scrubjayspeaks

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“Medieval peasants couldn’t handle my Spotify playlist” but could YOU handle a medieval bard relaying the epic of Beowulf over the course of an hour? Humble yourself.

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if you think about it, every time we tranquilize animals to transport them safely to another place, we are the sleep paralysis demon

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A spider that is also hands

i made this cursed thing in spore [2008]

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Growing up I was always really skinny but never very fit or athletic. I liked sitting and reading, or playing video games, so I didn’t have much cause to get out and about.

Then, one summer in my early twenties I found I was just a ball of anxiety. I was in a terribly stressful long distance relationship and didn’t know how to handle my overwhelming feelings. So I started walking about it.

I lived five minutes from a stunning state park and decided to just go see it one day. I didn’t make it very far before I was tired. I found a huge set of stairs and gave up. Then the day after that I found a little nature bridge, a fallen log across a stream.

I’d sit and listen to the water or write. Every day I’d stay longer and one day I decided to actually huff and puff my way up the stairs. I was rewarded with a gorgeous river view and every walk after that I tackled the stairs to get to the river.

I’d hang out in trees that overlooked the trail and got yelled at occasionally for startling folks. All summer I’d take daily walks farther and farther, never running out of park to explore. It was peaceful and did help with my anxiety.

One day near the end of summer I found myself in the shower and decided to treat myself to shaving my legs. It is a very infrequent occasion for me, but sometimes I want legs as smooth as a baby dolphin.

I leaned down to shave my leg and froze. There was a bulge on my calf. I felt it with trepidation. I had a tumor. A leg tumor? Did tumors come in legs? I started to panic, feeling the unfamiliar swell under my skin. How common was leg cancer? I still shaved it.

I turned to my other leg and was flummoxed to see that this leg also had a new bulge. What were the odds of having two tumo- oh my god those were muscles. Muscles I’d never developed and never seen before now popped up from my calves after a summer of dedicated walking.

I was so embarrassed to have mistaken muscles for cancer that I immediately went to tell my roommates.

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Phone wallpaper: the ISS caught passing between the Earth and the Apollo 11 landing site on the Moon. (via astrophotographer @AJamesMcCarthy over at the ex-Bird Place)

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seething about the fact that i will never experience photosynthesis in my own useless cells. i bet it feels so good when the light of the sun both warms you and fuels you at the same time. a bone-deep satisfaction mixed with a heated sugar-rush and endless brightness. not that i would fucking know

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Basic Glitch pattern from Modern Groove quilts. No idea how I'm going to quilt this one!

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Do you think they realize how much cooler that makes it sound?

Like. I'm not even an apotheosis type of guy. But you do know that makes it sound so much cooler right?

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I have been hiking through Jotunheim(Norweigan National Park) with my friend and he was complaining about the lack of Ice Giants there. So I drew one for him ♥

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why do people always only expect you to have one thing. one disorder one pet one gender one pronouns one name one favorite movie one crush one best friend. like why do I have an inventory limit

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I humbly submit these fellows for curation

Thank you - do you mind if I ask what the fuck

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did i tell u guys i got into an argument on twitter bc i said foxes are dogs and someone tried to bring up their actual fuckin. classification or whatever and i just said “foxes are dogs cause they are fluffye” and they kept arguing with me. the entire time i was like “you will not survive the immigration to tumblr you are lucky we are not there right now”

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Eva Funderburgh

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Men like to believe theyd be great in apocalypse scenarios but they dont even know how to sew

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Vampires today aren’t as bloodthirsty as they were centuries ago because the average modern human provides more nourishment than 5 sickly Victorian chimney sweepers combined. Woman who eats 3 square meals a day with dessert: are you okay? The vampire who bit her: