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prev profile pic -> new profile pic

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what the fuck ever

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My boyfriend likes to text me via Siri while driving

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i once went to vegas as a child pre smart phones and there was a store in one of the hotels selling gold and diamond phones and i walked right in and pointed at one and said hey can i hold that i might be interested in it and the worker looked at 10 year old me and asked if i could afford it and i told him well ma has been extra generous with the lunch money lately and i've been putting a little away each day and i hadn't checked interest in a bit and he said the phone cost $50k and i stood there and thought for a moment and said well i'll have to do a couple extra chores around the neighborhood but i could handle that if i could do a payment plan and he asked me what kind of chores i did to make so much money and he did not like me answering "burglary"

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huh. so i just found out "Torment Nexus" was invented for that one specific meme. i genuinely thought it was from an Orson Scott Welles novel. my ignorance is an unending source of surprise and delight

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occasionally I am struck dumb by the sublime beauty of the world in the small moments, you know?

egg

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I love uninstalling shit. Get out of my computer.

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fucking hell man every online service now is becoming like Scan your face and bootyhole and provide blood sample to confirm you are over the age of 35 in order to view this post. warning! obscene imagery detected in the post. the photo included in the post promotes unhealthy perverted dangerous behavior i.e. taking off one's shirt. your employer has been contacted.

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I imagine that becoming a parent was a wildly different thing in like the 70s before giving a shit was invented. Everyone just supposed that everyone's gonna do it and you just have your first at 21 after getting married at 19, let them little shits loose outside all day while your husband is at work at the Forever Chemical Pollutant Factory and you're sitting at home drunk as hell breastfeeding the baby. Your eldest Little Ronny Douglas runs in at 9 pm like "hey ma I was crawling through the ditches at the abandoned mine field three towns over and I caught this frog and my friend Donny caught tetanus" and you're just like "yeah whatever that's nice dear" and tap the ashes from your cigarette on the bald spot on top his head. You don't know why that's there but it's been there a while and you've been using it as an ashtray for a few years and it seems fine.

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I love uninstalling shit. Get out of my computer.

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I was discussing representation of gender in fiction and I was thinking about how the ‘dead wife’ and ‘dead mom’ tropes are way too common in fiction and there was a big imbalance in killing prominently female characters.

But instead of articulating that point I just said “More husbands need to die.”

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There's never a polite time, place, or way to say "ohh my fucking god you people never stop complaining about anything do you", but I think there should be.

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There's never a polite time, place, or way to say "ohh my fucking god you people never stop complaining about anything do you", but I think there should be.

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this post is for broccoli fans ONLY 🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦 broccoli i love you

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Nonbinary is a gender though! I raise you: agender until dinner time

confiscating cis peoples gender until they can learn to be normal about it. sorry you spent too much time talking about how men and women are 'supposed' to act, you're getting put in nonbinary time out. sit on the naughty step. no gender until dinner time.