shdwmn - Tumblr blog

[shdwmn]

The green box. When we were young we didn’t have treehouses in the apartment complex, we had a patch of grass, and a green electrical box that made a humming noise and was probably giving us brain boogers or something. But it’s where we met. Where we argued, ate, and left the troubles of the world behind. I miss those days but thanks for the memories.

[shdwmn]

Have you drank water today? Maybe you should?…maybe it’ll be fun for you? Your body needs water..come drink the water!!

[shdwmn]

The cheese stands alone! #pixelart #beginner If f you have any advice or just want to invite me to the pixel art community pls hmu posting more soon.

[shdwmn]

If you could go back and change the one event you feel changed your life for the worst? What would it be? Allow me to got first.

With understanding the concept that we are who we are, because of what we went through, it makes one challenge that idea by thinking if there was one event that sent you on a path of anxiety, depression, and failure. Well mine was a little weird. Well here it is...

I should have never met my dad. He’s not a bad guy or anything like that. It was just he didn’t understand what he wanted in life. He had drive, class, and a good name amongst his peers. But he found another family. Focused on them and it made me hate them, him as well. It made me realize that I was clouding my jealousy. It showed me my short comings, it made me hate myself because I was never good enough. He would help them with homework and I didn’t get that same guidance. I was just expected to know things, to remember everything that was presented by a teacher who showed favoritism to the higher class students.

I’m sure at this point you are lost by where I’m getting at. But just keep following.

I should have never met my dad because I didn’t fit into his life. I was a thing he made, and forced to take care of. My heartache was his headache. But he came from a time period where men didn’t let you know things bothered them. He and I were more associated by DNA as opposed to bonding. Would o have been a better person by not knowing him? Not sure. But I chose that moment to understand why I am angry. Without anger I would have more acceptance to things I cannot control. Because I wouldn’t be aware of what I was missing out on.

[shdwmn]

When I was in elementary school I was at a friends house. You know watching tv playing super nes. And my stomach. Began to rumble. I had to shit. So I asked to use the bathroom and they made some stupid ass joke about, “I don’t know can you?” Some dumb shit like that. So I went. I wiped and flushed. Well the next day his mom says I can’t come in that I disrespected her house by pooping and not flushing. I swore up and down I did. She didn’t want to hear it. Cool right I went on about my life.

Well mistakes were made and opportunities were not taken, which landed me in a job selling not so fast food. Chicken preferably, I was okay at my job. It was more of a step down job while I was waiting for a better job to call me back. Well guess who walks into my job on a Sunday afternoon with a look of superiority beyond an measure I have ever witnessed? Yep that dudes mom! Caught me lacking working a bit so fast food job. My eyes roll back because my only option was to act like I didn’t know her. I mean I really didn’t her son and I were only friends for that summer. But this ugly woman had these manly facial features that you couldn’t forget.

“You remember me?” She said.

“Not really.” My lyin’ ass. She just stared at me like I couldn’t forget the one person in my life to ever accuse me of not flushing a god damn toilet when I was 8years old. Now look maybe there was light water pressure or something I don’t want to say she was lying. But she has harbored that memory of me for decades. Like she wanted me to return to the scene of the crime and flush it.

The way she looked me up and down in my chicken selling suit was almost insulting. As she mentioned how well her son was doing now. I just nodded and gave congratulations, until she said. “So this is what you did with your life?” I wanted to get upset and roast the shit out of her ugly ass. But it wasn’t worth it. All she showed is that my unflushed shit has lived in her head rent-free for nearly 15 years. I could care less your child is married with children living a miserable life with an overbearing wife who talks to him badly (told to me by a mutual friend) but what I did realize, is that you needed a win. You hate me as a child so bad. That to see me at a not so fast food job made your day because your child just had to be better than me.

I wish you a better third quarter lady. Ps..I did flush. Before I took the shit😂😂😂

[shdwmn]

I wanted to die once..but now I do it a little everyday. It’s okay. Insert chuckles. Death is just a door, one is too scared to walk through because we think it’s going to be worst or be the absolute end. How is that even possibly in a universe so mathematically complex is the afterlife theories so contradicting?

I’m not here to bash beliefs..seriously because I know the worth in having faith when you lose it. I am merely commenting on why we are even entertained by it? No one has even lived to tell about it. Sure you got some quack who died physically for 10-15 minutes. Then comes back with three years of information only mentioning celebrity accounts of what wools they have never even seen authentic pictures of? And stating they had random conversations with these people who before I forget are being punished for their sins at the time of these conversations? Right. Okay?

For me it’s just the end of your vessels course. You may find a new flesh ship to travel with a different consciousness. Or float around the cosmos in free mode until you run into some more shit you want to try out. But the whole castle in the sky with streets of gold sounds great for someone wanting to experience the same thing that has driven many to madness trying to obtain it on earth.

The question is after it’s done will you really care? Will you really just exhaust in whatever option you are given? Would you crawl your way out of hell? Or waltz your way out of heaven if it didn’t tickle your fancy?

Why do we put so much thought in the hereafter without even knowing if we experience it? What if you have already died several thousand times and the simulation just respawns you right where you left off but the game of that time just runs without you in the server anymore? Same game, same you, just a different server? I know this isn’t anything close to a recent idea. Just a perception.

Til the next time..and buy lotion

[shdwmn]

Look. All around you..

Lanes of destinations conveniently directed in ways to meaningless outcomes of life. Which will you choose? Happiness in being content with what you accumulate (i.e. experience or wealth) or the misery you force yourself to endure from bad programming. Bad programming as of lack of knowledge poorly researched information, taking someone’s word for it.

Do you ever find yourself..thinking that that you don’t belong anywhere? Or misplaced like a random item waiting to be given value? Or maybe you just don’t have a care for anything because all of this isn’t real? I understand. The information we were given since our early days is slowly becoming the same thing condemning our very souls. Bliss of the ignorant, a trait commonly envied due to the peace that one may find in not caring about things, and being obvious to outcomes. Yet that peace does not contribute to the world as a whole. It is a “get out of accountability card” used so often by keyboard warriors and those of the same liking.

We live in a society where the meek have inherited the earth and use their power visiously. These avatar veiled tyrants not only will use someone’s ignorance against them and encroach on their life by giving out private information and deem it public because there is record of it. Sadly this removes a persons “peace of mind”. Something very hard to get back once lost. It effects the sleeping patterns, trust of strangers, and most importantly is raised torches and pitchforks held by bandwagon jumpers, who merely want to see the head of the “monster” dangle by shreds of skin after the big tech companies drop the ax blow of labeling them “cancelled”. No more popularity just unwanted infamy, acting as a scarlet letter in the dimension we call real time/real life. Where your waitress/server doesn’t want to give you the type of service they are paid to do because of the post you were tagged in. And in that act alone make this employee feel that treating someone bad is an act of heroism.

This mud all has gone to shit. What can we do you ask? Nothing it’s in full effect until we decide that the internet was rigged from the beginning in lottery pick popularity polls, to let me sell you a simple google search answer for $36 a month. Tutorials and life hacks that only lead you to purchasing more things you don’t need as Carlin would say. Celebrating people who pay robots for fluffy stream numbers in astronomical amounts, only to wind up in an empty stadium, or cancelled show.

I’ll just eat my popcorn, and refuse to change the channel. This is only getting more interesting. Free money grabs, and more tax pressure. How are you taking a ppp loan in hopes that it will be forgiven? What if it isn’t? Your makeshift paper business hasn’t made three dimes and now you plan on paying back a loan that is about to set you back so far that you will have to build a hut under a bridge to keep warm after the shit storm you are about to see. Don’t you see it? The fact that you can’t get enough followers on your tiktok to have the ability to go live. But the next person in your fyp page has three videos and is following 3 people and is followed by 3.9 million? Still don’t see it? How these “big creators” have become the Illuminati of a karaoke app? Where they meet up and put out crappier content than before. Only to play a gossip game with “smaller creators” they call them “smaller creators”!!

Facebook? Instagram? Why is it easier to find a industry plant to follow than people in you own contacts? Don’t believe the hype. You just watch and see how these popular people are going to show their true colors amidst the desperation of people not caring about the same old shenanigans.

Please people go back to sleep.