sleepycreatureinc

[sleepycreatureinc]

So the "don't call trans women dude" discourse is back on my dash, and I just read something that might explain why it's such a frustrating argument for everyone involved.

TLDR: There's gender-cultural differences that explain why people are arguing about this- and a reason it hurts trans women more than you might think if you were raised on the other side of the cultural divide.

I'll admit, I used to be very much on team "I won't call you 'dude' if it feels like misgendering, but also I don't really grok why it feels like I'm misgendering you, especially if I'm not addressing you directly." But then I read an academic paper that really unpicked how people used the word 'dude' (it's Kiesling (2004) if you're curious) and I realized that the way I was taught to use the word was different from the way most trans women were taught.

... So the thing about the word 'dude' that's really interesting is that it's used differently a) by people of different genders and b) across gender lines. This study is, obviously, 20 years old, but a lot of the conclusions hold up. The gist is, there's ~5 different ways that people use the word "dude":

marking discourse structure- AKA separating thoughts. You can use the word 'dude' to signal that you're changing the subject or going on a different train of thought.

exclamation. You can use the word "dude" the way you'd use another interjection like "oh my god" or "god damn".

confrontational stance mitigation. When you're getting in an argument with someone, you can address them as 'dude' to de-escalate. If you're both the same gender, it's homosocial bonding. If you're different genders, it's an attempt to weaken the gender-related power dynamic.

marking affiliation and connection. Kiesling calls this 'cool solidarity'- the idea is, "I'm a dude, you're a dude. We're just guys being dudes." This is often a greeting or a form of address (aka directly calling someone dude).

signaling agreement. "Dude, you are soooo right", kind of deal.

Now, here's the important part.

When [cis] men use the word 'dude', they are overwhelmingly using it as a form of address to mark affiliation and connection- "hey, we're all bros here, dude"- to mitigate a confrontational stance, or to signal agreement.

When [cis] women use the word 'dude', they're often commiserating about something bad (and marking affiliation/connection), mitigating a confrontational stance, or giving someone a direct order. (Anecdotally, I'd guess cis women also use it as an exclamation - this is how I most often use it.)

Cis men use the word 'dude' to say 'we're all guys here'. It is a direct form of male bonding. If a cis man uses the word 'dude' in your presence, he is generally calling you one of the guys.

Cis women use the word 'dude' to say 'we're on the same level as you; we're peers'- especially to de-escalate an argument with a cis man. Between women, it's an expression of ~cool solidarity~; when a woman's addressing a man, it's a way to say 'I'm as good as you, knock it off'.

So you've got this cultural difference, depending on how you were raised and where you spent time in your formative years. If you were assigned female at birth, you're probably used to thinking of the word 'dude' as something that isn't a direct form of address- and, if you're addressing it to someone you see as a girl, you're probably thinking of it as 'cool solidarity'! You're not trying to tell the person you're talking to that they're a man- you're trying to convey that they're a cool person that you relate to as a peer.

Meanwhile, if you were assigned male at birth and spent your teens surrounded by cis guys, you're used to thinking of 'dude' as an expression of "we're all guys here", and specifically as homosocial male bonding. Someone using the word 'dude' extensively in your presence, even if they're not calling you 'dude' directly, feels like they're trying to put you in the Man Box, regardless of how they mean it.*

So what you get is this horrible, neverending argument, where everyone's lightly triggered and no one's happy.

The takeaway here: Obviously, don't call people things they don't want to be called, regardless of gender! But no one in this argument is coming to it in bad faith.

If you were raised as a cis woman and you're using the word the way a cis woman is, it is a gender-neutral term for you (with some subconscious gendered connotations you might not have realized). But if you were raised as a cis man and you're using the word the way a cis man uses it, the word dude is inherently gendered.

Don't pick this fight; it's as pointless as a French person and an American person arguing whether cheek kisses are an acceptable greeting. To one person, they might be. To another person, they aren't. Accept that your worldview is different, move on, and again, don't call people things they don't want to be called.

*(There is, of course, also the secret third thing, where someone who is trying to misgender a trans woman uses the word 'dude' to a trans woman the way they'd use it to a man. This absolutely happens. But I think the other dynamic is the reason we keep having this argument.)

[sleepycreatureinc]

I've got to know

oh god what did i do

IT SUMMONS MAIL EVERYONE TRY IT

[sleepycreatureinc]

Do it for the meme. http://blinkingguy.com

[sleepycreatureinc]

[sleepycreatureinc]

Dudes healthcare is so fake. My ADHD meds are $940 without insurance. But they gave me a website of "coupons" which straight up looks like a scam website, and I got it today for $60! Just a coupon from a random website and it was $900 cheaper. America, I am confusion!! America explain!!

[sleepycreatureinc]

i keep seeing ppl talk about all the terrible things going on with disability rights but no ones talking about how you can very easily fight back by masking! i really hope that more people will start wearing them and making a difference in their communities

heres a link to a worldwide network of mask blocs!

[sleepycreatureinc]

JUDAS ISCARIOT | Official Trailer

Judas Iscariot is an animated retelling of The New Testament of the Holy Bible, featuring details from the Apocrypha (The "Unofficial" Gospels) with a fresh stylized reinterpretation of the story's core figures. The goal of this project is to illuminate this text for both a religious and non-religious audience, placing it back into the historical context of Jesus’s role as a political figure during the Roman occupation of Judea. This film explores mature themes pertaining to love, devotion, and control. The film is expected to be 15-20 minutes long, depending on how much can be raised with the kickstarter campaign. It is expected to take 1-2 years to finish writing, storyboarding, animating, and painting assets for this project, with an additional period of time devoted to film festival screenings before it is ready for the public.  Judas Iscariot will be the second short film written and directed by Charles Kugler, who has worked in the animation industry for clients like Adult Swim, Cartoon Network, and FOX. 

Kickstarter campaign link:

[sleepycreatureinc]

How it feels to be one of the few warrior cats fans who really like the LeopardFoot+PatchPelt+RedTail+WillowPelt+SpottedLeaf sibling thing

[sleepycreatureinc]

????😭😭😭

[sleepycreatureinc]

I feel like "trump wants to throw away literal dinosaur fossils" would really turn heads if we actually had a functional opposition party in this country to get messages out, but I guess I'll just have to get a paint pen and write it on my car. fine, I'll do it.

[sleepycreatureinc]

crazy that in the 1970s they were like, "fine, women can play sports. but because they're innately less athletic than men, only in a special ghettoized League For The Frail And Delicate where they get paid less 😊". And not only is that still the system in 2023, but viciously lashing out at the smallest challenges to that system gets framed as Feminist Praxis

[sleepycreatureinc]

aromanticism. you agree. reblog

[sleepycreatureinc]

[sleepycreatureinc]

Well fucks? Get to it!

[sleepycreatureinc]

They're wanting to change the definition of water to see which water would qualify under the Clean Water Act...I wish I was making this up.

What this means, in layman's terms, is that not all water or wetlands would be under environmental protections, so some could legally be dumped in, scraped out of, or otherwise harmed.

The comment period for this is pretty short (just a few days left!) so please submit comments asking for ALL water to be protected.

[sleepycreatureinc]

Guys please talk about Palestinian prisoners’ day. It feels like everyone has gone full mask off and just stopped bringing attention to this entirely - but a lot of detainees you advocated for one year ago are still detained today. Still facing the same conditions of squalor & torture & being indefinitely separated from their loved ones. The stats on Palestinian detainees are still as bad as they’ve ever been. Please talk about it

[sleepycreatureinc]

New snitch line just dropped for reporting clinics that support gender affirming care: www.hhs.gov/protect-kids/index.html

It requires a "first name", "last name", and "cell phone number" as contact information but does no verification. Theoretically anyone could type fake info in there, which would be terrible. Presumably your IP address & browser cookies are tracked.

Please do NOT spam this site via your VPN with realistic but false leads, made up clinics, and the names of fictitious healthcare providers like Dr. Frank N Furter or Gregory House, MD.

Doing this in the past has led to the sites becoming overwhelmed & shut down! It is imperative that you spread the word to prevent this resource from being overloaded.