shipsandcannons

[shipsandcannons]

Pronouns he/him but in the way you’d refer to a shitty driver

[shipsandcannons]

bnuy

Head empty just balloons

Have you ever wondered what happens if you put your pets in front of your webcam while using a fake background on a videocall? Yes this is oddly specific but say no more.

[shipsandcannons]

Nahhhhhhh I’m with the cannon and the circus music

I think there should be levels to the death penalty. Like if u kill one guy, then you just get lethal injection or whatever, but if you kill 30 guys, which is pretty bad, you get shot out a canon whilst silly circus music plays in the background. 

[shipsandcannons]

And hope it doesn’t shout back

Shout out to the dark

[shipsandcannons]

Is that perhaps what gave you food poisoning

I got food poisoning here but look at the cool fire spoon

[shipsandcannons]

Thanks for coming out for me

*transes your gender but like. in a way u r unexpectedly open to*

[shipsandcannons]

Often at night, I will get this think I’ve taken to calling Night Guilt™️. Usually happens when I hear my rabbit rustling by the hay bag, or if I’ve forgotten to plug in my chrome book, etc. Most usually if I’ve forgotten to do something, but I’m already comfortable in bed and don’t want to get up. I’ll feel an overwhelming sense of guilt until I get up and do the thing, it’s almost like physical discomfort. A similar thing happens in the morning, when I don’t want to get up and the spatula of guilt slaps me around a bit before prying me out of bed. Anyone else get this?

[shipsandcannons]

Ok *cuts you in half and squeezes out your goop* this is how I use stress balls

Use me as a stress ball

[shipsandcannons]

My friends and family: why are your pants all frayed like that

Me: *shrugs*

Me later: *pulling on the loose threads* hehe string

[shipsandcannons]

I have not met a single person who’s favorite game is Mario kart and isn’t bi

The entire mario kart row is bi change my mind

[shipsandcannons]

Bold of you to assume Dan wouldn’t stand on a chair as well

Dan: Arin, we need to talk about your professionalism.

Arin [standing on chair]: Those are some mighty brave words for a guy standing in lava.