skullshapedheart

[skullshapedheart]

what is this and why have I never seen it before *wipes drool from mouth*

[skullshapedheart]

WHAT I DID FOR LOVE

After a short affair, you got pregnant from Aaron, who wants to be there for both you and his youngest child. It takes a lot of time to bring down the walls you built, but once things start to go in the right direction, Foyet happens. But once he recovers enough following his ex-wife's death, he's ready to become the father and husband he was always supposed to be.

↺ pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader ↺ tags: fem!reader, bau!reader, age gap, reader has a child and cheating (duh), Haley's death is mentioned ↺ wc: 5,7k

You look so innocent, so unassuming when you enter his office, but as he takes a closer look at you, he finally notices it, that unmistakable glow that somehow flew over his head in the past months. With Haley, he noticed right away, although he only put the pieces together when she kept feeling sick.

But with you, it’s different. He’s been trying to keep a certain distance from you after you ended your short affair, this is why he didn’t notice the signs. Now he knows, and he isn’t about to let you leave the team without telling him the truth about the child.

“You’re pregnant?” Aaron asks when you close the door and step closer to him. 

He does his damn best to keep a neutral tone, as if it was your boss asking you, not your ex-lover. But you aren’t stupid—of course you aren’t—so you quickly put the pieces together, and your whole body language changes in an instant. You are suddenly defensive and serious, anger darkening your beautiful eyes that he loves so much. 

You take a deep breath as you prepare to answer, but he can see the hesitation. “HR told me. I’m your boss, you were supposed to talk to me first,” he says calmly, making sure he doesn’t sound accusatory or angry. Being stressed because of him is the last thing you need now. 

With a sigh, you sit down across from him. “I know, but you were busy, and it’s complicated, because–”

You suddenly fall silent, leaving that sentence suspended in the air between you, hovering over the desk like the sword of Damocles. Deep down Aaron knows the end, he knows you want to say that you’re pregnant with his child, but this isn’t the right place to say such things out loud. So, he nods, then leans back in his chair and fidgets with his pen as he watches you.

“You know Haley and I are in the middle of a divorce, right?” 

Thick, heavy silence falls between you after his words, and for a second he wonders if he has gone too far this time, but he had to say it, he has to make you understand that–

“What does it have to do with my pregnancy?” you ask flatly.

Your voice is ice cold, as if your affair never happened, as if he had absolutely nothing to do with the situation you are in. He opens his mouth to answer, but quickly closes it, knowing that saying the wrong word could lead to a fight he surely doesn’t want the rest of the team to witness.

Gulping, he nods. “Are you sure you want to leave after the next case?” he wonders out loud, praying to whoever hears that the desperation isn’t too obvious.

Because Aaron can’t imagine spending longer than a few days away from you, and he knows you wouldn’t join the rest of the team for a casual night out if he was there, and you probably didn’t want to meet him alone either. The thought was maddening, really, because right after Jack, you were the only good thing in his life, giving you up was—

Seeing you nod snaps him out of his thoughts. 

No, he can’t give up this easily, he can’t let you go like this, he has to make things right, he has to do something–anything–to convince you to give him another chance. Soon, he would be officially single again, no one could say a bad word if he asked you out on a real date. So, what was he supposed to do? 

“Can I go back?” you suddenly ask, once again pulling him back to the present. 

The present where you clearly don’t want anything from him. Where you’re acting like you were nothing more but colleagues, like your relationship was purely professional. But you must have feelings for him, at least some residue of it left in your heart, locked into the back of your mind. 

This time, it’s him who nods with a gulp, fighting his instincts to do something stupid that would get the attention of the rest of the team. The team that always profiles him through the window, a habit he finds equally annoying and endearing.

Without a word, you turn on your heels and walk out of his office, and he watches as you approach the team with a bright smile on your lips, probably revealing your pregnancy to them based on the loud cheering coming from the bullpen. He can’t help but wonder what you say when they ask you about the father, especially since Garcia doesn’t shy away from publicly pointing out you’re chronically single, and Morgan inappropriately, but still jokingly telling you to get laid when you’re cranky. 

The next time Aaron sees you is when the whole team visits you at home to see your little girl, and there’s a knot in his stomach on the drive there from the anxiety that fills his mind. Garcia broke the news over the phone when you gave birth, jokingly complaining that she spent the whole night by your side, so now she was extremely tired–nothing some caffeine couldn’t fix, though–but it was absolutely worth it, because your daughter is the most adorable kid he has ever seen. 

“No offense to other kids, though,” she was quick to add.

So, now that he was heading to your home that he knew like the back of his hand, he couldn’t stop thinking about the girl. Did she look like you? Or did she look more like him? He often hears that boys look like their mothers–same with Jack–while daughters tend to be their father’s mini versions. 

By the time he arrives, almost everyone’s there, which gives him no chance to talk to you, to try and convince you to give him another chance, or at least let him regularly visit his daughter. When he looks at you, all he gets is a cold, warning look that tells him to behave, which is understandable considering everyone’s a profiler here–except for Garcia–so they would pick up on the smallest signs for sure. 

The poor girl–Daisy, as he found out–is given from one person to another, all of them falling in love with her right away, and he can’t help but be proud of his daughter who’s already capturing hearts like it’s nothing. And then it’s his turn to hold her, which makes him nervous that she would start crying like Jack often did for some reason.

She doesn’t cry, instead she yawns and looks like she feels safe enough to fall asleep in his arms. He smiles, a move that gets the others’ attention, so he shrugs and goes, “Jack is getting bigger and bigger, and honestly, I miss the times when he was this small.” Everyone smiles or lets out a quiet laugh, careful not to wake up the baby, and then he turns to you. “Can I put her in her crib?”

“Sure, it’s down the hallway, the last door on the left,” you reply, and he can hear the uncertainty in your voice. 

As he walks towards the nursery, he can’t help but speak up when he’s out of earshot. “So, you feel safe enough in daddy’s arms to fall asleep?” he coos softly with a warm smile on his face. 

Daisy opens her eyes, those brown eyes that look exactly like his, and looks at him, making him smile like an idiot. She’s his daughter, his little girl, the one he wants to protect at all cost, just like he wants to protect his son. But this time, he needs the chance to be close to her, to make sure she grows up knowing about him–that she grows up with him under the same roof, something he can’t really do with Jack as he stays with Haley most of the time. 

After he gently lowers her into the crib, he leans against it and reaches out to take her small hand. “I promise I’m gonna make this right, that I will fix things with your mom. And then we can be a happy little family, and I’ll be here for you, no matter what. Just remember that I love you, okay?” he asks, and gulps at the end to fight back the few stray tears that are threatening to fall. 

Suddenly, he hears someone clear their throat behind him, and he’s quick to turn around to see who it is, if he just let someone from the team know his secret. But it’s you, watching him with an expression he can’t quite place. Are you mad? Or are you about to let your walls down finally? 

“I don’t want you in her life,” you suddenly say, your words feeling like a dagger stabbed into his heart. 

For a few moments he’s just standing there, watching you with his feet rooted to the floor. How could you say something like this? Then, as he shakes his head, he walks closer to you, closing the gap that you deliberately kept between the two of you. “I am her father, and one way or another, I will be a part of her life. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to fight for custody or anything, I don’t want to make your life difficult, I just want to make sure she knows her father and knows that she’s loved by both her parents.”

You let out a shaky breath and run a hand through your hair as you think. And after what seems like an eternity, you nod. “Alright. But we keep quiet about this. You can meet her once a week–”

“Twice.” Tense silence follows his counteroffer, and for a moment he thinks you’ll raise hell over this, but to his surprise, you simply nod. “Thank you.”

“We should let her sleep,” you say, nodding towards the crib as you pick up the baby monitor from a shelf. 

Aaron turns around to take one last look at his daughter, then lets out a sigh. He doesn’t want to leave, he wants to enjoy these days, he wants to enjoy the fact she didn’t cry when he held her, and honestly, he simply wants to give her all the love she deserves. But today’s not the day for that, he knows deep down. So, without putting up a fight, he follows you back to the living room. 

It’s been three months since you returned to the team, but being around you hasn’t become any easier with time. Even though he often keeps breaks while doing tedious paperwork locked in his office to look at photos of his children, seeing you showing the team pictures of Daisy always hits differently. He has to act like he hasn’t been visiting her twice a week, like he doesn’t know much about the little girl. 

But he knows everything, from her favorite food and her favorite toys, to the way she looks at him when he holds her. 

Every time he’s with her, he remembers his promise from the first time he met her. The promise that he’ll fix things, that he will convince you to forgive him so you can be a happy family together. He doesn’t want Daisy to grow up the way Jack will, traveling back and forth between the homes of his parents. Choosing his job over Haley was probably a mistake, but he couldn’t help it, it was important too. 

This time this wouldn’t be a problem. You’re a member of his team, you travel with him every time, so you wouldn’t complain about him being away too often as you’re right there with the others. Does the chance you can both get hurt and leave your daughter alone scare him? Yes, it does, but it’s a risk he’s willing to take. 

“Hotch?”

He looks up, only to find you stand across from him. “Yes?” he asks, keeping his voice and facial expression neutral despite feeling like smiling every time he sees you. 

For a moment you hesitate, probably trying to gather your thoughts, but then you take a deep breath and begin to talk. “I got a call from the nursery. Daisy has a fever, I need to go and pick her up,” you inform him, knowing perfectly well he knows you want to leave early.

Without a second thought, he jumps up and closes the folder in front of him. “Alright, let’s go.” 

But you only give him a what are you doing kind of look, and he knows exactly what you mean. What would he tell the team, why is he going with you when he’s simply your boss who has nothing to do with your daughter? 

“You’re gonna be okay alone?” he asks, although he quickly realizes that maybe he should clarify before you think he’s trying to patronize you. “I can jump in after work, bring anything you need.”

“Thanks, but I’ll be fine.”

“Look, you don’t have to do this alone. I’m here, and I want to help,” he tells you, hoping you will finally understand what he’s been trying to tell you for months. 

For long moments there’s only silence, but then, as if some switch has been flipped in your brain, you nod and say, “Fine. Let’s say I’m nervous as hell and I don’t feel like driving now.” 

Aaron flashes a small smile at you upon hearing this. “Thank you,” he whispers. 

“Don’t you think the team will be confused if we’re all in the same space together and Daisy goes, ‘daddy’ the moment she sees you?”

Aaron has been playing with Daisy in peace for the last hour or so, but when he hears you say these words, he turns to you with a surprised look. He hasn’t considered this despite being aware of his daughter’s usual reaction to seeing him. Ever since she learned to say a few basic words, she’s been having a blast saying them. 

Since he can’t look at you while he answers, he turns to look at the little girl and takes a deep breath. “Maybe we should say we’ve been dating for a few months, and Daisy simply got used to having me around,” he suggests. 

But you don’t seem too keen to agree right away, in fact, you let out a heavy sigh, and he can tell without looking that you’ve just rolled your eyes. “We haven’t been on a single date yet.”

“We’ve been on plenty of dates,” he corrects you. 

“Mm-hm, when you were still married, and before I kicked you out. Remember?” you ask, and when he looks at you, he can see that smug smirk on your lips. 

You are right, of course. Those dates were usually spent either here, in your apartment, or somewhere away from Washington and Quantico to make sure no one saw you. This time, though, he wants real dates as nothing stands in your way. The divorce was finalized long ago, he’s a single man who was maybe ready to jump back into the dating pool.

To the outside world, it would be a single mom dating a divorcé, no big deal unless you consider the fact he’s your boss, but to him, it would be entirely different. To him, it would mean he’s on his way to fix things with you, to create a new family and live the kind of married life he always dreamed of. Haley was his first real love, but she couldn’t handle his demanding job. But you understand it perfectly well, you wouldn’t have the same fights. 

So, without hesitating much longer, he picks up Daisy and sits on the couch next to you with his daughter in his lap. “Okay, I’ll find a babysitter for tomorrow evening–” 

“I already have a babysitter,” you point out.

Aaron bites back a remark, instead he just nods in acknowledgment. “Okay, I’ll call your usual babysitter and offer as much money as she–”

“He,” you correct him again.

“Your babysitter is a man?” With your head tilted to the side, you nod, seemingly confused about why he finds it weird. “Anyway, I’ll offer as much money as he wants to babysit Daisy tomorrow, so we can go and… I’ll find something fun to do, okay?” he finally finishes the sentence. 

You flash a smile at him, and for a brief moment he feels like time has stopped, and the outside world is gone, and it’s just the three of you in a safe little bubble where you don’t have to pretend. Well, in a way, your apartment has been this kind of safe haven for a while now. 

A few silent minutes later, that you spend looking either at him or your daughter, you finally break the silence. “Did you know that Jeremy, the babysitter, has three little sisters? That guy is a miracle worker, a real Daisy whisperer.” Upon hearing her name, the little girl starts calling out for you, extending her small arms in your direction so you would pick her up. “If you take me to a restaurant, I’ll leave you there. That’s a warning,” you finally say.

“No restaurants. Noted,” he confirms with a smile. 

Aaron was ready to take your relationship to the next level. He asked Jack if he would be okay with it, hell, he even asked Haley if she would be okay with it, then he bought a ring, planned out the proposal, but life came in the way. Well, Foyet came in the way. Once he made sure Haley and Jack entered witness protection, it was time to convince you to do the same with Daisy at some other place. 

Asking you to marry him was the only thing that kept him above the surface, that let him breathe and function while hunting down Foyet. 

But then the worst case scenario happened and Haley died, leaving him broken, even if they weren’t together anymore. She was the mother of his first born child, the woman he always thought was the love of his life, and despite their marriage ending, a part of him always loved her. And now he had Jack to console and look after, which pushed you and Daisy into the background temporarily. 

Temporary then became an extended period of time. 

It’s not that he was ignoring you, he just redirected your relationship to professional territory. By then he knew marrying you wasn’t the right thing to do. For one, Jack was mourning his mother, the last thing he needed now was seeing him celebrate his engagement. And second, after what had happened, he knew that this job was dangerous, and he couldn’t risk losing you too. He couldn’t let his other child lose her mother as well. 

You left the BAU shortly after he began to build that distance between you to spend more time on his son’s side, but he still saw you sometimes in the building, and he always had to take deep breaths to stop himself from talking to you. The team noticed, they knew what was happening, but they were all mature enough not to comment on this behavior. 

Months later he sees you in DC, and he has to realize that his life is a cruel joke. Because as he’s heading to a fast food restaurant Jack loves to death, he spots you across the street. But you’re not alone, in fact, you’re oh-so-obviously flirting with some guy who’s holding your daughter–his daughter–in his arms. It’s only when he leans down to give you a kiss when Aaron decides to turn away.

It’s his fault. If he didn’t push you away, if he didn’t choose to ignore both you and his daughter, a decision that broke his heart, you wouldn’t be dating some other guy now. 

One day, after he hears from Garcia that you’re single again, Aaron starts to wonder if it would be too soon to be in a relationship again. Sure, Haley wasn’t his wife anymore, and he was about to ask you to marry him, but something is missing. He had no idea what it was, but it was driving him crazy. But then it hit him: back in the day he asked Haley if she would be okay with marrying you, maybe that’s what he needed to do now too. 

“Can I ask you something?” he asks Jessica when Jack settles down on the couch to watch some cartoon. 

She flashes a small smile at him as she puts the two cups of coffee on the dinner table. “Sure, go ahead. Sounds serious.” 

He hesitates for a moment, almost backing out of this conversation, but then he takes a deep breath and spits it out. “Would it be bad if I started to date someone?” he wonders. 

“Aaron, you wanted to marry her, it would be okay to start seeing her again,” she replies, the smile still in place. 

“How did you know I was talking about her?”

A laugh leaves her lips before she takes a sip of her coffee. “Come on, we all saw that look in your eyes whenever you talked about her, and you have that same look now.”

This is all he needs, so he picks up his phone, then locks himself into the bedroom to give you a call. He knows he should do this in person, but he simply can’t wait until getting there. His heart rate jumps as he’s waiting for you to answer his call, and he can feel a panic attack crawling closer and closer. 

After what seems like an eternity, he finally hears your voice. “What’s so important, Hotch?” you ask coldly. 

So, you’re back to square one. Great. 

“Listen without interrupting me, okay? I love you. I never stopped loving you, I just wanted to protect you. I lost Haley because of a serial killer, I can’t risk losing you too, I can’t risk my other child growing up without a mother too. Come back to the team if you feel like it, your place is waiting for you, and please, I’m begging you, give me another chance.”

Complete, deafening silence follows his words, he can’t hear any kind of noise coming from the other end of the line. He wants to ask you if you’re still there, but something tells him it would only push you further away. So, he waits, and waits, and just when he’s about to give up and let this conversation go, you speak up. 

“Daisy misses you,” you inform him with a heavy sigh.

“I miss her too. And what about you? Do you miss me?”

“Sometimes, but,” you begin quietly, stopping for a short time to think. “Does it even matter? All it takes is one unsub to make you push me away again.”

Aaron shakes his head, his mind in overdrive as he tries to find the correct answer that won’t make you end the call. “I won’t push you away. Did you know that before the whole Foyet thing, I wanted to propose? I still have the ring. Say the word, and it’s yours.”

“Would you like me to take Daisy over tomorrow evening? I’m sure she would be happy to see Jack again.”

“Only if you stay too,” he tells you confidently. 

Once again you hesitate, but then he hears you sigh. “Fine.”

Two months later you rejoin the BAU. One year later the two of you get married. And three more later he brings up adopting Daisy. When Jack hears about it, he gets super excited that he would officially have a sister, and when his daughter hears the idea, she starts to ask everyone to call him Little Hotch from now on–just to avoid being mistaken for her new father.

Later that day, he’s watching the two kids sleep in a pillow tent in the living room, and he’s only snapped out of his thoughts when he feels your arms sneak around his body from behind. As he puts his hands on top of your arm, he turns around just enough to see your face with that adorable, dreamy smile on it. 

“What’s gotten into you?” he asks with a quiet laugh.

You move a little to stand next to him, your eyes now fixed on the tent. “It never ceases to amaze me that the man so many fear at work is the same amazing father that I see at home,” you tell him. 

Shaking his head, he leans down to place a kiss on your forehead. “I thought you got used to it by now.”

Finally looking back at him, you let out a thoughtful hum. “Well, you should just let me compliment you. It won’t kill you, you know,” you say. 

“Noted. Come on, let’s go to sleep, the kids drained my batteries completely.” With a laugh, move to stand in front of him and wrap your arms around his neck to pull down his head. “Let me guess, you have something else in mind.”

“I did have something else in mind, but I decided not to push my luck.”

He gives you a kiss, then gives you an expectant look with a smile on his lips. “Tell me.”

“No.”

“Come on, out with it.”

With a long sigh, you finally give in. “I briefly considered starting a baby project. But don’t worry, these two are already a handful,” you assure him. 

“I love you so much, you know that, right?” he asks with a big smile. 

“I do. And the feeling’s mutual, because I love you too.” After giving him another kiss, you step back and take his hands. “Come on, the bed is waiti–”

Before you could finish the sentence, you hear movement from the living room, and when you look there, you see the two kids watch you with a disgusted look on their faces. 

It’s Jack who speaks up first, voicing his feelings about what he just saw. “Eww, Dad, we’re right here.”

“Mom, Dad, can you sleep here with us? We can build another tent for the two of you if we bring out the pillows from the other rooms,” Daisy suggests with a wide grin. 

Aaron looks at you expectantly, giving you the chance to be the one to make the final decision. In the end, you shake your head and say, “Alright, let’s get those pillows.”

He believed Jack’s teenage years were the worst, but honestly, Daisy is a lot worse. She’s a real rebel, acting out every time he tells her to do something, but what hurts him the most is what she has just thrown at him out of nowhere. “I’m gonna find my biological dad, that bastard who left mom, and I’m sure even he will care a lot more about my feelings than you do,” she yelled before jumping out of the car and storming inside the house. 

For the very first time he begins to understand what bothered Haley so much about his work schedule, because you’re away on a case with the team, and he’s left behind looking out for your daughter. The daughter who suddenly became extremely hostile for seemingly no reason. No matter how hard he tries, he simply cannot figure out just what has set her off, why she suddenly acted like this. 

With a sigh, he gets out of his car and follows his daughter’s lead, although he’s certain she has already locked herself into her bedroom. Give her time, give her space, he reminds himself, repeating the sentence you told him when she was living through her first rebellious phase as a child. 

So, instead he pours himself a glass of bourbon and hides inside his study to work on the textbook he promised to finish before the end of the month. But how could he focus when his daughter is acting like this? She’s hurt, he can tell, but he has no idea what really bothers her. Despite being a profiler, he always had trouble reading his children, but maybe that’s the result of them being raised around people who could read them like an open book, so they eventually developed the skill to hide from them. 

His phone suddenly buzzes, the screen lighting up, showing Jack’s photo. “Hey, buddy,” he says with a sigh, relieved that at least one of them is willing to talk to him. 

Well, that relief doesn’t last long. 

“Dad, what did you do? Daisy called me crying, and I’d rather not repeat the things she said about you,” Jack says, sounding exhausted. 

Several seconds pass in silence as he thinks about what to say. “Trust me, I’ve been trying to figure out what I said or did that could make her react like this, but I have no idea. And now she wants to find her biological father, which is bad–”

“Because she wouldn’t have to go far to find him,” Jack interrupts him with a sigh. “You know she’ll be really–like, really–mad when she finds out the truth about you, right?”

“What are you talking about?” he asks, trying to sound confused despite being on the verge of a heart attack. 

“A few years ago I overheard a fight between you and her mom where you made it quite clear you’re her biological father.” Aaron lets out a groan, already terrified that he will lose his other kid too. But there’s only a quiet chuckle on the other end of the line before his son speaks up again. “Come on, Dad, I know it’s a messy situation, but I’m old enough to know that’s not why you and Mom got divorced.”

He inhales and exhales to gather his thoughts, and when he’s ready, he asks, “So you’re not mad?”

The silence that follows his question speaks volumes, he knows his son well enough to know he’s just rolled his eyes. “No, Dad, I’m not mad. You’re happy, and Daisy deserves to know her father too. I’m just… glad that Mom didn’t know about this.”

There’s something he should say, anything, maybe to apologize, maybe to double check if he’s mad, but no word leaves his mouth. 

Luckily, Jack is better at this at the moment. “Talk to Daisy and tell her the truth. She’s almost sixteen, she will understand. Yes, maybe she will be mad at you for a few more days, but she will calm down eventually,” he says. 

Five minutes later Aaron is pacing in front of his daughter’s room, rehearsing a speech as if he could keep himself to saying those exact words again. The moment his eyes will fall on Daisy, he will forget everything, that’s for sure. But he waits too long, because the door suddenly opens, and there she is, watching him with eyes that are colored red by crying.

“I heard you wanted to talk to me,” she says coldly, speaking exactly like you did when he asked you about your pregnancy back in the day.

“Who told you?”

“Mom.”

“And how did she know about it?”

“Jack told her,” she states with a shrug. “So? What’s this about?”

He lets out a sigh and points at the swivel chair by her desk. “You should sit down,” he instructs, then waits for the girl to do as he said. 

To his surprise, she’s soon sitting on the chair cross-legged, watching him with an expectant look. It’s so obvious sometimes that, despite looking like a mini version of him, she’s her mother’s daughter. Your facial expressions, the tone of your voices, the way you both can give him the cold shoulder for days–they’re all the same. But still, on the good days you’re both so warm and nice that he tends to forget about your bad moods. 

“You said you wanted to meet your biological father,” he begins slowly, waiting for any kind of confirmation. Daisy gulps, but nods nonetheless. “Your dad didn’t leave your mom, or you, for that matter. In fact, he… He asked your mother to let him stay around you; to visit you regularly, to play with you, and to raise you.”

Daisy scoffs. “Sure he did. Where is he now then?” Aaron raises his brows and gives her a look that says, what do you think? And she gets the message, because she puts her feet back on the floor and leans forward with wide eyes. “No.”

“Sweetheart, we wanted to tell you when you turned eighteen, but it’s difficult. We lied to you your whole life. I adopted you as if you weren’t my own blood, making you believe I grew to love you as if you were my own daughter, when in reality you really are my own daughter,” he explains, not really knowing where he’s going to end up. 

He’s so lost in this spiral that he doesn’t even notice the way Daisy jumps up to wrap her arms around him, her tears dampening his shirt as she cries with her face pressed to his chest. “It’s okay, babygirl,” he says softly as he places a soft kiss on top of her head. “How about a fresh start, hm?”

In the following hours, the two of them are sitting on the couch, eating ice cream as they talk about his relationship with you, going into just enough details that she now understands why it wasn’t so easy to be honest about the circumstances. Luckily, she’s a smart girl, and the same way Jack came to the conclusion that it was better his mother didn’t know the truth, Daisy realizes that keeping this secret was the best decision to protect their loved ones. 

“Hello? Please, tell me I’m not stepping into an active warzone,” he hears your voice from the front door. 

Daisy lets out a laugh. “It’s okay, Mom,” she calls out, then she turns back to him. “Because it’s okay, right?”

“It’s perfect,” Aaron confirms with a smile.

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Hen pulling out the Dilaudid to sedate the snake in 911 1x01...

Nope.

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Two things I’m working on:

1) It hits me like an earthquake universe part 2

2) A Hotch fic where he had a short affair with bau!reader around late S2, which resulted in her getting pregnant. They don’t tell anyone he’s the father, but when they officially get together, he promises to adopt his daughter a few years later like a great step-dad would, only to tell her the truth when she turns 18.

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NAVIGATION

Hi! So, here's a little summary.

@sophiesreblogs - This is where I reblog stories I write. I don't have a taglist, so you can find new one-shots and chapters for both Criminal Minds and F1 stories.

@skullshapedheart - The home of my Criminal Minds fics and posts.

@thatraceweekhigh - The home of my F1 fics.

@sasstokill - The home of my F1 and MotoGP ramblings, especially on race weekends.

@whiteliesandchampagne - The home of ramblings about office life, outfits, etc.

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HOW AM I A WHORE?

- AARON HOTCHNER, 2009

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IT HITS ME LIKE AN EARTHQUAKE

Staring is rude, but how could you resist when Spencer is doing that thing again?

↺ pairing: Spencer Reid x reader ↺ tags: fem!reader, bau!reader ↺ wc: 0.5k

Spencer is oblivious to your staring, he’s just sitting on his desk cross-legged, going through a stack of case files. By the time you joined the team, he was already dressing like this, wearing a dress shirt with a knitted vest, something that strangely manages to turn you on. This effect intensified after you saw photos from before, when he looked like a kid that wanted to dress like an adult, with hair slicked back in a way that hid his delicious curls. 

Now? God, now you just want him to let you run your hands through his hair, pushing it back to see what happens to it, then you would turn your attention to his clothes, painfully slowly unbuttoning them as you place kisses all over his neck and jawline. That jawline! 

“Why are you staring at the Kid?” Derek suddenly asks you, making you gasp and jump a little, a reaction that clearly entertains him. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

You look at him with narrowed eyes, and if looks could kill, he would drop dead on the spot. The fact he knocked you out of those thoughts, that nasty fantasy you dreamed of so many times in the past, made you unusually mad. “I’m not staring,” you lie defensively. 

Your colleague and friend lets out a hum, then follows your line of sight that has already returned to the man in front of you. Despite you and Derek exchanging a few words so close to him, he hasn’t noticed the scene unfolding yet. Those green eyes are scanning the pages, one after another as his fingers move down the paper to follow where he is in the text. 

Next to you, the fellow profiler scoffs. “Sure you’re not. Honestly, if I didn’t know any better, I would say you have a little crush on him.”

His voice, the tone with which he’s saying this, drives you crazy, and you only stop yourself from snapping at him at the last second. Instead, you take a deep breath then go, “Have you ever wondered what he would look like in blue jeans and an unbuttoned Henley shirt?”

There’s a crease forming between his brows when he looks at you in disbelief. “I usually fantasize about women in different clothes, not Reid.” When you shoot him a look, he lets out a sigh. “Girl, you’re down bad if this is all you can think about.”

“That’s not all I think about,” you snap at him. 

“If you say so,” Derek notes with a wide grin.

Your attention returns to the genius across from you, and you’re once again lost in the little fantasy world, now completely ignoring your other colleague. This is infuriating, why can’t you just move on, forgetting you ever thought about this? Because your mind is getting plagued by thoughts about how badly you want to kiss him, run your hands down his chest to slowly get those damn pieces of clothing out of the way.

And then, without a warning, Spencer’s head snaps up. “Huh? What is it?” he asks, sounding utterly confused about why you’re both looking at him.

Derek doesn’t say a word, he just starts laughing, pats you on the back, then walks away. 

You? You shake your head and flash a smile at him. “Nothing,” you say, then rush out of his sight.

[skullshapedheart]

[skullshapedheart]

LIVE BAU REACTION:

[skullshapedheart]

ALMOST CONFESSIONS

A late night call seems to take the both of you on the brink of a confession, but it turns out neither of you is ready for it.

↺ pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader ↺ tags: fem!reader, bau!reader, age gap ↺ wc: 1k

Hotch: It’s past 2 a.m. Why aren’t you sleeping?

This is what you get for sending a work email at this time of the day—or rather night—although that reminds you of a little detail your boss probably didn’t take into consideration before texting you.

You: Could be asking the same thing.

Hotch: Simple. I can’t sleep.

You: Same here.

You put the phone on the bed next to you, then lean back to look at the ceiling, wondering what’s in the air tonight. Can the others sleep? Is it the mixture of the sound of rain and the fresh scent of the ocean that keeps you up at night? 

Los Angeles is fun, but not when you’re here for work. These are the times when you see a different side of this city, when you get a real taste of just how dark things can get in the city of angels. If anything, those are rather Weeping Angels.

Ha. Spencer would be proud of you for thinking of them right away. It was worth watching Blink so many times.

Suddenly, your phone pings again. 

Hotch: Meet me in the lobby. Wear something warm.

Two months of some weird and twisted cat and mouse game led you to believe there was something between the two of you, something you couldn’t quite define yet. 

He’s always been like a mentor, someone who took the time to teach you the little tricks of the job, but lately there was a shift in your relationship, as if you were both slowly developing feelings for the other.

But maybe you are just imagining this, maybe the fact he softened around you was only the result of his survivor’s guilt following Haley’s death. 

You: What’s the plan?

To be honest, you have no idea whether or not to go. Meeting in the middle of the night, alone, somewhere outside the hotel—based on the order to wear something warm—screams that it's a bad idea. 

It makes you sick; the uncertainty about his intentions, the possibility of your naïve thoughts being true after all, and the chance of your colleagues noticing what’s happening between the two of you. Even if it’s nothing more but a fantasy. A stupid, stupid fantasy. 

And so you make up your mind, your fingers already typing furiously. One word follows another, but you don’t even pay attention to what you’re writing. You don’t even notice that you’ve just written down a confession, a message in which you tell Hotch that you like him more than just a friend. If he even considers himself a friend, that is.

You: Why are you doing this? Why are you toying with my feelings? You know. You have to know that I haven’t seen you as a mentor, a friend for a long time. Maybe since Denver, I don’t know. Anyway, just… Maybe you should keep things professional from now on. Don’t make this any harder for me, please.

Luckily, just before you could hit the send button, a notification pops up. Another message from him.

Hotch: Let it be a surprise.

Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him, you repeat, speaking quietly under your breath. You know you have to resist the urge to do exactly as he says without hesitation, it would be better to just leave the phone on the bedside table, put on your sleeping mask, then try to get some sleep.

You do exactly that. It’s hard, there’s a part of you that wants to go down, that wants to know what he has in mind, but your brain knows better. You have to choose wisely, so you ignore him. 

Except…

Your phone buzzes beside you, but you ignore it. Then it buzzes again, which you once again ignore. But Hotch doesn’t give up, he decides to call you instead, and then you silence the phone, hoping it would be over. It’s not, because he calls again. 

“I’m trying to sleep, Hotch,” you say as a greeting, even though every word feels like a knife in your heart. 

There’s a moment of silence on the other end of the line. “Come on, we both know you can’t sleep. Where are you? This little trip will help, trust me.”

With a sigh, you shake your head, as if he could see that. “Meeting my boss alone, in the middle of the night sounds…” you begin, but your trail off, having no idea how to finish. 

“Would it really be that bad?” he wonders after a longer pause. 

There’s something in his voice, an edge that tells you something important. “You’re drunk.”

It’s a statement, not a question, and he knows it perfectly well. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” he admits. 

“The job?”

He lets out a short chuckle. “No, it’s not about the job. It’s about you.”

“What about me?” you ask, although you have a pretty good guess by now, and it makes your heart beat faster. 

Hotch sighs, and you can tell he’s shaking his head. “Forget I said anything. Good night,” he says softly.

You want to speak up, you want to stop him, you want to tell him you feel this too, you’re just afraid of where this would lead, but no word leaves your lips. He hangs up, and there’s only heavy silence left around you. Maybe you should have gone down to meet him. Maybe you should have admitted your feelings. Maybe you should have asked him what he was trying to say. 

Maybe you should stop being a coward and take a risk. 

[skullshapedheart]

he's so petty

[skullshapedheart]

Disney+ finally started to upload 9-1-1 S8b, and when they took Blaze/Bingo away in Sob Stories, my mom went: Why doesn’t Eddie take Buck with him to Texas like he was a stray?

[skullshapedheart]

This made my day, thank you for taking the time to write this note 😍

I HATE THIS PART

An emotionally challenging case chases you to the rooftop, but Hotch finds you even there to help you calm down. 

↺ pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader ↺ tags: fem!reader, bau!reader, mention of canon-typical violence, tw child death, the point where they fall in love with the other ↺ wc: 1.2k

Ever since Penelope realized that she can’t do two jobs at the same time, Hotch decided to use you as a surrogate, helping him handle the families and local authorities while he dealt with the media circus. After the first two cases, you began to consider sending JJ flowers to thank her for the job she had done, because you still don’t know how to talk to mourning families, how to make sure you don’t give them false hope before you find a solid lead. 

But this case in Denver is different. You’ve read case files about cannibals before, but this guy kicked it up a notch and decided to target children only. So, how do you talk to families whose world is crumbling down, all without giving them too many details that could hurt them even more if that was possible? It’s a thin line, and you’re not always sure if you can balance just right. 

After another victim’s remains are found at the outskirts of the city, you go to the roof to take a breather, to clear your head just enough to be able to talk to the child’s family. That call will be tough. It’s always tough. You don’t have children, but you can imagine how hard it must be to hear your kid was murdered. 

“You okay?” 

You turn your head a bit to see who it is, and you find Hotch standing there, hands stuffed into the pockets of his long black coat. Just like all of you, he looks exhausted too, and the heavy sigh that leaves his lips when he stops next to you and leans against the railing confirms it. 

From where the building is located, you can see the mountains with their snowy tops, and you decide to focus on that instead of your boss whose eyes never leave your face, not even for a second. It’s burning a hole into your skull, you’re painfully aware of his attention. Is he worried about you? He did sound like that. But what should you say? That you’re not sure you can do this any longer than this case? 

No, that would mean you failed. 

You failed him. 

So, you decide to lie. “Sure, I’m fine, it’s just,” you begin, but your voice trails off, you can’t get the words out. 

But Hotch knows. He turns to rest his forearms on the railing, and looks at the Denver skyline with you. At first, he doesn’t say a word, but this silence tells you he’s lost somewhere deep in his thoughts, something that’s really upsetting him. You can’t help but look at him, and when you see that crease between his brows, you only want to reach out to touch him in an attempt to pull him out of those dark thoughts. 

And then, without a warning, he speaks up. 

“I remember my first case that involved a cannibalistic unsub.” His voice is quiet, soft, and you can hear the slight disgust that laces his words. “It’s hard, I know. I let it get to me, I let it poison my dreams, I let it temporarily hurt my marriage, because I didn’t want to upset Haley, who didn’t like the idea of me hiding something that affected me this much. Don’t make the same mistake.”

You wish it was that easy, but it’s more than just the thought of children dying this way, their flesh being devoured by some sick bastard. “I get it, but what about the families? I need to talk to them, and what do I say? How do I avoid accidentally spilling out a detail that would break them?” you ask, hoping his experience can help you tackle this problem. 

Hotch lets out a thoughtful hum as he looks down at you, and there’s a softness in those brown eyes you haven’t seen before. “Do you want me to be there with you?”

“You already have too much on your plate, I can’t ask you to–”

“You didn’t ask me anything, I offered to help,” he interrupts you, and even though his voice is stern, there’s no real bite to it. “So?” 

With a shy smile, you nod. “Thank you, Hotch.”

He moves his arm a little, just enough to let it bump into yours. “Anytime,” he says softly.

A comfortable silence settles between the two of you, and you both return your attention to the mountains. You could get used to this, living in a quiet town somewhere in Colorado, enjoying the view and the clean air. Away from the stress, away from serial killers, away from complications. 

“I wonder if Jack would like living in this area,” Hotch suddenly speaks up, bringing up the same idea you just had. 

You look back at him with your head slightly tilted to the side as you watch him, taking a closer look at his features as if this was the first time you truly saw him. When he notices you’re staring, a small smile appears on his lips before he turns his body to face you. 

“You’re easy to read,” he notes, but he stops here, he doesn’t explain what this is supposed to mean. 

What does it have to do with the two of you having the same thought? Or did he ask this question because he knew you were thinking about moving here? No, you’re just imagining things. He definitely did not think about moving here because of you.

The thing is, you can’t decide what to think about Hotch to this day. He’s always so serious, something that isn’t a surprise considering how much shit he went through, and even a little distant sometimes, although it’s clear that he cares about his team, about his second family. These times, he’s your boss, you keep your distance, you think he’s not exactly approachable. 

But on his better days, when he lets go of the stress and everyday troubles, he can warm up to all of you. Like when Rossi invited the team for dinner, and after the third round of wine, Hotch actually began to crack jokes. That was the first time you saw him this relaxed, and on that day you realized that behind the armor he wore, he had a really good sense of humor. 

Aaron Hotchner is a mystery.

“Good, you’re here,” you hear Rossi’s voice from the door of the rooftop. When you both turn to him, he raises his hands. “Sorry to interrupt, but the newly found victim’s family found out from the media that there’s another body, and now they are here to see if it’s their child.”

“We’ll be down in a minute. Thanks, Dave,” Hotch says, then waits until the other man leaves before turning back to you. “I can talk to them if you’re not ready.” 

Shaking your head, you take a deep breath to calm your nerves. “I’ll be fine, but thank you,” you tell him quietly.

“Alright. I’ll be there by your side the whole time, if you feel like it’s too much, just poke my hand and I’ll take over,” he offers with a small smile.

All you can do is nod before heading to the door, your steps slow as you wait for your boss to join you. Once he does, you feel his hand on the small of your back through your coat, but when you glance up at him, you see absolutely nothing. It could be nothing more but an innocent gesture. 

But maybe it’s more than that. 

Do you want it to be more than that? 

Maybe.

[skullshapedheart]

ENCHANTÉ

Since he started teaching, Spencer has to attend a lot of boring fundraising parties. This time, though, he meets you, a fellow genius who built a billion-dollar company based on her invention.

↺ pairing: Spencer Reid x reader ↺ tags: fem!reader, genius!reader, post-prison!Spencer, bonding over their intelligence and science, hint that maybe something happens between them ↺ wc: 1k

In any other case, it would be a quick drive-by. You go in, say hi to some important people so they would know you were there, maybe grab a drink with that one pleasant person you can always find in the crowd, then you would leave without a trace. An hour. Tops. 

Because being a social butterfly is exhausting, you’d rather throw yourself off a cliff than spend an entire evening smiling and exchanging pleasantries with people you despise on a cellular level. But starting your own company (even if you hired a CEO to do the boring stuff without your involvement) made it mandatory to attend such events, and even socialize to convince the right people to support your experiments. 

Tonight you’re attending a university’s fundraiser, which is important because you always want to find new talent, fresh, creative brains that haven’t been corrupted yet. As you’re waiting for your drink by the bar, you sit on the barstool and take a better look at the crowd, secretly hoping no one would bother you in the next ten minutes while you try to recharge your social batteries. 

But then someone stops next to you, although he only orders a non-alcoholic cocktail for himself. With an intrigued look, which shows on your face because you absolutely cannot fathom how someone can survive without alcohol, you look over at the man. He’s tall, the well-tailored suit is clearly hiding a nicely toned body, and that messy brown hair tells you he’s not here to impress others. 

And when he turns to look at you with those beautiful hazel eyes, and for the first time you see his face, you realize who he is. “Dr. Spencer Reid,” you say slowly, making sure your voice gives away that you’re genuinely glad to meet him. 

His eyes narrow slightly, as if he was doubting that, but then the corners of his mouth lift a little. When your name rolls off his tongue with such ease as if he’s been practicing it, you realize that maybe you found that one pleasant person you’re always looking for at events like this. 

A conversation with the great profiler, the genius, the one who made the headlines by being wrongly imprisoned for murder.

What a treat!

“Didn’t think you’d be one to attend such events,” you note with a smile, because you heard a lot about his little… quirks.

Spencer flashes a smile at you before briefly turning away to accept his drink from the bartender. “I didn’t have much choice. And honestly,” he begins, then turns back to look at you, “I knew you would be here, so I wouldn’t have missed it anyway.”

This shuts your mouth, because you didn’t expect him to be interested in you. But after some thinking, you try to speak up without making a fool of yourself. “I’m flattered. So… How’s life at the BAU?” you ask, then take the straw between your lips to take a sip of your own cocktail. 

You don’t miss the way he gulps and looks away, shifting his attention back to his drink. “I focus on teaching now,” he replies shortly. 

“Do you at least enjoy it?”

He lets out a dry laugh. “Oh, if I forget about the fact many girls are only auditing the class because apparently I’m cute,” Spencer begins with a roll of his eyes, “it’s actually pretty fun.”

With a smile, you speak up, strictly under your breath. “That cute part I can’t argue with.” Sadly, he heard it perfectly well, and flashes a teasing smile at you. “Sorry, I couldn’t stop myself,” you apologize, even though you think there’s no reason for that. 

It seems like he doesn’t mind, in fact, it clearly lifted his mood as he now has a smug grin on his face. From what you’ve heard about him, you didn’t think he had the ability to look smug, yet here you are now. This Spencer Reid is confident, nothing like the one you pictured based on the stories. 

And then he speaks up again, surprising you with his question. “Why don’t you visit my class tomorrow? Maybe you can learn something useful,” he teases. 

“You think my knowledge isn’t useful?” you ask him, totally dumbfounded as you have degrees in astrophysics and bioengineering. Yes, unlike him, you focused on starting your own company at the age of eighteen with the help of your mentor. “You know, you’re not the only genius in the room. Your IQ is 185, right?”

He shrugs. “187, but go on.”

“Mine is 1–”

“186, I know,” he interrupts you with a smile. 

“You came prepared.”

“I’ve been following your work.”

You tilt your head to the side with a sweet smile on your lips, stunned that the man whose work you’ve been following religiously would ever pay much attention to what you’re doing. Yes, you’re sort of a fangirl, but it doesn’t mean you’re the crazy kind, you just appreciate talent and knowledge. And his IQ and academic past resembles yours, although until now you thought he was more of the awkward kind, not the one with confidence and social skills like yours. 

But, sometimes even a genius can be wrong. 

You’re knocked out of your thoughts when he sneakily touches your hand in a clear attempt to flirt with you, and to be fair, you don’t feel like pushing him away. He’s handsome (God, those eyes) and smart, and talented, and–

He just leaned forward to give you a tentative kiss. 

What the hell? “Care to explain?” you ask when he pulls away. 

“I love your brain. You know what? I can show you my usual classroom,” he offers, that teasing smile back on his lips. 

It’s still hard to believe that he kissed you, and now he offered to take you somewhere quiet, a place no one would think of visiting at this time of the day, in the middle of a party. But he looks so good, and you’re so shallow, so it’s not even a question that you’re gonna say yes. After you nod, he takes your hand, then begins to pull you towards the entrance of the ballroom, not worrying about the curious glances of the other guests. 

[skullshapedheart]

I HATE THIS PART

An emotionally challenging case chases you to the rooftop, but Hotch finds you even there to help you calm down. 

↺ pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader ↺ tags: fem!reader, bau!reader, mention of canon-typical violence, tw child death, the point where they fall in love with the other ↺ wc: 1.2k

Ever since Penelope realized that she can’t do two jobs at the same time, Hotch decided to use you as a surrogate, helping him handle the families and local authorities while he dealt with the media circus. After the first two cases, you began to consider sending JJ flowers to thank her for the job she had done, because you still don’t know how to talk to mourning families, how to make sure you don’t give them false hope before you find a solid lead. 

But this case in Denver is different. You’ve read case files about cannibals before, but this guy kicked it up a notch and decided to target children only. So, how do you talk to families whose world is crumbling down, all without giving them too many details that could hurt them even more if that was possible? It’s a thin line, and you’re not always sure if you can balance just right. 

After another victim’s remains are found at the outskirts of the city, you go to the roof to take a breather, to clear your head just enough to be able to talk to the child’s family. That call will be tough. It’s always tough. You don’t have children, but you can imagine how hard it must be to hear your kid was murdered. 

“You okay?” 

You turn your head a bit to see who it is, and you find Hotch standing there, hands stuffed into the pockets of his long black coat. Just like all of you, he looks exhausted too, and the heavy sigh that leaves his lips when he stops next to you and leans against the railing confirms it. 

From where the building is located, you can see the mountains with their snowy tops, and you decide to focus on that instead of your boss whose eyes never leave your face, not even for a second. It’s burning a hole into your skull, you’re painfully aware of his attention. Is he worried about you? He did sound like that. But what should you say? That you’re not sure you can do this any longer than this case? 

No, that would mean you failed. 

You failed him. 

So, you decide to lie. “Sure, I’m fine, it’s just,” you begin, but your voice trails off, you can’t get the words out. 

But Hotch knows. He turns to rest his forearms on the railing, and looks at the Denver skyline with you. At first, he doesn’t say a word, but this silence tells you he’s lost somewhere deep in his thoughts, something that’s really upsetting him. You can’t help but look at him, and when you see that crease between his brows, you only want to reach out to touch him in an attempt to pull him out of those dark thoughts. 

And then, without a warning, he speaks up. 

“I remember my first case that involved a cannibalistic unsub.” His voice is quiet, soft, and you can hear the slight disgust that laces his words. “It’s hard, I know. I let it get to me, I let it poison my dreams, I let it temporarily hurt my marriage, because I didn’t want to upset Haley, who didn’t like the idea of me hiding something that affected me this much. Don’t make the same mistake.”

You wish it was that easy, but it’s more than just the thought of children dying this way, their flesh being devoured by some sick bastard. “I get it, but what about the families? I need to talk to them, and what do I say? How do I avoid accidentally spilling out a detail that would break them?” you ask, hoping his experience can help you tackle this problem. 

Hotch lets out a thoughtful hum as he looks down at you, and there’s a softness in those brown eyes you haven’t seen before. “Do you want me to be there with you?”

“You already have too much on your plate, I can’t ask you to–”

“You didn’t ask me anything, I offered to help,” he interrupts you, and even though his voice is stern, there’s no real bite to it. “So?” 

With a shy smile, you nod. “Thank you, Hotch.”

He moves his arm a little, just enough to let it bump into yours. “Anytime,” he says softly.

A comfortable silence settles between the two of you, and you both return your attention to the mountains. You could get used to this, living in a quiet town somewhere in Colorado, enjoying the view and the clean air. Away from the stress, away from serial killers, away from complications. 

“I wonder if Jack would like living in this area,” Hotch suddenly speaks up, bringing up the same idea you just had. 

You look back at him with your head slightly tilted to the side as you watch him, taking a closer look at his features as if this was the first time you truly saw him. When he notices you’re staring, a small smile appears on his lips before he turns his body to face you. 

“You’re easy to read,” he notes, but he stops here, he doesn’t explain what this is supposed to mean. 

What does it have to do with the two of you having the same thought? Or did he ask this question because he knew you were thinking about moving here? No, you’re just imagining things. He definitely did not think about moving here because of you.

The thing is, you can’t decide what to think about Hotch to this day. He’s always so serious, something that isn’t a surprise considering how much shit he went through, and even a little distant sometimes, although it’s clear that he cares about his team, about his second family. These times, he’s your boss, you keep your distance, you think he’s not exactly approachable. 

But on his better days, when he lets go of the stress and everyday troubles, he can warm up to all of you. Like when Rossi invited the team for dinner, and after the third round of wine, Hotch actually began to crack jokes. That was the first time you saw him this relaxed, and on that day you realized that behind the armor he wore, he had a really good sense of humor. 

Aaron Hotchner is a mystery.

“Good, you’re here,” you hear Rossi’s voice from the door of the rooftop. When you both turn to him, he raises his hands. “Sorry to interrupt, but the newly found victim’s family found out from the media that there’s another body, and now they are here to see if it’s their child.”

“We’ll be down in a minute. Thanks, Dave,” Hotch says, then waits until the other man leaves before turning back to you. “I can talk to them if you’re not ready.” 

Shaking your head, you take a deep breath to calm your nerves. “I’ll be fine, but thank you,” you tell him quietly.

“Alright. I’ll be there by your side the whole time, if you feel like it’s too much, just poke my hand and I’ll take over,” he offers with a small smile.

All you can do is nod before heading to the door, your steps slow as you wait for your boss to join you. Once he does, you feel his hand on the small of your back through your coat, but when you glance up at him, you see absolutely nothing. It could be nothing more but an innocent gesture. 

But maybe it’s more than that. 

Do you want it to be more than that? 

Maybe.

[skullshapedheart]

if he looked at me like this I would collapse