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little personal win of the week: i am just shy of 4 pounds from the weight listed in my drivers license !

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i remember as a kid at the very beginning of this whole journey i would be in my basement for hours trying to do every single song on just dance (i was actually pretty good but always thought i was too f@t to be in dance class) ive been working my way through the old games as an adult as part of my workouts and it’s been really healing and fun to play as an adult and rediscover my love for dance ⭐️ (i just did 35 minutes and im sweating my ass off too so that’s a plus)

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gained back all the weight i lost last week in one weekend. i hate working but nothing keeps me on track like being stuck behind a bar all night lol. i brought some safe food today, and trying to drink as much water as possible to reduce the bloating. i didn’t get a workout in today but tomorrow we’re hitting the ground running! fuck movie theatre popcorn and fuck crumbl cookies for real my biggest enemies atm

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yall this weekend SUCKED lol if i weigh in tmr morning and lost all my progress from the last two weeks im gonna freak tf out lol

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i had a feeling my period was coming and sure enough i was greeted by a disgusting surprise this morning 🫠 now im bloated bc of my uterus and i need to eat so i can take some pain meds but nothing sounds good :( and i have to work another super busy event in a few hours, i still have to workout, but i want to lay in bed and rot all day

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been on track all week so far with the exception of a couple mini egg rolls i ate at work while i was too busy to prep my own food. but i can feel my period coming so the true test will be if i can make it through the next few days without a binge. i reeeaaaally want to get to my first gw before christmas 🥲

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my favorite part about bringing my own food to work is when i don’t eat it 😈

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body makes me want to be sick

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just broke a 21 hr f@st with a rice cake only bc i took a dab before work and i was starting to feel a little crazy. yesterday was bad for me but im getting on track today! got everything done on my to do list including a half hour walk since its finally warmed up enough to melt the ice on the pavement. i did all my shopping for food for work this week to avoid the fried stuff at the restaurant i bartend at. it’s gonna be a good week, i can tell!

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i had some arby’s with a friend last night and was back to 270 today which is 😠 but i took a long walk this morning, and went to the store to prep more dinners for work this week so im feeling good about being back on track! trying to hit 265 by the weekend! id love to be in the 250s by christmas, i think its possible! i’m so busy with work this month but at least its a job where im on my feet and if i am busy, then i cant snack! trying really hard not to spiral over gaining and instead put the energy back into losing again :)

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you ever feel like you were born with something rotten inside you and if people get close enough they’re gonna find out

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i made it to the 260’s !!! i’ve been packing my own food for work and trying really hard to drink more water and it looks like it’s helping!!! last time i weighed myself was after a binge on tuesday and i was 273 , but this morning im 268! 8 more pounds to my first GW!! (not nearly the last tho lol)

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fucked up and ate some pizza & pie last night with my mom cause she’s sick and i felt bad for her lol. it totally messed up my cal count and i feel like total shit this morning, i’m so bloated and my stomach is killing me. a fitting punishment :’)

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who tf told the girl with an ed that it’s a good idea to work in a restaurant i hate this place

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trying to bounce back from thanksgiving as best i can, so i went to the grocery store and got a bunch of tuna, fruits, olli pops, and rice cakes, things i can pack for work. i made a tuna rice bowl for dinner, and a fruit bowl and rice cakes for a snack :) i already logged everything and we’re at 943 for the day :) i also bought a new vape to stave off cravings and i drank a ton of water this morning so hopefully i can make this last. i work with a lot of my friends tho, and when i say no to snacks or whatever, idk how to tell them im dieting without making it sound like what it is lol. how do yall keep your friends off your back?

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Nothing hurts more than having your mind disordered but not the body dis0rdered

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i have no secrets other than my social media accounts dedicated to my eating disorder. Thats a pretty big one.