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I’ve hit a point where I know that I can do this. I know I can starve and restrict and that even if progress isn’t quick the weight will drop off. I just have to be patient and stick with it. I can’t not lose weight with how much I eat and exercise. I am in control. My stomach is shrinking and I can’t even finish a bowl of food in one sitting I have to eat half very slowly then in an hour or two eat the other half. I know my body will adapt to this. I just have to stick with it. I’m not going back to my old binge habits. They made me feel good for 10 minutes and depressed for years. I don’t need to eat anywhere near that much food ever again. It’s disgusting. Smaller positions are 100% filling and big portions are just overindulgence and not necessary at all for my body. I was just slowly killing myself. I will no longer fill my body up with endless amounts of food. I will look skinny and healthy. Watch me.

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why do i even bother? :/

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i am 115 pounds now when i last weighted myself which wasn’t too long ago i was like okay with it but now i’m really upset.. why am i so fat? i don’t get it... i feel so sick to my stomach.. i’ve had two pancakes today and my mom just went to go get food and like i just jump roped for like 10 minutes fast so i could lose what i ate for breakfast but i don’t think that was enough, i’m rearranging my room today so that’ll lose some calories today but gosh idk what to do... i might “get food” and hide it then throw it away later i can’t believe i’m this gross i can’t stand to look at myself why do i even breathe why why why am i so fat? i want to cry but i have so much homework to do and my head really hurts i’m so upset...

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[I do not promote eating disorders; and neither does my art. The stories I’m telling are representations of real thoughts and feelings.]

I reached 2k! thank you

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AJDHAIHDKDNANS GOT THIS FROM DISCORD

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i didn’t want to come back here but ahaa here i am again. my head really hurts. i’ve had uh 492 calories today. i want to limit to 1092 but i just feed too greedy? i guess. i don’t know. i tried to get better i really did but uh kinda just made things worse. as of now i am 117 pounds but i think i might be a little more. i don’t have a scale so this is tough but i’ll look at my body. school started so i’m more stressed but when i’m working i don’t feel like eating. i wanna take a nap but i also want to start yoga. my mind goes everywhere so i’m sorry this is messy and not neat i guess in a way its just like my head. i think my ugw will be 80 pounds although i don’t think my mom would allow it.. so 90 is fine for now. she’ll notice she already caught on but she also doesn’t care anymore i don’t think. i’m not too sure but uh yeah. i’m glad school can keep me distracted but it also gives me huge headaches and makes me so sleepy. i wanna take a nap but i can’t. my boyfriend says my body is “pretty” and “perfect” but i’m barely 5′1 and i look chubby. i don’t have a flat tummy and i’m a bit chubby i think. i’m gonna try to get to my goal maybe in 4 months. i might get there sooner depending on  how bad i get but i think 4 months is a decent number.. i plan on losing 32 pounds in those 4 months. it is possible if i work out and just eat less sugars and carbs. i have mango green tea right now. if i do lose 32 i’ll weigh 85 pounds. i decided 32 because i know i’ll gain and i’ll lose so i think whenever i do weigh myself at the end of those 4 months.. sometime in december.. i won’t be too upset with myself. anyway stay safe and stuff. be careful idk you guys do whatever its not like anyone is gonna read this.

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Trying to study when you have an eating disorder is literally impossible. I've never felt so stupid in my entire life. Its like I only have 2 brain cells and one of them is telling me to starve and the other is telling me to eat 17 muffins.

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my birthday is july 17th... i need to be small by then. i’m around 100 something no higher than 120. it’s hard to restrict myself, anyone have any tips? :/ i need to be small i have to if not i’m just failing everything. if i could fight myself i would

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 i was doing okayish and now im back.. idk anymore. maybe if i write it on here it’ll make me realize how much i eat and it’ll help me not eat so much. maybe it’ll make me feel really sick to the point where i can actually get to where i want to be. 

breakfast - 

coffee with cinnamon dolce starbucks creamer - 40

2 pancakes - 380  (my anxiety is spiking and i’m currently feeling really cold i feel like throwing up0 

snack - 

1 cup mango - 99 

no lunch yet and no dinner yet, i think i might skip them both and just drink a lot of water and tea. 

total calorie count - 

519 (i feel so sick.) 

exercise - 

i’m planning on jumproping for an hour. i’m not sure how much i weigh because i don’t have a scale and the scale at my aunts house is broken but i’m 100 something less than 120.. so i’ll either burn around 300-500. 

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I went to the beach today and saw the cutest couple. They were maybe 16, 17. The boy was tall and muscular with dirty blonde/ brown hair. He was very toned and attractive. The girl was shorter than him and thin, with long straight blonde hair. She wore a bikini which looked perfect on her thin frame. The boy scooped her off of her feet easily as if she weighed nothing at all and threw her into the water. They both laughed with their perfect smiles and playfully splashed in the water. They were both so happy. Maybe if you lost the weight, you’d be less self conscious. Maybe you’d be confident enough to have a good time. Maybe you’d get noticed by a cute guy. Maybe you’d be happy too.

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I wish I was pretty

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🌛// just manifesting

my hard work and responsibility will lead in me losing 20lbs by the end of july. i will be beautiful. i will have a large thigh gap and slim thighs. i will have a perky lower body and my ankles, thighs and calves will be tiny. i will have the classic 11 abs and a tiny hourglass waist and sharp hip bones that are very prominent. i can see my ribs while standing with regular posture. my arms will be tiny and essentially fatless and not expand when relaxed up against the side of my torso. my collar bones will be precise and extremely sharp and defined. i will have a jawline just as sharp and defined as my collar bones. my cheekbones will stick out. the fat from my face will be gone. the back of my body will have my spine sticking out and many of my bones will be visible throughout my body. my friends will express concern for how skinny i am and feel the need to protect me and be fragile with me. my family will not notice any change and will not feel any concern and allow for me to continue my habits. i will be beautiful and i will be happy. i will be disciplined and i will be loved once again.

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i need to never eat again

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i want to tell him i love him but i feel too gross and unworthy..once i’m tiny i’ll tell him.

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042020

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Yall how long does it take to lose 10 lbs of fat?

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im going to be tiny🌸