shadowayaka - Tumblr blog

shadowayaka · 5 years ago

Text

Rant™: The growth through relationships and how we ignore it in favour of just smashing our otp's together

(FYI: I will use Boku no hero academia's BakuDeku Dynamic as an example in this, but it applies to all pairings nonetheless)

I'm sure we are all familiar with the shipping of two (or more) characters in any fandom imaginable.

What I've noticed long ago, but never decided to speak about in fear of not being heard, is the single-minded way we handle those relationships (me included before I realized what I was doing).

For people like us, except the multishippers, one character HAS to end up with the one we imagine him with. There is no way around, no second way to get to our goal: We just march on right ahead on a wide, open path that brings us to the pair we want.

Let me take BakuDeku as an example. I've just recently seen an Instagram post that also inspired me to write this:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Bkdk Shipper (@_bakudeku_rising_) on Feb 6, 2020 at 9:25pm PST

instagram

Now, I don't want anyone who sees this to hate on them or their opinion. I just noticed, while reading the tags and the comments, that it was simple to dismiss KiriBaku as "inferior" or stupid in comparison to BakuDeku. Because, even if it may have been unintended, that's what this post does. (Still, please don't hate. Stay civil)

In the end, what we seem to forget is simple: Why must the first romantic relationship of a character immediately be the one they spend the rest of their lives with? There are few relationships like that out there, mostly people grow apart or fall out in love again.

As a fanfiction writer (who hasn't really written in years lol) I like to envision complex worlds and complex relationship with understandable, real emotions. That is not to say that people don't convey those in simple stories as well. But what I'm trying to say is, with other relationships than just one in focus, we are able to further the character development of our favourites as well.

Sure, growth comes from within and we ourselves are responsible for it, but that doesn't mean that people we meet along the way don't help us. May it be romantic or platonic relationships, we learn.

So who is to say that KiriBaku hasn't happened but it simply didn't work out? Not because they are incompatible but just because they fell in and out of love, deciding they would move on as friends? And in turn, their relationship helped Bakugou grow, if just a little, so he understands a bit better how to handle himself in relationships in general.

Or Deku and Ochako, playing on the canon feelings but ultimately deciding they just aren't for each other in that way. They will still have taught the other some valuable lessons for their future, and could even guide the other in search of someone they are more compatible with.

The point is, that we lose focus on what's important next to just some kisses and smut from our favourite pair (whichever floats your boat) : Their development.

If we want a story to be believable, it is best to make their experience and their feelings relatable. They may be two dimensional beings in reality, but building complex emotions and relationships can make them appear more three dimensional, more real. And with a pairing like BakuDeku it's easy to see: In their current state, things wouldn't work out in their favour.

Both of these characters have issues (which is relatable) and those issues don't magically disappear when they get with each other. Being with someone you love doesn't immediately heal you or make your problems disappear. That's not what relationships do. They aid you maybe a bit, but the core problem is still there. It's the development that will make the issues disappear.

So, logically, if they got with each other in the current state they would maybe be able to handle themselves for a while, but ultimately fall apart because of the issues they never managed to work on.

Of course, they could try and guide each other, but guiding a person while you have problems yourself can be incredibly tiring (believe me, I know from experience). Especially if you're all alone with it. That's why most people need more than just one friend (and if it's just two), so we can balance how much of our emotional weight we let them carry with us (of course, there are more factors there as well and some people don't share their problems at all). Fact is, one person on their own isn't able to help you grow into someone free of your previous problems. It takes time and others by your side, with different ideas and inputs, to properly heal and move on.

Before said healing is done, you will not be able to have a serious lasting relationship. You need to respect yourself before you can respect others and you need to understand and work on your issues before you can focus on your partner with all your love and support.

In conclusion (what is this, an essay?), to create believable lasting relationships we need to focus on more than just one relationship. Because even if they may just be platonic or not work out romantically, they are still important for individual growth.

As a last little message, don't hate on each other. Don't be rude or disrespecting. Most ships have a believable ground to work on and even if others may not agree with it or see other things as more believable, it does not make the other foundations less believable.

I know this will barely reach any people, but life is too short to be rude. Just enjoy what you're doing, we ain't got all day.

Lot's of love my guys!

29 notes · View notes