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smallpossesedchild · 5 days ago

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Mouthwashing fanfiction i started but never finished so eat up!

She wanted to say that Jimmy was no man.

Biologically he was a human, with a heart and lungs and brain that Anya could try to treat, but his behavior was more attuned to that of a folktale monster. From stories told by people long gone by, meant to warn about the dangers of the world through the fear of an unknown creature. Of story's that, now in the modern day and age, you would brush off as fiction to not entertain the thought that maybe there were hints of truths hidden in those stories.

But the truth is that there are no monsters on board the Pony Express, only other humans.

Jimmy was conscious and meticulous with all of his actions, like it was a chore for him. He knew what he was going into her dorm for, he knew how he was going to do it and now he was going to kill her.

Well she doesn't exactly know entirely, but having spent enough time in “proximity” with Jimmy was enough to know that he would fight tooth and nail to end her life if he ever found out about the… fetus growing inside of her.

She needed to tell someone. She didn't have much time, the gap of opportunity was closing and she needed strength to pass through it but she was just so tired of everything. How much she would love to finish the job before Jimmy decided to come back for the finishing move.

“-Anya? Are you feeling ok? You've been staring at your corporate issued slop for a bit too long” Curly tries to joke. She slowly looks around the table to see everyone looking at her with varying degrees of concern. Looking down at her spoon she looks at the sad looking soup she was in the middle of eating, maybe it was edible at some point, but that's no longer the truth. She instinctively blows on the spoonful and sips at it.

It's gone cold.

“I can heat it up, if you need it warmer?” Oh, she had said that outloud.

“No thank you, I'm ok,” She didn’t want to burden him with anything. The thick air around the table dissipates, allowing the group to get back to joking and chatting. Her lying had worked.

Almost, for a split second, she locked eyes with someone she never wants to see ever again. She suppresses a shiver, at the feeling of cold eyes looking her up, being able to undress her with his eyes. Her clothes were meant to protect her, yet she was still stripped of everything she brought on this god-forsaken ship.

Anya the last one at the table, she never finished the soup.

Walking through the door leading to the medical ward she was stopped by Swansea's outstretched arm.

“What do you need Swansea,” He sighed, smoothing out his remaining hair.

“Are you sure you're ok Anya? You look like you've got a lot going on in your head, if you need help of any kind you can come to me,” Anya looked down to the left, fiddling with her cuticles.

“If I needed any help I would ask Captain-“ She was interrupted by a snort from the man in front of her, her face slacked in shock. She felt a little twinge of something inside of her. What was so funny?

He at least had the decency to look guilty about his inappropriate action, averting his gaze and clearing his throat “Look, Anya. I've been working with Captain Curly longer than you and I know more than anyone on here that he is working his ass off trying to make sure everything is running right and being taken care of. But that sure doesn't leave a lot of room for the emotional part of everything. He is a good man and a good leader, that doesn't make him a good therapist though,” He seems to be trying to gesture something with his hand but she stops him.

“ I-I think I ge- I understand what your trying to say... but uhm, really I don't know if...I don't know if I'm strong enough to say what I need to say”

“You don't have to explain anything, just tell me what needs to happen for you to feel better,”

“I think… jimmy, he whats… wants to hurt me, can you, maybe hide the, uh, emergency weapons so that he can't get it?”

Something flashed in his eyes before it was masked again, he crossed his arms with a frown “My body may be getting rusty but there's one thing that ain't, my gut. I felt something was off about that creep."

He scratches his chin"Good to know that it wasn’t just me thinking he was weird. The way he looks at Captain Curly makes me want to hurl-y,” She smiles at that.

“There’s that sickly sweet smile, of course i'll put those somewhere where he can’t see ,” he paused frowning “But just some advice,” He motioned for her to come closer to him.

“ I don’t think you should tell Captain about Jimmy,” Anya's heart jumps into her throat, she chokes on it, coughing. Swansea slaps at her back gentler than she thought he would have.

“ Why?”

He looks up and sighs. “ I'm an old fart who's been working on this rusty box of bolts for decades. I was here when curly first became the Captain of this ship. Back then he was a disgustingly fine young gentleman who really showed how much sweat and tears he put into getting on this damn ship.” That just sounded like the regular Capitan Curly she knew, what was the difference between then and now?

“Well then came Jimmy,” oh.

“Yeah, he was the biggest little shit I've come across in any colony. Manipulative and smug beyond all hell, but he was even worse when next to Curly. Those two bring out the worst of each other, more than any other person I've ever seen. Curly’s more naive and gullible while Jimmy is insecure brat who thinks anyone better than him has had life handed to them that way . I've never told anyone else this but I truly think that the day Jimmy was assigned co-pilot was the day that Curly stopped being this ship's true capitan,” Anyas furrowed her brows, frown etched deep into her face. Swansea noticed and chuckled bitterly.

“I know that sounds strange, but Jimmy is the Captain's best friend and he takes advantage of that all the time. Notice how Jimmy rarely ever gets into trouble?” Her eyes widened.

“Yeah, Curly’s biased towards Jimmy, that bastard has our captain eating out of the palm of his hand.”

“ Poor Curly, I couldn’t imagine being groomed that way,” Swansea raises an eyebrow at that.

“I don’t think he was necessarily groomed, even though I called him naive I wouldn’t call him blameless. He's a grown ass man and he's shown that he's not gullible or immature enough to be able to fall for a person's bullshit so quickly,” She almost wanted to frown but tried to hide it.

“He’s responsible for everyone on this ship, so whatever happens under his control he's partially responsible for,” She shudders at the thought, swallowing the lump in her throat. Anya doesn’t want to think that such a nice man would just allow this to happen without repercussions. She didn’t know what was worse, seeing exactly who she knew Jimmy was or finding out she never truly knew Curly at all.

Was it so stupid to believe that she wanted to be close to the people whom she was going to spend a ship with for a year?

A pat on the shoulder made her flinch, Swansea raised an eyebrow at the action. She stared at him, begging him not to dig any further. He surrendered and walked away.

“ Just try to get some rest, tonight,” He waved back at her from where he was walking away.

She nodded - oh wait he wouldn't see that. Anya called out to him "Alright, I'll try to do that,”

That night she cuddles into her new bedsheets, cuddling closer to her old rabbit stuffed animal that she brought with her savoring the smell of her home that still lingered on it.

She didn’t dream of anything.

It felt like she had blinked at night then woke up in the morning to buzzing fluorescent lights of the cabin. Even though she wasn’t in the medbay she still felt like she was under the harsh medical lights.

She gets up and goes to breakfast,and stays quiet even as the conversation shifts to the routines and what Daisuke and Swansea are learning about for the day.

On her way to medway she almost tells curly about her problem but instead tell him about Jimmy's hidden nature and about the rose tinted glasses.

As she walks into the sterile smelling medical room she sighs, sits down and stares at a wall of screens showing a sunrise.

They say a Captain is his ship.

How many pretty screens need to be ripped away before she can find the truth written inside?

#mouthwashing swansea #mouthwashing curly #mouthwashing #mouthwashing anya #mouthwashing analysis #??? i think #I have no mouth that I can wash #How can I cleanse my toungue of my sins?

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