slipknotfallon

[slipknotfallon]

This just might be me..

[slipknotfallon]

"Bleach is healthy, it's mostly water. And we're mostly water, therefore, we are bleach." -Nathan Explosion, Metalocalypse

[slipknotfallon]

I had to write a thriller short story for English, could you guys tell me if it's good or not? Tysmm <33

Cold. All I felt was cold. I have been held captive in this dark basement ever since the 24th of December. I have no idea what hour or day it is now, but I don't care anymore, I don't think I ever did in the first place. I remember the day I went missing; it was during a meet and greet with Santa at the Riverside Mall, I'll never forget it. 

I remember waiting in line, watching all the boys and girls in front of me sit on the stout man's lap and whisper what they wanted underneath the tree. I wished what the average 9 year old would, a new Cabbage Patch Kids doll to complete the collection I had at home. I was about 30 feet away from the king of Christmas himself when suddenly I felt my arm being aggressively yanked and my body being dragged to a nearby storage closet. I didn't have enough time to react, considering I tend to faint when being snuck up on, I remember mom telling me it was something called Vasovagal Syncope. 

Because of the sudden scare, I felt my body become numb as I felt my conciseness slip. Oh, how I wish mom hadn't gone to the bathroom a few minutes prior to be there with me. And when I awoke, all I felt was the cold air chilling my skin to the point of goosebumps. I don't remember what all has happened since then, I don't remember much of anything anymore, all I remember is my mother’s face, and I'm starting to forget what that even looks like. But I do remember one thing, no one coming down the broken stairs to feed me, no one giving me anything to go to the bathroom in, just nothing. I'm surprised at how long I've survived down here; I've just spent my days talking with the rats in the walls or using a broken pipe to carve tic tac toe on the walls. 

But suddenly I heard a knock, it sounded like a door! But it's not the door lying at the top of the steps, it's something on the outside. I stare at the door, paint chipping from its broken frame, and I... hear something. It's like footprints on a wooden floor, and then there's a loud scream, it sounds like a man, "What the heck are you doing in my house?! You need a warrant to be here!". I listen in, still standing in the middle of the dark basement. "Where is she?!" another man shouts, then there's commotion and... glass breaking. The men must be fighting and knocking things down. "Could one of those men be my captor?" I ask myself as I back against the wall in fear. The footsteps become clearer, louder, and suddenly the door is kicked open! 

There's a policeman standing at the top of the steps, his flashlight shaking in his hand as he pulls his walkie talkie out of his belt. The poor man looks like he's seen a ghost, am I that hard to look at? "Finally, thank you so much, sir! I can finally go back to my mama!" I exclaim, running towards the man with open arms. As my arms attempt close around him, I realize something, my arms went right through him... My body falls forward, landing behind the man, which causes me to hit the ground with a thud. “What was that?” I ponder to myself. As I turn around to face the man, I see him staring at something. I walk beside him and gaze down at what his eyes are fixated on. I watch in horror as the man clicks a button on his walkie talkie and says, "Chief, we've got a body down here, it seems to have been rotting for years now. It looks horrible, we'll have to DNA test it." 

Do NOT be afraid to criticize anything, I want all the advice I can get to improve my writing journey! :)

[slipknotfallon]

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