slutforodrickheffley

[slutforodrickheffley]

HARRY POTTER: GOLDEN TRIO HEAD CANONS

severely unhinged and a modern AU (bare with me)

ft. @littlelando44

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Gryffindor:

•Harry impulsively buys in app purchases

•Hermione has no personal social media, only uses it to market S.P.E.W.

•Ron has his brothers old android

•Everyone hates on Ron for making the group chats green

•Fred and George sold vapes to first years (they were burnt and unusable)

•Fred and George always use brainrot terms

•Fred and George were caught using Chat GPT to write their papers

•Neville Longbottom didn’t get a phone until sixth year

•Neville Longbottom only uses Youtube Shorts

•Ginny Weasley is goated at Game Pigeon

•Dean Thomas loves making thirst traps

•Dean Thomas found Umbridge on Tinder

•Seamus Finnegan runs the official Hogwarts party page

•Lee Thomas gives the most submissions to @hogwartsteaandcrumpets even if they are not true

•Lee Thomas runs the Hogwarts tiktok where he does student interviews with a tiny mic

•Lavender Brown is trying to become an influencer (unsuccessfully)

•Colin Creevey is an ipad kid

Slytherin:

•Draco frequently browses Dracotok. Is disgusted everytime but comes back again.

•Draco has issued many apology statements on Tiktok after he was cancelled for using the M word

•Draco refers to the Weasley’s as Temu Ginger’s

•Crabbe and Goyle attempted to kickstart a soundcloud drill rapping career.

•Blaise Zabini is a huge fan of Love Island

•Theodore Nott is addicted to baby sensory videos

Hufflepuff:

•Cedric Diggory is tiktok famous for just lip sync videos

•Cedric Diggory’s digital footprint is horrendous

•After Cedric died many people made “fly high” posts about him

•Hannah Abbott reposts everything on her FYP

•Hannah Abbott loves wattpad

•Ernie Mcmillian only gets his news from tiktok

•Ernie Mcmillian is all over conspiracytok

•Ernie Mcmillian has invested in bitcoin

•Zacharias Smith can only watch videos if they have subway surfers videos

•Zacharias Smith crashes out over Blooket

•Susan Bones is a Swiftie

•Susan Bones LOVES crumbl cookie

•Susan Bones is extremely 🎀preppy🎀

•Justin Finch-Fletchley loves Instagram reels and send everyone 1,000+ per day

•Justin cannot tell if something is AI or not

•Justin unironically loves KSI’s new song

Ravenclaw:

•Luna Lovegood uses tiktok shop

•Luna runs a slime account

•Luna never skips a hope core video

•Luna has a pinterest board for EVERYTHING

Faculty:

•Snape runs a tea account for Hogwarts (@hogwartsteaandcrumpets)

•Professor Sprout is a Snapchat dealer (@profofdatza)

•Hagrid is a frequent user of Craigslist

Other:

•Lucius Malfoy was exposed for being at Diddy parties and by providing him with SPECIAL potions (baby oil, dragon scales, and house elves tears)

•Dobby is still recovering from the Freak Offs that Lucius dragged him to.