scrapbookingwith64gb

[scrapbookingwith64gb]

listen

i wrote you a letter yesterday

i trip over forgotten memories sometimes and sour vomit bubbles in my mouth

i cannot stomach my debilitating habit to look for words that would please you

and my despicable tendency to scratch old scabs

‘when was the last time you thought of me?’

‘sorry’, you say, ‘i do not remember’

//i’m a toddler and you treat me with ice cream sometimes

i have never loved you more//

[scrapbookingwith64gb]

pyaar ki phooti kaudi bhi jama karleti thi

mujhe kya pata tha tu ameeron ke khandaan se hai

[scrapbookingwith64gb]

“you can call me when you need me”

the problem is that i do not need you anymore

and i haven't needed you in 5 years now

the last time i needed you was when i was sixteen

and heartbroken

and when you were sixteen and wonderful

when i was sixteen and alone

and you were sixteen and forgetful

and this is not a testament to betrayal

or an argument to assert your indignance

but a simple story of how your life flowed

and mine ravaged the shores of childhood

i waited for things to turn around

for you to turn around

but it was nature versus nurture

i was made to stay and you were made to walk out

with hesitation, sure, but no remorse

and yet i waited for a long time

but there’s a limit to good faith

and that limit reproached when i was eighteen

eighteen and alone

eighteen and heartbroken

but eighteen and complete

and now you’re twenty and reaching out to me

picking at scraps of my broken life

pulling at threads of the love i've lost

asking me about hopes of the love i wish i could have again

and i am sorry

but i cannot give it to you

this time around, you stay to be needy

and i leave in indifference

the truth is i have learnt to not need you anymore

and you must learn to live with that

[scrapbookingwith64gb]

Table For Two

so i mean when i accidentally make two cups of coffee in the morning

it’s because i cannot admit defeat

my dining table is still a table for two

and i will wait for you everyday just to get stood up on a dinner date we never planned on having

and i will put on the film you said changed your life and i will learn to love it like gospel

so i mean i would like to see your face and the way your hair curls into a scorned ocean wave at high tide

and the smile that could heal a thousand different wounds i did not know needed healing

i would like to trace the lines your palms and the hills scaling the back of your hand

but we don’t always get to have what we’d like

so i mean i do like to dream and i do cry at night sometimes and that’s okay

there’s a deadline on nostalgia but i refuse to ask for the exact date

so i mean i love you like i love the smell of diesel

and i want to tell you how the plant on my table almost died because i watered it too much

you would say i “love too much”

and i would kiss your nose and say “no, just enough”

so i mean when i say i love Song for Zula i think i love it because you loved it first

so i mean i hate the way i’m not the one to make you smile anymore

but also i mean i don’t hate you at all

so i mean i love you all the time

so i mean i really don’t have an answer to your question

i cannot seem to remember a time when i have not loved you

i do not want to live a life where i do not love you