. you have more good in you than you will ever acknowledge.

[softersinned]

various things spoken in an adventuring party pt.2

part 2 of an assortment of quotes and sayings i've found doom scrolling through pinterest that i think an adventuring party would say during their never ending perilous adventures . please do not copy/repost or add to this list, thank you!

Affectionate ❛ i am in love with an idiot ❜ ❛ i’d be his if he asked  ❜ ❛ even your rage is beautiful  ❜ ❛ there’s still good in you  ❜ ❛ my darling, you will never be unloved by me ❜ ❛ you are too well tangled in my soul  ❜

Questions ❛ are you a monster or a victim?  ❜ ❛ can anyone betray anyone?  ❜ ❛ who in the fuck authorized this?  ❜ ❛ where do you purchase your audacity from? ❜ ❛ why is everyone in this kingdom so gods damned stupid?  ❜ ❛ if you don’t terrify people a little bit, then what’s the point? ❜

Banter ❛ people can do worse things than kill you  ❜ ❛ gods help anyone who dares to disrespect me/you  ❜ ❛ magic always comes with a price  ❜ ❛ the gods love to fuck with us  ❜ ❛ i’ve got a spell for that  ❜ ❛ i do very bad things, and i do them very well  ❜

Tragedy ❛ anyone can betray anyone ❜ ❛ not all of us are going to make it out alive ❜ ❛ i was once a child with innocent eyes ❜ ❛ i remember all of them ❜ ❛ i’ve been having a bad day for the past several years ❜ ❛ a golden cage is still just a cage ❜

Fierce ❛ what i did, i did for us ❜ ❛ if they touch you, i’ll break their necks ❜ ❛ it appears that you have mistaken my dislike of causing harm as an inability to do so. ❜ ❛ you are divine violence ❜ ❛ burn it all. ❜ ❛ i am so much more than you told me i was ❜

Antagonistic ❛ lets cause a little trouble ❜ ❛ i think you’re caught between who you are and who you want to be ❜ ❛ tell me what it’s like to conquer  ❜ ❛ you’re a little tragedy, aren’t you? ❜ ❛ disrespectfully, i decline  ❜ ❛ with all due respect, which is none- ❜

Neutral ❛ there’s bravery in being soft ❜ ❛ the trees told me about you ❜ ❛ i do not care for your god. ❜ ❛ if i can still breathe, i’m fine ❜ ❛ i’m nice as fuck. ❜

Comedic Relief ❛ do you mean to give me another one of your stoic nod? ❜ ❛ if you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask stupid questions ❜ ❛ i’ll get over it. i just need to be dramatic first. ❜ ❛ what’s your favorite pastime? mine is reckless behavior ❜ ❛ i’m definitely the nicest asshole you could ever hope to meet ❜ ❛ i wanna contribute to the chaos ❜ ❛ we can’t giggle, we’re at a crime scene! ❜ ❛ the nonsense has escalated ❜ ❛ go stand over there. your existence is giving me a headache ❜ ❛ being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot. ❜

BONUS FROM THE HERO TO THE VILLAIN ❛ you took everything from me ❜ ❛ haven’t you taken enough from me? ❜ ❛ go ahead. underestimate me. that’ll be fun. ❜ ❛ touch me and you’ll burn ❜ ❛ the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated ❜ FROM THE VILLAIN TO THE HERO ❛ don’t bleed on my floors ❜ ❛ people will never bleed enough to fulfill your vision of justice ❜ ❛ i am the child/daughter/son of a king who forgot my name ❜ ❛ i am the end of all things; i have drunk the blood of kings. ❜ ❛ congratulations, you have survived! ❜

[softersinned]

so as i resume playing veilguard and hopefully finishing Someday, a quick lil rundown of astoria in DA. this is the most accurate timeline for her. her carrd info has to be updated.

tw for rape, captivity, & murder.

pre-origins: astoria leaves her avvar hold after killing her abusers, in search of her father, a minor fereldan lord. brennan donnelly recognizes her immediately and officially acknowledges her as his daughter. she's illegitimate so she's not inheriting anything, and she doesn't want to take anything from her older sister, but she has family now. yay! she does not use her magic at all from ages 17 to about 22, at the start of origins.

origins: she's recruitable in redcliffe. her father is in the castle, and she's in the village (he'd been angling to get her married to bann tegan, in most cases; if not, he's just there for diplomatic purposes, bc she's betrothed to @elliscousland). she presents herself as a rogue, though after a companion suffers a serious injury in redcliffe castle, she reveals herself to be a mage when she heals them. she explains her history in the broadest of broad strokes. remains with the warden and sends her father back to amaranthine.

awakening: astoria's back in amaranthine with her father. she joins the warden at vigil's keep to act as historian, gathering information about the avvar that were there. eventually, after bann esmerelle's death, her father becomes bann of the city of amaranthine.

between awakening and witch hunt: (tw for rape & captivity) astoria is introduced to a friend of her father's - a templar, who offers to protect her from other templars and keep her out of the circle. they get involved in a relationship, he isolates her, and six months in he moves her to his home and essentially keeps her prisoner there. she leverages sex and romance to try and get some freedoms. she eventually kills him, and she flees to vigil's keep; from there, the warden commander can either choose to shield her, and help her cover up the murder, keeping her at the vigil as an historian, or turn her over to the circle (since there's no real evidence of the murder, she's not made tranquil).

if kept at the vigil: astoria remains there until inquisition, at which point she's sent to the conclave both to represent her father's family and as an historian, hoping to get access to the avvar ruins in the temple.

if sent to a circle: she ends up in kinloch hold first, then sent to the gallows when she makes an escape attempt. she does eventually escape the gallows between acts i and ii, and becomes a companion for hawke. she eventually attends the conclave, this time as a guard for members of the mage rebellion.

inquisition: astoria becomes inquisitor, and starts fashioning herself as the second coming of andraste, so she can command greater respect & power. she has several portraits painted of her as andraste - both barbarian women with red hair, possibly magic, etc etc - and establishes the inquisition & skyhold as a force to protect the faithful. in reality, she's still very much a pagan, she loathes the chantry, and she conscripts the templars solely because she loathes the tevinter imperium more than the chantry, and because they have a military structure she can exploit for her own purposes. chooses cassandra as the next divine. by default romances iron bull. ends up "dismantling" the inquisition so that she doesn't have to hand over power to anyone else, though she maintains a fairly considerable influence over the divine, and over the re-established templar order & the rebuilt mage circles, which under her quiet influence start operating as universities rather than prisons, at least in ferelden & orlais.

trespasser: "oww my arm :(" -astoria, probably

veilguard: i have gotten like two minutes into veilguard but inquisitor astoria can & will show up to cause problems and, if she's single, kiss neve and/or lucanis and/or emmerich.

[softersinned]

like cmon man that's her

i am perhaps grabbing a few screenshots to use for durge / tlovm astoria threads bc with some careful cropping the red eyes will really be perfect and the truth of the matter is that bdh in this specific role is and always will be Thee Astoria 2 me

[softersinned]

i am perhaps grabbing a few screenshots to use for durge / tlovm astoria threads bc with some careful cropping the red eyes will really be perfect and the truth of the matter is that bdh in this specific role is and always will be Thee Astoria 2 me

[softersinned]

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE (dir. David Slade) ↳ Bryce Dallas Howard as Victoria

[softersinned]

also i am gonna finish veilguard if it kills me tbh my concentration has been shot of late but i miss !! thedas !! i wanna make eyes at neve !!! let me in !!!

[softersinned]

so i am. doing better now that i've had a bit of time to recover from the election, and i am eager to write again. i have been sorting through some of the things i want to update with astoria - in particular, that i have for years now been writing her in a very specific way without acknowledging it, and now i want to start making adjustments to reflect this. tw for discussion of sexual violence & abuse under the cut.

this will be a change but also not? because while i don't think it's really going to change the way i write her, because i've been writing her this way for years now, i do think it's going to change the way i write a bit. astoria is a rape survivor. she kills her rapist during a particularly violent assault, disposes of the body, and then leaves the city. in her modern verse, this is what prompts her to go to new york; in her all souls / vampire verse, this sends her on the run, until baldwin finds her; as the dark urge she goes back to bhaal / in other bhaalspawn verses this sends her out of the city (into baldur's gate, out of emon, etc). she does not talk about it, though she will tell only a partner once they're very serious; she does not call it rape, because she told herself that she was using sex as a tool of manipulation when any consent she gave was coerced and under duress; she does not address it. in her mind, killing her rapist (whose name i may change bc i do like the name leo & it deserves better lmao) was the end of it.

and the truth is that i set this up. ages ago. and i just didn't engage. for me, astoria has always been something like wish fulfillment? she's what happens when you indulge the revenge fantasy. i poured so much love and devotion into her with the very explicit idea that she would not have been through everything i had, because i honestly felt pretty embarrassed by it. she's not a self-insert (tho i have immense respect for self-inserts - if it's good enough for jane austen you can bet your ass it's good enough for me lmao), and i wanted to keep some measure of distance between us, however slight. maybe subconsciously? i didn't want that distance at all; i wanted to let myself properly indulge in the revenge fantasy by making it more relevant to myself. and now that i no longer meet the diagnostic requirements of ptsd (hehe) and i have a better understanding of what did happen to me, and that no part of it was my fault, it feels. safer? to explore this. anyway. be back soon. i've missed her.

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things i will elaborate upon when i have more brainpower to do so -

she doesn't really celebrate christmas. or her birthday all that often. she will if she has a partner but she generally ignores holidays besides the eight sabbats, and even those aren't regularly observed. her relationship with her family is too fraught, and she always feels like her presence is an intrusion, so she simply. doesn't. if she has a partner who invites her to celebrate with them she's on board. she grew up with christmas! she has no problems celebrating it despite no longer being any flavor of christian! but outside of phone calls that she keeps at twenty minutes or shorter it's just not something she does.

astoria sometimes has a very hard time separating sexual attraction & romantic interest from a non-familial relationship in which she's seeking someone's approval or guidance. she's very easily influenced and she's very impressionable, and she desperately needs to be needed, and while she is in some cases deeply attracted & attached to someone whose approval she wants, she also doesn't really know when she's not because she unconsciously assumes they go hand-in-hand.

verses getting rewrites & adjustments: vampire / all souls, tlovm, general witch verse, dragon age. most of these aren't major changes but it ties everything up a little neater, i think.

more potentially triggering and/or nsfw notes under the cut -

she is a rape survivor. she does not consider herself as such and she does not seek any sort of treatment for the trauma that comes out of that. she suppresses it hard, and she assumes that since she killed her abusers, it really doesn't matter in the long run. she will tell extremely close friends and/or lovers about what happened to her, but she doesn't ever use that word, and she's deeply and visibly uncomfortable if someone else does. it's v unlikely that will ever change.

and in no small part because she never actually works through this - she very frequently seeks out unhealthy relationships, and she trusts in the love of someone who's unkind to her quicker than she does with someone who isn't.

while it's not necessary for her to have bondage and/or power exchanges in a serious & successful sexual & romantic relationship with someone, she will want to engage with the core element: trust. she'll want to discuss limits, and she'll respect them, of course; she'll also want to make it very clear, and be sure it's understood, that she trusts a partner absolutely, and that she trusts them especially with her safety, even if that's not ever something they're comfortable doing.

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and happiest birthday of all to my favorite scorpio, tumblr user mara @montclair

happy birthday to rowan mayfair and lestat de lioncourt, my second and third favorite scorpios

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happy birthday to rowan mayfair and lestat de lioncourt, my second and third favorite scorpios

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just that fast.

independent oc, revived by holly jan '24.