savonarollin

[savonarollin]

Rub that off your fingers. Entrenched as it is. The smell that reminds you of so many nights, years, of life as armchair anthro. Historian. Arbiter of a good idea. Anyone to anyone who will listen. 

So many nights. The cigarettes. The half poems spoken aloud and never recorded. You’re not without a rhythm. Why is that such a hard word to spell? 

And where are you now? Foundation-ed, but who cares? You got your parents a car. You paid that unhappy house off. What’s next, John? None of these things have brought you a charge.

The best gift you ever gave was to your sister. The Tuesday before the weekend of her wedding, you were in New Orleans and listened to Rebirth at the Maple Leaf. That night - you almost didn’t, but then you did convince those guys to play her welcome party that Friday. The way they rolled in! The very distinct sax player who arrived first, eating finger sandwiches from the dinner line, who couldn’t help but be recognized by Meg:

“John, what did you do!?”

John, what are you going to do?

[savonarollin]

What’s there to say

about her new dog? Besides that you hope it’ll be more obedient than you were. 

[savonarollin]

Downhill

How did she remember it? 

In the lodge, empty popcorn bowl and four pint glasses clustered. Stout foam dragging down the sides like a jet trail.

“Where is the server?” he asked. Was it Laura? Laura’s upfront, preoccupied with the bartender. Bartender’s another one of those Australians. Improbably tan in the middle of a New England winter. As indigenous to these resort towns as the maple syrup in the gas stations. 

Two down each and ready for another. That’s how he remembered it. It had been a full morning - early enough out of Concord to reach the mountain in time to park in the front lot and skip the shuttle. It wasn’t quite noon now, but everything is relative at altitude. And when you’re up at 5 on the weekend it’s really 2 at 10. These are the things he told her. 

Clear the table already. We’re ready for another. 

He’d had three of the four, and hadn’t listened to anything she’d said. That’s how she remembered it. 

[savonarollin]

Things that need doing:

- the Suzuki to Woburn so you can work on it. how good would it feel to do that work yourself? 

- A GP appointment w/referral to in-network Physical therapist 

- the legwork to get the other therapist covered by insurance

- a trip to Baltimore to see Meg and David

- some time spent thinking about work. not a lot, frankly, unless you can start putting the things together to take the print mailer program to other markets. you owe those guys nothing at this point, and especially so after the tough months ahead. 

- a large BJ’s giftcard for the folks (after the tax refund) - if this virus is coming, they need to start treating themselves better. Maybe you can also exploit the scare to convince them to move one of the twin beds out of the guest room and accept that elliptical from storage you’ve been offering for over a year

- at least one weekend a month on the trucks (once your posture and heel are better off) for the months of May-August. Learn the names of every single guy on the trucks this summer.

- a couple tattoos cause fuck it. hopefully one of Mendon and Upton at Newport with the boys. 

- a trip to New York without adderall or alcohol. maybe you’ll even learn a little meditation from Dash while you’re there. She seems like a helper

- more or less no additional work to the apartment. You should begin saving as much as possible with eyes towards a move in autumn.

- Maybe a move home, to finish school. To take one more class with West and whatever else is required. Would love to have a grad party in the backyard in Mendon. Invite everyone

- Or maybe to New York to continue the race without. 

- And maybe a garage. Wouldn’t that be something to do with Dad. We could build that, our pyramid in Mendon.  

- Probably no more drinking at all. Not until you’ve had some resolution with Regan. You owe it to her, whether she’s moved on by then or not, to have become a pyramid yourself. A bottom to top limestone shithouse in memoriam. Because if it continues on this way, with her embalmed in the middle of you, she’s owed the best house. And that means to be sober and well fed, to be positive and warm, to communicate beyond gesture that the past four years meant so much and the years ahead can too, because you’ve made yourself ready. Ready for her, or at least half-prepared to withstand the next 4500 years without. Her love was such that it will require her to know that you can move on, too. How’s that for love. You owe her this. 

You can do all these things in the next half year. You can. 

[savonarollin]

New therapist has a lot of unopened tissue boxes in his office. What a flex. "I'm so good at this my patients cry this much." But he’s not gonna get me.

Just kidding I give it like two more sessions.

[savonarollin]

The recent soundtrack to my life has been brit 80s pop rock. 

The soundtrack to changing my life will be silence.

[savonarollin]

I’ll be faster when my Achilles heals

[savonarollin]

And another thing ruined

warm laundry that was once a blanket.

[savonarollin]

Moving around not on.

[savonarollin]

This morning I went for coffee and showered. Like always. But instead of continuing the routine, I returned to bed. There’s something very childhood about laying down with wet hair in the morning. Like a snow day. I woke up much later with water in my ear. Ice in the coffee melted, ring of water on the counter. It was raining out. 

[savonarollin]

Maybe I’ll Start Smoking Inside Now

It’s my couch to darken. My comforter to ruin. My shower curtain to satura- 

- no, that belonged to her. 

Among many things gone now: all the art. The pan for Sunday eggs done her Dad’s way. It’s colder in the living room without the rug. 

By staying put, I took much more. 

[savonarollin]

self-e

[savonarollin]

disengage your critical faculties for a moment. believe that the story around a thing is powerful enough to make the thing.

[savonarollin]

hold onto this concept

http://jalopnik.com/chris-rock-gave-louis-ck-tina-fey-thanks-motherfucker-1512449027

this atmosphere. but not to sort out a movie. rather, bringing people together to solve big problems.

http://comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com/tina-fey-feces-are-my-purview

[savonarollin]

six word zeitgeist

Great Recession. Mild to moderate depression.

[savonarollin]

people get mad at the wrong things, cause they don't always know how to get mad about the right ones. it's much harder.

93% of colonists didn't participate in the american revolution.

give me that other 7%.

fuck trying to rally the 99%. it's much harder.

[savonarollin]

six word memoir

i still wanna Be Like Mike.