sleep-even-d3ader - Tumblr blog

[sleep-even-d3ader]

Sand. Running through your hands, falling away, gone. But you find more of it every time you move, somehow there’s still more, even if you have to dig to your bones to find it. You can always find more hand on your hands before you pick more up. And if you think not, you haven’t thought far enough about where you could search. Maybe your hands can be the sand this time.

[sleep-even-d3ader]

wordvomit feels just the same as normal vomit, but with far less forgiveness.

[sleep-even-d3ader]

why. why does this always happen?

it comes out, leaving trails of blood behind it

its so bad'

fckign foul

like dragging a sack of dead rats with you

never leaving

always associaed

why couldnt i shut it up?

[sleep-even-d3ader]

Get busy Part 3

[sleep-even-d3ader]

I feel sick (sick?)

Hot and cold and nauseas

I feel like I've swallowed a bag of pins

I feel rotten (deceased)

Slow and muddy and ugly

Like old bushes

I feel like mould

Annoying and fuzzy and infectious

Maybe it's just how I feel. Maybe I am. Maybe it's feeling.

[sleep-even-d3ader]

being a half n’ half of bodily fluid. <- snippet of thing im writing

[sleep-even-d3ader]

please look at this graffiti my sister saw in paris

[sleep-even-d3ader]

walk around the corner thinking i know why it's dark and dreary

scream into the void assuming nobody responds because nobodys there

maybe it's that I'm nothing that i never existed in the minds of any but i know i did; they all hate me, after all

sometimes i will be left in a haze of dreams and walk around that corner, somedays I scream and expect a response,

[sleep-even-d3ader]

i know i look sad

pathetic like a newborn dog you crawl around the room chewing through everything significant (leaving the scraps for us)

[sleep-even-d3ader]

silly

[sleep-even-d3ader]

reblog if you hate mcr

[sleep-even-d3ader]

[sleep-even-d3ader]

This is the 5th piece. If you've seen above, then you get the idea. This is the visual analysis i did on the original physical copy i created. The one i don't have photos for right now, so you'll just have to imagine what it looks like.

This one HAS been edited to take out my legal name

This is vampires, a written and visual piece by [me]. While being a written piece, half of the understanding and emotions are put into and conveyed through the way its visually presented. Its about discrimination, arrogance, and how everybody has the capacity to be prejudiced. 

On ‘sketchbook page 1’, the handwriting is purposely messy and gets larger and more spaced out as it becomes more emotional and less closely thought out. Also, the rest of the page is covered in silly drawings and notes; ones that you’d probably expect of a 13-year-old. They have been used to fill out the page and make the message seem more “human”, something the viewer can recognise personally and sympathise with. However, the making it seem more human can also take a pick on the viewer if they were to be prejudiced against the writer/artist, even though they’re really not that different. There is a note that conveys how we don’t always decide how we got here or if we want to be here, but we still experience it. This can be a direct take on disability and how anybody can become disabled, and therefore experience the discrimination associated.

‘The death of a vampire’ is about death, immortality, and suicide. It’s been done on a different type of paper to the diary entry/sketchbook page. This has been done as to create a third person perspective, to separate their stories and intentions. This sheet has been done more neatly as to make it seem more credible.

‘3/2/2020’ is a page about how people don’t care about the issues right in front of them until its too late to do anything about them. It is once again on unlined sketchbook paper, going back into more of a 1st person and is like taking a page out of a teenager’s diary. It progresses from a report on what happened that day, to an anger and passion driven vent about how the world is messed up. This is shown in how the words get sloppier, lines get harsher (one even ripped the paper), and text gets larger.

‘vampires suck blood’ is about how we often need to rethink who we’re blaming, and how we often avoid issues, using vampires as a continued metaphor. When flipped around, it says “I hope people miss me.”. Remembering that the sketchbook pages are written as a character and not just as words, it’s supposed to lead to the character’s death. The date having no follow ups further implies that the writer is dead.

The way this whole piece is presented is intentional. The paper type being different signifies if it’s a reflection or character, and the sketchbook pages are ripped out and look immature. Them looking immature further goes into how people and situations are treated based on assumptions people make. And it’s not bundled in a way that looks very respectful, which signifies what’s often ignored by showing how much assumptions effect how everyone/thing is treated. The pages have been organised so that they tell a story, one of a teenager who is plied to have taken their own life, and a more formal 3rd person about discrimination. It flicks back and forth, so you can understand everything you can of the story, just from looking at it. It’s like a report on their lives, plus their lives ripped out and slapped in a plastic bag.

I want to research mentall illnesses and shit and choose a couple I think would be horrific to depict in film for an audience of the general public and do it. I will create media that makes you feel so fukcing uncomfrtable and wrong and fucked up. I wwant you, thje audience to feel like everything you've experienced in your consuption to feel unfinished, hasty, moist, clammy, drafty, gooey, overwhelming, underwhelming, morally odd. I want the audience to feel so much they can't comprehend, then walk away thinking that was the most fucked up thing theyve consumed in ages and gossip to all their friends about how shit and fucked up it is and how it should be avoided. I then want to make another ting about it. about how it isnt about the media, but rather how people react to it. that the point of the media isnt the media itself but you, you are the important part of this. you are the creation being looked at.

[sleep-even-d3ader]

This is part 4 of the 5-piece saga (see above). This is the written explanation i uploaded, it is essentially a shorter version of the 3rd part, but has a slight bit extra info in areas.

I’ve written my dystopian piece on a world in which vampires exist. It covers topics of discrimination, empathy (or lack of), ignorance, and how easily society can turn their backs on what needs attention. The way that most of these topics are discussed is under the name of vampires, making it a representation of said topics but it’s in a way that people may see it as a piece of fiction and not actually an attack on current society, and even the reader themselves.

the story has been written in switching perspectives: that of a teenage vampire, and a reflective 3rd person. The parts that are written from the vampire’s perspective are all written on sketchbook pages. This is intentional as it works into how it’s been presented, which is in a way as to continue falling into societies ignorance. The sketchbook pages get intentionally messier as to convey emotions further.

You may notice that there are two pages about ‘the bugs’, one being a sketchbook page, the other; lined paper. This is to change it from about the writer, to about the reader. It works into how people will often not care ‘til it’s on their doorstep.

I want to research mentall illnesses and shit and choose a couple I think would be horrific to depict in film for an audience of the general public and do it. I will create media that makes you feel so fukcing uncomfrtable and wrong and fucked up. I wwant you, thje audience to feel like everything you've experienced in your consuption to feel unfinished, hasty, moist, clammy, drafty, gooey, overwhelming, underwhelming, morally odd. I want the audience to feel so much they can't comprehend, then walk away thinking that was the most fucked up thing theyve consumed in ages and gossip to all their friends about how shit and fucked up it is and how it should be avoided. I then want to make another ting about it. about how it isnt about the media, but rather how people react to it. that the point of the media isnt the media itself but you, you are the important part of this. you are the creation being looked at.

[sleep-even-d3ader]

ok so i couldnt find the og pics and cant find the piece without pulling apart my room completely so I will have to give the first part later, sorry.

The following is part 3 of the 5-piece saga i created in year 9. It has not been edited or read. I never got to upload this piece as it was over triple the length required for the written explaination for the dystopia piece (posted above). it is supposed to be the written explanation for it

  I’ve written about a world in which vampires exist. It reflects our world and how we treat people/things.

 On ‘sketchbook page 1’, it talks about hiding and how vampires are expected to hide. It shows how people can hide in plain sight and others will never know. In the handwritten version, the handwriting is purposely messy and gets larger and more spaced out as it becomes more emotional and less closely thought out. Also exclusive to the handwritten version, the rest of the page is covered in silly drawings and notes; ones that you’d probably expect of a 13-year-old. They were used to fill out the page and make the message seem more “human”. In the handwritten version, there is also a note saying “some people try to love vampires. Others are thrown in headfirst.”. This is a take on how most people end up places unintentionally or don’t plan on doing certain things, yet here they are.

‘The death of a vampire’ talks about death, immortality, and suicide. It also touches on how everything that lives has to die, and how people can die before their bodies do. When read, people may not realise that its not just about fantasy worlds, and is about suicide in the real world, the world which is happening right now. Immortality can also be seen as an analogy for a legacy.

‘3/2/2020’ is a page about how people don’t care about the issues right in front of them until its too late to do anything about them. Whether you see that as what it literally is about, suicide, or as "bigger" issues such as global warming and world hunger. Alongside being about people ignoring what’s right there, it also talks about how people only recognise the “nicer” bits of issues. These bits often just being the surface issues. In the handwritten version, it progresses from a report on what happened that day, to an anger and passion driven vent about how the world is messed up. This is shown in how the words get sloppier, lines get harsher (one even ripped the paper), and text gets larger.

‘vampires suck blood’ is about how we often need to rethink who we’re blaming, and how we often avoid issues. It's set up as a vampire story, which makes it seem more fun and fictional. On the same sheet is ‘They said she did it for attention.’ It uses vampirism and how vampires are seen as a metaphor for how people will often treat minorities, even once they’re dead. When flipped around, it says “I hope people miss me.”. Remembering that the sketchbook pages are written as a character and not just as words, it’s supposed to lead to the character’s death. The date having no follow ups further implies that the writer is dead.

‘The life of a vampire’. This one talks about normalcy and discrimination. “vampires” is just used as a pseud for any minority you’d like to put there. It discusses how vampires are quite normal but are still treated unfairly.

The way this whole piece is presented is intentional, and not just the way the writing changed Based on emotion. The paper type being different signifies if it’s a reflection or character, and the sketchbook pages are ripped out and look immature. Them looking immature further goes into how people and situations are treated based on assumptions people make. And its not bundled in a way that looks very respectful, which signifies what’s often ignored by showing how much assumptions effect how everyone/thing is treated.

‘You’re alone’ is about the characters horrors.

I want to research mentall illnesses and shit and choose a couple I think would be horrific to depict in film for an audience of the general public and do it. I will create media that makes you feel so fukcing uncomfrtable and wrong and fucked up. I wwant you, thje audience to feel like everything you've experienced in your consuption to feel unfinished, hasty, moist, clammy, drafty, gooey, overwhelming, underwhelming, morally odd. I want the audience to feel so much they can't comprehend, then walk away thinking that was the most fucked up thing theyve consumed in ages and gossip to all their friends about how shit and fucked up it is and how it should be avoided. I then want to make another ting about it. about how it isnt about the media, but rather how people react to it. that the point of the media isnt the media itself but you, you are the important part of this. you are the creation being looked at.

[sleep-even-d3ader]

This is the weird ass creation from year 9 that i just called "vampires". It hasn't been edited since then, nor have I read it since.

This piece is in 5 pieces, so I will be reblogging with each one rather than all in one.

following is the SECOND piece of the 5-piece saga I created on a whim. The first is a visual and written piece and will be reblogged with next.

Sketchbook page 1.

We aren’t TOLD to hide. Its implied. If we dot hide, well be killed. Probably. That’s what were told anyways. Nobody would believe it if somebody tried to justify a murder by saying who they killed was a VAMPIRE. They’d probably be seen as crazy if they did.

People expect that we hide. We “hide”. We hide in plain sight. Live in plain sight. Die in plain sight.

The death of a vampire. vampires live. And they die. Sometimes not physically, but always inside. How wrong you’d be to think immortality meant never dying. No, every vampire dies.

Vampires are seen as immortal beings that can only be killed by a stake to the heart, or starvation. Both of those are typically viewed as acts of murder, no matter if you’re pro or anti vampire. This is very incorrect. Most vampires’ spirits fly by their own hand. Most vampires don’t want immortality. So, they avoid it.

3/2/2020 Today the news hit. Alex died. People are all talking poorly about how or why they died. Others are expressing sympathy. Why do people only care once somebody has died? Why do they only care when the right bits of the dirty stuff is known? They’d cry over the suicide. But would they look a look of empathy if they knew about the blood-stained sheets? The bullying? The scraping for love? The crying for a sense of being alive? The drinking? The “reckless” behaviour? Would they give a thought if it wasn’t pretty? If they failed everything? If they were a dropout? What if they were a vampire? Would they care then? Exactly. They only care when its convenient for them. When its APPEALING to THEM. People don’t care about anybody or anything important. They DIED. It could have been prevented. People could have tried. Could have paid attention. Could have been empathetic.

vampires suck blood.

Vampires suck blood. Vampires take. vampires are selfish. so are you. maybe you’re a vampire. or maybe you’re a vampire avoider.

Are you the “problem”, or the one who denies the true problems?

They said she did it for attention.

They said she did it for attention. they said she was just being stupid. they said to avoid her. she was told to hide. she was still “selfish”. she was the vampire. they were the hunters. she’s dead. nobody misses her.

I hope people miss me.

This hurts

This hurts.

Hiding is supposed to stop people hating us. But it doesn’t work. “You can run but you can’t hide”. I wish I could run. I wish I could run far away. Where they can’t get me. Where the bugs don’t crawl.

The bugs crawl where stuff rots Dead or alive They crawl They follow decay Sit on its shoulder Silent ‘til it’s too late.

You don’t know they’re there Not ‘til you’re surrounded.

Once you’re surrounded there is no getting out You can move about, sure. But you can never actually leave.

Once it starts it can’t be reversed All you can do is die

They cover you Get in you Your mouth is full You can speak But they can’t leave These are the foundations of decay.

This hurts/ the bugs crawl SIDE 2

I don’t want the bugs to get me. Maybe they already have. I don’t want hem to get me. Maybe I’m already infested.

The life of a vampire. A vampire lives a normal life. They do normal things. Have normal families. Have normal love. They’re not normal. They experience normal happiness. And have normal coffee. They live in normal places. But a vampire isn’t normal.

You’re alone.

You’re alone. Look around. You can see so much. And so little. The darkness goes on forever. With no entry. Or exit. You can’t move. You’re glued to the floor. Figuratively of course. You want to move. Run. Scream. Call a friend. But you can’t. Why would you want to? The darkness surrounds you. Like a hug. You can’t leave it. But you have to like it. There’s no leaving. Turn around. Ouch. That hurts. I can’t leave either. I’m just as stuck here as you are. Oh. But I can leave if I want. The exit is to your left. Can’t see it? Neither can I. there is no exit. Nice pants. Have you noticed the bugs crawling up them? No? that’s ok. You can’t do anything about it anyways. They will just drawl up your legs. Crawl up your body. They know you’re alive. But do you? Are you alive? There’s no entry. Or exit. Just feel their legs as you rot away.

NOTE The digital version has been edited and has the correct spelling and grammar. It also has some phrases changed. I’d prefer if the grammar, spelling, and wording is graded based off the digital version and not the handwritten version. The handwritten version is attached to show how it is supposed to look as to properly visually communicate extra parts that are hard to do so on a word document.

I want to research mentall illnesses and shit and choose a couple I think would be horrific to depict in film for an audience of the general public and do it. I will create media that makes you feel so fukcing uncomfrtable and wrong and fucked up. I wwant you, thje audience to feel like everything you've experienced in your consuption to feel unfinished, hasty, moist, clammy, drafty, gooey, overwhelming, underwhelming, morally odd. I want the audience to feel so much they can't comprehend, then walk away thinking that was the most fucked up thing theyve consumed in ages and gossip to all their friends about how shit and fucked up it is and how it should be avoided. I then want to make another ting about it. about how it isnt about the media, but rather how people react to it. that the point of the media isnt the media itself but you, you are the important part of this. you are the creation being looked at.

[sleep-even-d3ader]

help- i just realised ive been blogging from the wrong blog oopsies