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There's a user called Erika Horn (@erikahorn.art) on tiktok who made a "duet me" challenge so technically impressive that all of the duets are exactly like this LMAO

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i love the specification of "alive" in the people magazine "sexiest man alive" award. clearly they're worried about ötzi the iceman sweeping the competition. as they should be.

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• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony

- Jill Thomas Doyle

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Dropping this here...

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Wow this sucks I'm gonna kill *remembers that suicide jokes only worsen your mental health and that the first step to healing is stopping* you

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Crying rn because I saw the richard ii kiss and got immediately sent into a pit of despair imagining all those queer people all throughout history never getting the chance to be truly who they are and having to always hide, for the fear of being tortured and killed

Idk man if the afterlife exists I hope they found some kind of peace in it.

I hope we can all be free someday

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If there is no season 3 of good omens I'm gonna personally find Neil Gaiman and loudly sob outside his house at the tender hours of morning

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Feeling mischievous today. Might bless you or curse you teehee

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Roommate's blasting "I wanna be yours" by the Arctic Monkeys inside the shower. It's a rainy day outside

This is some kinda vibe not sure what

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Current kill list

People who say "oh well you never know, you may change your mind" when a person says they don't want children

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500 posts!

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syd ate them UP

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in need of voluntary translators for urgent aid to earthquake survivors in turkey and syria

translators without borders has made a call for volunteers that speak the languages of the affected regions to help aid in humanitarian relief.

if you speak at least two of these languages:

Arabic

Aramaic

Armenian

Chechen

Circassian (Cherkess)

Georgian

Greek

English

French

Kurdish Kurmanji

Turkish

Zazaki (Zaza)

please sign up to volunteer. we really need all the help we can get.

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Ran into my seventeen year old brother in the kitchen at 1am last night and when I asked him what he was doing he just shrugged, said “these are my roaming hours,” and walked off strumming vaguely on his guitar

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I recreated Caravaggio’s “Judith Beheading Holofornes” in Kid Pix Studio from 1995 using a mouse