sklljaguar-blog - Tumblr blog

[sklljaguar-blog]

"rom, have you seen the magazines? we're all over them! ☆" he holds one up and points to the front cover, which was a picture of the two of them kissing from the other day. "you look so cute~look how much you're blushing ☆" he wasn't upset by this in the slightest. "i kinda wish we got to tell people ourselves, but now i can see this adorable picture of you~ ☆"

                                    “ shu ... ” rom sighed. he had been worried because he knew shu’s image was important to him, but he should’ve known shu would react like this. he loved attention. it was a relief, though. it was a reminder of how much shu cared for him, that he wanted the world to know that they were together. he blushed at shu’s comment. “ you really are enjoying this, aren’t you? ”

[sklljaguar-blog]

rom you and your GAY boyfriend are in tons of magazines with your GAY kiss

                                  really - ?! oh, of course ... i’ve gotta talk to shu about this ...

[sklljaguar-blog]

shnystars​:

shu☆zo couldn’t get happier than this. this was perfect. he was overcome with a fit of giggles, which made the kissing a bit more awkward, but he didn’t care. his arms wrapped around rom’s neck as he indulged in rom’s love. “i–love–you– ☆” he said between kisses. then, he pulled in rom for a longer kiss. he poured all his love into the kiss, wanting rom to see he truly did love him just as much as he had in the past. 

when he pulled away, he kissed the top of rom’s nose then pressed his forehead against his. “i love you so, so much. i never though i’d be able to be with you again like this…or at all, really.” he didn’t think he deserved rom’s forgiveness, much less his love. “i missed you.” he had said that many times over today, but he meant it. 

“i didn’t think you still liked me that way…i thought maybe you moved on.” he wouldn’t have been surprised if that were the case. “or…i didn’t think you’d like how i am now.” he didn’t dislike his current self, but it was different from how he was in the past, so he wondered if rom would like that. “i’m glad you still like me…and that i can still be your shu.”

                                     relief flooded through him, as well as giddiness, when shu continued to kiss him. he felt like he could fly. he was so happy. it was like he was living in a dream. he was so, so in love with shu and shu returned his feelings. he couldn’t ask for anything else in his life. he was perfectly content for things to stay in this moment forever.

                                             “ i thought the same. i couldn’t imagine this ever happening again. ” because of the way both of them acted. it wasn’t until recently that they opened up to each other more. and today was the first day they really opened their hearts to each other. rom was so glad that shu asked to hang out with him today. otherwise, they wouldn’t be here, in this perfect moment.

                                                “ i couldn’t move on. no matter what, my mind always went back to you. i don’t want to be with anyone else. ” eventually, he moved on in a healthy way -- moved on from amatelast, formed new bonds, and became a healthier version of himself. but even after he grew and matured as a person, and the wounds from amatelast hurt less, he would never forget about them. and he would never forget about his love for shu. “ i love you. i love the shu right in front of me. you didn’t change -- you grew. you matured. you’ve always been sparkling ... but you’re even brighter now. ”

[sklljaguar-blog]

ROM YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND WHAT THE FUCK IS A FRATERNITY

                                       you can only find the answer inside yourself. ..........also, what i meant by that is, dating a band member can make things complicated.

[sklljaguar-blog]

rom help aion keeps calling me cute and i'm having heart attacks what does this mean

                                   [ puts his hands on crow’s shoulders ] CROW...YOU’RE GROWING UP.

[sklljaguar-blog]

shnystars​:

when rom spoke, shu☆zo let out a gasp, and his cheeks turned bright red. rom loved him. he still loved him. even after all the time that had passed, even after everything he had done. shu☆zo’s heart was racing. he hadn’t expected rom to say such a thing, and certainly not now. had the two of them been tiptoeing around this the entire time? he felt a little silly. rom kept giving him signs, and shu☆zo kept disregarding them. 

he laughed a little, unable to contain the giddiness he felt. shu☆zo shifted his position, moving so he could put his hands on rom’s cheeks and see him face-to-face. “you love me.” he echoed the words, smiling at him warmly. “you love me.” he was over the moon. “i love you! i love you too, rom. i never stopped loving you.” he moved closer so he was nose-to-nose with him. “can i kiss you? or can you kiss me? i want you to kiss me. i wanted to kiss you at the ramen place too.” he ended up rambling a bit, the words falling out of his mouth now that he didn’t have to hold back. his tail swung happily behind him. “i’ve missed kissing you. and all of this. i missed you, rom.”

                                  rom put his hands over shu’s, smiling back at him. “ i love you. ” he repeated. he’d repeat it as many times as he could if shu asked for that. seeing shu’s face like this was the best thing he could ever see. he wanted to see his smile as much as possible. 

                                          “ i want to kiss you. i want you to kiss me. ” rom echoed back. he felt silly repeating the same phrases as shu, but there was nothing else he wanted to say. shu stated how he felt perfectly. “ when we were at the ramen shop, i couldn’t stop thinking about how beautiful you are. i almost kissed you back then. ” they were more in sync than they thought.

                                            now that they were nose-to-nose, there was nothing stopping them. rom closed the little gap between them and kissed shu softly. he wanted to do more, but he didn’t know what shu was comfortable with, so he settled with little kisses peppered between, “ i - love - you - so - much. ”

[sklljaguar-blog]

shnystars​:

“it is!~ ☆” he was still staring at the sky in wonder. this really was beautiful. it was sweet of rom to show him such a sight. “you’re lucky you can see this everyday! i’m jealous! ☆” well, he could come back sometime, hopefully. then they could do this again. next time, maybe they could stargaze. he would really like that. 

after looking at the sky for a few minutes, he sat down beside rom and leaned his head on rom’s shoulder, his hand grabbing rom’s once more. he did it all without thinking. it was normal to be close to him like this. it just felt right. he wanted to stay like this forever. “thanks for taking me here, rom. i love it.” though anywhere would’ve been perfect to him, as long as he was with rom. “i really love–being here with you. and being by your side…i forgot how it all came so naturally…” it was like belonged together. “i wouldn’t mind just staying like this…”

                                  when they got close, rom continued to fluid motion, pushing the both of them back onto the roof to lay down. he held shu close to him, keeping shu’s head on his shoulder. he wrapped his free arm around shu and kept their hands linked together. “ you don’t have to be jealous. you can see this view any day you want, if you just asked. ” fixing his gaze to the sky, he smiled softly. 

                                         rom took a breath, watching the clouds go by for a minute before continuing. “ i love being by your side, too. i missed you so much all this time. ” shu was right. it was so easy just to be with shu, when they let all their pretenses go and just enjoyed each other’s company. they were a perfect fit, now that they truly understood each other. “ what i’m saying is ... we’ve had some pretty big differences, but my feelings for you never changed throughout all of it. even when i thought they did. i’ve always loved you, shu. i love you now. i think you’re even more beautiful than the clouds in the sky. and an even softer place to fall. ”

[sklljaguar-blog]

shnystars​:

“we’re home~ ☆” shu☆zo couldn’t stop himself from looking left and right when they entered rom’s home. he had moved since they broke up, so this was entirely new to him. it was a nice place, and definitely rom’s. he hoped he would able to come back. he spent a lot of time at rom’s old apartment back when they were together. he’d like to do that again, though he kept the thought to himself. there were too many things he wanted to say, but he worried about pushing boundaries too soon. he didn’t want to make rom uncomfortable, especially if he didn’t feel the same way anymore. even if he said he was special, even with everything he had said and done today, he worried he may be getting the wrong idea.

when they reached the ladder, shu☆zo’s eyes lit up. “ooo, are we going to cloudgaze? it’s been so long since i’ve done that~ ☆” he liked this a lot. “i can! i’ll be fine! ☆” though he was a bit scared of heights, he was filled with excitement about this. he climbed up the ladder first, as fast but cautious as he could. when he reached the roof, he let out a happy noise, “ah! this is the perfect place to look at the sky! and so peaceful! come up quick, rom! hurry up!!!”

                                     “ i thought you would. i wanted to show you how beautiful the sky is up here. ” rom quickly followed behind shu just in case he was uneasy about climbing the ladder. he heard shu’s noise before he even made it all the way up. he was so cute, he was distracting him from climbing. when he got to the rooftop, he sat on the roof and was amazed not at the sight of the sky but at the sight of shu. shu excitedly looking up at the sky, exclaiming praises about its beauty. but shu was more beautiful. his sparkling eyes, his bright face, his lilting voice. rom was in love with shu after all this time.

                                              “ it’s amazing, isn’t it? ” rom said, gazing at shu the whole time. he was talking about the sky, too, but mostly shu. he wouldn’t admit that outright, though. he didn’t want to come across too forward or anything. shu was just so incredible. everything he did amazed rom. there was no one quite like him on sound planet, or even in the galaxies. “ i like to think about the shapes the clouds make. and at night, i try to find constellations. ”

[sklljaguar-blog]

shnystars​:

rom’s smile made him all the more happy. hearing him say his name like that…shu☆zo felt like he was on cloud nine. he wished he could kiss him. perhaps another time. today really turned out to be special. he was glad he and rom got to do this. he was glad they had finally made up, after all these years. it had been far easier than he expected–he wondered if rom felt the same. they had been avoiding this for so long, when they should have talked about it much sooner. better late than never, he supposed. he knew he was at fault for avoiding rom for so long anyways.

“good, because i wanna know already! ☆” what was this special place rom wanted to show him? his curiosity only grew the longer they walked. he squeezed rom’s hand lightly, then entwined their fingers. “i’m happy you’re showing me something like this. it makes me feel really special~ ☆” it warmed his heart that he was still someone so important to rom even after everything in their past. knowing he still had a place in rom’s life made him happier than words could ever describe. “next time, i’ll have to show you some new places~ ☆ ”

                                    he squeezed shu’s hand back and replied, “ you are special to me. ” it had been a long time since he was able to say something like that to shu. he was glad he could say it again. he didn’t think anything like this would happen again. it felt surreal. he didn’t want to wake up from this dream. “ i’m sure you have a lot in mind already. it’s scary when you say it like that. ” he teased. knowing how rom was, especially now, he probably already had a ton of ideas that would blow anything rom could show shu out of the water.

                                             when they got to his place, he opened the door to let shu in. “ we’re home, ” he spoke into the room, though no one was there to reply. “ this isn’t what i’m showing you, though. it’s just a bit further. ” he took shu to the back of the house and to the backyard. there was a ladder in the back of the house that lead up to the roof. from up there, the view of the sky was beautiful. rom didn’t talk about it, but he liked both cloudgazing and stargazing. he did it alone to help clear his head. but he wanted to show this part of himself to shu. “ can you climb? ”

[sklljaguar-blog]

shnystars​:

“ooo, you’re really leaving me in suspense~ ☆” shu☆zo felt himself grow more excited by the vague hint. he was looking forward to it, whatever it was. rom wanted to share something special like this with him. his chest felt warm. rom was so sweet. he always had been. he was so good to him. he loved him so, so much. he wanted to tell him, but he held back. not now. he couldn’t push anything yet. 

“yes! you got a little sneak peek~ ☆” truth be told, he had hit a wall in the writing process, which is why he decided to go out. he was glad he did, otherwise he never would have run into rom. taking some time away was probably good anyways. kai and riku told him that often. he really should listen to them more. “hehe, i’m glad you think so~ ☆ i hope you’ll enjoy the full song too! ☆” rom’s compliment encouraged him a lot. he would make sure to make an amazing song!

“i really love trichron’s music now…at first, i had a hard time getting into it. i didn’t work on any of the first songs. i was the same as i was in amatelast…i just saw everything as a stepping stone.” he opened up a little, though didn’t meet rom’s eyes. back when trichronika was first formed, he wasn’t truly himself. shu☆zo was a guise he put on so he could gain popularity. however, as time went on, he came more into himself. shu☆zo wasn’t just a mask, it was really him. he realized how much he loved to make people smile, and how much others made him smile. he wanted to keep doing that. a few moments of silence passed, then he looked at rom with a a bright smile. “but it’s different now. i really love trichronika. i love kai, riku, and every dream galaxy tourist, and i wouldn’t trade any of them for the whole sound galaxy!”

                                   naturally, shu hadn’t told him much about trichronika before. he supposed it would make sense that shu went into the band in a similar way that he left amatelast. he was glad that shu was opening up about this to him -- to anyone, really. that time was hard for shu. he didn’t want him to bottle it all inside. 

                                           shu had grown so much over the past few years. he seemed like a different person -- but still himself. rom admired him so much more now. he had become a mature person, and had grown into himself as a singer, songwriter, and guitarist. shu was a bright shining star, one that rom could never look away from. a breathtaking sight to behold.

                                             “ shu ... ” rom smiled wide at shu’s profession. his face was warm with admiration and love. he was so, so happy for him. seeing shu so happy and passionate was like a dream come true. rom was filled was so much love for him. he was so beautiful like this. nothing rom could show shu would compare to the sight of shu himself. rom wanted to kiss him. 

                                              instead, he forced himself to turn away and keep walking. “ come on ... we’re almost there now. ”

[sklljaguar-blog]

shnystars​:

shu☆zo’s heartbeat sped up when rom squeezed his hand. it was like the first time they were doing this. he felt like a schoolboy with a crush. it was silly, but he loved it. all of these feelings were bubbling back up to the surface. he missed the giddiness, the electricity he got from rom’s mere touch. he was so happy to be with rom again–even if just like this. even if it didn’t go any further, that was okay. 

as they walked, shu☆zo swung their connected hands a little. he couldn’t help it, he was just so happy! the walk was in silence at first, save for shu☆zo humming a trichronika song to himself. it was a new one he had been working on. he’d have to keep working on it once he got back. he only part of it done so far. he got lost in this train of thought for a minute, then shook his head a bit. he was with rom! the song could wait. where were they going anyway?

“so are you going to tell me where you’re taking me, or is it a surprise?~☆” he had no idea what to expect, which only made him more curious. wherever it was, he had to repay the favor and show rom a place he had never seen before. he could always take him up in trichronika’s spaceship. being in space was incredible. he wanted to share new experiences he had with rom. he wonder if he’d have the same shine in his eyes like when he was eating ramen before. he’d love to see that breathtaking sight again.

                                    rom let shu swing their hands, and even went along with it. he didn’t feel the need to say anything. he felt comfortable in this silence with shu. he missed when they could have comfortable silences, just enjoying each other’s presence. it was moments like these when he could take in shu’s beauty. he felt so lucky to be with him like this again. he was doomed.

                                             “ it’s a surprise! i want to show you something that you can only see at this place. ” he gave a vague hint. sure, rom couldn’t give shu everything shu could give him, but the very least he could do was show him the things that made him happy. the things that grounded him and gave him an appreciation of the life he was living. he wanted to show shu those feelings.

                                                as they got closer to rom’s place, the crowds dispersed more and it was obvious they were getting out of the main parts of the city. it was then rom remembered something from a few minutes before. “ i didn’t recognize that song you were humming. is it something you’re working on? ” music was always something that got rom excited. he didn’t know anything about how trichronika worked on their music. back when he was angry, he assumed their music lacked the heart that shingan’s music had. he realized that couldn’t be true, and those were just the thoughts of an angry and hurting person. he was glad he could see shu for who he truly was now. he didn’t deserve that opportunity. “ it sounds very ... trichronika. in a good way. i mean, it’s the type of sound only you can create. ”

[sklljaguar-blog]

shnystars​:

“of course! anywhere is fine, as long as i’m with you~☆” he was flirting, but he did genuinely mean it. it didn’t matter where they went. more than anything, he just wanted to spend time with rom. that was what was most important. they were making up for lost time, the years they had been apart. they were catching up, and learning about each other again. seeing what had changed, and what stayed the same.

“sometime you’ll have to show me more of the city though, okay?~☆” it could be a date. he wouldn’t say that though. not now. he didn’t want to come on too strong yet. but he did want to see more, and wanted to spend more time with rom. he hoped he would be able to.

he got up, moving a bit closer to rom and reached for his hand. “this much is okay, right?” his expression became more serious. he wanted to hold his hand again. he was still thinking about how rom had grabbed his hand earlier. hopefully rom didn’t have a problem with this. “do you want me to let go?”

                                      “ yeah. this won’t be the last time we go out, of course. ” he said it to reassure both himself and shu. based on how things were going, they would go out again. that would be nice. ah, but not like going out going out. not yet. or ever. ah. rom was thinking too much about this. 

                                               when shu took his hand, rom’s face got red again. he couldn’t help getting flustered, even now. he felt like he was falling in love all over again. it was the best feeling. he had never truly fallen out of love with shu, even in his darkest time, and now he was becoming aware of these feelings again. he wanted shu to feel the same way so bad. but it was okay if he didn’t.

                                                 “ it’s okay. it’s perfect, shu. ” rom smiled, squeezing shu’s hand a bit. shu’s fingers were calloused, but his hand was soft. it was the same way he remembered. ah ... he never forgot how shu’s hand felt after all this time. rom really had it bad.

                                                  rom lead shu outside of the store, and started heading towards his place. he was afraid of taking it too far by doing this already, but it wasn’t as if he was taking him to his room already. he wanted to show him something beautiful. something like shu himself ( but he couldn’t find anything that could even come close to shu’s beauty ). 

[sklljaguar-blog]

shnystars​:

“that’s good. i can tell they mean a lot to you.” it wasn’t easy to find people like that. he was very aware of that. “i can say the same for the twins. they’ve been wonderful to me.” kai and riku were irreplaceable to him. they helped show him that music wasn’t just about popularity. ironically, when he stopped making that a priority, trichronika was able to achieve the success and fame that shu☆zo–no, shu–had always craved. “they’re good kids. i’m glad to have met them.” he felt a level of responsibility for them, as he was the oldest among the three. he wanted to take care of them. they looked up to him, so he wanted to set a good example.

“i am too. i’m glad we were finally able to talk…and do this again.” he was beyond elated to be able to spend time with rom like this once more–and to do so under far better circumstances. he hoped this would become a regular occurrence for them. things were looking up, so it was very possible that would be the case. “it’s been so long…we’re both real adults now.” so much time had passed, it was strange in a way. he could remember everything like it was yesterday.

he finished up the last of his ramen, then set his chopsticks down. “that was a delicious meal, just like you promised. i really will have to come back, for both dinner and a show~☆” he winked. when he had free time, he would definitely be back to this side of midi city. he could even bring kai and riku with him. that would be fun. “was there someplace you had in mind to go to after this? i know it was my idea, but you know this side of town better than me.”

                                  rom was glad that trichronika had been good for shu. looking at it now, without all the anger, he could see how happy shu was and how close trichronika was. he was happy that shu could find people as precious to him as shingancrimsonz was to rom. he hoped that soon they could rekindle a friendship, at least, and feel that way towards each other. shu was precious to him. he always would be.

                                          he smiled more at shu’s wink. this side of shu was relatively new to rom, but so endearing. he seemed so free and happy. it made rom’s heart flutter. “ i look forward to seeing you here. ” rom laughed a bit. it was like a dream to be able to talk with shu like this.

                                           “ let’s see ... ” there were many places he could take shu. there were quite a few shops around. while he thought shu would enjoy those things, and he would, too, there was somewhere else he wanted to take him. “ well, there’s somewhere i want to show you, but it’s not in the city ... is that okay? ”

[sklljaguar-blog]

shnystars​:

for a moment, shu☆zo was afraid he had gone too far. perhaps he shouldn’t have kissed him. perhaps he was rushing things too much. they had only just had a proper talk about the past after all. he tensed for a few moments, but quickly relaxed when he saw rom’s smile. it was okay. rom even seemed happier than before. he was glad. his worries were put at ease. 

“tonkotsu ramen~☆” shu☆zo echoed, followed by a soft giggle. this was nice. he ate more of his ramen, enjoying how delicious it was. much better, now that so much of the tension had been lifted. “you’re as adorable as ever, rom~☆ that hasn’t changed.” he loved seeing him so happy like this. it was infectious.

“is that the song you sing when you’re here? i hope i’ll be able to catch shingan singing the full version~☆” he knew that would be a sight to see. he would look forward to it. “you four seem really in sync! i’m glad you found such a good band!” a part of him was jealous of the synergy he had with them, compared to the lack of it in amatelast. though shu☆zo knew that was because they hadn’t seen eye-to-eye back then. things were different now. he and rom could be together again–even if not in a band. plus, they played together before. they worked together to defeat victorious. so it was okay. even if things were different now, it wasn’t always a bad thing. “i’m glad you’re happy, rom.”

                                     he felt his face get even redder when shu echoed his song. it was nice to hear it in shu’s voice, though. he really was feeling like a part of everything. it only strengthened the feeling in rom’s heart more -- he wanted shu ingrained in his daily life again. “ adorable ...? i don’t see it. ” rom blushed even more, but he was still smiling. shu was laying it on thick now that he saw that it was okay. it was embarrassing, but not in a bad way. he felt giddy.

                                               “ of course! if i see you, i’ll make sure to put an extra 120% into my performance! ” he always gave his all, even in ‘ performances ’ like that, but he really wanted shu to see him sing. like rom had seen shu shine, he wanted shu to see that he was improving, too. rom didn’t play music for the acknowledgement of others, but maybe there was a bit of him that could relate to what shu desired, too. it would be a good feeling for someone he cared about to acknowledge his skill in something he’d worked so hard on and enjoyed.

                                                “ yeah ... shingancrimsonz has been really good to me. ” they were like family to him. they all took care of each other. even if rom was the one that lead them and round them up most of the time, he knew he had their support. not only did they respect him as a band member, they loved him like family. even when he couldn’t open up about what happened in amatelast by himself, they went out of their way to write a song for him. he loved shingancrimsonz so much. he didn’t know where he’d be without them. he smiled softly at shu. “ i am happy. i’m even happier that i can talk to you honestly like this. ”

[sklljaguar-blog]

shnystars​:

shu☆zo hadn’t expected rom to give an apology back. he hadn’t thought rom had done much at all in comparison to him. even if they were at odds in the past, shu☆zo put the blame on himself now. admittedly, in the past, he had been upset with rom, adam, and eve. he had been upset that amatelast failed in his eyes. though he had long since gotten over that. one day, he hoped to be able to mend things with adam and eve, if he ever saw them again. he wished them well, wherever they were.

when rom said he was proud of him, shu☆zo’s heart skipped a bit. “i–” he didn’t even have time to answer before he was enveloped by rom’s arms. he gasped, not expecting such a thing at all. it had been so long since he was surrounded by this warmth. he felt himself easily melt into it. he had missed this so, so much. “rom…” he wrapped his arms around him, resting his head on his chest.

“i missed you.” he softly admitted. there were so many other things he wanted to say, but he held back. he allowed himself to indulge in the hug for a minute, forgetting about their surroundings. then, it hit him. the food! reluctantly, he pulled away, but not before kissing rom’s cheek. “let’s finish our food. we came all this way after all~☆ it’d be a waste if it got cold.”

                                   rom felt lighter when shu returned the gesture. his tears were short-lived. they were taking things slow, and that was okay. he didn’t want to pressure shu into doing anything he didn’t want to do. and if shu never wanted to be his boyfriend again, rom could live with that. even if he wanted to get back together with him, he was fine with being just like this. he missed shu’s company most of all.  

                                          “ me too, ” rom whispered back. even when he was angry at shu, he missed him. and that made him even more upset. but they didn’t have to focus on those feelings anymore. one step at a time, they were getting better again. and shu had already made such good strides. 

                                           he froze up when shu kissed his cheek. sure, it was just his cheek, but he didn’t expect it at all! he didn’t think shu still ... he said he was important to him, but ... it felt too good to be true. he couldn’t let himself get carried away. still, his hand lingered over the spot where shu kissed him. “ r - right, the food ... ” rom felt dizzy, but he was smiling. shu was always better than him at this sort of thing. he took a few more bites of his ramen to distract himself. it was really tasting better now. “ tonkotsu ramen ... ” he sang softly to himself, mood boosted significantly after just a hug and a cheek kiss. 

[sklljaguar-blog]

shnystars​:

after rom began to eat, shu☆zo followed suit. his movements were rigid. the ramen was delicious, just like rom had told him. still, he felt a bit in his stomach due to the situation at hand. it was hard to fully enjoy the meal because of it. and when the elephant in the room was addressed, shu☆zo felt himself tense. he knew this had to be brought up sooner or later. they couldn’t avoid it forever. it would do both of them good to talk about all this.

“…yeah. i know we haven’t.” he had been avoiding it. he had to face this head on. if he didn’t, things would never really change between them. they would always stay distant, and shu☆zo didn’t want that. it seemed that rom didn’t either (he hoped he was right about that). “i…i shouldn’t have acted the way i did. i was so obsessed with gaining popularity, i took things for granted. you, adam, eve, the fans…” he never treated them right. “i just wanted to be at the top. that’s what i was always aiming for, and i never saw the love we got from our fans.” even though amatelast gained a level of fame, shu☆zo refused to acknowledge it. because they weren’t the best, in shu☆zo’s eyes, they were nothing. 

“i’m sorry. i was a terrible bandmate. a terrible leader. a terrible boyfriend.” rom deserved better. he had changed now, but he wondered if he was worthy of rom’s love. “my feelings were real, though. even though i acted the way i did, i loved you. truly.” i still love you. “i wanted to be with you.” i still do. “you were–are–so important to me, rom. that hasn’t changed.” and it never would. “adam and eve, too. i cared about them a lot. i…i don’t know where they are now. or what they think of me. i wouldn’t blame them if they held a grudge.” he deserved it. “i wish i had been better. i’m so sorry, rom. i really am.”

                                   he didn’t expect shu to apologize right off the back. he knew that shu had matured, of course, but knowing that was what was on shu’s heart made his own heart heavy. realistically, they both had made mistakes in their relationship. they failed to understand each other. they failed to really work together, outside of their performances. rom blamed himself for a lot of that, after his anger towards shu faded into anger and hatred towards himself. it hurt to know that shu was going through similar feelings.

                                           “ you weren’t terrible. we had a lot of good times together. i was the one who didn’t understand you. and then i didn’t want to understand you. i’m sorry, too. ” rom wished he could extend this apology to adam and eve, but he didn’t know where they were. he hoped that they were able to move on with their lives first and foremost. 

                                            to hear shu’s true feelings like this -- to hear that he was still important to him ... rom couldn’t help getting choked up. all he wanted for so long was to be with shu, and for them to be okay. just because their dreams had changed didn’t mean that they couldn’t find common ground. now that rom understood shu’s wants and understood that they were okay ... now that shu was able to appreciate those around him, they had a chance to rekindle their relationship, in whatever way worked for them. rom hoped that shu would want that, too.

                                             “ we’re both different now. i think it’s for the better. i’m able to look at you and see someone shining. i’m proud of you, shu. ” he turned in his seat to face shu, then reached over to hug him close. “ you’re so important to me. i want ... ” i want to be with you again. “ i ... ” he buried his face in shu’s shoulder, biting his lip, breathing back a sob. he couldn’t say that. it wasn’t the time. but he couldn’t think of anything else.

[sklljaguar-blog]

shnystars​:

this was all too much. they were getting too close. if this continued, surely things would escalate further. was that okay? shu☆zo wanted to be closer to rom again, in every sense. he had missed this so, so much. he wanted to be with rom again. shu☆zo leaned closer still, his hand moving to cradle rom’s cheek. “rom–”

“2 large bowls of tonkotsu ramen–!!” 

shu☆zo stopped upon hearing the server. they were in public. he had almost forgotten, amidst everything. he smiled, though it held some sadness in it. “we…should stop. there’s others around and…” i don’t want you to do something you’d regret. he wondered if rom still held strong feelings for him, or if these were just fleeting remnants from the past. he forced himself to pull away, and turn back toward his food. “we don’t want the food to get cold, right?~☆” he forced out the playful tone, but followed it up with a more serious one, “and um…after, we can go somewhere else. if you want.” 

                                 shu snapped rom from his reverie, and he pulled away as if burned. what was wrong with him? he was doing things without thinking. that wasn’t like him at all. he was passionate, led with his heart, but knew the importance of thinking rationally. this wasn’t rational. it was foolish of him to get lost like that, especially in public. especially with shu, whose public image was so important to him. 

                                          he turned to his food, but didn’t get to eat before shu spoke again. ah. maybe there was still something between them. rom was foolish for hoping so, but at the same time, he couldn’t ignore what he was seeing. he wished it wasn’t so hard to just ask. but there was so much between them, and though they came out better for it, what did that spell for them together? were they better off apart? the more rom thought about it, the more he hated it.

                                           “ i’d like that. ” rom spoke softly before starting to eat his ramen. it was delicious, as usual, but he couldn’t get hyped up about it right now. it wasn’t the time. “ can we ... talk? i know this is an odd time to bring it up, but ... ” i can’t stop thinking about us. “ we haven’t had a real discussion about everything since back then. ”