simply-storytime

[simply-storytime]

that goddamn boy

(first post gonna be a long one and an important one to me which is going to feature proper grammar and sentence structuring eskeddit)

I had a boyfriend for about 4 months. We first discovered each other’s existence a year or so before we started dating. There is an odd bit to the story which makes it slightly more interesting. Anyways, I disappear for 4 months after first meeting him (the disappearance is another crazy ass story) and once I finally come back the only screen name I remembered was his. Our friendship beforehand was pretty much nonexistent. He was the standard “hey send nudes” kind of guy. Due to this, I didn’t know why I remembered his name. He didn’t really mean much to me because he was a dick. So, I’d never seen his face before because the internet is the internet and he hadn’t seen mine either. All we had to prove the other existed was just a chat full of lacklustre messages. Eventually he asks if I had a snapchat. This question scared the absolute hell out of me because I have some pretty deep rooted self esteem issues. He’s assured me before he’s ugly and I don’t know why he would tell me that if he wanted anything to do with me. I do give in and give him my snapchat, but not without the lingering feeling that I was not up to status with looks. He snaps me first of course, but not with his face. It’s just a dark screen which was a particularly good thing for me because it was an excuse for me to do the same. This went on for 2 days actually. I get tired of it because there was no point in using snapchat for just text. I take a photo, and I wasn’t going to do myself up for it. He responds back with a compliment, but by now it’s insignificant and forgotten. Under the compliment though was his face. He had really pretty brown eyes and black hair that really made me appreciate remembering his screen name. I fire a compliment back and that’s it. Casually sending our faces was now the plan. This was in early November and we didn’t start dating until January. He never stopped with the “send nudes” thing, but I brushed it off every time and he did as well. On January 9th he finally asked me out. It was an awkward process. It was the “What would you do if I asked you out?” “I’d say yes, of course.” kind of thing. But he doesn’t ask me out like that. He puts it underwhelmingly. “bitch u wanna be my shawty?” At this point i’m excited, but also slightly disappointed. Not much else happened out of the ordinary. The relationship was mostly “I love you"s and "I’m never leaving you.” Oh boy, was that a lie. There were late night skype calls that ended up with both of us falling asleep and countless dropped calls due to his shitty ass wifi connection. He wanted some stuff on Amazon and it was fairly cheap so I buy him a pop vinyl and a stuffed lion. It was going pretty well. April 20 he broke up with me. He said it was because distance was too difficult. I cried for 20 minutes straight and 🎉surprise🎉 this is what sparked my impulses to self harm. He wasn’t the nicest to me all the time. He’d get mad at me for talking to my friends. I could see the whole “I don’t want you talking to other guys because I’m possessive grr” kind of thing which is still unreasonable, but he wouldn’t want me to talk to any of my friends at all. He never apologised for anything he did. Before any of that had happened, he had gotten a ticket to see a girl and stay with her for 3 days. I didn’t say anything about this and I would’ve expected him to react normally about me having friends. Things like that made him angry often. April 23 he asks me out again. I desperately didn’t want to say yes, but I was lonely. This resparked relationship lasted (aaaand at this point i realised that i have no idea how long the relationship lasted ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) *however long it did*. Then, he broke up with me again. Now I’m back to today. I regret the relationship immensely. There are a few things I left out because this post hella long. Looking back on it, he was kind of controlling. So hey, try and avoid a controlling relationship and I can live vicariously through your love life.