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I’ve been…playing DAO recently so here’s Leliana <3

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It's just so narratively crunchy that Spite writes poetry as his chosen form of self expression. Especially given that he clearly struggles to communicate with the people around him, the fact that he writes poetry in the scant moments he has command of Lucanis's hands really cements other textual indicators that Spite is frustrated by his difficulty with communicating. Over and over again he asks to talk to Rook, to be heard, but when he does get the chance to talk, he isn't understood, which must be unbelievably frustrating for the poor guy. So he practices! In writing! And that writing gives such a neat look into Spite's mind and how he conceptualizes himself and his situation. So I'm gonna dust off my English degree and yell about his poetry.

1.

a PEACE

cut from the ALL

golden stranded weaves

PROTECTION CAGE

keep them OUT

keep me IN

As with all poetry, there's a lot of room to interpretation, and I think that's especially intentional for Spite's worldview as a spirit. He's from the Fade, which operates on perception and emotion instead of concrete immutabilities like the material world. That being said, I think this first poem is Spite trying to process and talk about a.) his own violent summoning from the Fade and b.) Lucanis's mental Ossuary.

Spite was ripped from the Fade against his will, a piece of a larger infinity cut and captured. Likewise, Lucanis creates the Ossuary in his mind as a (poor) coping mechanism for dealing with what happened. Spite recognizes this as an attempt to create peace in emotional turmoil.

The golden stranded weaves evoke the imagery used in the narration explaining how the dagger cuts through the Veil. It's visually represented as gold geometric lines separating the Fade from the material world, which may be a hint to how spirits see the Veil: a barrier made of gold strands that has also stranded Spite from the world he knew. Given that Lucanis's mind Ossuary is also a part of the Fade, this same barrier applies here as well, stranding him and Spite from the freedom they seek.

The Veil and the mental Ossuary therefore function as what Spite calls a "protection cage," designed both to keep its occupants safe and keep them contained. Arguably, Spite could also be talking about the magic that keeps him bonded to Lucanis, magic that is likely similar in nature to how the Veil works given that blood magic is what sustains both. Protecting Spite and Lucanis from being hurt further by the Venatori but also keeping Spite from going home. He's stuck in Lucanis whether he likes it or not. This is further complicated by the mental Ossuary, which Lucanis has unconsciously constructed to keep the people he loves out of harm's way (protecting them) while also keeping Spite trapped.

This is Spite's first cry for help. He recognizes that he is trapped in multiple ways: he is forced to share a body that aggressively does not want to share with him, and the part of the Fade that Lucanis is connected to mentally is also a prison, one that does not respond like Spite would normally expect the Fade to respond. Lucanis mentions in Sea of Blood that "The Fade does whatever a spirit wants. Real walls and chains, not so much," but Spite tells Rook in Inner Demons that he can't touch the locks in Lucanis's mind despite it technically being a part of the Fade. My personal theory is it has something to do with the blood magic that bound them together in the first place, but regardless of why, it's understandably extremely frustrating for Spite to feel trapped both in the material world and the Fade, neither of which respond to him as he expects. To Spite, it must feel like the very laws of physics have stopped working as they should.

2.

scentsing the BEYOND

rememburnings from before

when one was infinity

not a small shade

not a SHARP hooked claw

in a gut

takemeouttakemeoutletmeout

riiiiip

Here we get to see how Spite has been learning to use language to artistically express complex abstract ideas, which speaks to him having mature, adult intelligence, given that abstract thought is a marker of higher-order cognition. In this poem, Spite is no longer simply describing his situation as he is in the first poem, he is self-reflecting and forming his own identity.

It's clear in this first line and in several points throughout the game that Spite's favorite sense is smell, possibly because it is a sense that he can unintrusively access and therefore isn't barred by Lucanis. So he is not just sensing, he is specifically "scentsing" what he calls "the BEYOND," likely the Fade, referencing his ability to pull things from it (especially considering that the little icon on an accessible spot says "a sense of something").

But he's not just talking about the Fade as a place, he's reminiscing of the Fade as a time. But the portmanteau he uses here, "rememburnings" suggests an attempt to explain the emotion he associates with this remembrance. The memory is painful. It burns. It hurts him. He remembers being a part of the Fade, being part of "infinity," and now he is only a "small shade" of what he once was.

But that's not all. He's also demonstrating that he understands how Lucanis perceives him, sees that he is hurting Lucanis. He knows that he was force-fed to Lucanis (quite literally according to his banter with Bellara where he says it happened when "They fed me something. Like he was a parasite in uncooked meat."), which explains why Spite conceptualizes himself as being a foreign, damaging object "in a gut." And, importantly, he doesn't take satisfaction from that. The tone he is using here suggests grief and desperation, especially the "takemeouttakemeoutletmeout." He wants to be free, yes, but he also wants to stop being an object of pain. And yet the last line suggests that Spite knows that separation would also be painful. It would be another ripping, because he is a claw now. As much as he is trapped by Lucanis, he is embedded in him as well, and extraction would tear them both apart.

3.

toes wiggle

when he drinks the brew

a small shade

and a wounded spirit

sitting

there is STILL

we are still

there is an INFINITE

there is a SHELTER

there is a STORM outside the center

UGH Spite your MIND!!! This poem makes me want to cry fr. It's so much more concrete than the other two, showing how he's becoming more familiar and comfortable with Lucanis's body and the material world. The tone is gentle, like a relieved sigh, with none of the urgency and desperation of the others. This is the first time we see Spite describe a physical sense other than smell. He notes that Lucanis wiggles his toes when he drinks his favorite coffee, suggesting that this is something Spite feels as an occupant of the same body, though he likes to manifest himself as separate. It confirms that he feels what Lucanis feels through shared senses, though has his own interpretations of sensory input.

Spite still conceptualizes himself as a "small shade," but no longer is he a "SHARP hooked claw." He is still hurt, still affected by what he and Lucanis went through, but he now sees Lucanis as more than the body he's trapped in. He sees Lucanis as a fellow "wounded spirit," hurting and healing in the same way that he is. They are sitting together, feeling together, and they have found stillness. They've finally made peace.

While he may no longer be a part of the Fade as he once was, Spite has found that being and living with Lucanis is another "INFINITE" that he gets to experience. He is safe, sheltered in their bond. It's no longer a cage. It's just protection now. And while Spite can feel the absolute mess that's going on with the world and the Fade and everything they're dealing with, he is centered now with Lucanis, which makes it all manageable.

All this leads me to believe that after Inner Demons and their little coffee date with Rook, Spite and Lucanis are at a point in their relationship where Lucanis is much more accommodating of Spite and where Spite is able to explore and experience the material world with a certain level of patience. He no longer feels like he has to bully Lucanis into letting him pilot because he understands physical space now and can experience things alongside Lucanis as he experiences them. Lucanis is more confident letting Spite speak through him because he's no longer worried Spite will wrest complete control from him and/or do something to hurt them. As Lucanis says in the final romance scene, they're no longer afraid. Lucanis now trusts Spite's reports about what happened and how much time has passed while he was asleep, which suggests that Spite has earned that trust.

At this point, the line between demon of Spite and spirit of Determination seems extremely blurry at best, and it really makes me wonder if gaining a physical body through means other than normal possession allows spirits to develop more complex cognition and emotional versatility beyond just their purpose.

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Recently, my sister finished the last of a set of Stardew Valley Cross Stitch for me. Today the frame I had made for it was finished and I wanted to share it with everyone!

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a collection of my favorite tweets regarding the Ever Given in the Suez Canal

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Not yet, not yet.

Solavellan art inspired by my post-breakup fic

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Something I've really come to appreciate in ME1 is how all three Council members are consistently and coherently characterized during what little interactions we have with them, and especially how they are different shades of pragmatism.

Now this is interesting because when you delineate characters through foil dynamics, you usually give them contrasting traits : a pragmatic character would be contrasted with an idealistic one. Yet since we're talking politicians, idealism is unlikely. What do we get instead ?

Valern's pragmatism is very much all about short-term efficiency : getting the mission done is the only thing that counts. Results are the only things that counts. He's a textbook example of what a cynical pragmatist might be depicted as ; which is perhaps why Esheel, in a Renegade!Timeline ME3, seems to have nothing but contempt for him.

Sparatus' pragmatism, on the other hand, always manifests itself as caution. Did you take this in consideration ? Do you have proof to back up what you claim ? Can you stop being a maverick for two seconds ? Can you conclusively demonstrate to me that you took every other possibility into account and that you did, in fact, make the best available decision ? It's pragmatism but focused on the long term, on not jeopardizing the future for the sake of the present. Strategy instead of tactics.

And as for Tevos, she usually has the last word, always mediating the reactions of her co-Councilors and the Council's responses as a whole. The feeling you get is that her pragmatism is all about flexibility and compromise : what's done is done, what's most important is that we agree on a mutually beneficial course of action. She juggles egos, unruffles feathers and calms everyone down so that they can move forward.

This is very nice because, in a sense, each of them is a perfect vanilla representation of their respective governments, in keeping with ME1's heavy worldbuilding duties : Tevos is very much the compromising centrist asari are supposed to be, favoring people working together (at practically any cost) over what they're working for ; Valern is all about the short-term mentality of the salarians, and the certainty any problem they cause can be fixed no matter what, in a never-ending parade of problems whose resolution cause other problems ; and Sparatus is risk-averse and perhaps the most conservative of the three, in that he is very afraid of any significant change upsetting the status quo, always calculating how this or that decision might change the grand strategic stage of the galaxy.

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Mass Effect Andromeda turned 8 years old today. 8 years since one of my favourite video games ever was released.

I remember how obsessed tumblr was with it, everywhere you looked you saw gifsets of the characters, the Ryders, the romances, it was simply amazing.

I am not exaggerating when I say this game had such an effect on me, finally opening up and talking with other people in the fandom, helping me become more introverted. I made many friends thanks to this game and I still feel joy every time i see them popping up on my dashboard.

I can only hope that one day we will return to Andromeda in some way, seeing the characters once again, here's hoping the story will go on!

Happy birthday Mass Effect Andromeda and thank you for all the adventure you gave us! ❤️❤️❤️

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BG3 Squad & Scratch

Drew these about 2 weeks ago, finally got the guts to post!

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Minrathous' most important citizens

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a little davrin study (based on @lucanis-little-crow's screenshot)! yes i am too lazy to draw armor properly </3

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🌷🌼🌱Kiersau summer 🌱🌼🌷

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So, I finished Dragon Age: The Veilguard this week! (including "the" in the title still makes me sigh, it's so unnecessary)

I enjoyed it!

I had started the game in November, while Lost was out of town at a conference. When they got back, I went back to my very slow Baldur's Gate 3 playthrough, and finally finished that in... December? I think? and then got back into Veilguard and finally finished it up.

I spent quite a while desperately trying to avoid spoilers, and didn't quite succeed.

I am aware that this has been a polarizing game, but I'm only partially aware of the criticisms. For myself, I had a good time. The game mechanics felt very polished for the most part, the combat was very fun, I liked most of the characters, and I was ultimately very satisfied with the ending. It had felt to me for years that Branwen Lavellan was just on hold, waiting to find out how her story was supposed to go, and now she's gotten her ending. I'm glad of that.

Is this going to lead to writing for me? I'm not sure yet! I am probably going to start a new Rook at some point soon, but I'm also very fond of the one I've already played (see previous OC meme).

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More OC Meme

for @bettydice

GENERAL

Name: Lyric Aldwir

Alias(es): Rook

Gender: Female

Age: around 25, I think

Place of birth: some Free Marches city I haven't picked out yet

Spoken languages: Common tongue, a little elven, a little dwarven

Sexual orientation: Bisexual

Occupation: jack of all trades and boss of the Veilguard, somehow

FAVOURITE

Colour: red

Entertainment: is generally pretty easy to please, likes theatre and music

Pastime: wandering around in the woods, puzzles, reading

Food: honestly have no idea about this one

Drink: will try pretty much anything, is probably going to turn into a whiskey person as she gets older, much to my chagrin

Books: reads a lot of trashy-ish popular fiction, doesn't have one favorite

HAVE THEY

Passed university: nope

Had sex: yes

Had sex in public: possibly

Gotten tattoos: no, but maybe in the future

Gotten piercings: her ears

Had a broken heart: no, she hasn't really been serious enough about anyone before now to have her heart broken

Been in love: yes, a recent development

ARE THEY

A cuddler: yes, in private and quiet moments

Scared easily: no; her life would probably be wildly different if she did scare easily

Jealous easily: no

Trustworthy: very

FAMILY

Sibling(s): no

Parents: her dad was some low-level Carta member who died in Carta-related violence when Lyric was five or so; her mom wanted to get away from the Carta and moved herself and her kid to a smaller, quieter town, where she eventually ran a general store

Children: not now, but if they come along at some point, she wouldn't say no

Pets: Assan! I mean, obviously alongside Davrin

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OC Meme: Branwen Lavellan

tagged by @bettydice, tagging anyone who wants to do this

(I was pretty happy with her Veilguard version)

GENERAL

Name: Branwen Lavellan

Alias(es): Inquisitor, Herald of Andraste, probably a few others post-Trespasser

Gender: Female

Age: mid-30s at start of DAI, mid-late-40s now

Place of birth: a Dalish encampment somewhere in the Free Marches

Spoken languages: Common, some of the elven language

Sexual orientation: Bisexual

Occupation: general solver-of-problems, person who is willing to step up and get stuff done while everyone else is still arguing about it

FAVOURITE

Colour: green

Entertainment: likes music and dancing

Pastime: hanging out with friends, sitting in nature counting how many plants and animals she can identify, mending

Food: is not picky but has a weakness for Orlesian pastries

Drink: Dalish homebrews

Books: not really a big reader

HAVE THEY

Passed university: no

Had sex: yes

Had sex in public: probably not

Gotten tattoos: has her Mythal vallaslin still, thank you very much

Gotten piercings: no

Had a broken heart: oh yes

Been in love: yes, much as she might like to stop being in love

ARE THEY

A cuddler: not a huge one

Scared easily: not really, she's been through a lot so it takes A Lot to really scare her

Jealous easily: no

Trustworthy: extremely

FAMILY

Sibling(s): no biological siblings, but clan members who might as well be

Parents: father out of the picture when she was young, her mother is a Dalish leatherworker

Children: no

Pets: no, she moves around too much for it to be very practical