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sevensokas · 2 years ago

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A Brother's Duty

A/N: Alright, so first off, let me just apologize in advance and advise you to get Kleenexes ready because I absolutely cried writing this, but it was knocking around in my head since I watched ToTJ, and it needed to get written. Obviously, ToTJ spoilers ahead. Heads up for graphic description of injury and character death. Also, this is NOT a romantic fic, and if you try to make it one, I will absolutely bare-knuckle brawl with you in a 7-Eleven parking lot.

Thank you as always to the wonderful @teletraan-meets-jarvis for beta-reading this and for encouraging me to post it!

Rex’s boots crunched against the riverbank's pebbles as he paced back and forth in front of the Y-wing once more. His footprints were starting to become a well-worn trail, and he hurriedly scuffed them out with his boots.

Can’t leave a trace.

He knew he was being paranoid, but the tremors still hadn’t left his hands. The blisters from the shovel still burned underneath his gloves, destined to leave new callouses across his palms, a reminder he’d rather not have. He leaned against the fuselage of the ship, scanning the area around him.

Still nothing. Not even wildlife.

He gazed up at Naboo’s moon that was peering through the clouds, his visor reflecting its light in the dark.

I should have gone with her.

Ahsoka had asked if he’d wanted to attend the funeral with her. He’d quickly made up some excuse about guarding the ship. They both knew no one was going to wander down into this valley, that they were well hidden. Ahsoka knew him well enough not to press, instead nodding silently before pulling up her hood and disappearing into the night.

His refusal had been quick, too quick, and now he was second-guessing himself. He wore his armor, but he still felt like an exposed nerve, raw and sensitive. He removed his helmet and set it on the ship’s wing, glancing at it, and for a moment, the Jaig eyes disappeared, replaced instead with a dark blue Republic cog. He blinked hard, but his vision just blurred with the tears that he hadn’t let fall yet.

The Republic that cog stood for is gone. Just like Jesse.

His breathing became shorter.

You know why you didn’t go with her, coward. You couldn’t bear to see more of your brothers.

He was pretty certain at least the Coruscant Guard would be in attendance, and he wasn’t ready to see more of his brothers robbed of their agency, their loyalty. But the truth of it was he couldn’t stop seeing his brothers, even when he closed his eyes. They’d buried so many, and each of their faces was branded into his memory. The ones without scarring or tattoos were hard to bury; they were the shinies, the youngest of his brothers, the ones that might have had a life after the war if they could have lived just one more day.

But the ones with evidence of three years of battles were harder.

They made it all the way to the end and then died for a lie. They were pawns.

Jesse was one of the oldest ones, and finding his body had nearly broken Rex. The ARC trooper’s limbs were bent at odd angles, shattered by the Venator’s crash, but when Rex had removed his helmet, Jesse’s face was largely unmarred, and somehow, that was almost worse. His eyes were closed, and it looked like every other time on the gunship where the ARC trooper had caught a nap just before a big campaign, sleeping peacefully. But his skin was cold and pale, the even rise and fall of his chest absent. Rex had fought the bile and scream that welled up inside of him, exhaling sharply through his nose as his breathing accelerated. It had felt like the grief and anger was about to explode out of him, and Ahsoka had covered his brother’s face quickly. He wasn’t sure if she’d sensed his turmoil or was just experiencing something similar. There had been no tears shed when they’d buried all of them, but Rex knew the grief was coming.

He just wasn’t sure when.

His gloved fingers grazed the thin line that would become a scar on the right side of his scalp that was already starting to heal. A reminder of how close he’d come to killing Ahsoka, and the mercy she’d shown him. He was lucky, and he knew it.

We never stood a chance.

He had tried to reason with his men, with Jesse, and for a moment, he thought there was a possibility they’d all walk away and wake up from this nightmare together.

What a fool I was.

He’d felt the chip activate, he’d known he wouldn’t win the fight against it. He’d held on for as long as he could, shouting at Ahsoka to find Fives’s file just before the chip dragged him under. How could he have possibly expected his brothers to do any different? It wasn’t their fault, but maybe it was his. He’d failed them, left them to die.

No. You can’t do that. They’d tell you the same.

And you can’t change it now anyway. It’s done.

He heaved a sigh, tilting his head up, closing his eyes and letting the cool night breeze graze his cheeks.

I should have gone with her.

But deep down, he knew he couldn’t take one more loss. They hadn’t discussed it, but they both knew Anakin was gone; he had to be. He would have found them if he’d survived, would have commed Ahsoka somehow, but there had been nothing but silence. When they’d heard the news of the Senator’s death, there were no words spoken, but Rex had pulled up the navicomputer and quietly punched in the coordinates to reroute them to Naboo. Ahsoka hadn’t argued, staring out her viewport at nothing. He didn’t have to wonder what she was thinking about.

His memories had turned to the first time he’d met Padmé Amidala. He’d been escorting Anakin somewhere, and she’d emerged from a Senate meeting, almost bumping into the Jedi Master. It was immediately apparent to Rex that she and Anakin were much more than colleagues. Her eyes had lit up when she’d seen him, her hands resting on his chest just a little too long, and Anakin had broken into a smile, his cheeks reddening. There were subtle lingering touches and unnecessary laughter that didn’t go unnoticed by the captain, but he’d said nothing.

And then one day he and Anakin had been sitting quietly together, waiting for his men to show up for a briefing. Anakin had been fidgeting, and Rex noted it. It was well into the war at that point, and they’d found an easy comfort around one another. Rex had smiled at his general, leaning over to watch as he picked at the glove on his cybernetic hand again.

“Something wrong, sir?”

“Nah, it’s nothing Rex. It’s just my wi-” He’d cut himself off quickly, freezing before he glanced over at the captain. “I’m concerned with some things happening at the Senate.”

Rex smirked, keeping his eyes focused on the datapad in front of him. “You know, not all of us are as well-versed in the goings on in the Senate as you are, sir. But, in my opinion, life is short, so it pays to pursue your interests.” He glanced over at Anakin. “In our line of work, tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Best to ensure you’re doing things you enjoy with the people you care about. Even if it does involve politics.”

Anakin had smiled, lowering his voice.

“How long have you known?”

Rex chuckled quietly. “You’re not exactly subtle.”

“Obi-Wan has no idea.”

“Probably for the best.”

“Probably.”

It hadn’t come up again, and when the Senator had started to show with her pregnancy, Rex had never asked about it. But Anakin seemed eager to share with someone he trusted.

“Twins,” he’d said one day under his breath. “Two of them.”

Rex had turned to face his general. They were sitting around a fire, the rest of their men in various states of unconsciousness. It had been a long campaign, and they were all exhausted, filthy, and ready to be done, but the news had warmed Rex from the inside out. He’d smiled.

“Best of luck to their father. If they’re anything like him and their mother, they’ll be something to handle.” He paused. “But destined to be incredible. Just like their parents.”

Rex’s vision blurred again at the memory, and he huffed as he wiped his eyes. He’d heard the Senator’s twins had been lost as well, and seeing that would have been more than he could have tolerated. Padmé had always been kind to the clones, and Anakin had told him how she’d never doubted him, even when he was chasing the unlikelihood that was Echo. He’d often thought about after the war, whether or not he’d be around to see those children grow. He’d imagined Padmé walking the Senate halls with two younglings gripping her fingers, Anakin a respectable distance behind them. He’d wondered if Ahsoka had known, if she would share babysitting duties with him. His chest ached at the loss of that future.

A stone crunched and he turned to see Ahsoka’s figure emerging from the mist. Her eyes were glistening as she brushed past him, climbing into her seat in the bomber. He stood for a moment before climbing in after her.

She said nothing as he powered up the ship, gently easing it off of the riverbank and guiding it out of the valley, racing towards the night sky. He searched for the words, anything that would help. He needed to help her, needed to carry some of the weight. It was what he’d always done throughout the war, trying to alleviate some of the burden placed on the young Togruta, but this time, he struggled.

“I, uh, know someone that can help us. A brother. Well, a deserter, but still, someone we can trust. We can lay low and plan our next move on his farm. There have to be others out there like us. We just need to find them.”

“I’m tired, Rex.” Ahsoka’s voice sounded raw, and Rex’s heart shattered. He swallowed hard.

“Well, get comfortable. It’ll be a few hours at least before we get there, and once we land, we can rest before we get back in the fight.”

“You don’t understand.”

He glanced over his shoulder at her, meeting her blue eyes. They hadn’t changed much over the years. Her lekku and montrals had gotten longer and she’d gotten taller, but her eyes had always sparkled as brightly as the first moment she’d stepped off of that transport as a padawan. But now, the spark was gone, replaced with a dull exhaustion. The ember had been extinguished, and that’s when Rex realized what she was saying.

“I’m done fighting, Rex. There’s nothing left to fight for.”

His tongue darted out to wet his lips. “We’ll find something. We can’t stop. We can’t let them win. We have-”

“Rex.”

His words trailed off. His eyes burned.

“I can’t,” Ahsoka whispered. She turned and looked out the viewport, tracing patterns in the fog left by her breath on the transparisteel. “I thought I knew loss when I left the temple. I’d lost everything I’d ever known. But I knew you and Anakin and the others were still alive. I often imagined what you were doing when I missed you.”

She let out a shuddering breath, and he heard her voice break.

“But now, there’s no one left to imagine.”

Rex’s throat tightened. “We have each other. As long as we stick together, we’ll be alright.”

“Obi-Wan said that once.”

Cody. He hadn’t had time to even think of his brother yet. Or the ability. Cody would have been as persistent as Anakin if he’d survived. He was either under the influence of the chip or dead.

“We can’t just give up, Ahsoka,” he said softly. “I can’t.”

“I understand,” she replied. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Please.” His voice broke, and he finally allowed the tears to come, running down his cheeks, and he didn’t even bother to stop them. He gripped the flight controls even though the ship was on autopilot, moving towards the hyperspace lane. He didn’t resent her for her decision. He couldn’t. Throughout the war, he’d considered what it would be to walk away plenty of times, especially after he’d met Cut and Suu and seen what life outside of the GAR could be. He’d toed his breaking point on Umbara, on Coruscant as Fives died in his arms. How many times had he backed away from the edge? And how could he fault her for leaping off of it? Especially now?

But she has me. I have to protect her. I’ve lost all of my brothers. I can’t lose my sister too.

He blinked, trying to clear his vision before inhaling deeply, letting the reasoning he’d applied a thousand times take over.

She needs time. She came back once. You know she’ll do it again when she’s ready.

“Where would you like me to drop you?” he rasped after a few moments.

“I don’t know yet. Let me think for a bit.”

“Alright.”

They were quiet for a little while before he reached back, his hand finding her knee and giving it a firm squeeze. He turned to find her eyes again, not bothering to wipe the tear stains from his cheeks.

“You make sure you have my comm frequency. You can always come back, and you can always call for help. I’ll be there when you need me. Always.”

She gave him a small smile, slipping her fingers into his and squeezing back. “I know. That’s what big brothers are for.”

He huffed a laugh.

“Yeah kid. That’s right.”

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