schattenborne

[schattenborne]

i'm just. going to fucking scream, honestly

[schattenborne]

unstoppable force "needing to vent about my life" vs. immoveable object "not wanting to annoy my friends"

[schattenborne]

everyone gets squidded on when i come in the room

[schattenborne]

here we fucking go again.

[schattenborne]

i am so tired. there’s so much fucking shit coming up and i don’t have any energy for any of it. i want to lay down.

[schattenborne]

i am in paaaaaain

mostly because i have a pounding headache but at this point my whole ass arm is itchy and hurts when i put pressure on the wrong parts

also i feel like i am. actively ruining some friendships i have rn and i just. i have no idea what to do right. probably really swallow up every issue i have hahaha

i want to lay down

[schattenborne]

man did i not miss this blog at fucking all

this just in: ya boi is stressed the fuck out and has brought a pickaxe to dig themself even fucking deeper

[schattenborne]

love spending time on tumblr when i don't like the current in joke :)

[schattenborne]

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[schattenborne]

welcome to this week's instance of my brain eating itself alive

[schattenborne]

a friend: i'm not mad at you

my brain: okay but you are lying right?

[schattenborne]

i am. sleep deprived. and in pain. and i still want to be in more pain so badly.

[schattenborne]

hello i am back on my bullshit and isn't it funny how the moment i go back to working after a vacation my sleeping schedule goes to absolute shit

it's already affecting me badly too and it's been three fucking days i am going to fucking scream i hate it so so much

[schattenborne]

hello yes i am still on my shit and i’ve just. been playing shitty fucking video games and sleeping since yesterday and guess what! i feel worse! fuck me!

(honestly on some level i knew i would feel worse but one of my shittier personality traits is that i can’t stop hoping for a different outcome while i keep climbing further into the pit)

[schattenborne]

i used to come home from school and immediately sleep for an hour or two when i was doing very badly and being neglected by my mother

it's been years since then, i should be doing better, i have no contact with my mother anymore and

im coming home and going to sleep

[schattenborne]

[schattenborne]

honestly i should probably go to bed or something soon but like this is the kind of shit that keeps me up at night and just. i wish i'd felt less guilty about my trust issues. like i am always worried people take it personally like it's some fault of theirs i cannot or don't want (i wish it was a choice) to trust them and it's. it's not i want to hold them and tell them it's not, it's just my fucked up fucking brain and i am trying so hard to not believe it it feels like i am eating the skin off my flesh and it's me and me alone.