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Kaneki’s Represed Memories

Spoilers for the latest chapter reveal that Kaneki has 2 layers of repressed memories as a coping mechanism for childhood abuse. 

Twisted Hel Scans (unless otherwise noted)

tg ch 140 pg 4

Notice how Mrs. Kaneki does not turn her head and look at her son when she says “Welcome back, Ken”.

She is wearing dark clothing and hunched-over like something sinister.

tg ch 140 pg 5

When Kaneki wants his mother to look at him, he means he wants her to love him, but she does not. Instead, she calls him a strange child. After that, the scene ends because this might be what happened:

tg:re 53  (korean scans)

Yeah…

tg ch 140 pg 10-11

Notice how Kaneki says his mom was great until nighttime. 

tg ch 62 pg 6

Yes, Mrs. Kaneki acted like the perfect mother during the day, but violently abused Kaneki at night. 

tg ch 140 pg 9

Shironeki takes Chibi Kuroneki away before the bad memories that come with night take hold. Shiro continues leading Kuro away on the next page (tg ch 140 pg 10-11). Kuroneki is lying to himself when he says his mom is great and he wants to be like her, since he is rubbing his chin, and Shironeki notices.

tg ch 140 pg 12

Shiro apologizes for becoming a monster like his mother in real life.

tg ch 140 pg 13

Kuro realizes Shiro was born because he lied to himself that his mother was kind. He ended up believing he only deserved to take abuse and not defend himself. This was belief held so strongly that the only why to survive was to break. Even when Kaneki was under torture, he was unable to think of his mother’s dark side, so Rize was a sort of substitute. When he “ate Rize”, he subconsciously also “ate his mother” and became a monster.

tg ch 62 pg 13

Mrs. Kaneki and her sister might have grown up in a very demanding and possibly abusive family. Perhaps, she was the overachiever that lived up to her parent’s expectation, while her sister failed to do so. Her sister may have been punished and/or denied the same resources given to Mrs. Kaneki. 

ch 62 pg 8

Mrs. Kaneki may have felt that she had to make it up to her sister no matter how unreasonable it was.

ch 140 pg 7

Maybe she found some happiness with Mr. Kaneki, and blamed Kaneki for his death. Kaneki does not remember his face, much less how he died, so maybe Mr. Kaneki sacrificed himself for his son. 

ch 62 pg 14

Afterwards, she tried to protect something she never had in the first place: her sister’s affection, while pretending she loved her son. Perhaps, she did love her son and did believe that it was better to suffer than to let others suffer, but broke under the pressure of upholding this value when Mr. Kaneki died. She ended up hating everyone and taking it out on her son. 

Of course, little has been revealed about Mr. Kaneki other than his love of books.

tg pg 4

Kaneki was definitely heavily influenced by his books.

How many books mentioned in Tokyo Ghoul were from his father?

What does it say about his character? 

Was he an abuser? That would change theory behind Mrs. Kaneki actions a whole lot. Perhaps she tried to raise Kaneki as a son, but saw him as a monster.

Was he the abused? Did he have a childhood similar to Kaneki’s or was he a member of the CCG. It is implied that Arima and Hairu were raised strictly to be soldiers, without formal education, in the Sunlit Garden. Basically, they were trained to live only for battle, and they trained others, such as Haise, to take after them. Mr. Kaneki might have received this training. He might have seen the truth of the world, like Amon did, and sought to break free, which would explain why he is dead, or at least missing. 

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Cardcaptor Kaneki and Entourage XDD

Randomness after the pain of Re 57 TTwTT

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(2) and you made me love characters and things i really didn't care about before and i cannot thank you enough ! ccg spy hide stole my heart, it's so fitting ! i'm so happy they live all 3 together (you made me ship it) it's such an awesome fic, i literally couldn't put it down because i NEEDED to know what was coming next ! your characterization of everyone is so good (like really REALLY good omg)

First off, lemme say thanks for all your messages! Stuff like this really makes me really happy! I got the ones labeled 2-9 though I think it might have cut off the first one.

I’m glad you’re enjoying APoF, even all the little unpolished bits I post on my tumblr. I’m really sorry chapter 16 is taking so long. I keep wanting to add extra scenes to it, but they never quite fit. Maybe I should stop fighting my writing, and just post the chapter…I can always add the extra scenes that don’t make it here on tumblr, I guess.

Actually, here, have a scene that didn’t quite make it to chapter 16, even though I kinda wanted it to. Sorry for the lack of editing/neatness/completeness.

(Excerpt)

“I can’t believewe’re actually doing this,” Kaneki sighed, leaning against thekitchen counter, “Do you think everything will go well during thismeeting?”

Hide shrugged,“Well you know, hope for the best, prepare for the worst. At leastwe’ll all be in this together.”

“'All’?” Kanekiechoed, “Hide, you don’t think—you’re not coming, are you?”

“I already tookoff work,” Hide replied, “Of course I’m going! It was my idea.”

Kaneki’s face wentgray, “Hide…have you thought about how dangerous—”

Hide cut Kanekioff, “It’s no more dangerous than my actual job. I’m human, notdefenseless.”

“You’ll be foundout in an instant!” Kaneki protested, “They’ll kill you!”

“I’m not goingthere dressed like a CCG agent,” Hide scoffed, “I’ll be wearing amask, and if you’re worried about scent, don’t be.”

“Hide’s beenliving with us for so long, his human scent is partially masked byours,” Touka agreed hesitantly, “And if he borrows clothes from aghoul, his scent would be completely hidden.”

“I’ve done itbefore,” Hide said, trying to soothe Kaneki’s worry, “I’ll bringa hidden quinque, and a bunch of other fun surprises. I know what I’mdoing.”

Kaneki didn’t lookconvinced, “Hide…”

“Kaneki,” Hide sighed, “I’ma CCG agent. Hell, I’m also a spy and a ghoul sympathizer. Going withyou guys to meeting with Aogiri isn’t any more dangerous than what Ido everyday.”

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Scenes that didn’t make it into APoF 16

Sooo I’ve been working on APoF 16, and I’m the kind of person that keeps prodding at stuff. I have a couple of scenes that were originally slated to go into chapter 16, but just didn’t make it, and I can’t get them to fit nicely. There are various reasons why they didn’t fit. Either the pacing would have been thrown off, or they just seemed a little off.  

In any case, I decided to post them here. They’re unedited, unfinished, and really rough cut, but I kinda liked them, so here they are.

Hope you enjoy.

(Excerpt 1)

“You’re holding back,” Yomo informed her bluntly, clearly displeased with how their spar went. Touka’s fists clenched.

“I’m doing my best,” she retorted.

Yomo shook his head, “You only brought out one wing.”

“My kagune has always been like that,” Touka shrugged. Yomo stared at her, assessing her coolly. Eventually, she started to squirm under his gaze.

“What?” she snapped.

“Motivation will bring out the second,” he declared after another moment. Nodding to himself, Yomo settled into another ready stance and beckoned to his student.

“Touka. Again.”

(Excerpt 2)

Hide stared in open mouthed shock at his usually demure roommate’s ensemble. Kaneki was wearing a skin tight suit of black leather with various cutouts that revealed his pale skin. Hide’s mind broke a little when he realized that almost all of Kaneki’s back was exposed.

“What are you wearing?!” Hide shrieked, a hot blush coloring his cheeks and trailing down to his neck.

Kaneki blinked, confused, “Uh, my new battle suit?”

“Tsukiyama made this for you didn’t he?” Hide groaned, covering his face with his hands, “Holy crap, people are going to stare!”

While it wasn’t the craziest outfit Hide had ever seen on a person, this was Kaneki here. Kaneki’s wardrobe consisted of cardigans, button ups, and all sorts of frumpy clothing. Kaneki didn’t wear…well he didn’t wear that. It was all sorts of scandalous that Hide didn’t equate to his bookworm friend, and it was hurting his mind.

“Please cover up,” Hide begged weakly.

Kaneki tilted his head, not understanding, “Why?”

(Excerpt 3)

Eto tapped her pen against her lips thoughtfully and sighed. Her latest novel was almost complete, but the last few scenes needed to be finished up. Ah well, she had been working at it for too long already–time to take a break. She stood and stretched, sighing as her joints popped.

Eto padded over to the fridge and pulled out a Tupperware container. Snack time. She placed the plastic container on her small kitchen table and took a seat. The table was covered with various photographs and papers, but she didn’t bother to move any of them before she started to eat. In fact, as she cracked open the lid of the Tupperware, she fiddled with a few of the pictures, casting a critical eye over the images as her other hand rooted around the container. She withdrew a chunk of raw meat and placed it in her mouth, lips sucking on her reddened fingers.

Delicious.

Eto smirked as she dragged blood coated fingers over a photo, effectively smudging out a shyly smiling face.

“Let’s see what you got…Anteiku.”

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Ughh i'm so annoyed. Why does everyone try to frame Arima as a good parental figure to Haise. Like why

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the devil ape and black dog

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I can’t believe this is my first art of 2016

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I JUST LOOK MORE DEEPLY AT KANEKI/HAISE ID

AND I JUST 

IT’S FUCKING 1 AM

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chronological compilation of (most) my TG graphics from the past year + sped up unravel lol

meant for youtube but thought i’d post it here as well for fun ^^

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Stuff the anime fucked up:Kaneki Ken did some bad things edition

I find it funny that although the anime made Kaneki join the bad guys, they completely removed anything morally ambiguous he did.

Manga Kaneki did some…questionable things, to say the least. Such as…

Calmly thinking about interrogating someone by cutting their limbs off.

The massacre at the ghoul restaurant - look at all those bloody limbs just strewn all over the place

These ghouls aren’t even trying to fight him, they’re running away scared

Threatening Madam A with the same torture he was subjected to.

Threatening Madam A again - look at her, she’s terrified of him.

Even in :re, she’s still scarred by the experience.

Torturing Ayato, who is about 14 here, while Kaneki is an adult.

Planning to eat Shachi - and you’ve got to admit he looks pretty downright villainous doing it. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this is the one just prior to his kakuja transformation either.

This stuff is pretty damn important - it’s a vital part of his character development, and shows him going further and further down dark paths to fulfil his goals, and shows just how much he’s really changed.

Not showing it makes things like his centipede kakuja lose its impact - in the manga it was in the culmination of his six month rampage of revenge, and was the point he finally realised just how far gone he really was. In the anime, it happened seemingly out of nowhere (not to mention had no satisfying conclusion due to missing the Banjou stabbing/cooldown scene). It’s not a little thing that can be ignored, like the anime did, and one of the many, many reasons I’m hoping there’s no season 3 (by pierrot that is).

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Tokyo Ghoul and the Violent, Dominant Woman: pt. 3.

So each of these posts (1, 2) has focused on the specific type of violence that the women listed engage in. Pure sadism is a different form of violence from fighting (especially for one’s life or against those who would prefer to kill one), and both of those things have marked differences from straightforward abuse. It isn’t that abuse can’t involve sadism or fighting, but more that the psychological mechanisms are specific. 

Additionally, and I feel that this is important, abuse survivors who were abused by women are underrecognized and undersupported. This is a huge issue (at least in America, where I’m from), and means that those who are abused by women have less resources and fewer places to turn for help and understanding. I’ve studied this phenomena to some extent, but not enough as I would have liked. Anyway, what’s fascinating is that Ishida gives us three different types of abuse by female parental figures in Tokyo Ghoul: physical/sexual abuse, emotional/financial abuse, and neglect. For this meta, I’m only looking at the first two (in keeping with the “dominant woman” theme), but I intend to explore the third (Kaneki’s mom) in a later meta. 

The Abusers

1. Big Madame (physical/sexual)

Many people find Juuzou’s backstory to be especially disturbing, and for good reason. Juuzou was a victim of human trafficking who was purchased by Big Madame at a young age. Juuzou was forced to perform in death-defying ways, such as dodging flying knives:

Was treated like a pet, not a human, and was regularly dressed up like a girl. I think it can be reasonable assumed that he was sexually abused by Big Madame as well, but regardless of whether or not she molested him, she did take it upon herself to smash his genitals with a hammer, destroying his chance to mature naturally. She also taught him to view pain as pleasure/reward, and tortured him to such an extent that he literally lost the ability to feel pain as anything else.

(The butterfly in the spider’s web, I think, says it all.)

She forced him to kill and torment other human being’s despite his extreme aversion to it. He threw up for three days afterwards, but she praised him and he kept doing it. What other choice did he have? 

However…Big Madame is not simply a pure sadist. Her relationship to Juuzou has complications which we only learn about in :RE. 

She found pleasure in treating Juuzou like a child, playing with him, reading to him, teaching him about the world. And Juuzou really does consider to be a mother figure. Though he acknowledges that all she ever gave him was scars, he also says he bears no grudges. And when she tells him that she never loved him, Hanbee covers his ears so he doesn’t have to hear it. 

The sex/violence dichotomy in their story is fairly explicit

As uncomfortable as it may be, this scene illustrates that perfectly. Putting your fingers in another person’s mouth is a form of penetration…and she wasn’t shy about it at all, making it reasonable to assume that this wasn’t the first time she’d done this to him. Juuzou doesn’t seem to shy away from it either; he’s been taught to acquiesce to anything she does. 

She says that he was easy to bend to her will, that that was the reason why she kept him around, and it appears to be true. Which is interesting, considering how difficult it is for anyone else to accomplish this same feat with Juuzou….but that’s another meta for another time. 

2. Kaneki’s Aunt

Kaneki’s aunt was, to put it mildly, a shitty person. She financially abused her sister, who literally worked herself to death in order to help her. When she died, Kaneki’s aunt took him in, and though she treated him nicely at first, she came to resent him for his high grades. 

She starts to verbally abuse him, and eventually completely cuts him out from their family’s life. 

It’s revealed in the novels that she also threw all of his father’s books away at some point, though Hide assisted Kaneki in getting them back. 

This instance certainly diverges from all of the previous instances in that it is neither physically violent nor erotic. But violence is still being done, here, and it is important to recognize that violence can be emotional as well. Taking a child in only to tell them how awful they are, only to destroy their belongings, only to isolate them from the family does violence to a person’s psyche and to their emotions. 

***

So that’s it. 10 Dominant/violent women, 3 different types of violence, a great deal of eroticization, and a lot, a LOT of pain. I don’t want to draw any conclusions, really, about why Ishida focuses so much on these types of women or on the mixture of death and beauty, or pain and pleasure, or violence and the erotic. But I do find it quite fascinating. 

It’s been mentioned the the violent/erotic dichotomy is present in any of the male characters as well, and that’s very true. I’m contemplating that right now, so perhaps it will be the subject of future meta! 

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Kaneki was raped and therefore not a virgin

Get ready??? For some crack????

Trigger warnings: Rape, Sexual abuse

Contains spoilers from chapter 121 and onward

Basically, I found the conversation between Touka and Kaneki about Kaneki’s virginity mysteriously vague, and knowing Ishida, I think it was for a reason?

PART 1

So to start off, this theory mostly builds off the theory that Kaneki was raped/sexually abused during his time with Jason.

Yamori has sexually abused his victims in the past

tokyo ghoul, chapter 61, page 4

Not only is there blood around the person’s genital area, there are also some messily wrapped bandages, implying genital mutilation.

Kaneki’s pants

tokyo ghoul, chapter 61, page 2

If you look at his pants, the zipper is down and there’s blood near his genital area.

Cut Achilles Tendons

tokyo ghoul, chapter 62, page 1

The scars at the back of Kaneki’s ankle are from cutting his achilles tendon. When your achilles tendon is cut, you are unable to walk.

However, with all the RC suppressant and heavy chains, there was already a very low possibility Kaneki would be able to escape, regardless if his achilles was cut or not. His regenerative abilities would also make cutting his achilles pretty useless as they would heal up quickly after.

Thus, reason Kaneki’s achilles tendons were cut must’ve been because he was repeatedly taken off his chair to do something.

Injury X-Ray

tokyo ghoul:re, chapter 37, page 7

This is an x-ray of all the places Sasaki/Kaneki had gotten injured. The bright white spots on the pelvis imply he was injured there, possibly due to genital mutilation or sexual abuse.

PART 2

Reaction to Touka

To start off, remember that not once does Kaneki deny being a virgin. My guess is there must be a reason Ishida didn’t choose Kaneki to explicitly say no, or even hint at saying no. All Kaneki does is think about how awkward and sudden the topic is.

tokyo ghoul:re, chapter 122, page 2

tokyo ghoul:re, chapter 122, page 3

Not only serious, but in these two panels Kaneki looks sad. Instead of becoming all flustered like one might expect, he’s quiet. Between much of what Touka says are long, awkward, pauses.

tokyo ghoul:re, chapter 122, page 3

Even when Touka mentions how uncomfortable Kaneki looks, Kaneki’s expression is still serious with a hint of sadness.

tokyo ghoul:re, chapter 122, page 4

And we KNOW Kaneki can feel embarrassed, as he does here. He can look flustered and speechless like any other person. However, this is only after Touka mentions sex between her and Kaneki specifically.

Conclusion: During Kaneki’s time being torture by Jason, he was raped/sexually abused, which explains the behavior and sadness in his expression when talking about his virginity with Touka.

Of course, this is just a theory and I could be completely off. I mostly wrote this to have fun share my thoughts. However, I know Ishida often puts lots of subtle foreshadowing throughout his writing, so I guess we can’t know for certain until we have any new information. Let me know what you think!

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More revelations about attachment in Tokyo Ghoul

A long while ago, I wrote a long analysis on the recurring theme of attachment in TG and early parts of TG :re (here). Since then, the concept became even more frequently reiterated in TG :re, especially by Eto, as in the case of Kanae.

I would love to talk about Kanae, but I guess I would need a separate post and possibly more information for that. So, for now, I think I need to say briefly about the newly released chapter 53 which makes a significant revelation that I need to add to my original post!

Up to now, we had been led to believe by Kaneki’s (distorted) perception of his mother that she is consistently kind and caring.

This ‘fact’ is repeated over and over again in Tokyo Ghoul, with absolutely no mention of abuse of any kind.

So, of course, you would be surprised at first that in Tokyo Ghoul :re chapter 53, Kaneki suddenly went back on what he had said so far about his motherly figure:

You might immediately be confused and even conflicted about this. Why now? Why did he express such an overflowing love for her if she really did provide him with a secure, loving upbringing?

And why would…

According to one theory of attachment, your childhood relationship with mother is very important for all kinds of future relationships (including peer and romantic).

So why would he, who supposedly have ‘a good first few years of relationship with his mother’ develops an anti-social, introverted personality with mother complex?

The reason is probably because Kaneki repressed some of his memories when it comes to his mother until now. This is certainly possible psychodynamically through the ego defense mechanism of repression - your unconscious protects your sanity by repressing unpleasant memories away so you forget it.

But, wait a minute, does that mean Kaneki had been completely lying about his mum all this time. The answer is NO.

It’s most likely that his mum is indeed kind to him sometimes, but there are times when she gets brutal and abusive. And it’s the latter part that Kaneki’s memory repressed.

I mean, how could someone bear so many responsibilities, being single mum and having to care for an irresponsible sister, without letting off steam by lashing on someone? She could not ‘inconvenience anyone else,’ so the only target possible would be her own son.

[There are three types of attachment (secure, insecure avoidant and insecure ambivalent). Your childhood attachment type is believed to influence your adulthood attachment.]

So far it has been confusing because if he has such a secure attachment with his mum then it would = a secure attachment in adulthood.

But Kaneki show signs of insecure attachment in all his adulthood relationships. (i.e. Not believing Hide’s friendship will last, neglecting the fact that he is loved by many like Touka and Banjo’s co. - please refer to the original post for more details), which is more like insecure ambivalent (loving others obssessively but not believing in the existence/endurance of love from others).

Insure ambivalent attachment only happens if the mother’ treats the child inconsistently. That’s to say - acting loving sometimes while ignoring or being harsh in other times.

And that’s what shapes Kanki’s concept of ‘love’ at an unconscious level.

He learns to like the love and care his mother gives him sometimes, but, unfortunately, his poor single mum was sometimes too exhausted to give him adequate attention and actually abuse him.

Therefore, he grows up wanting people’s love while not convinced that the overflowing love and admiration he receives are there or would last (just like how his loving mum suddenly kicks and neglects him for nothing).

I hope this helps :D

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When Kaneki was a prisoner in Cochlea, did Arima really tortured him psychologically or stuff like "I killed them all" were nightmares?

We don’t know. However, that does not mean Haise/Kaneki was not psychologically tortured by Arima. The only thing that makes this perplexing to me is timeline.

For convenience, you can find more under the cut:

Keep reading

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how was Arima abusive?? like with sasaki..i'm just curious i'm a bit new to tg so..

It’s a complex issue, and Arima definitely isn’t in the same category assomeone like Yamori; but while it may have had a greater cause in mind, histreatment of Kaneki at the beginning of his ‘care’ could definitely beclassified as abusive.

When Haise isfighting Karren, he gets a sudden flashback while on the verge of death.

Now, since this isthe precursor to another forgotten memory of Kaneki’s…

 I think they’re definitely connected. Haise blocked the memory of Arima’s abuse from his mind to support the illusion of a perfect parental figure, and when the circumstances forced him to remember that, the memory of his mother’s abuse  - blocked for the very same reason - shortly follows after. And with it, all his blocked memories unravel at once.

Now, one might argue that this was a brutal form of training no different from Touka’s in the original series’ Chapter 20. However, the major differences here are agency and impact. Kaneki asked Touka for training - Arima abducted Kaneki and made use of his amnesia to shape him into the warrior he wanted him to be. Furthermore, Touka’s extreme training doesn’t cause Kaneki any lasting emotional impact other than gratitude - Arima took advantage of the mental trauma Kaneki suffered from his onslaught at the end of the original series to make him do his bidding with the threat of ‘dying again’, and broke down what little of his identity remained through cruel deception.

The proof’s in his own terminology. He refers to Haise as his quinque, and that’s exactly how he uses him - as a tool. 

But if you’re still not convinced that the first image was indeed a blocked memory, notice how Kaneki begins to doubt Arima’s care for him after remembering all he does. Part of that is the realisation that Arima is an enemy, yes, but he also begins to question whether Arima ever cared about him at all. The above memory occurs right before their battle, juxtaposed with the warmer image of giving him books and a name. Throughout their conflict, Kaneki is struggling with just who Arima is and what Arima feels towards him - if anything at all.

For further evidence, Chapter 73, ‘Flower’, zips between Mutsuki’s abuse by both Torso and her father and Kaneki’s battle with Arima. Mutsuki is a character who clearly parallels Kaneki and, in addition, the mention of a flower field directly ties the events to Arima’s flowers in Cochlea.

But of course, after their battle Kaneki realises that Arima did love him after all. He raised him the only way he knew how to rear a child after his loveless childhood in the Sunlit Garden, and the only way he could create a warrior capable of destroying the system responsible for his tragic existence. His actions were certainly abusive and manipulative, but for a creature who existed solely for the destruction of others, in a bizarre way his raising of Haise was his kindest and most human action. At the end of the day, he would rather let a butterfly fly free then crush it in his hand, and that elevates him as a person far beyond someone like Torso - a man with a similarly tragic past but who never tried to be anything better than it. 

So I can agree with Kaneki’s fond remembrance of him for all the good he did given his own unique circumstances in spite of their complex and conflicting relationship. Especially, of course, considering how they were so similar. Kaneki went into that battle hoping to die for a higher cause - little did he know his opponent intended the same. A man who existed as little more than an experiment, a pawn in a higher game, who, tired of being forced to slaughter others en masse, formed a secret conspiracy to undermine the very system he embodied. Kaneki could not have been a more fitting successor.