shadowysaladbonklover

[shadowysaladbonklover]

It was suppose to be a random Monday

It was supposed to be a typical Monday where I wake up miserable hating myself while looking myself in the mirror , getting late for my morning class . Where I pretend I am enjoying company of a friend that I don't even like or maybe sit alone all day . But it wasn't .what are the odds?

I got to make a friend maybe not even a friend just someone i could talk to or maybe just be myself.

It just happened , my fucked up personality didn't intimidate her iam shocked

And what do I say about her she is this very tiny and cute girl with a very good fashion sense and she doesn't come with any filters she is just raw .

But when I looked inside her I saw pain the pain I feel every morning but she still fight it unlike me who has given up already .when I came to know her i knew her demons because I have them too.

I don't know what she feels about me and I didn't even wanna know neither I wanna take it somewhere but I do want her in my life . Because those 2 hours with her i didn't felt lonely in a very very long time . I am not gonna risk it .

[shadowysaladbonklover]

Patharon ki lakeere the kya mere vaade

Is seene m ghau BN ke rh gya

Tum jheel samundar thi

M to bas aag BN ke rhe gyaa

Sh-1

[shadowysaladbonklover]

[shadowysaladbonklover]

On that hot spring day , I saw her again

Covered in the same colours that brightens her skin

She was there , with her man grabbing some drinks

I saw her again , again I felt dumb she looked me in my eye my palms became numb

The more i saw her the more i remembered the pain . The cry , sorrow and the rains .

But deep down there was still love hidden in all that pain . Which I tried to get her again

I tried to control my senses went for a smoke outside .

As i took a puff i saw a brightday ahead of me full of green trees and birds and a dark bar in my behind .

[shadowysaladbonklover]

white noise

here i sit alone in my room and wonder

when i thought my life will be a movie 

but it is just a viewer’s eye

alone i travel alone i read alone i eat

and alone i sleep

alone in the woods i travel for some thunder 

all i hear is some tree shuttering and animals fumble

i try and fail the loneliness prevails

the books speaks but never listens 

I listen to my fellows , oh i listen and listen 

sometime i feel like a spy 

sometimes i also feel what felt to touch another  human

maybe that is the reaon my skin is so pale and dry

i miss the warmth of a hug maybe that ‘s why i shiver 

alone i drink till whats left of my liver

[shadowysaladbonklover]

The love making

On an gloomy night in my dorm room. I got a notification and I was mesmerised to see that it was from tinder, Finally got my match after 3 hours of joining. The match was this asian girl from my college she looked absolutely stunning in her photos those curves on her bikini pictures was making me desperate to meet her. After few days that moment finally came we went on a date and place where we went was a library cause we both somehow enjoyed silence we talked for hours , I absolutely liked her so did she, so after a week, I was invited to her room and it was pretty obvious that sex was inevitable I was prepared, all those pornography I watch in high school was finally gonna help at last

As we fall deeper into the night , she rolled over me and kissed me and I kissed her back and started to take her clothes off aggressively but she was soft and slow so I went with her frequency and started to make it all natural without a role to play this time I did what i felt ,kissed her where I wanted to and I got lost in her body all the pressure to perform good that day faded and that moment was the real love making the best I ever had the natural dance of bodies and hormones, it felt like weed only with lot of pleasure . The best sex ever

[shadowysaladbonklover]

Here I'm stuck, drowning

With all my hopes too touch the top of the sea

To feel the breath again

remove the darkness of this fathomless

I try with all my strengths,

In hope to touch the top I make a jump

But all see is darkness again

With a breathless mind and weak soul

I still managed to keep some hope

With every move I make fails miserably

Pushing me more deeper into the darkness of the sea

The more I try the more I drown

Here in this darkness I find myself alone

FAr from the chaos of the living

My heart find here some peace

Where the darkness has slayed my sight

My heart has found some light

With last of my muscle twishes I tried my last

Now I no longer see the brightness and the darkness look vast

New world no life, the water filling my lungs

With breaking my dreams and hopes shattered, the sea won

To respect the defeat I calmed my soul

Sometimes it's okay to fall

Maybe you hoped too much for yourself

Maybe you were not enough

When life is all hate and misery

Sometimes it's okay to fall

I'm done with fighting , maybe it was never a win

In the survival of the fittest you were born to be a looser

But in the darkness

I'll be all alone here

In the world where everyone works to be known

You'll just disappear

[shadowysaladbonklover]

On a Saturday night , sleeping on my couch checking out my phone with a pale face my mom comes around , couldn't resist that shoved face of mine asked my worries

I didn't reply she asked again

I didn't reply

Silence erodes

'The world seems to be a hard place , regret, failures, my dreams are shattered

Tired of loosing ,tired of pushing myself further , I have no hopes left maybe I was never meant for this .', replied with tears

'Like my father used to say there is no love without hate , there is no peace without war, and there is no success without failures.'she replies.

I'm just tired mum I'm tired

Life is tough

'So are you ',she replies with a smile taking all of my worries away for that instant

[shadowysaladbonklover]

love

What is love? I asked my old grandmother she got lost in the moment she thought about love. Her cherished smile gave a glimpse how fruitful it was for her .

What is love grandma I asked again , she smiled

Love is what makes a traveller, love is what makes one an explorer , love keeps you alive

It gives you better hopes for tomorrow ,it is love the reason you're still alive and will be the reason for my death too.