sebenengebe

[sebenengebe]

Halos isang linggo na ang nakalipas ng una kong marinig ang Tapusin Na Natin To nila JK at Paolo.

Ilang beses ko ng naisigaw ang mga katagang,

"ayoko na, napapagod na ako"

pero sa tuwing dadapo ka ulit sa utak ko,

bumibigay yung marupok kong puso para lang sa'yo.

sa dinami-rami ng beses kong sinabi ang mga linyang,

"tapusin na, tapusin na natin 'to"

ganun din karami ang mga pagkakataon na umiiling yung puso ko kasi putangina alam niya;

alam niya kung gaano kasakit; kung gaano kahirap;

kung gaano nakakasira ng utak ang pagkalimot sa isang katulad mo.

hindi biro ang mahalin ka at mahalin ng isang tulad mo.

kahit kailan hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang pagbugkas ng iyong mga dibdib para sa isang katulad ko;

sa pagtanggap sa isang gago na nagkakandarapang hanapin kung saan siya sunod na hahakban.

hindi biro ang dami at lalim ng pasasalamat ko sa'yo.

hindi man ikaw ang natatangi, ngunit ikaw ang nauna;

naunang bigyan ako ng pagkakataon na matutong magmahal at mahalin

hindi sapat ang salamat para maiparating ang nararamdaman ko para sa'yo.

lalong hindi rin sapat ang, mahal kita, para malaman mo kung gaano.

pero salamat;

salamat, mahal ko.

kung totoong mayroon pa pagkatapos nitong lahat, hindi ako magdadalawang isip na hanapin ka sa kahabaan ng dapitan.

[sebenengebe]

I guess it's true when they say, "You can forget about it all you want, but your heart knows"

[sebenengebe]

There are days when I think of you,

days when I remember every detail,

days when every coping mechanism fail,

days when I can't stop thinking about you,

days when things lose value,

days when every waking moment there's nothing new,

days when every day is the same as the last time I met you.

[sebenengebe]

You are the amen;

the period;

the surname;

the okay at every "save as" moment;

you are;

—the end

but sadly, I am not yours.

[sebenengebe]

I don't think I can ever fall in love again.

I don't think I have enough privilege to.

I think I've burned out all of my chances.

I think I know who it really is that I wanna be with for the rest of my life but life really just said, "Fuck you".

I find many people beautiful, both inside and out.

I've met and dated people who are the complete opposite of that.

I can only blame myself for being wicked enough to end it.

And now it looks like, I'm still disgustingly, stupidly, and madly in love with you.

[sebenengebe]

I'm not an expert, I know nothing about ornithology or biology or zoology or wildlife science or animal behaviours or animal intelligence, but sometimes I think about the fact that birdwatchers in Toronto observed a raven learn how to mimic crow calls, make a nest with a crow and raise a pair of crow-raven hybrids the birdwatchers referred to as cravens and I just think. That's gotta be love, baby.

[sebenengebe]

I am a mosaic of everyone I have ever known and loved and touched and I find fragments of them in the vastness of the human experience—life

[sebenengebe]

I yearn for touch and connection. Befitting of someone like me from the YS, usually called the youth sector, but more often than not the yearning one. 

I have loved and been loved by many people. Most are women. A couple are gone already but many still stay without no affection. 

I’ve met a girl whom I think is my soulmate. Recently, the concept of twin flames were introduced to me. and I think I’m wrong.

The first time I met her, I thought, “oh she’s pretty”. Months passed and I met the love of my life. 

She was perfect. I felt at home with her. We were like old friends meeting once again. She was amazing. 

She became a catalyst for me. After her and during her I grew a lot. To higher extents that I never knew I was even capable of reaching. 

It was breathtaking.

Today I realized, she wasn’t my soulmate. 

[sebenengebe]

and to this day I still wonder, was it all really worth it? 

[sebenengebe]

in another universe, I would love to sing you your favorite Orange & Lemons song every single night, D.

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