sewmybrokenheart

[sewmybrokenheart]

Hindi ako ang iyong KAHAPON.

Ako ang iyong NGAYON ngunit wari ko’y ayaw mo’ng maging iyong BUKAS.

Ako ang NGAYON na ayaw na maging patapon at maging parte ng iyong KAHAPON.

-NGAYON || 13/01/2020

[sewmybrokenheart]

When you see the future with just "hahaha", 👍and "ok" -- it's the end.

[sewmybrokenheart]

Love. Leave. Live.

[sewmybrokenheart]

People change by how they they were treated by others.

[sewmybrokenheart]

Ang Ating Kwento

Ito ang pagtatapos ng isang kwentong kailanman ay di nagsimula. Tinuldukan na ang pangungusap habang sinusulat pa lamang ang unang salita. At tanging “paalam” ang iniwan sa puso mo'ng nagnanais ng kalinga.

Patawad sa mga salita'ng kailanman ay di ko nabigkas. Patawad sa di ko pakikinig sa iyong katahimikan. Patawad sa pag-iwas at pagbabalewala sa pagsigaw ng puso na “mahal kita”. Patawad sa aking unti-unting paglayo sapagkat ito lang ang solusyon na nararapat; At di ang iyong pagmamahal. Hindi ako karapat-dapat sa anumang pag-ibig na ‘yong alay, 'Di dahil sa hindi ko gusto ngunit mali ito simula’t simula pa lang. Ito na ang hangganan ng ating “walang hanggan”.

Ikaw ang pagtatapos na nais kong maulit ngunit may ibang kwento, Kung saan tama na ang lahat– na kahit di perpekto ngunit walang katapusan.

[sewmybrokenheart]

To whoever you are 2/28/18

I wrote poems about you.

It’s all about how amazing you are.

They are secret letters I never sent.

Posting it anonysmously hoping it will reach you.

Expressing it through letters since it is better than words.

Now, I’m writing you another one .

But this time it’s different

Not like the first ones, I wrote this with a broken heart.

Probably the last, that I can’t promise.

Did I write poems about you or was it the idea of you?

Was it genuine or just your creation?

All the colorful poems turned gray.

I was writing about the person I thought I knew.

Turns out, I am wrong

Maybe, this is not the last letter but rather the first.

First letter to the whoever you are.

[sewmybrokenheart]

I prefer to be left alone when I’m upset, I cuss, I don’t always respond to text messages or chats. I wait for like 3 to 5 rings before picking up a call. I’m famous for pushing people away, and I spend most of my time somewhere alone. Why? Because I’m always afraid. That the pain I’m expecting is scarier and more heartbreaking than how I’d imagined it.

d.r.n (via escafeism)

[sewmybrokenheart]

WHEN “BAKIT DI KA PA NAG-AASAWA” TURNED SINGLE-SHAMING

Andito ako sa point ng buhay ko na sa susunod na may magtanong kung kumusta na ‘ko, sasasagutin ko agad ng, ‘Eto nananakal ng mga taong may follow-up question kung bakit di pa ako nag-aasawa.” ‘kase, “Mga pakshet silang lahaaaaaattttt.”

Ang totoo, chill lang naman ako kapag may nagtatanong sa’kin kung kelan ako mag-aasawa. Kasi hindi naman yan ganun ka-big deal sa’kin. Iniisip ko na lang, “Ah baka may i-ooffer lang na life insurance na naka-family bundle or baka gusto lang nilang marinig kung may identity crisis ako or ano.” Ganun.

Pero iba ‘tong nakausap ko nitong huli. Out of nowhere, bigla na lang tumabi sa kinauupuan ko. Nangumusta ganyan tapos ang ending, as usual, yung usapan sa kung “BAKIT HINDI PA AKO NAG-AASAWA.” You know, malaking difference yung tanong na “Bakit hindi ka pa nag-aasawa” sa “Kelan ka mag-aasawa.” Kapag kasi “bakit”, tipong may halong panghihimasok ng pribadong buhay. Na parang obligasyon mong mag-explain kahit wala naman dapat.  Kapag sinagot mo naman sila ng, “Naku. Gustong-gusto ko na nga din. Kaya lang walang dumadating.” Ang ending, it’s either sabihan ka ng, “Eh paano kasi ang pangit mo.” o irereto ka dun sa matronang may-ari ng majongan sa kabilang barangay o dun sa kaibigan ng pinsan ng kakilala ng kapatid niya na nagtatrabaho daw sa Dubai. Feeling leftover ka tuloy na kung kani-kanino na lang ibinugaw para hindi masayang. ( Pakshet dun sa word na “sayang.”) So bilang defense mechanism, malumanay ko na lang siyang sinagot ng, “Darating din tayo diyan. Kalma lang tayo.” Pero parang hindi ata siya satisfied sa naging sagot ko. Para akong contestant sa PGT na kapag hindi siya convinced sa sagot ko, biglang magrered buzzer. So sabi ko na lang, “In God’s perfect time siguro.”Para pag di pa rin convinced ang bilat pwede ko siyang sagutin ng, “So kinukwestyon mo yung mga plano ni Lord sa buhay ko?!!” Pero siyempre hindi ko pa rin sinabi kasi baka bigla na lang magbasa ng verse ng Bible sa harap ko. Pero hindi pa rin niya ako tinigilan. Humirit pa ng,

“Mag-asawa na huy. Tumatanda ka na. Ano pang iniintay mo. Tingnan mo ako kuntento na sa buhay. Aanhin mo yung pera mo kung hindi ka mag-aasawa. Sinasabi ko sa’yo, mas masarap ang buhay may-asawa. Kawawa ka pagtanda.”

Palalampasin ko na sana kaya lang nainsulto ako ng intense dun sa part na “Kawawa ka pagtanda.”na parang may pagbabanta. Ang balasubas niya sa’kin shet. Like tanginamoatehanggangbirthdaymo, kawawa yung tingin mo sa’kin ganun? Gustong-gusto kong depensahan yung sarili ko noong mga oras na ‘yon pero andaming kuda ni ate so hindi ako nabigyan ng chance. Ang nasa isip ko lang nun, gusto kong higitin yung tonsil niya at ibilad sa likod ng ref para hindi na makaimik. Kaya ngayon, hihimayin ko yung bawat salitang sinabi niya at sasagutin ko isa-isa.

1.       “Mag-asawa na huy.”

Baket may patago ka? Sagot mo pa-catering?

Dii ba pwedeng tanungin muna kung kelan ako magkakacrush tapos M.U. tapos gerlpren tapos first monthsary tapos first anniversary tapos kelan magpopropose tapos  kelan magkakafiancée? Then dun mo pa lang ako pwedeng tanungin kung kelan ako mag-aasawa? Nasa Tinder stage pa lang ako. Wala pang nagsswipe right asawa na agad?

Tska wag masyadong feeling significant at concern na parang special mention ka ‘pag nagspeech ako sa reception dahil ikaw ang nag-push sa’kin na mag-asawa ako. WALANG GANON. Hindi ka imbitado. BLACKLISTED KAHANGGANG SA DEBUT NG APO KO.

2.       “Tumatanda ka na.”

“So may countdown? Bakit ikaw ba sa pabata? Tska hindi mo kelangang ipaalala. Nagbibirthday ako every year so updated ako sa edad ko.”

3.       “Ano pang iniintay mo,”

“Wala akong kailangang hintayin kundi ang pag-alis mo sa harapan ko.”

4.       “Tingan mo ako kuntento na sa buhay.”

“Akshwally, halata namang kuntento ka na sa buhay kaya pati buhay ko pinapakialaman mo din. Magyayabang ka lang pala di mo agad sinabi para nainform ako ng mas maaga.”

5.       “Aanhin mo yung pera mo kung hindi ka mag-aasawa.”

“IBIBIGAY KO SA’YO ‘PAG NAGHIRAP KA.”

6.       “Sinasabi ko sa’yo..”

“KELAN KO HININGI ANG OPINYON MO”

7.       “Mas masarap ang buhay may-asawa.”

Eh di good for you. Sinabi ko bang hindi? “Happiness is relative kase. Kaya stop comparing YOUR happiness to my OWN happiness. We define our own happiness so please stop defining mine.

8.       “Kawawa ka pagtanda.”

“Pero meron ding nakakaawa pagtanda dahil ipinagpalit ng asawa sa iba tapos hindi na binalikan.”

Seriously, nakakaawa talaga? Single-shaming to the maximum level raise to the nth power.

Tapos kung ano-anong pangaral at sermon pa yung sinabi kung gaano kasarap ang buhay may asawa na parang kinacounselling  ako sa loob ng  rehabilitation center. Kulang na lang patayin yung lahat ng ilaw sa paligid, itutok ang spotlight sa mukha ko, lagyan ng posas at piring at ipatorture kay Cardo Dalisay na parang may nilabag akong batas at isang malaking krimen ang nagawa ko dahil hindi pa ako nag-aasawa. Na sinasayang ko lang daw ang buhay ko at hindi ko matatagpuan ang ‘tunay na kaligayahan’ kapag nanatili akong single.

Tangina.

WHAT. A. CONCEPT.

Wala akong pakialam kung sila yung pinakamasayang tao sa mundo, deserve nila yan. Deserve yan ng kahit sino actually. Pero please lang, stop single-shaming. May mga taong kuntento na sa pagiging single, sa ngayon. Pero meron din namang struggling pa rin para mahanap yung tamang-tao para sa kanila. We don’t really know what other people are going through kaya wag sanang i-pressure na parang hindi nila naranasan ang maging single. Sila kaya ang tanungin ng,

“EH IKAW? BAKIT DI KA PA HINIHIWALAYAN NG ASAWA MO?”, everytime na magtatanong sila kung kelan tayo mag-aasawa.

PARA SAME CONCEPT. SAME PRINCIPLE. SAME DEGREE. TSKA PARA FAIR.

Be single-sensitive naman kasi.

[sewmybrokenheart]

1. The most tormenting heart break is the loss of a parent, you will cry even years later and it will still hurt the same.

2. You can move on, even though you’re still in love with an ex.

3. A break up can sometimes haunt you, but that won’t stop you from looking for love.

4. Soul mates don’t exist, falling in love with someone who’s almost identical as you, is a recipe for a broken heart.

5. It could take just a kiss to make you fall in love and that sucks.

6. Passionate love is an addiction, that will blind you and everyone else will see it first.

7. Neglecting your partner, can drive them to cheat on you, so pay attention.

8. At any time your lover can fall for someone else, even if you did love them at your best, sometimes there is a greater love out there, do not blame them, let them go and be happy for them that they are happy.

9. It’s possible to let go of someone you deeply love, but we all know thatsome people are irreplacable.

10. Betrayal, will make you feel indifferent about falling in love and you will feel sad because you know you can’t love the same way again.

11. Heart breaks don’t break even, while your trying to move on quickly with someone, your ex feels worst because how could you! Why? Everyone loves different and sometimes heart breaks are so brutal they NEVER, EVER… BREAK EVEN.

12. But you will love again eventually,you will realize you didn’t die from this and love will come looking for you.

13. You will have scars to teach you why you shouldn’t get too attached.

14. Then finally someone new will come to help you see why you are worth loving, why that heart break of yours was supposed to happen, they will prove themselves to you, now it’s your turn to decide if.. you will love again. You will love eventually, there’s always a chance to love again, you just have to allow yourself, and try to forget that you heart never did break.

[sewmybrokenheart]

Are you kind enough to let me know that what I’m feeling right now is not just an illusion that I’ve made for years?

Anonymous (via sewmybrokenheart)

[sewmybrokenheart]

If I'd be given a chance to choose between you who've hurt me from the past or someone who'll love me deeply in the future, I will choose you because you're the only who can love me deeply just like the way I wanted.

I Will Still Choose Us // sewmybrokenheart

[sewmybrokenheart]

Are you kind enough to let me know that what I’m feeling right now is not just an illusion that I’ve made for years?

Anonymous

[sewmybrokenheart]

"Pilit pinagtatagpi ang mga nagkapunit-punit na pag-ibig. Kinukumpuni ang makinang minsa'ng nagbigay init. Nilagyan ng langis ang bawat sulok ng nangangalawang na relasyon. Hintayin mo ako kung maaari, hanggang sa mapigilan ko ang napipinto nating pagtatapos."

[sewmybrokenheart]

I want to be the reason of the many things that you don't want me to be.

M. F.

[sewmybrokenheart]

[sewmybrokenheart]

When loving you is the only thing that’s left to keep eventhough it hurts - so bad.

[sewmybrokenheart]

Once in our life, we have to experience foolishness in our life. Through this, we learn how to avoid another mistake or have any regrets in the future. Foolishness should be done once for a certain situation, for we won't have a masters or doctorate degree, in repeating it a couple of times.