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sashanne-kissing · 3 years ago

Text

you're the only friend i need

sharing beds like little kids

and laughing 'til our ribs get tough

but that will never be enough

Amphibia, “Commander Anne” spoilers

The first night isn't easy.

The decision itself isn't easy— because it's still awkward, no matter how tight their hug was and how happy they both were to finally see each other after a long-time distance. And while they both agreed to discuss their “emotional baggage” later, there's still a feeling of elephant in the room being present and not letting the tension subside. It's only natural, they both realize, that it won't go away without actually touching the subject even slightly, making a move to resolve the problem, but it's a sad kind of thought anyway.

It's a strange feeling, honestly– knowing there's something beautiful and oh so desired ahead of you, but not being able to take a step forward and get closer to the sacred wish. Being afraid of the path, but constantly thinking about what's awaiting in the end of it— a bittersweet feeling with an emphasis on bitter until the first move is made.

Because Anne knows and she feels like Sasha knows, too. That there's more.

More than friendship or partnership or whatever they decided to call it, more than anger or happiness, more than guilt or forgiveness. There's always been more, and they never knew more about it than now, but somehow it only makes things worse.

And the first night is when it becomes obvious.

They returned from their mission somehow satisfied but still tired, and no one was willing to waste their precious time on figuring out their sleeping arrangements (which was, indeed, something that needed to be figured out). So Anne waves the Plantars off, telling them she could use some chatting with Sasha anyways, since they still have a lot to catch up on. It's reasonable enough, and no one questions it. Not even Sasha herself.

“Listen, about catching up…” she says, looking away sadly. They're in Sasha's… room? cave? it's too cozy and lived in to be called a cave, but maybe it's just its owner's presence. “I'm not against the idea, but if you meant talking about our… issues, I think we better solve this after getting some rest. How 'bout it?”

She looks up, an uncertain smile on her face. Anne takes her place on the edge of the mattress, unsure of what to say or do. She definitely did not think that through.

“No-no, I just…” she sighs, smiling shyly. “Can I just be honest and say it was the first thing that came to my mind? You saw those tired faces, I couldn't let 'em worry about me, too.”

Sasha giggles, and it's so silly and happy and genuine, and Anne wants to hug her again. “Yeah, I guess you can.” She looks away again, something she does a lot these days, and her long hair covers her face almost fully. “Same ol' Anne. Always worrying about others and their feelings.”

There's something sad in her statement, something Anne feels the urge to argue about but doesn't dare to. Before she comes up with a safe enough reply, Sasha stands up, suddenly remembering something.

“I almost forgot!” she says excitedly and drags a box out of the corner. “When Wartwood was attacked, everyone tried to save as much as possible. And, well…” Sasha opens the box for Anne to see what's inside of it. “I put everything that was in your room here. At least, I hope it's everything… I'm sure there's some clothes to sleep in, anyway!”

And Anne, in fact, does find her simple pajama clothes, not without noticing how neatly everything is folded. It's warming, for some reason— the thought of Sasha carefully packing her things into the box to take it somewhere safe. Small loving gesture that makes her smile and just maybe makes her blush a little.

“Thank you,” she says quietly, but loud enough for Sasha to hear. Then she notices something purple in the corner, and it captures her eye. “Oh hey, is that my journal?”

Anne takes the diary in her hands, paying little attention to Sasha's breathing becoming uneven.

“Uh, yeah. I- I kinda read one of the pages. It was nothing too personal, I guess, just a little entry about the Battle of the Bands, but um… Sorry 'bout that. I- I know I shouldn't have.”

Anne looks up at her, studying her uneasy expression before shrugging and kicking her elbow jokingly.

“C'mon, don't talk about it like it's the end of the world. I mean, yeah, I'd appreciate some privacy in the future, but I'd be a hypocrite for judging you.” Sasha raises an eyebrow, and Anne cares to explain. “Y'know, Marcy's notes helped me a lot with Amphibian, and I'm pretty sure Marcy still has your Book of Losers somewhere.”

Sasha seems like she wants to ask something about said “help”, but the mention of her journal catches her attention. “Wait, Marcy's the one who has it?”

“Well, yeah. We had a sleepover in the castle once, with Sprig and Polly, too, and we had to write down everyone because no one was brave enough to actually agree to a dare.” For a moment, she regrets mentioning the sleepover, a little afraid of the girl's reaction, but Sasha only laughs, throwing her head back like a kid. Something warm lays in Anne's heart and she smiles, seeing happy tears in the corners of her friend's closed eyes.

“Oh yeah, I'm not surprised.” Sasha laughs, wiping away the tears. “You guys were always like that. It's kind of cute, I gotta admit.”

“I guess you can say that.” Anne smiles back. “I mean, since you're the only one who never got in the book.”

Sasha takes a deep breath and throws herself on the mattress, looking up to the ceiling thoughtfully.

“I still miss it, y'know.” she says, her voice low and quiet. “I know I wasn't the best person back then, not even a good one, but… I miss those moments. I- I liked them.”

The weight on the mattress shifts, and Anne lays next to her, staring somewhere above her as well.

“Me too.” she tells the simple truth, but somehow it doesn't feel enough. “Look, I know I said we'd work out our emotional baggage later, and don't get me wrong, we definitely will, but I feel like you should know it now, before anything else.” she feels Sasha tense but turn in her direction, so she decides to continue. “You were never a bad person. Neither of us were. We had our moments, and well, yeah, you had a lot of those, but… The thing is, there was always good in you, I always knew that, and I'm just glad you're trying to show it now. I- I'm glad you're not trying to hide it anymore. I really am.”

Anne feels her face heat up and closes her eyes, before the urge to look at Sasha overtakes her and she says more than she probably should. But they snap open anyway, when she feels her breath on her neck in a quiet whisper, “me too”.

Her heart is beating a little bit too fast to her liking, but this moment feels too fragile to even think about doing something that could break it, so Anne does her best to not go insane under the weight of everything she experienced today.

Eventually, Sasha pulls away and sits up, and Anne finds it ridiculous to miss the extremely sped up heartbeat, heat in her cheeks and the absolute mess her head is, but she does.

“I- I don't even know what to say to that, if I'm honest.” Sasha admits, and Anne thinks how good the “I love you” would be. She doesn't say it, of course, just stares at the girl, while her brain tries to resume the thinking process.

“How about you take off your cold heavy armor and just rest for a bit, huh? That'd be nice after such an eventful day, don't you think?”

Sasha murmurs “yeah, you're right” and does so, while Anne takes a moment to change herself. She realizes how she's actually tired, then— because her old T-shirt and simple dark shorts feel so warm and cozy that it's almost enough to knock her off to sleep, and she allows herself to enjoy the feeling comforting her after a long day.

Then Sasha lays down next to her, and Anne tries her best to picture this moment with her brain to have it in mind for the entirety of their lives, because it's the most precious sight ever— Sasha, in her simple pajama, if you even can consider that a pajama, with her long messy hair all over the pillows and the most genuine shine in her eyes. It's familiar, but it's different, and she can't bring herself to touch the surface of its meaning just yet, but she allows herself to touch Sasha's face. And it's familiar, and it's different, and it's everything she's ever wanted, and it's not enough.

Anne wraps her arms around the slightly shaking girl (she somehow accepted the fact that for now, Sasha's reaction to her touch is unsure because of the guilt; that doesn't mean it's unpleasant, even though if she asked her to, she'd slow down with affection. She knows she won't, though), and Sasha hugs her back, sighing contentedly into her shoulder.

“Hey,” Anne calls out to her, voice as quiet as possible, trying not to ruin the atmosphere, “I'm glad we talked for a bit. How 'bout having these kinda talks before going to bed more often, mhm?”

She feels the warmth of her breathing against her collarbone, and somehow, she can tell Sasha's smiling.

“I- I'd like that.”

Her voice is a bit shaky but genuine, and Anne can't stop herself from leaning down and kissing her forehead— just a light touch of the lips, small contact that makes them both get lost in the storm of thoughts, but at the same time brings comfort and peace.

They both know, the thought appears in her mind for a moment. Deep down, they both know what it means, and they'll talk about it later. After getting some well-deserved sleep or after winning the war— she doesn't know exactly. But she knows that they will, and for once, it's enough.

The plan is simple, really. Anne sneaks out every night to sleep in Sasha's room, just to talk about stuff and cuddle, and neither of them question it. If the Plantars ever care about Anne missing in the morning, she wakes up early for her co-commander's duties, whatever they are. If they question her missing at night, well… she's probably just can't sleep for some reason, right?

In fact, she realizes that no one would question her wanting to spend more time with a friend she hasn't seen for so long. Especially considering they both are the leaders of the resistance, which means planning their moves together and, more importantly, risking their lives regularly, so it's only natural to want to share some moments now.

But their little moments of comfort are something that's too intimate and personal and only theirs, and she doesn't want anything else outside of their little dusty room to ever touch it. It's something so close to her heart, and she wants to keep it just where it is, between two loving souls.

Sasha would laugh at this saying, but as long as she's here in her arms, Anne can't bring herself to care. She can laugh for forever, if it means Anne gets to see her smile and hear her happy voice, and she knows that Sasha would laugh, but wouldn't disagree.

There's something about it. About knowing things that they simply don't question. Intertwined fingers, touches on the cheeks, hands in the hair, arms hugging from the back when it's hard to fall asleep.

uneven breathing, sped up heartbeats, soft lips connecting, the world spinning—

It's just how they are. Talking about their hard past every night for the sake of their better future. Reassuring with comforting words, tight hugs and oh god, anne never thought she'd die to keep close to her heart and soul something as simple as a kiss.

It doesn't need an explanation, at least not for now. All she knows is that there's them, and it doesn't matter what they'll decide to call it. In the middle of the war, with everything being so strange and unfamiliar and foreign, it's the thing she knows the most, and she knows damn well she'll love it no matter how they put it. It's just them, and they're enough.

#ao3 is lesbiphobic for making me wait 10days 'till i get my invitation #literally what the hell what if i want to post my gay shit now #they're making me so ill it should be illegal #in commander anne sasha is revealed to be attracted to women #i mean to me she definitely was #what if we share a bed while being leaders of the resistance in another world #and we were both girls #ao3 made me enter my reputation era btw #sashanne #sashanne kissing #sashanne sharing a bed #next step is sashanne living their lesbian dream with 3 cats #*insert any of taylor swift song here* it's them #always them #her past her life now #i should shut the fuck up #is there a tag limit #i hope there is #because i should be stopped jokes aside #omg did you know they kiss in their spare time #and call it commanders meetings #this is a partnership #GOOD LORD #i really should stop #can i tag spoilers here #amphibia spoilers #commander anne spoilers #i have no idea how tumblr works thank you #i'm only doing this because ao3 is homophobic slash jay #and here's the tag limit

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