sir-cabbage1 - Tumblr blog

[sir-cabbage1]

go to sleep

[sir-cabbage1]

My ideal date? You release me into the wild to hunt me for sport on your remote island BUT I’m not very good at hiding so you find me within 20 minutes. You hold the gun to my face but there is something so earnest in my eyes and hands that you cannot carry through. You pick me up and carry me back to your mansion. I am so polite and charming that you nurse me back to health. You grow to love and trust me despite the fact you’re holding me hostage after I fell of a charter vessel bound for Brazil. You buy me new clothes and have them shipped to the island. I kiss you good morning every day. You propose marriage. I accept. We skype in a priest and get married with the butler as our witness. That night I kill you and the butler. I redistribute your wealth. I live in the mansion on the abandoned island for the rest of my days. I study snail ecology. I never remarry. You were the love of my life but you were too dangerous and evil to live. I am buried next to you. The tides eventually wash our bodies away. Into the depths of the ocean, together.

[sir-cabbage1]

unfortunately the awful little freak everyone hates has saved the world so now we all have to try to be nice

[sir-cabbage1]

It's so fucking funny how many people who owned Furbies as children ended up being traumatized by them in some way

[sir-cabbage1]

Absolute control and submission.

[sir-cabbage1]

Hmm I dunno... I feel like it would make me a little crabby.

Feel like being a crab would do wonders for my current social and emotional states, carcinization hit me!

[sir-cabbage1]

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[sir-cabbage1]

Post-9/11 kids nowadays

[sir-cabbage1]

Im gonna kill you soon

Thanks man

[sir-cabbage1]

[sir-cabbage1]

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[sir-cabbage1]

Vent art