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adding something to my "adult advice that i had to discover for myself either because no one told me or when i saw adults do it as a kid i couldn't possibly understand," featuring such hits as "grill sandwiches with mayo" and "almost no quality matters more than flexibility," and it is:

clean your house before a vacation because returning to an already clean house is waaay better than sex

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imagine how much more fucked up the history of the world would be if eating someone's brains reliably conferred on you their memory and knowledge

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One of my more outwardly baffling autistic traits is that often I will fully know that you're being sarcastic or joking & I'll just keep talking. I'll respond to it in earnest thinking I'm continuing the bit but I do it too flatly and everybody knows I'm autistic so they'll stop and be like hey that was a joke & I'm like I know

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reblog to give your mutuals a djungelskog

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unrelated but “like butt and ass” has stuck with me. what way to describe something

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love the word lackluster. well it sucks because it’s not shiny

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the robot apocalypse will be caused by people talking about the robot apocalypse so much that the robots will think that’s what we want and they’re just trying their best

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it’s crazy how a double bacon cheeseburger is probably the single healthiest thing a human can eat

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Who up gobbling they fucking wawa i guess

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Computer. Iris by the goo goo dolls. Loud enough to kill.

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If there are trees you aren’t alone

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if elias has no haters me and my homies are dead

finalllllllly getting into the magnus archives and its very hard for me to not google everything people have figured out cause im trying to get the full experience of not knowing wtf is going on for awhile :')