simply-not-simplistic-blog

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If you wanna follow the account I’m going to use from now on its Roaming-Retrospective thank you guys for everything

But I forgot my google acc password, google is being a dick and so now, I gotta abandon this acc.

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Hey guys I’m abandoning this acc, but uh,, if we are close or you want to follow my other acc I’ll add you on it 😊😊

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u dumb if u drop someone who’s down for u 24/7

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Ed thing

Either your shit is completely liquid, or you’re constantly blocked up. There is no inbetween

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Maybe he’s ordering a decaf because he has a heart condition, and you’re about to give him a heart attack and send him to the hospital.

Or maybe he’s just ordering a decaf.

Maybe she’s ordering sugar free because she’s diabetic, and you’re about to put her six feet under.

Or maybe she’s just ordering sugar free,

Maybe they’re ordering non-dairy because they’re intolerant, and you’re about to ruin their day. Maybe they’re allergic, and you’re about to sponsor an all black event in an open field.

Or maybe they’re just ordering non-dairy.

Maybe they ordered gluten free because they can’t process it, and you’re about to destroy their digestive tract.

Or maybe they’re just ordering gluten free.

Maybe they’re ordering this way just because they don’t want the food, for whatever reason.

But are you willing to bet their life on it?

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I don’t think half of you realize

How much I want to disappear.

How sick I am of the “I feel” “mood” “same” “join the club” mentality.

I don’t think you realize that I want help. I need help.

And I don’t think I’m going to get it.

And I guess that’s okay, because I didn’t help myself once upon a time, and now that I’m doing the best that I can, I feel so degraded. So alone. So worthless and stupid.

And all that is going to happen by me posting this is that I’ll let a small bit of the tension go.

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Think you eat too much to have a problem?

Many active people (women included) eat 3000+ calories a day and stay plenty lean.

The recommended daily calorie intake is 2000 for women and 2500 for men.

The recommended daily calorie intake for weight loss is 1500 for women and 2000 for men.

A 5-year-old needs about 1400 calories or more every day.

The minimum daily calorie intake for a long-term diet without medical supervision is 1200 for women and 1800 for men. Eating less than that eventually leads to starvation mode (a real–yes, real–state of biological stress characterized by decreased metabolism, increased cortisol production, and heart, brain, organ, bone, and muscle damage).

A 2-year-old needs about 1000 calories or more every day.

Most people can’t even imagine eating 1000 calories in a day. You’ll get 1,357 Google results if you search for the exact phrase “1000 calories is way too low” or “1000 calories is way too little”…but you’ll get even more results if you Google the same phrases for 1200 calories, because few people consider dipping below 1200.

A 3-digit daily calorie intake puts you at high risk for binge-eating, slowed metabolism, bone and muscle loss, nutritional deficiencies, gastrointestinal issues, infertility, hair loss, mood swings, and depression. Oh–and sudden death.

900 calories is less than what a completely sedentary, 5'0", 80 lb, 70-year-old woman burns daily (keeping in mind that your metabolism slows with age).

A very low calorie diet, also known as a starvation diet, is 800 calories a day or less. It is prescribed by doctors to obesity patients who need to lose weight quickly, is specially formulated to be nutritionally complete, and is monitored by medical professionals to prevent sudden cardiac arrest and death. It is considered an extreme diet.

600 calories a day or less is literal starvation.

500 calories is less than the daily calorie needs of the average 1-month-old.

400 calories is less than the daily calorie needs of the average newborn.

300 calories is less than what the adult brain alone burns every day.

-Mod Lia

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Remind me to never speak again. Or to get upset when something that’s said to me hurts. It isn’t a big deal and I need to learn to shut the fuck up, because right now I’m ruining everything because sometimes words hurt. Honestly why do I try? I’m shit. I don’t deserve anything and I know that. So why do I try to learn I deserve more, only to fuck up the good things. I wish I was different.

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I’m getting guinea pigs soon

That’s it. That’s the post. I’m stoked.

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Me: asks my mom for therapy because I’m super depressed

My mom 3 weeks later: sorry can’t afford to take you for help

Me: can I have my insurance info so I can find a doctor I like then?

Her: of course not silly who do you think you are? A human being with needs and rights?

Me: ope guess I’ll stress eat and then wanna kill myself because my ed and depression DEFINITELY ARENT ON THE SAME PAGE

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An irrational ed thing

Me: *gains 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks*

My ed: this is why you haven’t done shit. This is why he doesn’t wanna kiss you or cuddle often. You’re repulsive. You’re vile. And he can see it. He doesn’t want you anymore because you gained. You should’ve skipped that meal, even if you fasted a lot this week. Fuck you. Oh wait that’s exactly what you aren’t getting because you HAD TO FUCKING EAT. You know what else is your fault because you ate? That you can’t see a doctor. You’re too heavy for their scale. It’s also your fault you can’t get a fucking job. Who would want your fat face being the first thing a customer sees representing their company? NO ONE.

Like damn ED didn’t know my ed was the source of all my problems, guess I just won’t eat for awhile.

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It’s starting to seem like,, I’m no longer wanted

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psa

stop telling people with eds that weight lifting will make them bulky. it literally, scientifically cannot make you bigger if youre in a caloric deficit.

in fact, just doing cardio while losing weight has some really undesirable side effects, including:

loose, saggy skin

muscle atrophy

significant decrease in strength

decrease in metabolism speed due to muscle loss

lower energy levels

decrease in endurance strength

why won’t it make me bigger, you ask? where’s the proof? well, it’s in the science.

muscle cannot grow while in a caloric deficit, especially in one as extreme as we put ourselves in. while it can be strengthened and toned, it physically cannot grow without a surplus of calories. surplus meaning an extra 200-500 calories OVER your TDEE. if you ate this much and did weight training, you would see growth and a higher number on the scale. however, in a caloric deficit, you will only see a decrease in weight/body fat percentage and a higher lean muscle mass percentage, while looking smaller yet more tight and toned.

muscle also burns around 60% more calories per hour than fat does. that being, having more lean muscle mass than body fat will increase your BMR and your metabolism even while idle.

some benefits to weight training are:

increase in strength

increase in endurance

heightened metabolism

lower body fat percentage

higher energy levels

tight, “fitting” skin

boost in moods/emotional stability

TL;DR, cardio alone may burn lots of calories in the moment, but in the end will not give you the results you desire. pair daily cardio with frequent muscle training and you will achieve the tight, toned, and yet thin and small frame look youre going for, along with better moods, a higher metabolism, and various other benefits.

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When your partner is telling you they feel unwanted by you

Listen. Don’t say welcome to the club or make it feel like it’s all their fault. That shit hurtes

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New tattoo

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I used to think my ED was just about “being skinny”

Simple. Just wanting to get thin. To be beautiful. To look like a ballerina, or a model. That’s all I thought it was. So, so simple.

Right?

But recently I’ve come to realize- that’s not all this is about. Of course, wanting to be thin is part of it. A big part of it. But there’s more. I’m not just starving myself because I want to lose weight or because I want to be delicate or have prominent collarbones.

I’m starving myself because I want to be loved. But love doesn’t come free, and it so often seems like nobody will ever love me by choice. So I suppose, in a way, you could say that I’m forcing people to love me.

I’m forcing them to worry. To ask if I’ve eaten. If I’m okay. If I had breakfast, if I want their extra granola bar.

“Are you feeling sick?”

“Do you need anything?”

“You should take care of yourself.”

That is what I’m REALLY after. Tell me to eat. Tell me you’re worried about me. Tell me I matter, that I shouldn’t disappear. That I’m beautiful. That I’m wanted. Please tell me.

I need to hear it and this is the only way I know how.