smalllittlepoems

[smalllittlepoems]

around and around the circle spins

killing another

to save your own skin

[smalllittlepoems]

the world is one big

illusion so let’s dance till

our eyes wear out love

[smalllittlepoems]

the feminine urge

to hit a man with a chair

is not ever lost

[smalllittlepoems]

there is something inherently queer

about getting stabbed in the hand with a clear

piece of glass but i think

i’d be an ass not to link

the pain in my hand and my heart to the fear

[smalllittlepoems]

a closet on fire/the definition of worse

every word out of your mouth feels like judgement

like i’m not enough

smart enough

strong enough

wise enough

good enough

and it hurts

when underneath grand declarations

of unconditional love

of acceptance

is the fear

the fear that i am somehow different

now that you know

the fear that i’ve been influenced

the fear that i’ll be hurt

the fear that i’ll regret it

you fear me

and you fear for me

to you i am just a child

whose words must be taken with a grain of salt

who tells tall tales

for attention

who doesn’t know enough of the world

to be trusted to make decisions for herself

who must be smiled at

gently

and steered away from the open flame

and i tell myself that it could be worse

but i had no expectations in the first place

i was hoping for a dismissal

a change in subjects

but in a change of fates

i was the one disappointed

not angry just disappointed

when instead of anything else

i got doubt

“we’ll you never had sex with a [xxx] before so how could you know”

“you’re still so young, don’t make up your mind just yet”

an interrogation

“are you sure?”

“so if a [xxx] asked you out you wouldn’t even give [xxx] a chance?”

a plea

“you’re limiting yourself”

“you’re letting society rule you”

what i don’t tell you is that

no i’m not limiting myself

i am establishing boundaries

(something i thought you would understand

when all you do is keep up walls

“i don’t trust them”

“don’t tell them that”

“you’ll only get hurt”)

(i knew you would not understand

you who would wish me to have no boundaries

“secrets hold no place between us”

“tell me everything”

so that i may doubt you

distrust is an insidious thing)

what i don’t tell you is that

society would control me

if i didn’t tell

if i lived in fear of the potential hurt

not knowing that i would be my own worst enemy

the warden and the prisoner

(i knew neither of you would understand

when you think that there is a default

and that anything else

is by influence

a control that is not my own

you would not understand

when one of you lives in a pink world

and the other lives

in a world of shadows and betrayal

of your own conception

when you think that the worst control

comes from someone else

and not yourself

you are a hypocrite)

and i tell you none of this

because you are older

and wiser

and you’ve been burned before

and you don’t want me to get hurt

and you’re just looking out for me

and you don’t mean to offend me

and i know you love me

i do

…

i do

but you make no sense

am i giving myself an advantage

because it’s “cool”

and “hip”

and “trendy”

and “whatever else the kids say these days. lit?”

or am i making myself a target

for ridicule

for scorn

for hate

(you cried for me

and i don’t know if it made me love you

or hate you)

am i limiting myself

making it so that no [xxx] will ask me out

leaving me sad

and alone

when

(not if)

i change my mind

or would i be limiting myself if i said nothing

if i was not limited

(“how many very staunchly religious women, if you asked them and got them to answer truthfully, would say that they’d had feelings for other women before” a lot “that’s right, that’s why you can’t limit yourself”)

(and when i asked if it was better to fear

to fear others so much that i would kill my own self

to conform to them

or to risk that harm

and allow myself to flourish

to be myself

as messy as that can be

you couldn’t answer me)

but i am lucky

because you still love me

even if it now tinged by:

fear

distrust

and disappointment

it could be worse

so i must still love you

even as my eyes prickle

and a cave opens it’s hungry mouth in my chest

i must smile

“no of course you didn’t offend me”

“oh no it’s ok i understand”

“i love you”

(i must comfort you when i am the one

whom you just killed a part of)

and then i hide

i play loud music

i eat chocolate by the bars

i stare at the wall

i watch cartoons

i giggle hysterically

and i don’t cry

because all things considered

it could be worse

…

it could be worse

[smalllittlepoems]

by june bates

[smalllittlepoems]

time

time is passing without me

and i will never be able to catch up

for every second that i spend

is a minute

in the sun

and so i stay

a rock in the rushing tides

watching the leaves sweep by

overhead

in the sun

alive

without me

if only i could get up

and shed my burdens

become a leaf

riding the waves

experiencing

doing

seeing

but my mind weighs heavy

and i watch

as time goes on

without me

[smalllittlepoems]

hey poetryblr, my name’s emma.

writing is pretty much the only way that i can really communicate well. when words get stuck in my throat, i know just how to write them down on paper (or type them out) to get my point across and then some.

i don’t have any formal creative writing instruction so my poems range more raw and kind of ugly than polished and cutting. but that’s ok, because this account is for me and if anyone can relate to what i write then that’s amazing, but at the end of the day, i write for myself, for catharsis and to actually process the emotions that make me uncomfortable or sad sometimes.

as i said in my description, i welcome constructive criticism, while i do mostly write for myself if you have any tips on how to structure, organize, or other such advice i would welcome it! i really look forward to being part of this community!

xoxo gossip girl or something