so-this-islife

[so-this-islife]

I miss the feeling of being able to take on the world.

[so-this-islife]

[so-this-islife]

[so-this-islife]

[so-this-islife]

[so-this-islife]

[so-this-islife]

This stupid tomato has been with me for almost 10 years now. It's seen so many homes, so many loves, so many heartbreaks, so many second chances, and countless new beginnings.

I first brought it home to the apartment I shared with Jesse. Our home on Busey. It sat on our kitchen table while we cooked meals, shared our dreams, and planned our future. It watched as we fell hopelessly in love, and it made the fateful move with us to our home in another town. There, it sat on our kitchen counter, next to our shamrock plant. That stupid tomato watched as we fell deeper in love, and worked to fulfill our dreams. It sat silently, not judging, as we fell apart. It watched ominously as we clung to each other, tearfully mourning the end of our happily-ever-after. One day I lovingly wrapped it in newspaper; my chapter with Jesse was over.

The next time it graced my kitchen was on John street. That apartment was never a home, but more of a stepping stone. I tried desperately to pick up the pieces of my broken life, yet my soul still ached for what could have been. I was dating, but I looked for pieces of Jesse in every man I brought home. He may have been gone, but he never truly left my mind. No one ever measured up, and I was constantly hungry for the spark he had ignited in me.

Fast forward a few years, and that stupid tomato was sitting on an ugly green countertop. I thought I had finally found IT. I thought I had finally found a man that could ignite the fire in my soul. As time went on, however, I learned that I had never been more wrong. He was a whirlwind, one that made me feel more deeply than I ever had, but he was also abusive. He never laid his hands on me, but he destroyed my very being from the inside out. He made me feel worthless, useless, and ultimately undeserving of love. No matter how many times I tried to leave him, I went running back.

Eventually, I did leave him. I moved in with my mom and didn't speak to him for 29 days. On day 30, everything changed. It didn't take but two weeks for him to get me to come back after that. I spent another six months living with him. I was miserable, but I was convinced that I would never be happy with anyone else, so I stayed.

Fast forward to now. That stupid tomato is sitting on top of my fridge. In my apartment. Where I live alone. Make no mistake, I am emotionally scarred and damaged, but I am finally learning who I am. I am exploring and discovering and growing as a person. There have been setbacks, but there have been so many more triumphs. For the first time in my life I can honestly say that I am happy.

And after all this time, that stupid tomato is still with me.

[so-this-islife]

So I successfully grew my own tomatoes this year. I know it's just a little guy, but I am so proud!

[so-this-islife]

When in doubt, go to the library!

[so-this-islife]

[so-this-islife]

[so-this-islife]

I LOVE IT

[so-this-islife]

[so-this-islife]

It's 10 am and I've already been adulting for 2 hours

This morning I dropped my car off to get some of the issues checked out. I've been putting it off because I didn't have any real reason to take it in since I wasn't really driving much. But yesterday I finally went to the DMV and got a new license, which means I was able to resubmit my info for Uber.

I have a load of laundry in the washer that I plan on switching out when I get home. I want to wash everything before I start packing. I hope to have everything packed by next Wednesday at the very latest.

It's been a really long time since I was consistently responsible and it feels really good.

[so-this-islife]

[so-this-islife]

[so-this-islife]

When it’s sexy time for Larry the Cucumber.