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Bubbles and Books

How often do you rid yourself from responsibilities? My guess is not often.

So many of us hear that term “Adulting” , often in phrases like “I’m adulting so hard”. While this is definitely something to be proud of, when is the last time you allowed space for yourself? What I mean by this is, what can you do that allows you to keep going every day, or adulting if that’s the term you prefer.

What is your escape? The gym? Getting lost in a book? Binge watching a horrible reality show that makes you feel like you have your life together.?Outlets are great as long as they aren’t harming you or anyone around you.

Although I have many outlets, today this was mine. The last few days my wife has kicked my ass at the gym, like literally EVERYTHING hurts. It hurts to sit, stand, walk, everything. So today I walked my chunky self over to the spa that our wonderful gym offers, and got lost in a new book. My wife is with her trainer, and my kid is safe in the daycare space. And in this very moment, I have nothing to worry about but soaking these sore muscles and allowing myself to relax.

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Fear of failure

Remember that time you were picked last in P.E, or the time your team had to do extra conditioning because you kept them behind, or a time that a teacher called on you when they know you didn’t have the answer?

Now go back, and capture those feelings again. Ultimate humiliation, but worse because you know it’s you’re fault. Because had you been paying better attention or put more effort you wouldn’t of been singled out.

Now in this very moment, as an adult, those feelings are back and you’re singling yourself out, only because you’re in a place or a “class” if you want to say of valedictorians, and all star athletes. You know in reality, no one is picking on you but yourself. It’s easiest just to shut down and stop trying, but where does that get you exactly?

This was today. It took everything in me not to turn into that 13 year old girl and to cry in a locker room. ( I’m glad I’ve learned better coping skills, for the most part) today was frustrating, stupid, hard, annoying, and mentally exhausting. But just as before I can’t blame anyone but myself.

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Day#6 Treat Yo Self

Not to brag but today I busted ass. I’m sure it helps that today was my day off so beginning of my day consisted of laundry and binge rewatching Glee.

However the gym was brutal, I had it in my head before I even got here that I was really going to push my self. Needless to say I’m completely drenched and will most likely need to soak in epsom salt tonight. Here is today’s efforts

Ps. I also treated to myself to a very berry hibiscus tea from my gym with no added sugar and it was delicious 🌺

Side lateral machine: 20 minutes 3.26 miles

Tread: 1 mile

Bike: 15 minutes 5 miles

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Day#5 Small Accomplishments

After a short lived weekend. I was back in the gym today. I must admit I had a drink last night and sweating out alcohol is NEVER fun. But I stuck to it and went anyways. My workout was cut short due to the fact that I had to go get our foster daughter unexpectedly from her sitter.

Needless to say here are today’s efforts.

3.15 miles on the elliptical

Mile 1- 6:55

Mile 2-13.05

Mile 3: 19:30

5.30 miles on the Bike in 18 minutes

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Day #2

Today sucked ass excuse my language but in reality this was this case. I didn’t eat clean and I didn’t go to the gym because I was stuck at work for an extra hour, because my wife was stuck on the side of the road. She was able to get a jump and pick me up then 13 minutes from home we stalled out again on the side of the freeway except this time my mom came to jump us and the car wouldn’t start.

We waited over an hour for road side assistance for them to tell us they never got our request and it would be an additional 45 minutes. My mom drove us home but my wife is waiting for the tow.So here I am at home, feeling shitty. Sitting in a bath, knowing I should be in bed because I have to be awake in 5 hours.......

Today can suck a dick. That is all goodnight.

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Day #1

Well, let’s back track because this isn’t really day one for me. Let’s take it back to February I was at my heaviest 220 lbs to be exact. I had decided (for like the 100th time) that I was done with being fat. My wife and I started a rigorous diet and exercise program that allowed us to drop a LOT of weight really fast. By April I was down to 185 and couldn’t be more excited. I wore less clothing, and carried myself in a confident way.

I always try to balance work and home life to the best of my ability, however come early May there were some set backs if you may say in the work place. Causing me to work long hours and not be able to attend the gym as much as I liked, with this came tiredness . I fell off my diet and ate whatever was fast and easy. I quit my job because I was miserable there thinking it would be a quick fix, however this was not the case. I was still miserable.

For about a month I did freelance work just to keep us above water until I could find something I loved. The freelance work allowed me time to work out and meal prep. The self control or drive just wasn’t there. I fell into a downward spiral of stress eating, sleeping to avoid feelings, and what I call being my own bully (I have always been this person).

Fast forward about a month, today to be exact. I’ve started a job I like and feel I could be successful in. Yesterday brought some unfortunate news and things are kind of up in the air. Immediately I felt the urge to become “hopeless” or “discouraged” to give in or give up. Today I went back to the gym. It wasn’t a long work out but I was there. I wanted to cry, throw up, throw in the towel. With that being said here we’re today’s efforts. I wanted to be done!

*Follow my story, maybe I’ll inspire someone today. I haven’t weighed myself yet because my mental state may not be ready for that number.

Eliptical run: 20:00 minutes 3.25 miles

Bike: 15 minutes 3.96 miles

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This ❤️

Rachel C Lewis | @wnq-quoteoftheday | @wordsnquotes