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Woke up to this

Hi kibby

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This is adorable holy shit

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

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Fuck moon’s taking poison damage

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this fibonacci joke is as bad as the last two you heard combined

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Penits

"im not talking about your penis, im talking about the thing on your controller"

this was about joysticks and mario kart

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Me with Rose Quartz

I definitely wasn’t attracted to Castiel, but last night I had a sex dream about him, and now I’m not sure.

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I’ve only ever seen this post on Pinterest

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I want to go home.

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It was more at my mother and the discord I knew you were locked in

I love it when no one fucking responds to me it makes me feel so good guys

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I love it when no one fucking responds to me it makes me feel so good guys

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Anyone else notice haiku bot has been reblogging increasingly horny posts or is that just my feed

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Caveman type art. (Compliment)

One of my co-workers has a standing desk that he uses sitting down. It looks like this

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*walks away with suspiciously Garfield shaped mouth*

Garf content

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Well, it’s that simple now. Apparently everyone is female. Congrats guys!!

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What the fuck

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If you’re cold, they’re cold. Put Garfield in your mouth

Garf content

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Self care is playing dti on roblox (im going to lose my shit guaranteed)