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FeyRelay created this Moodboard to fill her Tony Stark Bingo Card Square: Soulmates. Inspired by moth/butterfly soulmate AU I am writing. You can find FeyRelay on AO3 under the same name.

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Sastiel Love Week ~ Day 7

“Sam Winchester has to die,” Anna says, and she can see the reluctance in Castiel’s face. Despite being a soldier, Castiel has never liked taking lives. “I’m sorry but we have no choice. He’s Lucifer’s vessel.” The first two words are contradicted by the disgust in the last three.

“He’s not the only one,” Castiel tells her, and Anna scoffs at him.

”What, that guy Nick?” She shakes her head. “He’s burning away as we speak. No. Sam is the only vessel that matters.” Castiel knows this. Knows that Sam was made to be Lucifer’s perfect vessel. That it was inevitable Sam would say yes and bring about the apocalypse. Why is he being so stubborn? “You know what that means. If Lucifer can’t take Sam, his whole plan short-circuits.” She steps closer, searching for the Castiel she fought with in heaven. “No fight with Michael, no Croatoan virus. The Horsemen go back to their day jobs.”

"Even if you could…kill Sam, Satan would just bring him back to life.” There is something like pain in his voice but Anna ignores it. Castiel has always felt more deeply for humans than their siblings.

“Not after I scatter his cells across the universe.” Pride enters her voice. Castiel turns away, but she continues, relentless. “They’ll never find him. Not all of him.”

There’s a long pause. She can’t see Castiel’s expression but she can hear the near desperation in his voice as he says, “We’ll find another way.”

Why does he keep arguing? Castiel has long been a loyal and reliable soldier, disregarding his behavior lately, so his defiance now is off-putting.

She shakes her head again. She can make him understand. “How’s that going? How’s the Colt working out? Or the search for God?” There’s no answer, but she can see the stiff line of his back, the way his hands are perfectly still. “Is anything working? If you want to stop the devil, this is how.” She puts steel in her voice, like she did when she was his captain.

She waits for his acquiesce. It never comes. Instead Castiel replies, “The answer is still no. Because Sam is my friend.”

Because Sam is my friend. The words reverberate inside Anna’s mind. They seem impossible. She doesn’t understand why he would protect the abomination. Castiel is supposed to be a soldier. And soldiers do not have friends. They have orders.

“You’ve changed,” she says softly, staring at the back of Castiel’s head. What was it about Sam Winchester that had Castiel willing to betray everything he knew to protect him?

“Maybe too late, but I have.” Castiel turns and looks at her. There’s something in his face that makes the words in her throat die. “Anna.” The use of her name startles her. For so long she has been captain. “We’ve through much together, but you come near Sam Winchester and I’ll kill you.”

He means it. He says the words with the same conviction he used to have following her orders. She can’t reach him. Anna looks at Castiel for a long moment, remembering what a faithful soldier he was once was. Then she leaves.

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Wowowowowowow. You can feel the coldness and steel, the inflexibility, in her mindset.

Anna’s inner voice here is perfect. It’s not over-exaggerated, it’s just really, her mind. It feels like seeing some of the inner workings of Angel’s mind, specifically, Anna’s mind.

I loved this canon scene, obviously. The context to it too, was brutally amazing. Because Anna was actually trying to prevent Sam from killing Lilith, and breaking the final seal, and releasing Lucifer and the apocalypse. But Castiel stopped her, and the other Angels took her off to be tortured. Which she escaped, to the same loyal soldier she once knew, who shares the same goal as him, preventing the apocalypse.

And she’s thinking Angelically, with a single-minded focus and determination, without compassion, to her goal, saving all of humanity from the apocalypse.

And you can see how inhumanly she thinks here. She’s a Captain. The hierarchy of Angels, is always present in the mindset.

She struggles to empathize, to understand, things have to fit within the box. Castiel has to fit into her loyal soldier box, and that is how he makes sense.

Castiel has the same unwavering loyalty, unbending, unbreaking, but it’s not for her, not for Heaven, not for God. It’s for Sam Winchester.

They are perfect foils to each other in this piece. These are two people who have convictions that go deeper than anything, opposed, standing up against each other.

It’s like you’ve highlighted the canon scene, and added a whole new feeling to it, a whole new layer to it.

{ He means it. He says the words with the same conviction he used to have following her orders. } I love this, oh, he’s still a faithful soldier, but it’s for Sam Winchester

Again, I could go through every sentence here, and just analyze how it fits perfectly.

.... I feel like an idiot. Rereading this, I can see the softness and sentimentality, in the loss and change, alongside the coldness and steel, and I think it makes everything else sharper. In lines like, { “You’ve changed,” she says softly, staring at the back of Castiel’s head. } and, { She can’t reach him. Anna looks at Castiel for a long moment, remembering what a faithful soldier he was once was. Then she leaves. } The emotionless acceptance, feels so pretty in those last few sentences.

{ {“Not after I scatter his cells across the universe.” Pride enters her voice. Castiel turns away, but she continues, relentless. “They’ll never find him. Not all of him.”}

{There’s a long pause. She can’t see Castiel’s expression but she can hear the near desperation in his voice as he says, “We’ll find another way.”} }

I love the way you describe their voices there, there’s just such a difference, and it’s right after the other, the perfect time, to really, describe the difference voices.

As I said, perfect foils.

The Sastiel seems like it’s barely in the piece, but it’s the whole reason why the scene is happening, and like, wow, beautiful. But I love every single Sastiel sentence, because it feels canon, and like you’ve just brought out the Sastiel in a canon scene, made Castiel and Anna as two characters seem even more alive. I have never really been interested in Anna, but this was fascinating, her mind was fascinating.

This is something I can just keep rereading, over and over, it’s actually really stunning. It’s perfection.

I wanna keep talking about this forever.

God, you are the best Sastiel Love Week Anon, like you killed it. You had amazing rambles, god, I loved your rambles, amazing ideas, Soulless Sam Praying, the OTP couples things which was a very brilliant move, your short fics were amazing, and the way you mostly stuck within earlier seasons was so respectful I could cry, thank you so much for that.

If you want to come off Anon, My Wonderful Sastiel Love Week Anon, that’d be really awesome, I’d love it. But it’s also totally okay, if you want to stay a mysterious person who gave me a really wonderful Sastiel Love Week. I hope you enjoyed being my Anon at least a little, and I hope you had a nice Sastiel Love Week in general. I’m gonna obsess about the stuff you sent me for, like ever.

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Hey, I'm looking at what to send tomorrow and I'm a little confused on what I've already sent. Did I send the soulless Sam and the one where Cas and Anna are talking?

Uh, every thing you submitted I have finally posted, took me a while, so so sorry. So if it isn’t posted by now, then I did not get it or you didn’t send it. Sorry, I posted everything way late. I know that can be distressing.

So, uh, I’m cool if you’re like late or something. I actually responded to all your submissions and asks way late, like a total jerk. But uh, thank you, you are wonderful, My Wonderful Sastiel Love Week Anon. There is a reason, why I’ve added Wonderful, to that long winded tag/anon nickname. Because you are wonderful.

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A concept: Sam and Castiel being nerds together. The two of them researching together, taking notes and telling each other little facts. Asking each other trivia questions. Going to historical places together and Cas telling Sam what he saw on Earth during that time. Sam being a better tour guide than the actual guides.

This is an an a+++ concept. Also, I have no idea what I wrote, but it’s like Sastiel being nerds. Seriously, this is wickedly fun to think about and write about. You have the best ideas, My Wonderful Sastiel Love Week Anon. Like seriously, every part of this concept, every sentence. So good. The last sentence took me like a hurricane. I loved it. I love all of it.

–

Sam and Cas researching together, they focus so wholly on hitting the books, breaking out the laptop. Sam opening up notepads, stacks them full of every possible relevant detail, bookmarks websites, ctrl+s, his new method of prayer. Cas makes doodles, well, not quite doodles, in the books, drives everybody insane, because they’re not-quite Enochian. Cas gets so frustrated at the tragedy of history, the way the books deceive and lie, and also make it so difficult to sift through misinformation, he wishes he could just change it all, even though he knows that is the worst idea, but the way Sam looks at him, puts his hand on Cas’, and then, Cas will always put his other hand on top of  Sam’s wrist, likes to feel his pulse, it’s steady, just as steady as Sam’s voice is, as Sam lightly describes how sometimes, the movie will always ruin the book. And Cas is okay, then.

They glance at each other, when the other isn’t looking, not because they don’t want the other to know but because they enjoy the intense look of focus on the other’s face.

They’ll talk out loud, read aloud, and sometimes, they’ll laugh, or be drawn in and fascinated, or they’ll just consider it thoughtfully, mumbling allowed.

“There’s something here, in this fairy tale, yeah, yeah, I know, but I think the guy was a little legit in here. About if a witch completely isolates their self from humanity, and retreats like an old hermit, they can bind themselves to elements and nature, become one with it.”

“Sam, what do you know about crossroads deals?”

“That a single moment of happiness for an eternity in hell, is not a good deal. So more than some demons, I can tell you.”

“I… can’t, Sam. I can’t go on any longer. How.. can they be so wrong, about how to summon Angels?”

“What is it?”

“Every single step is wrong. I.. I’m disappointed.”

“Let’s rewrite it then.”

Sam when handed the books Cas’ has made notes in and scrawled his own key of symbols in, Sam will also write notes in the margin’s next to Castiel, their handwriting clearly different, Sam’s neat and tiny, Castiel’s hurried and frustrated, but look nice against each other. Cas will then get the books back and add his own notes to Sam’s again. They have a book club basically too afterwards. But for anyone else attempting to read the books, it’s easy to get distracted by the subconscious romance of all the scribbles and the handwriting. They’re even worse, when it’s fictional books they’re reading.

Sam finds an old copy of Trivial Pursuit, and Sam and Cas are actually quite competitive, just wanting to see how much the other really knows, to test them. They just outright create whole new categories, and they’ll bug other people to send them questions that they’ll turn into cards. Sam and Cas basically turn the game more into creating a question and then, researching it, and seeing who gets there faster, but that fails as they always end up collaborating, bodies falling in too close to each other, finishing each other’s thoughts–sort-of, they’re very bad at that part, often just adding in a completely different thought that doesn’t really complete the others, which can send them onto tangents. But it’s fun and they’ll stay up all night doing it. And they’ll end up so close and tangled up in each other’s minds, that Cas can smell the dark coffee on Sam’s lips.

Sam and Cas often end up organizing game nights, and the games will be massively home-brewed with their own rules and additions and just flat out changes, and they also run trivia nights, and somehow Dean ends up participating often, and doing well, but Dean just likes to watch everybody go at it, likes to see the fun and the love, on his two dearest friends’ faces.

Sam asks such challenging questions to Cas, makes him wrack his memory that extends on and on. Will ask Cas questions about the development of the Code of Hammurabi, and which myths had truths to them, and Sam will guess himself, until Cas confirms and denies, and Cas will always take Sam and himself to those places, and Sam will always, always feel star-struck by the height of history.

Sam’s got such a fluid way of traveling around places, he skulks and he strolls with equal skill, and it’s like he’s got a compass in his brain, and he always knows details about the locations of places he visits. Can predict the bars Dean’s going to hit, knows whether the library’s got gold in it’s dusty shelves, knows whether the local law enforcement’s a bit crooked or not, and Sam can tell with a glance, what buildings have history, and which don’t, which have a darkness to them and skeletons in their closets, and rats in their walls. Cas can’t tell how Sam does it, and Sam says it just comes natural to him now, and Cas frankly dislikes that Sam has learned how to be cryptic as well, and he loudly complains about that to a laughing Sam.

Sam walks the streets and the locals come right up to him to ask the questions, and he ingratiates and becomes a sort of ‘one of them.’ Sam always joins in, always welcomed in, but he’s still so clearly Other, it’s a feat that Cas can never quite figure out how Sam achieved, despite listening to Sam’s every word, and tone, and observing all his body language, and the way people reacted to him.

Sometimes, Sam will follow along with a tour guide, and then take himself and Cas off course, just skipping the guided tour plan, the moment he gets bored. Cas is delighted by this fickle side of Sam, who’s all curiosity, and pride, and intelligence, and loves to learn in his personal style. And Sam is enchanted by the side of Cas that is ancient and knowledgeable, all the awe-inspiring Angel, that calls him Boy, and is justified in it. And Sam is all wide-eyed wonder as Castiel reveals and mocks and demonstrates the spectacle of the world, of its locations, of its history. Castiel, the Angel, will speak of all the things he’s witnessed, viewing Earth, and the little people living and dying, that which Angels were commanded to love, but often fail to. He’ll mention the things Anna saw, when she wasn’t bored by them, when she really looked. He’ll mention what Balthazar was fascinated by, humans, their creating of laws, thought humans were ridiculous in a pleasing, kind of stupid way, and that Balthazar always preferred watching humans to fighting, all the fighting. And Sam is happy that Cas can talk about his lost friends, his past to him, it’s an honor, but he finds it most exciting when Cas is giving him one of his dry, and witty, first-hand accounts. Humans have been strange for all of time, and Sam loves that, loves humanity, and it’s easy to imbue that enthusiasm to Cas. And they both have a growing appreciation for their weird world every day.

Also, you can bet, that for their anniversaries, and really, any holiday, Dean will always leave them candy boxes of Nerds.

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Sastiel Love Week ~ Day 5

I tried to go with today’s theme so I found some of those couples otp question lists and answered them. Mostly with aus in mind (so everything seems so light hearted and it throws me off). I’d love to see your thoughts as well!

Who spends almost all their money on the other?

So here’s the thing, neither of them have that much money. And yeah, sometimes Sam sees something that reminds him of Cas but can’t buy it, or Cas sees something Sam was rambling about and wants to get it for him but can’t, but they improvise. Cas learns how to make cards and the first few have cheesy messages on them but later they get more sincere as Sam comvinces him that he wants Cas to write his thoughts. Sam used to make cards for Dean and so he’s fairly good at it. He likes to make little origami pieces to go with them, tiny dinosaurs and geometric shapes and hearts that he sticks inside.

Who sleeps in the other’s lap?

Pretending Cas sleeps, they definitely fall asleep with his head on Sam’s shoulder and Sam’s head on his during a TV marathon. Sometimes Sam falls asleep with his head on Cas’s lap, and it’s almost always because Cas was playing with his hair.

Which one tries to make food for the other but burns it all by accident and which one tells them that it’s okay and makes them both cookies?

Cas. Definitely Cas. He’s never had to make food, and an essential part of cooking is tasting so he’s going in blind. The pizza he tried to make was burnt because he thought it wasn’t done enough, and he put on way too much cheese so it’s all just a burnt gooey mess. Sam finds him glaring at the oven and teaches him how to make no bake cookies.

Which one constantly wears the other’s clothes?

My weakness is couples sharing clothes. Sam is bigger but I could see him curling up with Cas’s trenchcoat around him. Cas wears Sam’s shirt the first time because he got his bloody and Sam offered. It happens again. And again. Until Cas just pulls one out of Sam’s closet while Sam just stares and grins dopily.

Which one drives the car and which one gives them directions?

I like to imagine them on a road trip (is this an au? possibly) Sam’s used to being in the passenger seat, and so when he gets the chance he drives. Cas gives directions but since they’re using a regular map he sometimes forgets to tell Sam when to turn because he’s busy looking at Sam or the scenery.

Which one does the posing while the other one draws?

Artist au! I adore the idea of artist Cas who draws volunteer model Sam who’s only modeling to make money for college. Sam models for a class that encourages the artist to tell a story about their model. Most draw him as a stranger, a beautiful one, but a stranger nonetheless. Some draw him as a wistful figure of the imagination. Others draw him as a lost boy. Cas draws him the way one would draw a friend.

(sidenote: Cas draws with charcoal and has charcoal smudges on his face that rub off onto Sam.)

If they were about to rob a museum, which one does backflips through lasers and which one is strolling behind with a bag of chips?

This one made me laugh at just the idea so I thought I’d include it. Here’s the thing, I love the idea of Cas doing backflips (it’s such a strange yet wonderful concept someone who can art please draw this), but I love the idea of 6'4" Sam contorting his body into ridiculous positions and Cas just watching open mouthed even more. Bonus points for Cas dropping the chip bag.

Which one types with perfect grammar and which one types using numbers as letters?

Sam uses perfect grammar while Cas texts like a 13 year old girl because Dean told him it’s cool just to piss Sam off.

Who slowly eases into the pool while complaining about the temperature of the water and who takes a full-force no regrets flying cannonball into the water?

Cas jumps straight in completely unaffected by the cold because angel powers while Sam complains as he slowly steps in. I like to think of human Cas though doing the same thing in a lake after winter and then screeching because the water’s really fucking cold and why do humans swim in places like this?

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Yeah, no, this was a hard theme for me too. The way you go about it? Brrilliant, you’re so brilliant, like I love this, this is fun, too much fun, like the best idea in history. Also, I know, right? Light-hearted really throws me off, sometimes. I’m not gonna lie, you make me feel so much better, knowing that my thoughts are wanted.

Who spends almost all their money on the other?

oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Cards! I love the idea of cards.

I can imagine such cute events happening with the cards.

Cas probably starts with a message, like so generic, ‘You are beautiful, my love. The sun is not half as bright. The moon is not half as glowing.”

But then, Sam is like, tell me what you really think.

And Cas is a weird person, probably because he’s an Angel, or just because Cas is weird. So.

So now the messages, he writes on cards, are like way weirder. But geniunely meant, so Sam loves them.

“’You’re tall.’ They say. I could carry you, you know? You aren’t tall. Not at all. I’m tall. Empire state building tall. Humans are short, you are short. When I see you next, I am picking you up and demonstrating to people that you are not tall.”

“Your voice is grating. You frequently finish your sentences and move on. No. Stop stopping.”

“I mentioned the name Sam Winchester to a cashier today, because I adore saying your name, and instead of being filled with the proper awe and respect for the boy who saved the world, they called you the serial killer who came back from the dead and died again.

They were INCORRECT, Sam.”

“Dean bought me crayons... I hate them. I believe he is trying to imply I’m a child again... Every color reminds me of you... Here is this picture of furious love for you.”

“When I asked for more colors, Dean told me he is never getting me crayons again. When you asked for more colors from Dean, doing your powerful thing with your eyes, he capitulated. Thank you for the crayons, Sam. Teal reminds me of you too. So, does Vermillion. And-and White? That’s a crayon color? On white paper? That’s amazing. Amazing like you, Sam.”

“Thank you for existing. It is a harrowing experience, but you are the best that I have ever seen in millennia.”

“Sam, you tried to kiss me when you were drunk. Did you know all those years ago, I wanted to kiss you after drinking that liquor store?”

“You are scared of not making it into Heaven. You will, but you don’t believe me anyway. But do not fear, if I have to, I will carry you in, I will fight any who challenge me, and I will use everything available to me, to get you to that endless asphalt road. You could be a resurrecting serial killer, and I’d still deliver you to your personal Heaven.”

Sam, one time, gets real fractal, mandala-like with one half-origami-half-card-all crazy paper construction, and it’s during a time Sam can’t sleep, so like near any time ever, but having a real intense bout of insomnia, and he can’t think very well, so he throws himself into a mindless, peaceful task that he dedicates to Cas, because anything done for Cas isn’t time wasted, so he doesn’t have to worry about being useless. And well, Sam is delirious, Sam thinks he kind of works better like this, finds new patterns, sees new things, makes connections that make no sense to anybody else, until they sort of do. So, Sam does this, and he kinda gets like jenga-tower tall and wide with it, and he’s not even concerned with how it might survive, he’s just knows he has to build it, and it’s just real weird delirious things that he connects to Cas, like raven feather-shapes are splayed and messy, and he places them at the rim of it, and eyes because he gets obsessed with Castiel’s eyes, so he needs as many eyes as possible, as many times as Sam has thought about them, and Sam makes Enochian sigils that pop up, almost shielded by the thick construction paper feathers, that Sam curtains with eyes, and empty-eyes, and he definitely tries to spell out something like free will or hope because that’s what Cas means to him, but he has no idea what he spelled looking back, and then, Sam is like, I need pens, and so, he cuts out these patterns, and then he pens streaming, messy blue down them, and then he hangs the near-streamers over everything, and like a mirage, it looks like it’s dripping, because Cas flows and flies and vanishes and appears, and something that is so mirage-like fits. And then, Sam picks up a calendar, and cuts out every fifth day out of it, and then, cuts little holes into those fifth-day squares, and weaves the paper in gently together. Sam might be losing his mind, but he’s had worse coping habits.  Sam probably just gets more elaborate, and complex, and it definitely makes sense to him in the moment. Everything and every shape and pattern seems to repeat at least once, as if it were in a circle, never-ending, undying.  And Sam works on this each night he can’t sleep, until he thinks it’s done. Cas, is like, “Wow, that kind of resembles my true form.... Sam, I’m worried, when did you last sleep?.. Never mind, we’re going to sleep.” 

(I might be projecting just a little my own experiences of insomnia onto Sam, I feel I should admit that, as I myself haven’t slept in going on 25 hours and I’m still not going to sleep, and this is like three days after staying up for fifty hours. But Sam is an obsessive person, and an insomniac, and a poetic and perceptive soul.)

When Sam falls asleep, it’s easier for Sam when Cas is there, and easier when he’s completed an obsessive task, no matter how minor, Cas goes and puts it in an empty aquarium to protect it, and he puts all sorts of inscriptions of protection and stability on it. People who search the trunk of the Impala will eventually find both the weapons and the aquarium, and they can’t quite tell what’s more disturbing.

And yeah, you’re right, it’s hard to see them with money. And if they did have money, they’d just give it out to charity, and literally anybody who needed it, or they’d use it for community projects.

Who sleeps in the other’s lap? 

‘Pretending Cas sleeps,’ Now, I know the way you actually meant it. But now, I’m thinking about Cas, just pretending to go to sleep so he can get on Sam’s lap. And Sam is very amused, just gives him tips on faking it, because mother-hen Dean has always tried to check if he was sleeping, and Sam just wasn’t sleeping like ever,, so Sam got really good at faking it. (it’s truly absurd how little Sam sleeps on the show.) But also, the falling asleep on the head and shoulder thing, you said, that’s ridiculously romantic

Which one tries to make food for the other but burns it all by accident and which one tells them that it’s okay and makes them both cookies? 

You’re of course, right, that is exactly how it would go. And I think, they’d occasionally make cookies whenever Cas got the desire to cook and failed. It gets to the point, where he just purposely complains about cooking, so Sam will come over and make cookies with him. Sam is like super supportive of Cas’ experiments while cooking. But maybe, chocolate-chip and raisin cookies, that were frosted, and were drizzled in chocolate syrup, and were given tiny towers of whipped cream, and then, showered in copious rainbow sprinkles. It’s a bit much. Castiel is however only considering adding ice cream the next time, though. Dean of course, disagrees with Sam’s assessment, it’s exactly where Sam and Castiel’s cookie making should be, and Sam and Cas’ cookie future is bright and should continue bravely forging ahead.

Which one constantly wears the other’s clothes?

Yo, my weakness is for clothes-sharing in general too. Trenchcoat? On Sam, yes, I agree. Sam all huddled up, sad and cute, and Cas covering him in his trenchcoat, YES. Cas collecting Sam’s flannels, wearing like four at a time, on days when he isn’t in his trenchcoat and suit, Yes. Them, sharing a scarf, that belongs to them both? Peak romance, unstoppable.

Which one drives the car and which one gives them directions?

Also, yes, yes, yes. Sam after being in the passenger seat, his whole damn life, would totally jump in the front seat, and Cas would happily enjoy being helpful and giving directions. And Sam would play music, after a lifetime of having it ingrained into his head, ‘Driver gets to pick the music.’ He plays all the trashy modern music he likes, that he’s never been allowed to play. And Cas is very distracted by Sam’s adorably bobbing his head to the beat, looking thrilled, every time he glances at Cas.

Wait, wait, since I have an obsession for Sam using maps and stuff. And also Sam hitch-hiking. Let me offer this alternative AU. Cas is a super horrible driver and gets lost like all the time, but he usually doesn’t drive, that’s what his endless supply of siblings and Balthazar when he isn’t drunk, are for. However, Castiel recently discovers most of his siblings are assholes, and then, he learns Balthazar who ‘died,’ is actually across the country, and needs somebody to pick him up. So, Cas bravely gets into the vehicle that he’s seen used many times. And oh my god, he actually strands himself in the middle of the road, because he ran out of gas without realizing it. And then, kind, savior of a person, Sam comes up to him, and his family always told him never to trust hitch-hikers, they had statistics proving that most were likely to be serial killers. But Cas is in a fuck-you family mood, so he comes up closer to the stranger, and then his mouth fails him, because wow, what a gorgeous serial killer. Sam offers to walk to the nearest gas station because he just past it, if Cas would offer him a ride. Cas nods as many times as possible. And so after Sam, walks like a mile ahead, and back, while Castiel waits in his sweltering car, anxious and searching for words to say. And then Sam gets back, fills his car up, and then, leans over the driver window grinning at Cas, his long hair catches the sunlight and looks like dark gold, and his skin is glowing, and he’s outlined by light, and his whole form is haloed. And in an hour and an half, all the words Castiel had thought about saying, dissipated.

So, Sam discovers what a horrible driver Castiel is first-hand, and just sits in fucking terror the whole time, although it’s not as scary as the time, he hitch-hiked with two girls named Ruby and Meg, who he radiated the in-a-cult-and-you-are-our-next-sacrifice vibes. He did not want to be in that car. This car, despite how Sam is very likely to die with the driver he has, the driver is very cute and nice and his death won’t be for a cult, so, it’s already better.

And so Sam, rambles on and on about his hitch-hiking adventures, to distract himself from the fucking nerve-wracking ride. Cas finds himself both worried and impressed by Sam’s survival. He can’t resist

Eventually, Castiel gives in, and asks Sam if he can read a map, and help him find his idiot brother. Sam says, he’s trying to find his own idiot brother, and that he’d love to read the map. The relief in Sam’s voice is very, very tangible.

Castiel unconsciously just follows Sam’s directions, it’s so easy to let himself be lost to the certainty of the voice, and just do what he says. When Sam realizes that, Sam just starts micromanaging Castiel’s driving. It’s nice being an appreciated back-seat/shotgun driver.

When they finally get to the city where both their brothers just happen by chance to both be, Castiel decides to go with Sam first, to visit Sam’s brother, because he’s reluctant to leave Sam.

When Sam and Cas get there, they find Dean sitting, casually drinking a whiskey, across from Cas’ brother, Balthazar, currently tied to a chair and sending Dean a very withering glare.

“Sam, that’s my brother.”

“Shit.... Dean, why the fuck do you have my friend’s brother tied to a chair?”

“What? Sammy, you don’t have friends. People who take pity on you, and your ridiculous puppy dog eyes are not your friends. Not everybody is your friend, the world is dangerous... And he tried to steal Baby.”

Balthazar gives a dashing smile to Sam and Castiel. “You have finally arrived to save me! Took you long enough.”

“Dean Winchester. I have heard stories of you. Let my brother go.”

“Thank you~”

“He’s an idiot, but he also knows how to drive.”

They eventually get Balthazar sorta released, but since Sam and Cas want to stick together, Dean  and Balthazar have to hang out and try not to kill each other. The situation works out debatably well. Dean and Balthazar both complain to Sam and Cas about being too trusting, and how the other could have killed them, and then, look at the other offended for even suggesting that their sweet little brother could kill anyone. As I said, debatably well.

Which one does the posing while the other one draws?

Holy god, your idea is beautiful. I’m swooning. A class that encourages the artist to tell a story about their model? Magnificent concept. ‘And most draw him as a beautiful stranger, or wistful imaginary figure, others draw him as a lost boy but.. Cas draws him the way you’d draw a friend.’

And Sam would be so blown away. He is always so other-ed, separate, different, and then, Castiel does the exact opposite of other him, Cas sees him for a person, a person you could be close to.

And Sam would want Castiel to actually see him as his friend... That’s just so good.

The image of Cas with charcoal smudges on his face, just wow. Gorgeous.

If they were about to rob a museum, which one does backflips through lasers and which one is strolling behind with a bag of chips?

Yes, Castiel would be excellent for the one doing backflips. It’d be great to see. If I ever pull together art skills, I’d love to draw it. And I can see Sam having done this thing, like many times before. So, he just fucking strolls through. But, I.. like what the fuck kind of chips would Sam carry. He just.. doesn’t eat junk food. You know what, he’s probably carrying the chips for when Cas gets tired and hungry.

But the other way makes more sense, Sam and his amazing flexibility, and really just amazing body

I’ve always liked backflips. Embarrassingly.

For years whenever a character had encountered a problem, I would talk to the screen and tell the character to either seduce, kill or backflip. I thought backflipping was just the best choice always.

Which one types with perfect grammar and which one types using numbers as letters? 

Oh yeah, Sam who got a free-ride to Stanford, straight-As all his life, protective of his laptop, law student who can do an epic bitch-face? Of course, he types with perfect grammar. And he types quickly, on any and all devices. Castiel is also really good at texting quickly, because his texts are super short. So, their conversations have a good rhythm-ish. I say, -ish, because Sam will type what are basically essays into his phone, and then, ask for Castiel’s thoughts. And so it takes a while to scroll and read for Cas. And Castiel’s replies, are just really, really hard to decode.

One time, Sam is just like, ‘ I might have an easier time understanding what you say while you’re in your true-form. ’ ‘ Bt ud d13? ;( ’

Also, sometimes, Castiel will start texting while in the same room as Sam, and Sam will feel compelled to text back, so their conversation once verbal, turns typed. Cue immense exasperation from anybody in the room with them, usually Dean.

Who slowly eases into the pool while complaining about the temperature of the water and who takes a full-force no regrets flying cannonball into the water?

I’m laughing.. I mean, at least on the inside, actually, outside kind of sick.

Yeah, I think. Sam would slowly ease into the pool, because it’s hot and summery, and wow, the pool is fucking cold, he didn’t expect that, jesus christ, really, cold, yeah, never mind, he’s backing out, he’s just gonna sit on the edge, kicking his legs in the water, making tiny splashes.

And then, Castiel just dives in, cannonball style, in full trenchcoat and everything. Which ends up soaking Sam. Yeah, Sam looks a wet cat, a wet angry cat, who can’t keep up the bitch-face, once he sees Castiel’s adorable smile.

I’m totally expecting tons of bitter and sarcastic complaining from Cas about being human, whenever that happens.

Oh my god, this was so fun and cute, and like, you’re the best, my Wonderful Sastiel Love Week Anon, so sorry for not getting to this sooner. And like wow, otp questions, what a power move. Is just ahhh... I adore you.

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Sastiel Love Week ~ Day 4

Today was busy so this isn’t as good as I was hoping it would be. But, I did finish it, which I am proud of. 

~

There is something intangibly different about the world when Sam gets out of the cage. He doesn’t know what it is, but the world seems more dull, the people less interesting. He feels untethered to the world, detached from it and its people. 

The first few weeks back he wanders. He sleeps with pretty waitresses and waiters. At some point he tracks Dean down, watches him with Ben and Lisa and decides to leave him there. Dean deserves a regular life. Sam steals a car, drives around aimlessly. Eventually, he starts to hunt again. What else is there for him to do?

He kills werewolves, vampires, kitsunes, and every other monster he comes across. It’s simple. He runs into Samuel and his fellow hunters. Sam doesn’t know them but they’re family, they’re hunters. It makes sense to join them. There is no connection with them, not like he remembers with Dean or Bobby or Castiel or anyone else he had considered family before. But it’s more efficient to kill a large group of monsters with them, so he stays.

Sometimes he thinks about before.

He remembers hunting with Dean, and how different it was from hunting with the Campbells. He remembers Bobby and all his gruffness. He remembers Castiel, the angel who became his friend. He remembers loving them. He waits for that feeling to come back.

It doesn’t. He wonders if it ever will.

Hunting is different now, just like everything else. The hunts are easier now. He feels more focused. Solutions he once found distasteful are less so. The victims are less understandable, and he wonders just how much hell has changed him when he hears a widow cry over her husband and doesn’t empathize with her. He wonders, but he isn’t too concerned. It makes sense he would have changed.

He knows that before, his lack of empathy would have worried him. Before, he would have reassured the widow instead of becoming impatient enough that Samuel had to send him out of the house. Before, people mattered so much more to him, even the ones he barely knew.

It’s the little things that are different now. Sam supposes it’s also the little things that make him different from before.

Sam remembers he used to pray. He used to go to his knees every night, praying for his father and Dean, praying for something good to happen, for them to finally catch the demon that killed mom. Sometimes he prayed for the victims they helped. 

He doesn’t now. 

When Sam prays again the first time, he doesn’t know why. Maybe out of habit. Maybe because he thinks it might let him feel like he used to. Maybe because he wants to talk to someone.

He doesn’t pray to God. Instead, he prays to Castiel. 

Hey, Cas. The nickname comes easily to him. I don’t know if you’re listening, but it’s Sam. Sam Winchester. I’m out of the Cage. Not sure how. Maybe you know? Anyway I uh, I just wanted to let you know. And uh, know if you can come see me sometime. Maybe help me figure out a case or something. He wouldn’t mind if Cas came for something more interesting than a case. He doesn’t say anything about it though; Cas seems to be the slow approach type, and Sam doesn’t do slow.

Hi Cas. I’m in Minneapolis. There’s a–well I’m not really sure what it is here–but I could use some angel help if you can come visit. He kills the monster on his own. He thinks it would have been nice if Cas could have healed him after.

It’s Sam. I know you’re probably busy, but I thought you might want to know I found my grandfather. Turns out he and some of the other Campbells are still alive. I’ll be with them, if you get the chance to leave heaven. Cas doesn’t answer. Sam wonders if he’d angered the angel and that’s why Cas doesn’t answer his prayers.

It’s Sam again. Are you okay? Cas doesn’t come. He’s not surprised.

Eventually, he stops praying.

(In heaven, Cas watches over Sam. He observes Sam and there’s something that isn’t quite right. Sam is… cold. The compassion and understanding that he had admired so in the younger Winchester is gone, and it saddens him. 

The longer he watches Sam, the more he wonders if he did the right thing by bringing him back. He can’t bring himself to regret his actions, but he does wonder if he made the right choice. 

Cas is busy, both in heaven and dealing with Crowley, but he listens to each of Sam’s prayers. He doesn’t answer them, but he watches over Sam. He makes sure the Campbells are safe so Sam has someone to watch his back. He turns pages so that Sam can find the information he needs more quickly. But he never answers Sam.)

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Don’t worry about being busy. I am busy too, and am kinda not doing all of my obligations well. And you did finish it. I support your pride in that. That is an achievement.

I’m a monster. I should have replied and posted this sooner. It’s music to my undeserving heart. I love Soulless Sam. and you nailed his characterization.

He’s perfectly numb, perfectly dulled feelings. The way he thinks, it’s so muted. It draws me into a greyer world, feelings of loss and change, and barely feeling anything at all, and it’s not because you’re so emotional and colorful that it overwhelms you back into nothing, it’s because you don’t feel anything.

I love every time a character is like that. I’m a sucker for it. Soulless Sam stole my heart for it. And then you come in here, like ‘here’s this character you found beautiful? Well, have some more, written incredibly, actually capturing the vibe of not-feelings and distance, that you’ll just admire forever because like wow, beautiful.’

I love the unfeeling feeling Sam has. It’s always been of the things I found beautiful.

Sam has a kind of new innocence. We saw it on the show, but you demonstrated it way more here. It’s sad thinking how he wanted that innocence once. But here, with that unknowing innocence, he’d call himself the monster, he never wanted to become.

I love your constant use of the word, ‘wonders’, for how Sam feels. Because Sam doesn’t hope, he’s not surprised, he doesn’t even feel disappointed. All he can do is, consider it, try to figure out what’s going on. It’s use throughout the piece, is a flavor and a theme, and is an absolutely important part of praying as well. The wondering, if you’ll be heard, if it matters. Soulless Sam and praying just go together so well, and in this piece mesh like black and white, to a melancholy grey, like red and blue to a a beautiful color.

If it’s not clear, I’d die for Soulless Sam and how he thinks. And you write him so well, because I find those detached, unworldly words and thoughts and not-feelings so captivating.

And, oh, the Praying. I love the praying. Soulless Sam plus praying is just the most beautiful thing. It intrigued me so deeply in canon, and then you gave it to me here. I talked it about it earlier, how amazingly you complimented the theme of prayers in this piece with soulless Sam, and the wondering.

I love how he has no idea why he prays. Also, your italicized prayer dialogue, amazing, I could see it on the show. I love how he prayed before. I love how everything he used to be is just a memory, and natural quirks are muscle memory, ‘Hey, Cas.’ And the rest is just his best attempt.  I love how he prayed so whole-heartedly before he was soulless, all through his life. He got down on his knees, prayed for near everything that mattered to him. He prayed with his whole heart, and god knows, Sam had a big heart.

I love all of Sam’s vague attempts to think like he used to, to notice how he used to be. Soulless Sam in canon just had such a unique relationship with his past self. He’s different, and he’s not what he’s supposed to be, and he can vaguely remember who he was, and was meant to be.

I could comment on this line-by-line, every single line, god, if you ever want me to do that one day, just ask me. You know what, I’ll do some of the lines anyway (do a lot of the lines, okay. I love this topic so much. I wasn’t kidding when I said it’d convince me you were like some near divine being.)

{There is something intangibly different about the world when Sam gets out of the cage. He doesn’t know what it is, but the world seems more dull, the people less interesting.} Sam’s always been curious, wanted to be apart of the world,  and yet here, he has never been farther from the world. And he doesn’t know why, . I love the word, ‘intangibly,’ Sam truly can’t place what’s happened in any physical terms to himself. Also, these sentences are just really nice for me to look at in general.

{He feels untethered to the world, detached from it and its people.} Untethered, I love that word, it’s such a great word, and it’s ridiculous, but I was very excited to see that word. And oh how it’s fitting. Sam truly feels untethered to the world and everything in this piece. He not-desperately tethers himself to things, but he doesn’t feel it at all in this piece.

{He kills werewolves, vampires, kitsunes, and every other monster he comes across. It’s simple.} This piece you have written, is full of simplicity, simple, emotionless sentences, and the facts that Sam can find, and state, and the things that aren’t simple, aren’t physical facts, Sam only wonders at.

{He remembers loving them. He waits for that feeling to come back.} Best most tragic line ever. it’s perfect for Soulless Sam. Love is just a memory. He waits. Impatient Sam, waits. Sam, for once, waits.

{It doesn’t. He wonders if it ever will.} It’s just questioning, it’s not tangible, it’s such a sad line, the questioning of loss and change, you can’t even recognize.

{But it’s more efficient to kill a large group of monsters with them, so he stays.} Sam has no reason for doing things, not really, any emotional one, can’t find on within himself. It’s just Do-The-Thing, Do-The-Goal, he sets himself too. I also saw this in the second paragraph, he sets himself a thing, because why not, and then he does relentlessly. He doesn’t consider doing anything else. I loved that about Soulless Sam, and I love this Soulless Sam.

(When Sam prays again the first time, he doesn’t know why. Maybe out of habit. Maybe because he thinks it might let him feel like he used to. Maybe because he wants to talk to someone.} The speculation Sam does... He doesn’t know why he does things, he doesn’t know why he does this. As I mentioned earlier, in commenting on the ‘Untethered’ thing, he’s looking for a tether, something to hang onto, I think, the Praying is something he can hold onto, reach out for, find something physical and real and feeling maybe, and he doesn’t reach out to God, because God will never come, but the Angel who became his friend, he might, maybe. And it’s also so sad that he’s not even sure if he wants to talk to someone. I shall treasure this sadness. There are so many sad treasures with Sam’s thoughts after each time he prays.

{Hey, Cas. The nickname comes easily to him.} This is great. Because before in the text, Sam exclusively referred to Cas as Castiel, but when he actually reaches out to Castiel, it’s instinctive to call him Cas. He tries to fall into the patterns of who he used to be so much, but the nickname is easy to use, the caring is not.

{He thinks it would have been nice if Cas could have healed him after.} He can only speculate how it’d make him feel. He’s lost his empathy, truly-completely-wholly doesn’t have empathy, can’t even know how he’d feel in a different situation. You could ask Sam here, about what makes him mad, and he’d recite things that used to make him mad, because he doesn’t actually know, he can guess, but he can’t even tell if the word, ‘Freak,’ slung at him would even sting.. And I have, such strong feelings about the word, ‘nice.’ It’s a word, that has such powerful connotation, because it’s been used in so many contexts. And it’s a numb word here

{The longer he watches Sam, the more he wonders if he did the right thing by bringing him back. He can’t bring himself to regret his actions, but he does wonder if he made the right choice.} Ah, the hubris, and difficult decisions Castiel faces, and oh my god, you used the word ‘wonder’ again. Castiel is so uncertain, and just trying his best, but his best is distant and far away from Sam, and that’s not.. a good idea for him in the end.

{Eventually, he stops praying.} It’s in the same I-don’t-feel-the-tragedy vibe of this as every thing else. It’s such a fitting conclusion to Soulless Sam’s perspective here. I mentioned the ‘Untethered’ thing earlier, and this is Sam fully letting go of the tether he was trying to hold on to here.

Also, I love the Castiel parentheses at the bottom. Castiel’s gentle help with Sam, the way he still watches over Sam, and I’m totally imagining Castiel turning the pages for Sam, and it’s beautiful and melancholic, and neither of them can quite reunite with the other, but they make the effort to reach for each other.

I love how Castiel watches over Sam, it was something I found like ‘wow, show, you know you’re hitting peak something, right?’ I found it quietly longing, and tragic. And Castiel, with all his angelic distance, all his awkward distance, he doesn’t know how to be close to Sam, can only look and watch and help invisibly.

Also. Cas’ own distantness kind of pairs with Sam’s. ‘He’s too busy.’

Yet like Sam, despite his distance, the busyness, he finds a sort of light tether in the prayers too. ‘He listens to each one.’

God, the tethers, they’re tethered together. Ah, I wish I had more words, for what a beautiful thing you’ve done.

Season 6 is my Sastiel Heaven honest, and with this piece, you brought me back to one of my favorite parts. Honestly, I know that you are kinda disappointed with this piece, but I am not, Soulless Sam and so very human prayers, and numb thinking. I could never be disappointed with that.

Even I can tell, my comments on your lovely writing got a little long. Well, I wanna talk about it until I die so, really the fact that this post ends at all is an achievement.

Their relationship is very strong in this piece, and Cas doesn’t even reply to Sam, but he does. I just wanna cry, in like a good way. I love Soulless Sam so much, and him praying is beautiful and everything.

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Sastiel Love Week ~ Underrated Sam/Cas Moments

Some of my favorite underrated Sam/Cas moments. I know you said hadn’t seen some of the future seasons, but I figured you’ve already seen posts about most of these moments.

Can we talk about how at their first meeting, Cas shook Sam’s hand? Like, at this point, he doesn’t care about Sam and knows he’s been drinking demon blood. But he reaches out for Sam’s hand anyway and even clasps Sam’s hand with both of his. That small gesture is so underrated for me.

Or how Cas straight up told Anna, his former captain, his sister, that he would kill her if she tried going after Sam? Like, Castiel spent hundreds of years with her, following her orders, not questioning her, and he cared so much about Sam that he would have killed her so that Sam was safe from her. And he hadn’t even known Sam that long at this point.

Or when Sam finds out he’s soulless and then finds out Cas was the one to bring him back and he asks if Cas did it on purpose. Cas looked absolutely crushed that Sam thought he would do that and it kills me while also reviving that shipper part of me.

There’s also that time when Cas is possessed by Lucifer but he loved Sam so much he overpowered Lucifer so that he didn’t hurt Sam. Like, it’s incredibly difficult to retake possession of your body when being possessed, but Cas was able to. For Sam. And that’s a moment I don’t think is talked about enough.

But I think one of my favorite moments is when Cas says “nothing is worth losing you. you know, being human, it didn’t just change my view of food. it changed my view of you.” You know, everyone usually focuses on the first sentence, and I totally understand because that right there is quality ship material, but that line has always been my favorite. Because we know how Cas saw Sam the first time they met, and we know that over time he came to care about Sam, to the point of being willing to kill or die for him. But the ‘it changed my view of you’ has always been so powerful to me, because Cas is saying that being human did more than superficially change him, it changed his perspective, it made him understand Sam that little bit more.

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Ah thank you, for your consideration about the spoilers things. And like don’t worry, I haven’t seen the last two moments happen in the show yet, but I have indeed seen some spoilers for them. It’s totally cool.

Oh, their first meeting, you’re so right about that small gesture. It is one of the most significant minor touches, I’ve ever seen. It’s... intimate, quiet, full of so much unspoken meaning between them. Castiel rejected him in words, but not in that touch, in that touch, he said so much more. At least one Angel, had not entirely considered Sam forsaken. So much there. I’m obsessed with that moment. It’s even given me an obsession with Sam and Castiel holding hands, or just touching each other’s hands.

All you’ve said about Cas and Anna. When I first watched that scene, and episode, it blew my mind.That whole episode really. But yeah, that stuff in specific signed my deal to ship Sastiel like forever. Castiel didn’t even consider accepting the idea of Sam’s death. Anna had decent points, and was an Angel, and one that Cas returned to Heaven, when she was only trying to stop the final Apocalypse Seal from being broken, to torture. And Anna was somebody Cas had followed unquestioningly for a long time, and Castiel had trusted. But there is no circumstance where he would have allowed Sam’s death. To stop the apocalypse, it would be best to kill Sam before he was born. And Cas was like, “No, you won’t.’ And when the apocalypse required Sam’s sacrifice anyway, and Sam threw himself into the Cage with Lucifer. Castiel, was again, like, ‘No.’ And tried to pull Sam out of the cage.

Castiel chose free will, and he chose Sam. Anna was more orders, another messenger of doom and destiny, that can only be averted by Sam’s sacrifice. Castiel always fights against a destiny that says Sam must be sacrificed.

And you’re right that was very early on. Sam and Castiel have had a deep relationship since the beginning, a significant one for Castiel. And Sam as well. Sastiel’s been great since day one.

The scene where Sam asks Cas that, if Cas brought him back soulless on purpose. And Castiel’s absolutely destroyed look, you’re right. It hurt me, but also rose my Sastiel shipping levels unbelievably high. I have so many notes about that scene. Sam has been betrayed, and bodily violated, entirely violated, countless times. And Sam has trusted people with everything, and they’ve betrayed him, hurt him. And you know that, Castiel’s aware of that, and his heart breaks with the idea that Sam might consider him among those that have done so. And Sam had to ask. It hurts Castiel so deeply like a wound. Both of the emotions on their face, it hurt them both so much. I just... Ah, I have so many, many, more notes about it. That scene is even better as you go through the season 6, I swear. And Sam trusts and forgives Castiel it, eventually understands it probably was not Castiel’s intention to bring him back soulless. When later, Castiel actually truly does violate Sam, intentionally, breaking the wall, although, he didn’t quite intend to do it permanently, sort of.  It’s heartbreaking, and I love it. Season 6, had such amazing Sastiel.

Cas possessed by Lucifer but he overpowered Lucifer out of love for Sam, so he wouldn’t hurt Sam. And you’re right, possession by LUCIFER, definitely canonically near impossible to overcome. It was only overcome the first time by Sam, out of love, that Lucifer couldn’t understand. Castiel canonically loves Sam. In that world-shaking, devil-defying way. Castiel has always defied the Devil for Sam’s sake, when he told Lucifer that he couldn’t have Sam while he was trapped in that holy oil circle, when he came with Dean to the Apocalypse Fight, when he took on Hallucifer and the psychic trauma from Sam, and maybe some more times in the future that I have yet to watch, and the overpowering Lucifer out of possession to not hurt Sam. Castiel loves Sam, and the Devil, the Morning Star, the Brightest and most Beautiful Archangel before he Fell, the God of Hell, in all his ancient millennias and power, is not as powerful as Castiel’s love for Sam.

Your favorite moment, wow. Oh yeah, you're definitely right about that second line being underrated, because I've been spoiled on the first sentence many, many times over, 'Nothing is worth losing you.' But not once, have I seen the other half of that quote. The first sentence, I definitely see why everyone focuses on it as well. But the rest of it, as you said, Castiel basically says that he understands Sam even more now. They are always working to understand the other better, and they do. They understand each other’s motivations and views, and they learn more and more of each other, and they support each other, no matter what they learn about the other, because they understand. It’s a great favorite, I can’t wait to see that moment for myself. Same with the Cas being possessed by Lucifer moment.

Also, as you said, their love is more than just being willing to die and kill for the other. For Cas, it’s not just that. He understands Sam as well. And for Sam, it’s the same. That’s such a brilliant point you made. Their love is more than that, Cas loves Sam more than just the kill for and die for thing, wow.

Their relationship has such strong mirroring, and empathy. They understand each other, and their understanding of each other evolves and runs deeper as the show goes on. I love that so much about their relationship, in fact, it’s the biggest reason I ship it, although I have near endless reasons for me.

Sastiel has so many great moments, and everything about it is underrated. Thank you for sharing some of your favorite underrated Sam/Cas moments, like seriously, I adored responding, with my own rambling. You just have such great thoughts, and I’m so lucky to receive them, to respond to them. I’m so happy I got this submission. You light up my days, my Wonderful Sastiel Love Week Anon.

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Ah, I didn't see your post yesterday but you can post them whenever you like. I'll send a new one today so it's up to you when you want to post the underrated moments ramble. :) And please don't feel like you have to shorten your comments. I'm not in any way annoyed by the length of them—I actually love reading them and seeing your thoughts.

Oh, thank you so much. That’s actually super relieving to hear, I was afraid it might be annoying. Your submissions are just so good, and fascinating, and they make me think so much about them, and Sastiel, and I want to share my enthusiasm for them with you. I’m glad you love my comments, I feel like it’s important and fun to discuss with a writer, their writing.

You’ve made me smile like a lot, like I’m smiling right now.

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- Also, My Wonderful Sastiel Love Week Anon, could you send me a quick anonymous ask about the other submission you gave me. I adored it too, and I was wondering if you’d prefer me to submit it like today, I mean, if you’re still awake, or tomorrow. Like was it a Day 3.5 or was it a Day 4 thing? Also, are you bothered by how much I comment on your submissions? I can reduce my comments if you want.

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Sastiel Love Week ~ Day 3

Incoherent ramblings ahead. (Hopefully I’ll have a drabble of some sort for you tomorrow.)

Hi hello can we talk about the fact that Castiel wasn’t supposed to like Sam? He wasn’t supposed to care about Sam beyond making sure that the Winchesters served as vessels for Michael and Lucifer to bring the apocalypse. But he does. 

I mean, it took time. It took Cas standing up to Lucifer, actually talking to one another, saving each other, Sam believing in Cas when other didn’t, almost hugs and actual hugs, ‘nothing is worth losing you’ and 'i’d die for him, I would.’

It took all of those moments and more for Sam to become more than just 'the boy with the demon blood’ or Lucifer’s vessel and Castiel became more than Dean’s friend. They care so much about each other and they weren’t supposed to. 

Sam started out in awe of Cas because he was an angel but he cares about Cas the person now even more. He still acknowledges Castiel is an angel (most of the time) but he’s also Sam’s friend. And Sam works to understand and empathize with Castiel, to teach him. 

Whereas Cas started out being suspicious of Sam because of what he’d been told but then he saw Sam. Saw Sam’s faith and his goodness and just how much Sam forgives and believes in others, how Sam believes in him. Cas’s opinion of Sam changes drastically and he believes in Sam.

They’ve both grown so much and they’ve been able to see that the other is more than just one thing, more than what they originally thought and I love that.

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Hi hello, yes we can. We can talk about all of that. Let me excitedly incoherently ramble in response, because I agree with everything, and I also love all that about their relationship.

The whole thing about Team Free Will, was that it was initially created to say, ‘NO’ to their inevitable destinies. And of course, Dean, Sam, Cas all did that. But Sam and Cas’ relationship as well, was also a big, ‘NO’ to destiny. It was never meant to be as positive as it became. Nobody expected it really.

None of the Angels liked Sam, the common opinion was that he was an abomination, a hopeless addict to demon blood, a stupid hairless ape, only necessary because he was Lucifer’s True Vessel, and somebody who should be killed, erased from existence because he was going to say ‘Yes’ to Lucifer.

Dean himself, expressed negativity about Sam and his addiction to demon blood, and at times, thought Sam entirely hopeless. 

Everybody told Cas that Sam wasn’t worth it. But Cas took the time to see Sam for himself, and saw Sam, as you said. Saw his faith and his goodness, and all those other amazing things about Sam, and saw how Sam believed in Cas. And to Cas, well, ‘Nothing is worth losing you.’ As you said. Cas disagrees with near everybody, he thinks Sam is worth it

And for Sam, So many things, challenged Sam’s awe and faith in Angels, but he never stopped believing in Cas. Uriel was a huge jerk who treated Sam like he was trash, threatened Sam’s life. Another Angel, Anna? She tried to kill Sam, erase him from existence. Zachariah was just cruel, and petty in general to both Sam and Dean. And Lucifer, once the brightest of angels, wanted genocide for humanity, and that idea wasn’t exactly as unpopular among Angels as it should have been.. And other bad angel experiences.

Angels weren’t really all that awesome for Sam. Sam had every reason not to like them. Had every reason to believe they’d hate him. Sam had realizes these weren’t the angels he had prayed for when he was a kid.

But Sam didn’t throw Castiel in with the other angels. Sam didn’t let all the angels dictate his feelings on Castiel, feelings toward Castiel. Didn’t judge Castiel immediately, forgave Castiel, and so much more.

Sam still tried to understand, and empathize with Castiel, and still believed and trusted in him, had faith in him. Sam... It’s just as you mentioned, “I’d die for him, I would.”

Near everything and everybody told them they shouldn’t care about each other, thought they wouldn’t care about each other. But Sam and Castiel ended up caring about each other, immeasurably so.

Oh, I love their relationship so much, it’s undergone so much growth. I love it too.

God, I also love your incoherent rambling. You have a great understanding of Sam and Castiel’s relationship. You’re so great, so wonderful. Thank you so much. Hope you didn’t mind the incoherent rambling in response. I could go on about this forever, about how their relationship grew slowly like a flower, bloomed like a flower in the sidewalk, completely unexpected and against most chances.

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Sastiel Love Week ~ Day 2

Castiel does not understand Sam Winchester. They had told him that the younger Winchester would bring the apocalypse, that he was the boy with the demon blood, that he was destined to be Lucifer’s vessel. They had told him Sam Winchester was the closest a human could be to a demon without actually being a demon.

And yet…

Sam Winchester’s soul is beautiful. It shines brighter than any of the millions of humans Castiel has seen in all his time watching Earth. It burns as brightly as Lucifer’s once did, before anger and hate twisted the archangel’s soul. (Castiel thinks he does not want to see the same happen to someone else.)

How can a boy destined for evil have such a pure looking soul?

It confuses Castiel, and he decides to watch him.

He watches Sam leave Dean in the middle of the night to see a demon. Her name is Ruby, and Castiel does nothing as she teaches Sam how to use his powers. As she feeds him demon blood and taints his body. (He expects nothing less from Lucifer’s Vessel.)

He watches Sam save humans possessed by demons, take them to a hospital, reassure them. (It’s astonishing. All that power, all that evil in his blood, and he chooses to save people. Castiel wonders if anyone else would do the same.)

He watches Sam pray. His charge, Dean, never prays. But Sam does. Every night, after nights with Ruby, he prays. Faithfully, and most surprisingly, for others. (Strange that the man destined for Lucifer is so pious.)

Dean is the Righteous Man, Michael’s Vessel. Faithless. Sam is the boy with the demon blood, Lucifer’s Vessel. Faithful. In fleeting moments he wonders if Sam would have been a better vessel for Michael. But these thoughts are useless, blasphemous, and Castiel brushes them away. The apocalypse will happen, Sam will break the last seal and become Lucifer’s Vessel. His acts of goodness will not matter in the long run. 

When Castiel meets Sam for the first time, he reminds himself of this by calling him the name so many angels have before. Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood. (He wonders if Sam could be more.) But even as the words leave his lips, Sam’s soul shines bright.

______________________________________________

This is perfect.

I love Castiel’s admiration for faith.

I love how Castiel questions, but ultimately follows orders. I love his curiosity, yet he still doesn’t challenge the orders, blindly accepts Heaven’s judgement.

It’s in-character, and expanding on Castiel’s character, and it’s lovely.

I love Sam and his praying. It’s one of those beautiful facets of his character. Also, I love the compare and contrast, you do throughout the piece, Sam and Lucifer, Sam and Dean, other small comparisons in general. I like seeing Castiel’s thoughts within parentheses, it’s revealing. Ah, I could talk forever how amazing this is.

Sam’s soul is truly beautiful.

Also, I think I’d die for how you compared Sam and Lucifer. It means so much to me. Lucifer had a beautiful soul, but he let it get twisted by anger and such. Sam learned to control his anger in the show, and like wow, the comparison.

Also, most of the story is very visually appealing, but like the last paragraph is so stunning. I love that last sentence. And I love the last parentheses from Castiel.

I loved everything about this.

I’m over-the-moon. Thank you, Sastiel Love Week Anon, for being so amazing.

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Sastiel Love Week ~ Day 1

So I’ve been watching once upon a time and this idea just popped into my head so I decided to share it with you. I hope you like it!

~

Cleo: Armor.

Emma: What?

Cleo: My jacket, the one you like to ridicule. It’s my armor.

Emma: What are you talking about?

Cleo: Can I give you a piece of advice? You got to learn how to protect yourself. Look, whatever we find here, that ain’t gonna be the end all be all. Find your armor.

Castiel watches the scene with interest, watches Emma’s face as Cleo tells her her jacket is armor, and as he so often does, thinks of Sam.

It’s rare to see Sam in a single layer, the hunter always wearing several and before today, Castiel had thought nothing of it. But now he notices. He combs through his memory, trying to think of a time he’s seen Sam without his normal layers.

There isn’t one.

He remembers when humans wore armor going into battle, how it protected them from getting hurt. How sometimes it didn’t. Sam’s clothes are a bit like that, he thinks. They don’t stop the pain - pain always seems to follow Sam Winchester - but they keep him from being vulnerable. They’re a security measure.

He’s seen how reserved Sam is, how he keeps a careful distance between himself and everyone around him. Keeps a distance between himself and Castiel. Cas wants to close it.

The wall between them falls gradually, when Castiel isn’t attempting to cross it. The bricks crumble when he talks to Sam about his time with the garrison, when Sam gives him a book to read. Sometimes Sam will watch Netflix with him, and they sit close enough for Castiel to feel the warmth of Sam’s skin seep through their jeans. He takes his trench coat off when he’s around Sam, takes off his shoes and socks when they watch Star Wars.

At some point, Sam does the same and there’s something softer about him, barefooted and leaning against the headboard. It never ceases to amaze Cas how such a large man can seem so small.

After the shoes Sam gets rid of his over shirt. Sam gets clawed by some monster and takes off the over shirt so Dean can bandage his arm. He doesn’t put it back on. Later, when the blood is gone, Cas zeroes in on Sam, clad only a v-neck and jeans.

The next time Sam lets Cas get a little closer, he’s wearing a worn T-shirt and shorts. Cas doesn’t say anything, but he smiles at him and Sam smiles back. The sight of dimples make Cas feel something, but it’s a good something, so he doesn’t worry.

A few months later Sam pulls out his laptop, setting up an episode of Once Upon A Time and Cas remembers Cleo and her armor. He looks over at Sam, blinking in surprise when he realizes Sam is looking back at him. The other man leans forward slowly, until their faces millimeters away from each other.

“Can I?“ Sam asks, low and rough, and Cas gives a small nod, scared a bigger movement will make Sam back off.

Sam closes the distance.

No clothes come off that night, but that’s okay. Sam is holding his hand and there’s promises of more movies with kisses later. Cas can wait.

_________________________________________________

I love this.

I love how Cas pays so much attention to Sam. It’s great to see him tie something he saw in a tv show, to his experiences with Sam, very Cas-like. There’s a slow progression of Sam gradually trusting Cas more and more, ‘letting down more and more of his armor,’ and it’s beautiful. Their relationship develops slowly, and Castiel lets it. I love the line, “The sight of dimples make Cas feel something, but it’s a good something, so he doesn’t worry,” the way you demonstrate Cas’ unfamiliarity with feelings, it’s also so very Cas-like, and I love it. I also love all the thoughts about Sam’s clothing. It’s a thoughtful look at Sam’s character. I really do think it is a bit of an armor for Sam. Cas appreciates Sam so much in this little ficlet. I love the gentle mood of this piece, and how Sam gets to keep his agency all through it. I love everything so much.

I haven’t seen the Once Upon A Time, but the way you incorporate it in, adds to the story.

Ah, I really, really loved it. Thank you, Sastiel Love Week Anon, thank you so much!

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Hey! I'm your sastiel love week anon! Sorry I'm messaging so late, my wifi's acting up but it should be fine for the rest of this week. :) Anyway, just wanted to check in and ask about what you're looking for this week. Do you want to stick with the ideas for each day? Season preference? Rambles? AU or canon focused? Any specific requests and I'll do my best to deliver. :)

It’s no problem. I’ll never begrudge someone for being late, ‘being late’ happens to everyone, especially me.

I’d be pretty cool with not sticking to the themes.

Season preference, oh my god, you’re an angel, thank you for asking. I haven’t finished season 7 yet, I’ve only just finished episode 22 of season 7. I mean, I’ve seen spoilers, and like lots of them, but it’s still y’know..  So if you could write, within season 7 and any seasons before that, I‘d be super appreciative.

Ooh, I’m super cool with rambles, rambles are nice, fun to read. Cool if you do rambles, some days, cool if you don’t do rambles other days, cool if you do them all days, really.

AUs? Canon-focused is always good, but like I’m a sucker for AUs with Boy King! Sam, and Soulless! Sam. (oh note. I typically think Sam isn’t completely dark and evil and bad as the Boy King and when he’s Soulless. I think there’s still part of him that is Sam, so he’s not completely cruel and callous, at least not absurdly so. But I mean, you could write him like that.) And I always love hallucinations, so Crazy! Cas is pretty good, or really, Sam hallucinating too. But for AUs for the setting, I love Cyberpunk AUs.  I’m not very good at requesting, so take these as a very happiness-inducing directions. For specific requests, maybe Crazy! Cas thinking about or interacting with Sam. Cas hubristically rescuing Sam from the Cage. Soulless! Sam praying for Castiel. A cyberpunk AU, and a Boy King! Sam. Maybe, an AU where Castiel shows up way earlier in the show. It’s cool if you do none of those, or all of those, or things that are totally different. Also, it’s cool if you wanna go really sad, or really fluffy, or other directions. Ooh, I’d also be down for you drawing attention to under-appreciated Sastiel moments within the show. And um, just a thing I enjoy, are the first kisses between characters. The specific requests are like just a thing, in case you need them, and decide, “this person is already wowed, but with this, I’ll convince them that I’m among the divine.” I’m already very, very wowed.

I’m embarrassed by how much I’ve used the word ‘cool,’ well, I’m very neat and down for, and up for, and chill with anything. Also, as I said before, I’m okay with NSFW, but it’s absolutely super amazing if you don’t do so, and it’s still amazing if you do.

I’m just very happy you exist, Sastiel Love Week Anon. It’s hard to be specific, when I’ll enjoy anything you deliver.

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Sign-ups open for the Supernatural Eldritch Bang! 

What is an Eldritch Bang? It’s a new SPN bang that focuses on the eerie, creepy and unnatural. Give us all your horror tropes, Lovecraftian monsters, and Gothic scenes.

Whatever scares you, this is the place to write (and art) about it.

Writers must produce a fic of at least 5k words that revolve around any topics that tie back to any related horror themes. Artists will then claim stories and produce one piece of art (or more if you want) for that story.

Challenge will be run simultaneously on tumblr and LJ.

Posting begins on Halloween. Fast, quick and fun. And did we mention scary? 

Any questions? : Schedule : Rules : FAQs : Ask A Question :

Ready to sign up? 

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What is it?

It’s an anonymous love week (everyone who enters will be assigned someone to send anonymous sastiel headcanons to and someone will send them anonymous sastiel headcanons too for the duration of the week)

How does is it work?

We will randomly match everyone using an online matching generator

You will get a URL in your askbox from me August 17-18th

The Sastiel Love Week will be held August 20th-26th

How to participate?

Reblog this post before August 15th

Please put in the tags if you are ok with nsfw or would rather be sent and send sfw content only

Follow the Sastiel Love Week Blog (We’ll be reblogging people’s headcanons there during the week)

Rules:

Headcanons can be as long or short as you want, just make sure to send and publish at least one headcanon a day (you can use ask box or submit (directions on how to submit anonymously here) )

At the end of the week you can come off anon if you want to (but it’s totally optional)

Please tag any messages you receive as “#Sastiel Love Week” (with spaces) in the first 5 tags of each headcanon so we can reblog it to the blog (and you may want to track the tag so you can enjoy other people’s headcanons too)

Theme suggestions: (you don’t have to follow these but they might be fun)

Monday (20th): Firsts

Tuesday (21st):  AU (reverse verse, all human, all angels, a/b/o, coffee shop, college, hs, etc)

Wednesday (22nd): Outsider pov or day in the life

Thursday (23rd): Angst (break ups, misunderstandings,  helping each other deal with their trauma (bc we all know they have a lot), etc.)

Friday (24th): Just couple things™ aka Sam and Cas being in a healthy relationship and just being great boyfriends

Saturday (25th): Episode related (what you think will happen in the next season, things we missed, what you wish happened, etc)

Sunday (26th):   Domestic or Future!fic aka let them be happy™

Questions? Feel free to ask!