smallpossesedchild

[smallpossesedchild]

Bakugou cosplaying as your favorite character outside of BNHA?

bonus deku cause I didn't wanna pick just one

[smallpossesedchild]

DEKU BECAME A HERO EIGHT YEARS AFTER BECOMING QUIRKLESS

I just had a brain blast and realized ....

He got diagnosed quirkless at around age six and then eight years later got One For All and into U.A. and eventually became a hero.

spoilers for chapter 430

At around 16 he became quirkless again and then eight years later got his suit and starting doing hero work again!!

Oh wow, who would have thought, Horikoshi writing something into the story for a reason!!!! (sarcasm)

Like holey moley how much symbolism can he put into a single story!?

[smallpossesedchild]

Here are just my overall thoughts about the MHA epilogue and the fandom response.

We don’t know if the leaks are real, they probably are, but until it’s confirmed we keep it open. AI can be crazy these days.

I’m upset about my ship yes, but not in the way people would think. I’m fully aware, most BkDk shippers are fully aware, that the ship wasn’t going to be canon, it never was. Shipping is a way to have fun, to look at the story through a different lens. Queer interpretations of literature and anime is not a new development. The reason I’m a little upset is because I know the IzuOcha moment will make ‘those’ people feel comfortable to be toxic towards fans who enjoyed same sex ships in anime, especially BkDk enjoyers. To be quite frank, most of the people doing the bragging aren’t what I’d call “true shippers” just people who hate same sex ships and are happy to see even the smallest inkling of confirmation of a straight ship so that they can rub it in the faces of others. Because let’s be honest, the IzuOcha moment was nothing more than that, just a small intimate moment that can imply romance just like all the other moments between them in the anime and manga so far. It’s nothing big like a kiss, so it’s not like the two were even confirmed to be together at all. Fans of the ship still had plenty to go off on and imagine them together afterwards, and fans of other ships have enough experience to just keep on shipping. Canon doesn’t matter, it’s just about doing what you want. Overall, it’s not an issue. At this point in time I do think that Horikoshi would’ve been smarter to completely refrain from any romantic moments in the end, as the bigger a popular fandoms is, it’s more likely to (sadly) contain people who get way too into shipping discourse, and begin displaying toxic behaviors. Now everybody keep in mind, shipping isn’t the problem. Shipping is fine. It’s fine for fans to feel upset about their ships, it’s a normal part of fandom culture. The problem comes when toxic behavior begins to become prevalent: doxxing, threats, bullying, offensive/bigoted language, harassment, mass reporting, and such are not acceptable. Long comment threads arguing with someone online for an hour or longer is just straight up annoying, I’m sure we can all agree. However I’m sure the discourse will die down, and the toxic behavior will stop. We just have to wait and abstain from disrespectful behavior.

Now about Izuku’s rejection of Katsuki. First, I’ve seen people saying Bakugo wanted Izuku to be his sidekick, which isn’t likely. While Bakugo is rejecting interns and sidekicks, I see it as him waiting for Izuku and trying to leave room for him in his agency. He doesn’t want Izuku as a sidekick he wants to be a duo. He doesn’t want to fill his agency with sidekicks and just call it a day, he wants someone to stand side by side with him and constantly challenge him and support him to be better.

I think with this ending Horikoshi is conveying that while Izuku is going to be a hero again, and is still friends with Katsuki and will still support and compete with him, he doesn’t want Katsuki to be “tied down”? (I don’t know how to explain it) When Izuku turns down Bakugo’s offer, Izuku ISN’T saying “no, I don’t value you or what you did for me”. He’s saying, “I’m thankful for what you did, I love and care about you but I don’t want you to be dependent on me. I have to make my own choices separate from you and put myself first.” Which is a good message. A great one. However I think it’s should have been made a little…clearer? So far the scene has Bakugo seemingly be left behind (again) saying “when everyone is special to you… no one is really special”. As if he feels abandoned. This seems like it’s against how their relationship has been defined throughout the story. It’s not about the ship, it never was about the ship for me. It’s about the relationship and development between two characters that I became so invested in.

One of the biggest things I enjoyed about MHA is these two characters. I enjoyed Deku’s ‘favoritism’ towards Bakugo, it’s a flaw, but an interesting one, and one that isn’t detrimental to his character as it can also be seen as a beneficial trait. Everyone has a person who holds a special weight, someone that they prioritize over others. This can be a bad thing and a good thing. I think this aspect of Bakugo and Deku’s relationship with each other is what drew so many to be so invested in their characters. I’ve always described the two of them as being soulmates in every sense of the word. Intrinsically tied together, despite the odds and despite their feelings. One cannot be without the other. Some might agree this is detrimental in a relationship, and I would say in real life it could be, but for two characters who’s writing and developments evolve in tandem with each other, it just makes sense to me. For them to be forever tied together. It’s good that Deku potentially doesn’t want them to become “just rivals” however to me, it was presented in a way that makes it pretty easy for people, to see it as out of left field with Deku straight up ‘rejecting’ Bakugo, when for the whole series one of his greatest wishes is to be at Katsuki’s side. I think the conclusion, that “no one is really special” is something that just hurts as a BkDk lover, and to me, seemingly goes against the development of their relationship.

Thankfully it seems that Katsuki says “See you”, not letting himself be left behind. He’s hurt and sad about Izuku’s rejection, but he’s still going to be close with him, he’ll still be Izuku’s friend and biggest supporter, he’s just not chasing after him. I suppose it’s implying that instead of chasing after one another, they’ll stand side by side. Not together as one, but together as individuals. Again, I wish it was a little clearer, as it gives this sense of openness that doesn’t really fit this story as an ending. I thought Chapter 430 was probably the better note to end off on, as it gives you that bittersweet feeling but ends on a final overwhelmingly positive note. The dream is realized, friends support friends, everything is final and conclusive. Nothing open that can be twisted negatively. But that’s just my personal opinion.

All in all, I’m not sure how to feel. It hurts a bit, it feels bittersweet. Because you worry. You know the two of them are so close, practically bound together, but you worry that they’ll grow apart, that their relationship will never be what was imagined. I don’t truly know the meaning of the scene, these are just my thoughts. Until Horikoshi confirms the leaks, we won’t definitely know his intentions for the scene and the ending. All I know is that I feel a little sad in my worry that these fictional characters I’m so ridiculously hung up on won’t be together anymore. And that’s okay. It’s okay for people to be so invested. It’s part of what keeps a fandom alive. Everyone just needs to keep in mind to be nice to each other. We went through such a nice period of calm when we thought ch 430 was the last chapter, please let this die down and we can return to that calm. We can all analyze, theorize, make fanart, create fix-it’s and rewrites once this is all over.

[smallpossesedchild]

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Creds to @mirkoscats and @bkdkd1glazer on TikTok for the images! ᗢ

I think a very big reason why bkdk is so hated in the western world compared to internationally is because of the English translation for it.

It seems that it’s actually a very popular ship in Japan, but if you mention them in places like America etc you should be prepared for a LOT of backlash. 😭

And obviously a reason for this is the mistranslation! A lot of Japanese words aren’t properly explained, so we’re not actually getting the full idea of what they’re saying. Just a summary.

Along with the multiple arts following romantic traditions over there, it’s obvious why it would be more popular overseas! They get the full idea of what their relationship looks like.

And it’s obvious that even if it’s romantic or not, their relationship is so special and deep. THEY ARE SOULMATES PEOPLE 😭😭

I saw someone say that ‘English mangas need like a separate page to describe Japanese words that cant be directly translated. It’s such valuable info to understand the plot fully’ and I think that’s such a good idea. Because yes it’s annoying not being able to understand everything they’re saying how it’s meant to be understood!

I think that’s just my view on it, but honestly after seeing that analysis it opened my eyes 😭

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Following romantic traditions?? No wonder they think these mfs gay too. 😭

I think if either of them were a girl, they’d already be canon. And I know horikoshi isn’t afraid of making lgbtq characters, but is he afraid of making them the MAIN characters? Which I can understand to an extent due to the possible backlash it might get.

We find this a lot, two main male best friends with a questionable relationship, wether or not they’re meant to be romantic or not they’re relationship is still questionable and outside of the norm of what you’d consider to be ‘just close friends’ or some people’s favourite term ‘brotherly.’

Time and time again people notice their close relationship, tension builds up and it goes nowhere. And they get called crazy for even thinking they were anything more than friends.

Perhaps coincidence but I think NOT??

This is a big detail that is left out in the anime, which is another reason why I think people are so against this ship. The anime portrays it poorly and leaves out important details, and they don’t bother reading the manga.

Horikoshi also happens to be a big fan of tarot cards!and people have pointed out this looks similar to the three of swords. I’m very clueless on tarot cards so if anyone wants to add their 50 cents into this part I’d appreciated. There’s an explainarion in the image but I’ll put a small one down here too from google.

‘This card depicts a fundamentally sorrowful experience—tarot readers suggest this may be in the form of a lost relationship, an accidental death, or some other form of not just depression or malaise but deeply emotional sorrow.’

‘In the context of love and partnerships, this card can signify the end of a relationship, often marked by betrayal, heartbreak, or a sudden and unexpected loss.’

So sure, it’s not inherently romantic and can be taken as either that or platonic. But I still think it’s a fun detail that the anime left out.

This is definitely a slop of holy yap but I got distracted and obsessed with wolverine for a while and sort of forgot about this account 😭

Would love to see other views on this if it does gain any sort of traction.

[smallpossesedchild]

The Weight is Not the Same

A post about love tokens.

I want to talk about the Christmas gift that Ochako got from Izuku and why it is the perfect symbol of a doomed love.

Izuku didn't choose that gift thinking of Ochaco. He was picking a generic gift for a classmate and friend. That they received each others gifts after a blind exchange and weren't thinking of each other at all when they picked them. In other words, it was random. Much like the IzuOcha pairing would look random and mashed together by coincidence if Horikoshi ultimately chose to pair them as endgame.

Ochaco might carry the doll around the same way she might carry a crush for Izuku, but the mochi that Izuku received has long gone the way of their romantic potential. I shall not elaborate.

Furthermore, the doll is problematic as a symbol for Izuku and Ochaco's relationship. Why?

Because All Might belongs to Izuku and Katsuki.

No, I don't mean that they have any claim on All Might the person, but these two boys have plotted their entire life's trajectory on All Might the Hero. Their entire relationship can be traced back to All Might. They bonded over their shared love of the hero as kids. The only reason Izuku is with Katsuki attending the same school is because of All Might. They share the secret of OFA with All Might and every time their relationship grows closer to reconciliation, All Might is there, watching over them. Their entire spiritual journey revolves around All Might and synthesizing the dual aspects of his heroic nature. All Might is their signpost and their get-a-long shirt.

Now if Katsuki had received the All Might doll--

Oh.

They both carry talismans into battle, but the weight is not the same.

[smallpossesedchild]

Analysis on Katsuki’s Ending

Spoilers for the end of the manga and leaks of volume 42

Long analysys thread:

I am devastated because of the leaks

Because of Katsuki.

His journey throughout the story consisted about taking accountability for his mistakes: for the bullying he did.

And oh, he did learn. He did take accountability.

From win to save, he learned to save to win. He helped Izuku train OFA. Got impaled and saved Izukus life.

Then, he apologized without expecting an answer, because he meant it. Katsuki understood that Izuku didn’t have to respond. (Seriously, what would he say? Thank you for taking accountability for making me miserable during highschool?) Izuku left that past behind ever since he took the “Deku is worth nothing” and rephrased it to: the Deku who can do his best. What I most like about his apology, is that Deku didn’t answer, and Bakugo didn’t demand nor expected one, because it wasn’t necessary. It was Bakugo’s thing to do.

Then, Katsuki died while thinking about him, because Izuku went from the kid he pushed away, to a man he admired:

Fighting through the pain: this is the path you have been walking all this time.

I have to win, right, Izuku?

Can I still catch up to you?

Then, he got another chance at life. He promised that he would never get in between his way ever again, recalling the times he used to bully him.

Here is what makes me weak for him. The way he never forgived himself for what he did. Katsuki was linked to Izuku forever with that way of thinking and acting: although he apologized and walked forward, he never forgot what he did. And he atoned and atoned and atoned. Which isn’t bad. Don’t get me wrong.

But everyone has to move on: he apologized. got impaled for him. And then, much later, built Izuku a suit. HE, of all people, the one who used to bully Deku for being quirkless, gave him his dream BACK.

That’s another fact that makes me weak. Because Bakugo’s heart changed: he believed quirkless people were losers. He bullied. Now, he understands his mistakes and has tried to atone for so, so long. He is not the same and will never do that again.

(What about his foul mouth? You could ask. Man. Thats literally a façade. Or that’s how I interpret it. Bark don’t bite. Bro is a dumbass, but is not a bad person.)

All this leads me to the dream he made for himself and Izuku in it: to compete forever. He never cut the link to Izuku. Never got over him. Never stopped atoning.

To sum up: it hurts me that after so much atoning for Izuku, he never atoned for himself. He just got attached to him, revolved his life to Izuku.

Izuku did move on: life makes you walk different paths. He found something in teaching that, clearly, topped off his desire to compete with his childhood friend. He moved on. Remember: 8 years have gone by. Izuku moved on from OFA but Katsuki DIDN’T!

And that’s why his ending hurts. Because he never let go. And that makes me so, so, so sad.

In twitter some say it’s karma. Deku doesn’t have to stick to him for his entire life and I agree: I am happy for Izuku and the path he forged to walk. A new dream. A new person. Not the 17 year old he was.

But Katsuki never let go of the dream he built at 17 and always knew that he would ensure Izukus his dream back. (While Izuku didnt know it would happen so he moved forward…)

Izuku is noble and wants to keep teaching, he has kids to motivate and yada yada. It’s amazing how he has evolved as a character and as an adult. His dream isn’t the same as Katsuki’s anymore. Not the same 17 year olds wanting to compete for the rest of their lifes.

And now, cut to the present. Izuku rejects Katsuki because his dream has changed.

I do believe Izuku recognized Bakugo’s efforts. He has said he is welcome and appreciates the suit!!!! He is happy to be able to fight alongside class 1A!!! this dialogue seems to be forgotten somehow!! My point is: their goals are different now. Izuku moved away from OFA once he lost it / Bakugo never forgot it and kept fighting for it building a suit, that Izuku is thankful for! But seems like competing w his childhoodfriend isnt his main goal anymore

And this change didnt happen quickly because there has been a timeskip! Of 8 years!

However, readers believe it was rushed because all that introspection was cut. I don’t blame you, in fact, I agree with you all. An elypsis wasn’t the right choice to make, but how could have Horikoshi finished the manga!? He cant keep drawing forever! This mangaka was suffering the last year, taking a lot of breaks because his health was in shambles. Therefore, a timeskip it was. But maybe not the best choice to the story, I guess.

But stories sometime need to be concluded. Cant keep holding on for them forever. You can blame it on writing decisions. Anyway, let’s get back to the main point.

The ending hurts from Katsuki’s perspective because he got rejected, because he never let Izuku go. And now, he has a chance to. To develop himself as a man separate of Izuku.

As a shipper it hurts like hell, but man. Katsuki did love him. Take it as romantic or platonic i dont care. But Katsuki cared. A lot. Izuku, I am sure that too. But rejecting the offer doesn’t mean he hates him or is a bad person: he never asked for that suit, he reshaped his dream.

And I repeat. The truth hurts. Reality hurts. And still, this ending was… truly realistic, from their point of view. In that manner, it satisfies me. But on the other hand, as a fan, as a shipper, a fanfiction writer, the ending hurts and I will cope with fan content on my behalf.

The ending wasn’t ass. It was realistic. That’s my take.

(I won’t talk about Izuocha. I do believe it was rushed and off. That’s for another post. Pls don’t talk about Izuocha in this post since they are not the main focus)

[smallpossesedchild]

The Powerful Theme Behind BNHA’s Nuanced Ending

As I’m posting this we only have one more chapter of the manga and I don’t know how the ending is going to exactly play out, but I do know one thing. The deaths of Toga and Tenko were not in vain, and the author is still trying to give readers hope while also still maintaining some realism and bitter-sweetness in his messaging. Therefore, this is what I think Horikoshi is trying to tell his readers, especially the young people who have their whole lives ahead of them to make a difference on the world:

I see how this theme, the one that’s been built up throughout this manga yet simultaneously feels like it’s coming out of left field, is one of those themes that is a hard pill to swallow. Basically, no matter how hard we can try and push to do good and help others/make the world a better place, we’ll often fail again and again. A lot of bad things can happen, society can choose to remain apathetic, and it can seem like nothing’s ever gonna change because you just put all that hard work in towards the future for nothing. However, even if sometimes you can’t save everyone or society keeps trying to push issues under the rug, that doesn’t mean we should give up trying to fight for social issues we care about. We might never get to see the perfect world Deku and Urarak dream of, and Tenko and Toga may be gone, but their fight for a good and accepting world will someday be worth it cus their actions do have weight by showing that redemption is possible, even if no one has seen it except them. Young people like them just have to make sure to leave their mark so that others can follow.

My Hero Academia is about how we all can become the greatest hero, not by magically destroying the world’s problems and apathy overnight, but instead by continously reaching out a helping hand to people who might not initially seem like they want it.

[smallpossesedchild]

My breakdown over 431 and why it's the worst thing to have ever been made canon (yes, it is canon technically)

Okay...so..

You're telling me..wait wait

So 429 was the official ending...430 was the "curtain's closing"..and 431 is outside of the drama, with the cameras off

But..youre telling me..that 431 is still canon?

Wait I'm seriously confused now HORIKOSHI PLEASE EXPLAIN PROPERLY

Was it the team that drew the goddamn chapter or you 😭😭

Like wtf? After giving Bakugo that redemption arc, after basically making him the second main character, after finally having his and Izuku's friendship fixed...why did you do this to him?

But if it isn't canon, the team still drew it...that must mean Hori still had some connection to it...but why?

Why must they make Bakugo suffer?

Why didn't they make him smile EVEN ONCE?

What is seriously wrong with you 😭

So you're saying you made this "outside of the drama" and with the cameras off to give the characters a happy ending and show their life outside of the cameras and the plot

So why, THE FUCK, would you do the exact opposite and make the fandom's favorite character suffer? What has he DONE TO YOU?

Because you know what fk you 😭 not seriously, but still. Even if it's not explicitly canon, you still very much thought of it and APPROVED of releasing it, so you're totally okay, in fact, you SUPPORT whatever the fuck this was????

Hold on, hold on. Let me summarize 431 in Bakugo's perspective for you.

All their life, Izuku wanted nothing more than to have Bakugo by his side, he only knew how to live with Kacchan there next to him. As a child, Kacchan was the most special person that Izuku ever lay his eyes on. He saw only him, because he shined brighter than anyone else. He was his hero. Until he wasn't anymore. Until he learned to live his life without him. He learned to move on. He doesn't need Kacchan to live his life anymore. He doesn't need him in his life anymore to make him happy. He has found his purpose and accepted that it wasn't the same path as Katsuki's.

Bakugo used to be independent and wanted to stand alone without Deku until Izuku taught him to rely on others, not just himself. So he let him in his heart, wishing with his whole heart that Izuku will be there next to him for the rest of his life. Bakugo was afraid to let someone in, afraid to be vulnerable and let his guard down. But he did, and he trusted Izuku, opened himself up to him and shared his soul with him. Only to be left alone in the dust. He was right to be afraid of opening up, afraid of being left alone. He opened up his heart, but ended up disappointed. He let himself fall, only to put his walls up again. He opened up once, but got disappointed. Never again. He stood there, watching him go, until he disappeared and became part of the crowd. Just like everyone else. He watched as he walked out of his life. Bakugo didn't get his happy ending. He didn't achieve his dream. He didn't get to become the number one hero because he only wanted to do that with Izuku there by his side. But Izuku chose another path, and he's not there to motivate him anymore. Bakugo has lost the reason of his happiness. He isn't the Bakugo who never gives up anymore. He isn't the Kacchan who always wins. He's just the Katsuki that was once special but now is just there, with no real reason to be alive. As he will forever be waiting for someone like Izuku to join by his side, knowing noone will ever be able to replace him, because to him, no one will ever be as special as Izuku.

First it was Bakugo that left little Deku behind. Then it was Izuku that left Kacchan behind without looking back. This is Bakugo's consequence for what he said to Izuku. He'll never be able to be happy with the person that he loves. Izuku is happy, he has learned to move on and live his life as a teacher, helping other people's dreams. He moved past his dream of becoming a hero with Katsuki. Meanwhile Bakugo can only be happy with him in his life. He thought they'd be competing for the rest of their lives, but that dream is already gone, it slipped right out of his hands as he watched him go.

They were never meant to have a happy ending.

Everyone got their happy ending but Katsuki. So I guess I see what your plan was all along Horikoshi...we really did come a full circle huh. The roles switched, and Bakugo will forever regret not taking Izuku's hand when he had the chance. All along it was Izuku chasing after Kacchan, but now it will forever be Bakugo chasing after Izuku, on his heels for the rest of his life, but never close enough to reach him. Life lesson learned I guess. Izuku finally learned how to move on and be his own person, and he finally learned that he has other people in his life too, not just Kacchan. And Katsuki finally learned to let himself be vulnerable and love someone else. He has finally learned that he's not more special than anyone else. Not even in Izuku's eyes.

I still have hopes for the official volume release tomorrow, but..I don't think I'll be able to look at the ending the same way after this. After knowing what happens after. As heart wrenching as it might be, it's realistic. It makes too much sense that they have come a full circle, it makes too much sense that they won't be together forever, that they'll drift apart after some years. It makes too much sense that the other will find other friends, other people that are important to him. And it makes too much sense that the one person who has denied to let himself love someone and open up his heart end up being the one that does but it's too late. Because when he finally let all his walls down, the other has already moved on. It's how life works. People won't wait for you forever, and you can't live your life pushing everyone away and insisting to be alone. Because by the time you do let your walls down, you'll realize you're alone and you took the other person for granted, not realizing you never had forever with them. And now they're gone. And you'll be stuck missing them and thinking about what you two could have been for the rest of your life.

I fking hate you for this Horikoshi, and I don't care, this is my own personal opinion and I'm fking hurt, even if it is the most realistic ending they could have gotten. Is it really too much to ask for them to have a happy ending? Why did that boy have to lose his smile after he has finally gotten it back again? Why do his eyes have to look hollow, like his life has no reason? Why does he have to look like he has lost everything, even though it was never his in the first place?

[smallpossesedchild]

Sometimes, I think about that one time when Deku just took a heavy metal plate and used it to cut off a robot’s arm without any hesitation or any use of his quirk.

[smallpossesedchild]

the shared crush crisis

part two!!

[smallpossesedchild]

constructive feedback

[smallpossesedchild]

i love their friendship

[smallpossesedchild]

Who's the most gorgeous BNHA character? I'll start with my personal, probably rare, pick:

The fact Yoichi looks this drop dead ethereal wearing just a baggy t-shirt is insane. I love an angelic gnc king who haunts the narrative.

[smallpossesedchild]

Middle school bkdk

[smallpossesedchild]

quirk swap au

honestly i dont have much for this au other than kacchan having all for one and dedicating himself to finding izuku the perfect quirk so they can both be heroes. he has questionable morals and does bad things but he thinks its okay

i also dont know what quirk izuku would end up with... maybe overhaul... i dunno!!

[smallpossesedchild]

[smallpossesedchild]

Mouthwashing fanfiction i started but never finished so eat up!

She wanted to say that Jimmy was no man.

Biologically he was a human, with a heart and lungs and brain that Anya could try to treat, but his behavior was more attuned to that of a folktale monster. From stories told by people long gone by, meant to warn about the dangers of the world through the fear of an unknown creature. Of story's that, now in the modern day and age, you would brush off as fiction to not entertain the thought that maybe there were hints of truths hidden in those stories.

But the truth is that there are no monsters on board the Pony Express, only other humans.

Jimmy was conscious and meticulous with all of his actions, like it was a chore for him. He knew what he was going into her dorm for, he knew how he was going to do it and now he was going to kill her.

Well she doesn't exactly know entirely, but having spent enough time in “proximity” with Jimmy was enough to know that he would fight tooth and nail to end her life if he ever found out about the… fetus growing inside of her.

She needed to tell someone. She didn't have much time, the gap of opportunity was closing and she needed strength to pass through it but she was just so tired of everything. How much she would love to finish the job before Jimmy decided to come back for the finishing move.

“-Anya? Are you feeling ok? You've been staring at your corporate issued slop for a bit too long” Curly tries to joke. She slowly looks around the table to see everyone looking at her with varying degrees of concern. Looking down at her spoon she looks at the sad looking soup she was in the middle of eating, maybe it was edible at some point, but that's no longer the truth. She instinctively blows on the spoonful and sips at it.

It's gone cold.

“I can heat it up, if you need it warmer?” Oh, she had said that outloud.

“No thank you, I'm ok,” She didn’t want to burden him with anything. The thick air around the table dissipates, allowing the group to get back to joking and chatting. Her lying had worked.

Almost, for a split second, she locked eyes with someone she never wants to see ever again. She suppresses a shiver, at the feeling of cold eyes looking her up, being able to undress her with his eyes. Her clothes were meant to protect her, yet she was still stripped of everything she brought on this god-forsaken ship.

Anya the last one at the table, she never finished the soup.

Walking through the door leading to the medical ward she was stopped by Swansea's outstretched arm.

“What do you need Swansea,” He sighed, smoothing out his remaining hair.

“Are you sure you're ok Anya? You look like you've got a lot going on in your head, if you need help of any kind you can come to me,” Anya looked down to the left, fiddling with her cuticles.

“If I needed any help I would ask Captain-“ She was interrupted by a snort from the man in front of her, her face slacked in shock. She felt a little twinge of something inside of her. What was so funny?

He at least had the decency to look guilty about his inappropriate action, averting his gaze and clearing his throat “Look, Anya. I've been working with Captain Curly longer than you and I know more than anyone on here that he is working his ass off trying to make sure everything is running right and being taken care of. But that sure doesn't leave a lot of room for the emotional part of everything. He is a good man and a good leader, that doesn't make him a good therapist though,” He seems to be trying to gesture something with his hand but she stops him.

“ I-I think I ge- I understand what your trying to say... but uhm, really I don't know if...I don't know if I'm strong enough to say what I need to say”

“You don't have to explain anything, just tell me what needs to happen for you to feel better,”

“I think… jimmy, he whats… wants to hurt me, can you, maybe hide the, uh, emergency weapons so that he can't get it?”

Something flashed in his eyes before it was masked again, he crossed his arms with a frown “My body may be getting rusty but there's one thing that ain't, my gut. I felt something was off about that creep."

He scratches his chin"Good to know that it wasn’t just me thinking he was weird. The way he looks at Captain Curly makes me want to hurl-y,” She smiles at that.

“There’s that sickly sweet smile, of course i'll put those somewhere where he can’t see ,” he paused frowning “But just some advice,” He motioned for her to come closer to him.

“ I don’t think you should tell Captain about Jimmy,” Anya's heart jumps into her throat, she chokes on it, coughing. Swansea slaps at her back gentler than she thought he would have.

“ Why?” 

He looks up and sighs. “ I'm an old fart who's been working on this rusty box of bolts for decades. I was here when curly first became the Captain of this ship. Back then he was a disgustingly fine young gentleman who really showed how much sweat and tears he put into getting on this damn ship.” That just sounded like the regular Capitan Curly she knew, what was the difference between then and now?

“Well then came Jimmy,” oh.

“Yeah, he was the biggest little shit I've come across in any colony. Manipulative and smug beyond all hell, but he was even worse when next to Curly. Those two bring out the worst of each other, more than any other person I've ever seen. Curly’s more naive and gullible while Jimmy is insecure brat who thinks anyone better than him has had life handed to them that way . I've never told anyone else this but I truly think that the day Jimmy was assigned co-pilot was the day that Curly stopped being this ship's true capitan,” Anyas furrowed her brows, frown etched deep into her face. Swansea noticed and chuckled bitterly.

“I know that sounds strange, but Jimmy is the Captain's best friend and he takes advantage of that all the time. Notice how Jimmy rarely ever gets into trouble?” Her eyes widened. 

“Yeah, Curly’s biased towards Jimmy, that bastard has our captain eating out of the palm of his hand.”

“ Poor Curly, I couldn’t imagine being groomed that way,” Swansea raises an eyebrow at that.

“I don’t think he was necessarily groomed, even though I called him naive I wouldn’t call him blameless. He's a grown ass man and he's shown that he's not gullible or immature enough to be able to fall for a person's bullshit so quickly,” She almost wanted to frown but tried to hide it.

“He’s responsible for everyone on this ship, so whatever happens under his control he's partially responsible for,” She shudders at the thought, swallowing the lump in her throat. Anya doesn’t want to think that such a nice man would just allow this to happen without repercussions. She didn’t know what was worse, seeing exactly who she knew Jimmy was or finding out she never truly knew Curly at all.

Was it so stupid to believe that she wanted to be close to the people whom she was going to spend a ship with for a year?

A pat on the shoulder made her flinch, Swansea raised an eyebrow at the action. She stared at him, begging him not to dig any further. He surrendered and walked away.

“ Just try to get some rest, tonight,” He waved back at her from where he was walking away.

She nodded - oh wait he wouldn't see that. Anya called out to him "Alright, I'll try to do that,”

That night she cuddles into her new bedsheets, cuddling closer to her old rabbit stuffed animal that she brought with her savoring the smell of her home that still lingered on it.

She didn’t dream of anything. 

It felt like she had blinked at night then woke up in the morning to buzzing fluorescent lights of the cabin. Even though she wasn’t in the medbay she still felt like she was under the harsh medical lights.

She gets up and goes to breakfast,and stays quiet even as the conversation shifts to the routines and what Daisuke and Swansea are learning about for the day.

On her way to medway she almost tells curly about her problem but instead tell him about Jimmy's hidden nature and about the rose tinted glasses.

As she walks into the sterile smelling medical room she sighs, sits down and stares at a wall of screens showing a sunrise.

They say a Captain is his ship.

How many pretty screens need to be ripped away before she can find the truth written inside?