sincerelycknox

[sincerelycknox]

Welcome Kasen Jones (Labor & Delivery)

I’m 3 weeks postpartum today and I finally found a little bit of time to share my labor and delivery story. When it came to making a birth plan, Shawn and I both knew that we wanted to be committed to no meds and no epidural. It was my own personal decision but with him being my support person it was important that we were on the same page. I knew I was going to need his strength in case I was feeling weak. Sure enough, I did… but I’ll get into that later.

As I approached my due date, my doctor had spoken quite a bit about inducing me. That was something I didn’t really feel comfortable with. He initially wanted me to be induced the day after my due date, however, I requested more time to allow him to come naturally. I went to 40 weeks and 5 days before my induction was scheduled. I was super nervous going into it and didn’t know what to expect. I’d heard and read a lot about how the medication given makes the contractions more intense. Imagine my hesitation knowing that I was going into this with the expectation of no epidural. After a lot of prayer and several talks with Shawn, we went for it. On Sunday, September 16that 8:30 pm we checked in to the hospital.

When I arrived at the hospital I was still not dilated and only 50% effaced. They started me on my first dose of Cytotec around 9:30 pm. With this medication, they can only give it to you in doses every 3 hours or so (if needed). After the first dose, I had to lay in bed for 30 minutes and then I used the yoga ball to roll my hips and try to help get things moving along. It was around 1:00 am and the nurse came to check me. I still wasn’t dilated but Kasen was showing signs of distress (that’s the term that was used) on the monitor so they had to hold off a little bit until he was okay. At about 2:00 am they went ahead and gave me the second dose. At that point things started to kick in to high gear. It was around 3:30- 3:45 when I started to feel “something.” I was having hot flashes and was extremely nauseous. The nurse checked me again and I had finally started to dilate. I was only at about 1cm. The way I was feeling I wasn’t sure if I needed to vomit or use the restroom. Since I wasn’t dilated very much, the nurse let me get up and use it. As soon as I finished using the restroom I instantly vomited. Once I got back in the bed I had to throw up again. The nurse put a cool washcloth on me to help cool me down. Soon after my contractions started.

It wasn’t too intense at first but it went from 0 to 100 really quick. Around 6:00 am my doctor called to check on me and at that point I was dilated to 4cm. Shawn came to stand by me to help me with my breathing and to offer a hand to squeeze, which I did… pretty hard lol. The contractions had gotten more intense. It was to the point where I asked for the pain meds they offered me earlier (not the epidural but something they could give me through my IV). I was unable to get it because Kasen started to show signs of distress again. That was the scariest part from my whole experience, not knowing really what was going on with my baby and not being able to fix whatever it was. They had me rolling from one side to the other, then onto my back to try and get him to in a “position he liked.” By 6:30 I was dilated to 6cm and I had this intense urge to push. My doctor wasn’t there so the nurse told me not to push… I probably had a stupid look on my face, but I was dumbfounded. How am I not going to push? My body is naturally pushing on its own at this point. Each contraction I had the same urge. Finally, I told her, “I can’t NOT push… I have to.” She and Shawn tried to help me breath through it but the next time a contraction came I told her I had to push again... and I did. Each time, I couldn’t help it. I grabbed onto the rails of the bed for dear life with almost every contraction (if I wasn’t squeezing Shawn’s poor hands). Kasen was still in distress so they had me get on all fours to administer a shot of terbutaline to try and slow down the contractions. By the time I rolled back over I realized that the room was filled with all of the nurses from the floor and I couldn’t see Shawn’s face anymore. I was scared. I wasn’t sure what was going on and everyone just kept telling me that I was “doing a good job.” I kept asking if my baby was okay and they assured me he was. I noticed a few of the nurses started moving the equipment around and getting the baby station ready. I thought maybe something was wrong and they just didn’t want to tell me since my doctor wasn’t there yet. I thought maybe I was going to have a C-section. Then my doctor came in. He checked me and I was fully dilated so he said it was time to push. By now I realized that I was still able to deliver naturally (praise God) so I was about to meet my son as quickly as I could push him out! They got me ready and Shawn helped prop one of my legs up. I pushed for maybe 30 minutes (max) and my little prince was here. I had to get a second degree episiotomy cut (ouch).  Since I was unable to get any pain meds and I didn’t get the epidural, I felt every bit of him coming into this world.

Though it was painful, it was the best and most unforgettable feeling I’ll ever experience. I had moments of fear and moments of weakness during my delivery. I literally cried out to God for strength and prayed to Him out loud. He was there. The whole time. Even though I ALMOST caved by requesting the pain meds, there was a reason why I didn’t get them. I was able to get through it without it. Thank God for Shawn and how great he was during the whole process. I can’t even imagine going through it without him. After almost 5 hours of active labor and delivery, I gave birth to a 7.8 pound, 20-inch-long baby boy. Since the moment I laid eyes on him, I’ve fallen in a love so deep and so pure I can’t even describe.

Sincerely,

Chanel

[sincerelycknox]

39 weeks & counting... This pregnancy journey has been one for the books 😊

[sincerelycknox]

Papa

They say, “time heals all wounds.” I’m sure not enough time has passed since Papa was called home. This loss hit me harder than I could have imagined, for so many different reasons. I thought after the memorial, it would get easier. Truth be told, today was probably one of the harder days I’ve had since. I flew back to Texas today and the plane ride was full of tears and waves of emotions that hit pretty hard. I had to come home and do things to keep me busy and distracted, but when the housework stopped and I had a moment to myself, the emotions kicked back in again.

I’m trying to focus on the good things, the happy memories and the fact that him and Nana are back together. The memorial was beautiful and the pastor did an amazing job of reminding everyone of how much of a hard worker, go getter and take no “ish” from anyone type of man Papa was. The beautiful thing is, Nana was right there with him. Having his back and holding it down along the way. And now their ashes will be together placed at their final “resting” place. Sometimes we idolize and deem #couplegoals over celebritites who’s lives we witness only what they want to be seen, but Nana and Papa…..They are the epitome of the type of relationship I aspire to have and the example I want for my son.

I thought I let my Papa down when I told him I was pregnant. He was old school and here I am, unmarried and pregnant . His initial reaction was, “Oh God.” I kid you not, those were his exact words! Hey, it’s better than the reaction that I thought I was going to get. But then he took a quick second and thought about it. He mentioned he was proud that I graduated college first and have a career going for myself. That “Oh God” turned into a, “I’m happy for you.” Something I didn’t expect but Lord knows I needed to hear. He was excited about my son and wanted to do whatever he could to make a long-term investment into his life. I’ll never forget how that made me feel.

I’m sure I’ll never understand why God chooses for things to happen when they do, but I’m trying hard to accept it. Reality is, He took one of His sons’ home and I assume it’s because his work on Earth is finished. He made a lasting impact on so many people and blessed the lives of others by the work that he did. I’m forever grateful for the love, knowledge, guidance and example that he has given me.

If you’re dealing with a loss, know that in time, the pain will start to fade. Don’t ask me how long because I’m not quite there yet lol, but I will be. Just take it one day at a time.

[sincerelycknox]

Faith?

I’m currently laying in bed next to our 60-pound dog that can’t seem to find his “spot.” Blinds open, curtains drawn back, and no distractions. I’ve been wanting to blog over the last couple of weeks but couldn’t put a finger on which of the numerous thoughts I wanted to focus on. So, in the moment I decided to just pick up my laptop and see what happens…

We have 64 days left until Kasen’s due date. I wish I could tell you I’m prepared, but I’m not. The more time that flies by the less prepared I feel. I suppose that’s common??? I mean, how prepared can you really be to bring a life into this world? Despite not being “prepared,” I couldn’t be more excited. Shawn and I were able to get another glimpse of our baby boy at our recent appointment. It had been 6 weeks since the last time I saw him on the big screen. I missed my little man. Obviously, I feel him moving all day long, but it’s different when you actually see him moving around in there.

At our previous sonogram appointment, the doctor saw a few specs of calcium in Kasen’s heart. He assured me he saw no cause of concern since my blood test for Downs came back negative. 

However, anytime you hear anything “abnormal,” your natural instinct is to worry or be concerned. He suggested that we wait six weeks and check again to see if they go away.   They didn’t. Despite my doctor telling me he isn’t worried about it and I shouldn’t either, I did.

Moments like this help me to understand why God brings certain people in your life. Shawn was with me and he reassured me our son is going to be fine. I could tell he didn’t have an ounce of doubt or questioning. I needed that. Sometimes when we’re faced with things, big or small, all we need is someone in our life to step in to check us real quick and make sure we remember God is in control.  I thank God that Shawn’s faith was present when mine seemed to take a backseat to my emotions. All in all, Kasen is looking good and healthy and I can’t wait until he’s here for mama to hold.

Sincerely,

Chanel

[sincerelycknox]

Oh Baby! The Struggle is REAL

I’m ALMOST halfway through my pregnancy. 19 weeks to be exact. I would love to say it’s been all glitter and gold leading up to this point, but truth be told… pregnancy (for me) has been really hard. I thought the first trimester blues were a lot, but the second trimester is its own beast.

I was hoping to be over the morning sickness, but the random days of nausea still hit me pretty hard. Nausea combined with a headache and I’m good for nothing. I don’t even want to get started on the tailbone and pelvic pain. It’s brutal. When it happens simultaneously, I’m down for the count. Emotionally, at this point, I’m a mess. I probably cried a good three times already and it’s only 5pm. And this appetite…. I thought it would pick up by now but I’m forcing myself to eat just for the baby. These hips and thighs have tiger stripes like you wouldn’t believe and I’m praying my stomach isn’t up next.

I’m sure you’re thinking I need to get off my soap box and be grateful. Trust me, I am extremely grateful that God has chosen me to be a mother and believes in me enough to give me such a gift. I know that there are women that only dream of experiencing what I am but it doesn't change what I’m going through physically and emotionally. I considered myself to be a strong woman. This pregnancy has made me question just how strong I really am.

I see other women completely kick pregnancy’s butt by working out like it’s nobody’s business and continue to live life unchanged. At least it appears that way from the outside. That hasn’t been my case, and it’s made me feel weak. Like i’m incapable. Cue the influx of emotions. It’s a huge shot at your ego feeling as if you’re not as strong as you thought you were. I’m earnestly praying that it gets a little bit easier and I am able to be everything i can for this little human I have growing inside of me. I guess this blog was more of a vent session. I’ve learned that putting things down on paper is therapeutic in a way, and sharing it with others can be enriching. If you’re like me and it hasn’t been all glitz and glam, share your story. I promise, you're not alone. Just look at me :-)

Sincerely,

Chanel

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Fulfill your dreams

No matter how long it takes don't give up on your dreams. Maybe you've faced the negative thoughts of others, a disappointment along the way, or someone didn't stick around like they said they would. Whatever the circumstances may be, when you have faith in God you MUST believe that his promises over your life will come to pass. I know its frustrating when you want something to happen on your time, but understand that your time isnt nearly as important as God's timing! He knows when the time is right for your dream to be made a reality. Dont give up because its not happening fast enough, there's a reason for the delay. You may not understand it, but God does and that's all that matters. Remain encouraged knowing that throughout the entire process (even if it may not seem like it) God is right there by your side. The saying of King David hit it right on the nail, "I have pitched a tent in the land of Hope." Let that be an example. Dont give up, Stay full of hope! Your time is coming! Keep a positive attitude! I believe in you and so does God, so press on and continue to pursue your dreams!

Sincerely,

Chanel

[sincerelycknox]

Bumping right along...

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Oh Darling, you are more than enough!

Everyone

[sincerelycknox]

Posting this a little late BUTTT better late than never!

[sincerelycknox]

A little late

1.1.18 

This date will be one that I will always remember. It’s crazy to think how instantly my life changed on New Year’s Day 2018. It started out normal. Nothing major was going on… with the exception of being one day late on my cycle.

 Since my surgery (to treat my endometriosis) in 2016, my cycle comes every 28 days, like clockwork. I didn’t think too too much about it but decided to take a pregnancy test for a little peace of mind. Surprisingly, the test showed a faint plus sign. I thought maybe I was reading it wrong (it was one of the cheaper brands) so I asked  Michelle for confirmation. She saw what I saw. Still in a disbelief, I went to the store to get a Clear Blue (pregnant or not pregnant) test just to make sure. Sure enough, that test, and the 8 tests that followed, assured me I’M PREGNANT!

 A little bit of backstory…. I found out that I have hypothyroidism and endometriosis a couple of years ago. At the time, my endocrinologist AND gynecologist told me I would need the assistance of hormones when I wanted to conceive. God had something else in the plan for Shawn and I. Without any type of medical assistance, there’s now a little human growing inside of me as I type this. It’s amazing and beautiful what love can create. I’m beyond elated that God has trusted me with bringing another life into this world. There isn’t a word great enough for the feeling.

 This is going to be one of the best years yet.

 Sincerely,

Chanel

[sincerelycknox]

29

Today, I turn 29 years of age. I would say it has been 29 years of greatness, but that's totally cliche and it wouldn't be entirely true. Over the years I've endured a significant amount of changes, growth, heartache and love. You never know what twists and turns life may throw at you, but I've had my fair share of both. I will say, it has been 29 years of learning. Learning from mistakes, learning about myself and learning how to love and care for others. These past 29 years have been my best years thus far, but I know God has plenty years of greatness to come. I'm grateful for every thing I've been through and come out of. I'm grateful for the friendships/relationships that have come and gone. Most importantly, I'm grateful for the continued growth God is providing. Cheers to 29 years of crushing it at this thing called life and many many more to come. Sincerely, Chanel

[sincerelycknox]

I haven't written in quite a while so here’s a little bit of an update :-)

I traveled to Cali this weekend for my daddy’s surgery. He had been having issues with his port that he does chemo treatments through, so they decided to have it removed and placed on the other side of his chest. I was nervous. My father having stage 4 cancer is bad, but adding any surgical procedure into the mix is intense. When i decided I was going to come down her to be by his side, my man didn't hesitate to offer being there with me.

Daddy’s surgery was on Friday and it went smoothly. Correction, it went great! Immediately after, my father said he was feeling better. He even decided to stop by his job and show us around on the way home. That man there is the strongest and bravest man that i know. I can't imagine what he was thinking going in to this. I know my heart was beating 100 mph when the buzzer went off to call me in the back for consultation (yes, they give you a buzzer like they do at the restaurants when your table is ready). BUT GOD! He is good and he saw my daddy through his 3rd surgery since being diagnosed 5 years ago!

Since everything went well with my dad, we stayed in LA the last night there. Shawn got to meet all of my uncles on ma’s side. Safe to say they got along pretty well! This trip, though emotional, was one of my best trips back home to date. Now i’m in the airport, flight delayed 4 hours, ready to get back to my bed. Until next time....

Sincerely,

Chanel

[sincerelycknox]

Word.

"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you." Deuteronomy 31:6

At one time or another, we are going to face something where we need that extra boost of strength, wisdom, or courage. Those times are my favorite (maybe not in the moment), because they provide the biggest learning experience. I used to be easily discouraged when I would go through trials or face adversity. I've learned over time to trust and rely on God. Everything we're going through, He knew it would happen far before we did and He knows exactly how it will end up. Don't panic, don't freak out.... He goes before us and will never fail or abandon us. Believe in that. Hold onto it.

Sincerely, Chanel

[sincerelycknox]

"A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life." Coco Chanel Fresh cut, fresh start. I've only had two major breakups and a couple big big changes in my life where I decided to "start fresh." I like to do something that symbolizes moving on, starting the next chapter... This is my way. What better day than today? Happy Valentine's Day loves 😍 Whether you're single, dating, or married, this day is about love. Loving others and loving yourself :-) 

[sincerelycknox]

“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” Maya Angelou

I have a hard time with this sometimes. Especially in relationships. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I believe anyone can change. At times, I hold on to that hope a little too long. I guess it stems from where i came from and where I am in my life now. I know that change is possible for all of us. You just have to want it for yourself, it’s not enough when someone else wants it for you. When in a relationship (of any kind), if someone doesn't love or respect you enough to treat you like what you’re worth, don’t stick around waiting for that change. Believe it when he shows that to you the first time. There’s someone out there that will treat you like a queen. Remember, you’re a daughter of the risen king :-)

Sincerely, 

Chanel

[sincerelycknox]

My first Vlog post. Get to know me :-) 

[sincerelycknox]

Do it in fear.

I let fear hold me back. I allowed it to keep me stagnant and essentially “comfortable” with the place I was at in my life. It happens. It’s easy to not want to take risks because unknown is a road we’re not thrilled to go down. BUT…. When we take that leap it allows change, growth and a plethora of unexpected blessings to occur.

For me personally, I was working with the same company for over 6 years; a total of 8 years in the auto finance industry. I am currently in school for a completely different career path. Human Resources. As some may know, it’s hard to cross over into an entirely new field when you have little to no experience. To top it off, entry level positions would cause a decrease in income for me. Something I definitely wasn’t wanting to consider. God put me in a position where I had to make a decision. I say He “put” me there because my school schedule literally wouldn’t work at all with my work schedule. This being my final year in college, I didn’t want to risk getting behind and extending my graduation date. I ended up meeting with an AVP that I’ve known over the course of these 8 years and she encouraged me to look elsewhere and think outside of the box (the position/company I was with). I knew that was what needed to be done…. but in the moment, it’s hard to see how it will all play out. I expressed my concerns about the reduction of income when someone else shared with me an experience that he had with having to take a step back in order to ultimately get ahead.

It was as if God was yelling at me to take that leap. To stop tripping and put my trust in him. I’m sure He feels like a broken record when dealing with me. I had to that leap and move on to the next chapter. Little did I know, I had a new position in HR with a local school district waiting for me. I reached out to an old friend who was able to get me in rather quickly.  Fortunately, this not only gets me the experience that I need when I start searching for a position post-graduation but it also serves as an internship for my degree. Granted, the income is reduced BUT now that I have a roommate, my expenses aren’t nearly as much as they would be on my own. Needless to say, again, God worked it all out. He always does. I was fearful of what would happen if I left my comfort zone and quit my job, but I did it in fear and look at me now!

 Matthew 6-27-30 

27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

 Sincerely,

Chanel